My Home start diary

[Veritee]

Great Mel

How did it go?
what was the Home Start visitor like??

I hope you got someone you can relate to and get on with?

But if you did not - as you know you can just get back to their supervisor and they will change the person - no worries and no questions asked.

They know we all do not get on with everyone.
I do hope this service will be a help to you and get you out and about with your children and give you a break now and them, which is what a Home start visitor is there to do

Please keep us informed - it is a great idea to write it down here

All the best

veritee

[pippa]

I had help from home start bout 5 years ago. It was such a relief to be able to talk to someone without having to put on an act of being fine. She came to the house once a week for a couple of hours and just that company made me feel better.
I hope things go well for you and if you don't feel comfortable with the person then Veritee s right - tell them and they'll change the person.
Its good that this type of support is available to you. Good on you for accepting it.
all the best

[yorkslass]

How it happened

My support worker put home start in touch with me and I received a letter letting me know that the coordinator for Doncaster would come and visit me, which she did and we had a talk about the stuff they do for example she said if I wanted I could go to bed if I had a rough night or pop out to shop or just go for a wander or stay and chat to her and she told me she is here to help me and to play with kids if I just want to get on with a job in the house.

She said that they like to be treated like a friend and anything I told her would be confident ( apart from if she thought kids was in danger but that is ok with me).

Then she said she had a lady in mind and would contact me for another visit with the volunteer she then rang me up a few days later and arranged to come out. The 2 women came out and we sat and chatted about everyday stuff and about my pnd.

The lady is called Terri who will be my home start volunteer .

Terri was talking to Sophie a lot and Sophie sat with her and played, Sophie enjoyed the time with Terri and this is what I want, as I want Sophie to start having fun and getting some one on one time.
The women also seemed to like Callum and I felt comfortable letting her hold him she said that if it was ok she would love to feed him one visit so I could play with Sophie.

Terri will only be able to come once a fortnight at the moment as she has 2 children herself but that is ok with me. But in the school hols she will be able to visit more often.

I am also invited to go on an outing with home start to Pets corner a children’s adventure place, it is totally free and they are going to pick us up at end of my road, and my home start lady will be going too and will spend all day with me if I need her to she is also taking her children there will be about 6 coaches of home start people going ( maybe I make a friend) All 5 of us including my partner and my oldest child will be going on this trip.

The only thing with home start is that thy only deal with children under five.


My first full visit will be at 3pm on Wednesday 13th July.

Melx

[monica]

When my pni was really at its worst, my HV put me in touch with home start. A lovely lady came round to introduce herself and I cried to her for about the whole hour she was here. I just felt so ill, stressed and was worried about my son's health. She was so nice. She later came round with a volunteer, who was lovely too. The volunteer said that she could come round for a chat, or we could go somewhere. A bit like you, Mel, Home Start in my area, have a mother and toddlers session and organise trips .The volunteer said if I needed sleep, she could look after the baby. Luckily, I started to feel so much better after that, that I felt I wouldn't really need home start, so didn't continue it. Based on my limited experience, I would recommend it and wished I'd been able to make use of it earlier.

[yorkslass]

All this week I have thought about ringing the Homestart team up and cancelling, but I know this will be good for me to have.

I am in a way looking forward to it but also nervous, as my house is a mess and I will have to have a mass clear up before she comes.

[ropeyladybird]

Hi Mel

I think it sounds a brilliant idea, Homestart. I hope you didnt cancel as you sounded quite happy with the idea in your other posts. It sounds as if the trip would be fantastic for you to meet other people.

I am sure they wont pay any attention to a little mess, it isn't what they are there for.

Take Care. Donna

[yorkslass]

No I have not cancelled but you know what it like.

It hard axcepting help and suport, but i do know it wil be good for me and kids.

Melx

[wendabell]

good luck mel.
Im so proud of you as letting someone in on my pni was something i couldnt do myself,still cant to be honest so well done.
thinking of you
wendy x.x.x

[yorkslass]

To tell the truth i am starting to panic a bit.

Keep asking myself do i really need homestart, sure there is someone in more need than me. But then I think NO hang on a minute I am in need.

Melx

[wendabell]

you do deserve it .you do need it.and if the help is there grab it by the balls and hang on to it as its hard to find sometimes. Like you said you might find freindship through all this with the trips out.Let them help you hunny for now,it will be short term and you will one day not need them at all.

[newwie]

Hi Mel
I thought about homestart but to tell you the truth i had the meeting and the person that was gonna do it knew my parents and me as a child we grew up together and i couldnt push myself to do it at the time due to the fact i panicked about what other people thought yet again.
Please take the help though its hard as i think that sometimes. People will be in more need than me and then you start to kid yourself and think that your not in need.
But im sure you are three children and on own al day in the house it will keep your spirits up and something to look forward too im sure.
And as time goes on you maybe find that the little bit of help brings you further on and you will no longer need anymore help and you can manage.
But i understand what you mean i always struggle to get through the days sometimes and to be honest why if there is help.
I say this but im no one to talk as i cannot do it, but if you can you will have taken another step forward into getting help and accepting the fact that you are ill.

SO GO GIRL
Thinking of you
newwie

[Veritee]

Dear Mel
( and Newwie)

Sorry I was not about yesterday - I was out in the sun all day and got too much of it so felt quite ill - I still feel a bit dizzy this morning but a lot better.


