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Post by bam02 on Aug 31, 2005 15:58:28 GMT
Its afternoon and somehow after an early start taking car in for a service with 3 year old in tow and taking her back home via the town centre and a train ride - I feel exhausted. It thunderstormed here after a warm muggy day, but this feels like flu like-could be - but doubt it - I remember this before when very depressed over two years back.
Will have to see if it improves feel like I am dragging myself around..
Oh well call in again tomorrow.
Anne-Marie
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Post by bam02 on Sept 11, 2005 9:10:37 GMT
Got a lot sorted out for the new academic term. When my son is in school. Got to arrange the nursery too for 2 1/2 days a week. I will be doing a MIND volunteer course and a self esteem course! I have also got my doaughter into swimming lessons for the under 5's - probably shouldn't have done that -probably too much for me. But I am scared of not having something to do as the nights draw in. I want to have been out all day.
Last year I watched too much day time t.v and paniced at school picking up time as I had to go out. I need to be out-or I'll think too much and my head will feel like exploding in panic!
I want to be happier - but only really feel I can if I stop thinking about me and concentrate on other things.
I feel housework which i can't find any satifaction in as the house needs decorating and feels drab in places. That I find it embarassing. Clothes pile and pile. Sarah needs my attention as she is 3.
If I don't fill my time with something. I'll just become so stuck.
Any way - I'll see how it goes. My head is spinning now and the realisation I must attempt to do some housework makes me want o go to bed. I am so lazy.
I don't deserve anything.
A-M
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Post by cheshire on Sept 11, 2005 11:13:11 GMT
Hi AM
Sorry you feel so bad today.
I know just what you mean when you said
''Last year I watched too much day time t.v and paniced at school picking up time as I had to go out. I need to be out-or I'll think too much and my head will feel like exploding in panic!''
I had got like this too about Nursery and school too - and I also think it was because I stayed in and didn't do very much. I have quite a full diary next week - because like you I'm better if I've done something. I've even asked for an office space at work while I'm studying. I can't face sitting here and doing it. Failing that, I'm going to park myself in a library somewhere.
Leave the housework if you can't face it - do something for yourself instead.
My various and pieces I do at the moment really help and can take my mind off how I'm feeling whilst I'm off work - I'm a part time student, I'm also a volunteer for a national charity and research their support groups. I start the gym programme this week too. I've decided if there is too much in any one day though - I'll just cancel!!
I have to tell myself this as I still have bad days too.
Doing a MIND course etc. sounds like a great idea. Children may drain us physically and mentally in many ways - but they don't always use up our brain power ! Thinking of you, Love, Hopefulx
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Post by cheshire on Sept 11, 2005 22:12:03 GMT
How are you now AM? Hope you feel a bit better x
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Post by bam02 on Sept 27, 2005 20:42:55 GMT
Tonight I feel pretty rotten. I wanted to watch t.v and Sarah wanted to put her dvd in and I just put her in her room and put it on in there instead which she didn't want and she cried herself to sleep in 10 minutes flat. I felt terrible not done that since she was much smaller.
I went to my hopefully son's next possible high school for sept 06 and he liked on open day. The school is a smaller church school and we have heard they have had some success with children with communication difficulties like Andrew. My hubby saw the head master and he said 'I believe you have been recommended because of our success. But we are worried we will be overwhelmed with children like your son and wont be able to cope'. Its as if he doesn't want disabled children at his school, they are too much hard work.!!People always say to us you are lucky you have the statement for him and can choose any school - but they don't realise the schools might not want him or feel put upon. He is actually doing well at mainstream primary too..
Sorry to ramble this is just for me to get it out really. I got so down today after the visit to High school and I had such High hopes because the LEA reccommend the school too.
I also wanted my HV to get back to me about childcare - when ever I see her she says I have made a call and waiting for a call back . But she never lets me know any thing. It must go right out of her head and we can't afford to spend on childcare forever. The house has all our money and needs more and I feel I would be better off at home and not going on any course or any therapy if i have to worry about the cost of childcare!