Of course you deserve Home Start

I have to echo what others - and you also have said - you are in need and 'deserve' this help.

But if you do not do this for your self, as you so rightly say - it will be good for your children.

In fact I would say that even if you did not have PNI, you would still qualify for a Home Start visitor.

As you know Home Start do not just support mums with PNI but also mums who for a variety of reasons are finding things more difficult than most and these difficulties can be anything really not only PNI.

ie a big family or multiple births ie twins or two or more children under school age, and not very much help, low income families who because of this do not run a car or can not afford bus fares to get out and about, or women in rural communities who do not drive and can not take their children out, disability - either the children or the parents, women with agoraphobia so need someone to go with them places with the children, isolation ie live in the country or no friends are relatives nearby for friendship and support, well any number of reasons, lack of confidence to get out and about and meet people, needing a sleep, bath or rest in the day and no one to mind the children while you do this especially when one of the children are under a year or even just need someone to talk to someone who is not a professional but can be there for a chat.

I could go on- but even without PNI just looking at the above list, I can see you qualify for Home Start support. Just being able to go out in a car locally with your children will be a great bonus I am sure.

So please make the most of it - see it as a treat for you and your family and something to look forward to. Set yourself some tasks within it if this will help ie to go a bit further every time or go with your volunteer to somewhere you find difficult. Or just to talk to her about something you need to discuss but have not had anyone neutral to talk about it to who will keep it confidential ( which a home start visitor will)

Also if for any reason this particular visitor is not the person for you - then just ask for them to be changed - apparently some change their visitor a few times before they get the right person.

And th subject of changing your visitor brings me to Newwies point:

About the Home Start visitor knowing your family.

I do not know how this happened? as this is completely against the home start ethics/rules to allocate anyone a Home Start visitor they already know in any capacity.

As soon as it was realized that you already knew the visitor - you should have been reallocated to another you did not know and the visitor themselves should have also requested that they be re-allocated.

I have just finished last month the Home Start visitor course and it was made very clear that you much never be a visitor to someone you already know - this must be a new start for both visited and visitor and you must know noting about each other so that neither prejudge each other.

As a visitor you are not even allowed to give the person you visit your address or phone number - all contact is done through the home start office.

This is not because it is feared that the person you visit will take advantage and phone you too much or visit you when you are busy ( although of course this could happen)

it is so that the relationship is kept very clear, that you are the home start visitor and you relationship with the person you visit is not complicated by them having any prior knowledge of even the sort of area that you live and certainly not of your family circumstances.

( so what I am saying is it works both ways - if you know a visitor and especially her family as you did your potential visitors - then this makes it less likely you can develop and impartial, helpful relationship with that visitor with no prejudgment)

Of course this does not mean that you can not become friendly with your visitor and that she will not tell you all about her family too - in fact mostly this works because you do develop a workng freindly relationship, but within very pre-determined boundaries and you start equally , both knowing very little about each other.

The boundaries also mean that your relationship with your visitor, does not lead to your feeling responsible for her well being as this is not what the relationship is all about -

so not having her address or phone number means that your visitor is always here for you and you do not have to feel you have to assist her which when you are in need and things are difficult , you do not need to feel responsible for someone else.

I have gone on - but I just wanted to convey how out of order Newwie it was for you to be allocated a person who had prior contact and knowledge of you and your family.

This should NEVER have happened!!!

And you could complain either to your local Home Start or their head office?

But what would be the most constructive for you would be to contact them again and tell them the situation - that you knew you5r visitor , or at least she knew of you and your family and you thought this was not usually allowed and you would want a visitor anyway that has no prior knowledge of you beyond what is on your application form.

As you also qualify , especially as you are disabled with a child under 5 and have PNI and are on a low income and need a bit of practical help sometimes ie the visitor could help you bath g for instance or change th beds or any number of tasks you can not do. A Home Start visitor is not a cleaner but unlike other help such as a family aid from social services - they will do the washing up or help you change beds or vacuum as they are there as a friend and to assist you and will do what friends will do and also what you need help with to make your life easier.

So why don't you go back to them Newwie - they made a mistake in allocating someone you know - but their are other visitors and I am sure it would be helpful for you.

If you do not want a general helpful relationship - you can make a contract for your visitor to do specific things only - like go shopping with you, or help you overcome a fear like going on a bus, help bath g, look after g while you pop out somewhere or while you have a rest.

I hope you feel you can give it another go newwie?

And Mel hang on in there and give it a chance - it would take at least a month if no all, to know if your relationship with a home start visitor is going to work and be helpful to you...

And you really do not have to tidy up just for her - they are just 'normal' parents but perhaps a bit older and with training - but they have all been there with young children and many have also been there with difficulties and PNI.
I'm a visitor but you should see my own house sometimes and I do not have young children!

All the best

Veritee

[yorkslass]

Unfortunately I did not get my visit from home start as the lady who was going to visit me has just had to withdraw from Home start for family reasons, so now I have to wait for another volunteer but never mind these things happen.

[wendabell]

im sorry for you.

[yorkslass]

It is ok.

I do admit I could have done with them as I am feeling a bit low at mo, but never mind.

Maybe I ring my suport worker.

Melx