Why do people promise things and not deliver. Am I some kind of joke in the system , i feel like a test program / or test/dummy data in a computer programme only used for seeing if the system work s- but not used as real data so thrown out before the programme is really run.
Well rant over. Child assleep and hating me and other child saying sorry for upsetting me -but he done nothing wrong.
Bye for now
Anne-Marie
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Post by cheshire on Sept 27, 2005 21:56:37 GMT
I know what you mean AM . Do you think kids are programmed to make us feel guilty or is it our genes? Thinking of you and got to go too. Hopeful
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Post by yoyo on Sept 28, 2005 9:06:09 GMT
A-M
You take care honey, it's been a rough few days for you. I think stressful times are really heightened by PNI aren't they? ! Things that usually be able to deal with end up getting blown out of all proportions I find. I notice I get so easily stressed over things that I know I can cope with but I guess it's cos the PNI has really knocked my confidence and my self-esteem. It's taking longer to rebuild it thatn I hoped!
Big hug your way - sorry to crash on your diary
x
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Post by bam02 on Sept 28, 2005 10:56:22 GMT
Thanks both of you crash any time!!!lol
Its very welcome.
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Post by bam02 on Sept 29, 2005 22:57:10 GMT
Hiya
Its late but me still not tired insomnia calling..... Too much happening!!!
I wish I could have a beauty sleep but well take s a lot for my beauty if any to return! will post photos soon....
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Post by cheshire on Sept 30, 2005 8:43:30 GMT
Hope you got to sleep eventually, Hx How's your day going?
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Post by yoyo on Oct 2, 2005 11:41:51 GMT
Hi Bam
Hows things? Is life being a little kinder to you yet?
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Post by cheshire on Oct 2, 2005 13:32:46 GMT
How's your weekend going BAM? Hx
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Post by bam02 on Oct 2, 2005 19:23:57 GMT
Not too bad - Sarah is toilet training and weeing in potty at every opportunity! Its so funny-but hard work.
DH is stressed and snappy - so its not easy there. Slightest thing seems wrong
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Post by yoyo on Oct 6, 2005 11:39:26 GMT
LOL at Sarah :-)
You take care, it's hard whn partners/hubby's/family/friends get snappy and you feel low anyways. It will get better for sure!
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Post by bam02 on Oct 9, 2005 16:05:23 GMT
Feeling tired today with a headache feels like a stress headache all down back of neck. I had a phone call on friday from someone at Childrens Information Services at the local council. I had big hopes that something might work out with childcare as my HV had contacted this man and he said there was money available for childcare - not being spent!!This was what he said to her, but it turned out to be just another false hope! He talked about the tax credit system!!!! I alreaddy knew that and as I am not working will not get any help that way and we are over the shreshold for the working tax credit other than a slight increase. Ironicly the the form I got because I am on low rate DLA said I would get a disabled element of working tax credit if i qualified for working tax credit!!! Why bother telling me that- The tax credit award notice also says if you read it that childcare element is paid with child tax credit . Then it says you only get the childcare element if working tax credit is awarded. So i am so confused and wish I never bothered applying its like carrots are dangled and then it says look what you can't get!!Now I have confused my self! Anyway . The guy on the phone as usual said sorry you have been misinformed we cannot help!!! I was so upset and felt let down that I cried and gave him all my frustration at false promises and he must regret ever agreeing to talk to me! ? Now I wil probably take Sarah out of childcare as we are in so much debt with doing upt his house that I cannot justify it and wont attend the day hospitals they want me to attendi.e mental health services want me to attend.After all they don't come to me any more I have to got to them. But I will try and keep her there till Xmas. The next thing to be done on our is the central heating as we have an old back boiler that has been deemed unsafe to use!! It never ends. Any way bye for now. A-M
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