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Post by cheshire on Nov 7, 2005 20:22:57 GMT
Feel much better today, but why oh why did I start building that play table. I'm not a complete diaster with DIY - I know how to use a drill reasonably safely etc. - but when I start something like this I then think OMG, where will I put it and then, where will I put those things that are there already... lol. This has all led to a major sort of toys and I'm shattered!! Oh well, it's going to be easier to clean now I suppose (but for how long hey?!!)
Hope this continues.. Hx
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Post by cheshire on Nov 10, 2005 8:10:29 GMT
Hello
I am going through a stage at the moment of feeling even more resentful of this illness than ever. I don't know what to say here really because it is bound to be less than constructive. Has this/ will this ruin my life? Will I give in to this? Or is this resentment a sign that I am getting better?
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Post by sarajay28 on Nov 10, 2005 9:43:39 GMT
Hi hopeful,
Don't despair, you will feel better soon, i know cos i'm there today!! yay. I know exactly what you mean about being resentful, i was exactly like that yesterday!! funny how its so changeable isn't it? I know today that it WON'T ruin your life but i also felt like you yesterday, would it go on forever? would i ever feel happy? etc.etc. I think you should write how you feel, even if it is less than constructive because at least it gets out your feelings! don't you think? I had a really good rant yesterday and was amazed at the difference it made, and the fact that we all know what each other is going through makes it so much easier. Looking at my own experiences, these feelings your having are a sign you are getting better because if you've no anger at this illness then what have you got to fight against? does that make sense to you?
Hope you have a better day today, talk soon.
Loadsa love and take care.
Sarah.xxx
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Post by cinders on Nov 10, 2005 10:58:50 GMT
Hiya Hopeful, Just wanted to say that I hope your day improves. Its horrible when you have a blip and think that this illness will never pass, but I'm sure it will. We will all get through this. Just keep going flower, and remember we are all here for you. You support so many people on here and do a wonderful job, but you need to be able to let off steam too. Write how you're feeling if that will help and hopefully things will brighten for you. Anyway, my thoughts are with you. Take good care of yourself and hope to hear from you soon....Love n hugs Cinders xxx
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Post by cheshire on Nov 10, 2005 11:33:25 GMT
Thanks very much Sarajay and Cinders I think it's harder to write when you feel like this, but you're right - it's worth the effort as it usually helps. My head is full of bad thoughts today and I think this is leading to anxiety and what feels like a sort of continual low lying panic. The bad thoughts are around how I feel about myself which is not good This illness has made me very selfish and angry, I can hardly remember who I was before but I guess she is in there.. My main problem at the moment is also paranoia about everything. Oh well, like you say, this is a blip and I will come out of it. I'm going out this afternoon and I'm sure this will pick me up. Hx
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Post by sarajay28 on Nov 11, 2005 8:48:31 GMT
Hi Hopeful,
How did your day go yesterday? Made you feel abit better i hope? I know what you mean about being selfish and angry but don't you think you sometimes have a right to feel like this? Mums always put themselves to the bottom of the pile so why not be selfish sometimes? as for being angry, i think because you (and i) find it hard to remember the person we used to be, its no wonder we feel angry, but i'm sure many of us do feel like this and it's ok to feel like this because somewhere in our heads we know it won't last and we will one day be that person again. What do you think? does that make sense to you? I sometimes have these great thoughts in my head but am not quite sure how to put them into words (nappy brain maybe?) LOL
Hope this helps you a little, don't feel guilty for how your feeling.
Loadsa love and hugs.
Sarah.xxxx
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Post by cheshire on Nov 11, 2005 10:09:02 GMT
LOL at sarahjay - 'nappy head', yep, know just what you mean! Yes, I agree we do know deep down that this will change, it's just sometimes hard to believe isn't it? But my day did improve in the end and I went out last night with my daughter and my family and my husband looked after the babe, so it was a nice break:)
Hx
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Post by cinders on Nov 11, 2005 10:12:31 GMT
Hiya Hopeful, I just wanted to see how you're doing? I know exactly how you feel what with the horrible thoughts and anxiety, but they will fade. Keep that in your mind. I'll be thinking of you and hope your day is a good one. ... Love n hugs Cinders xxx
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Post by cheshire on Nov 11, 2005 10:24:54 GMT
Hi Cinders
Thanks for that. Feel a lot less gloomy today, but still not out of this blip yet! You're right though they will fade and I need to try to push them away too or distract myself from them.
How are you? Hope you have a good day too
Hopefulxx
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Post by yoyo on Nov 11, 2005 19:50:37 GMT
Hi Hopeful, how are you doing? Sorry to hear you're having a rough time lately.
I picked up on a previous post (above) I felt EXACTLY like this just before I felt I had recovered. I felt I was always moaning about how bad I felt, how rubbish my life was, how I could'nt do this or that, all me me me. Having spoken to my family and apologising for all this they said that I wasn't like that at all - they didn't see me as negative or moaning or selfish - I think more of it was my thought processes than my actual words or actions. I felt so angry & resentful and cheated - it was hard to let go of that feeling. It passed and now I don't look back at the times I've missed and experiences I can't remember (I think I don't remember them becuase I was just 'going through themotions' being very detached in feelings etc) - just forward to the time ahead of me with my little man. You too will get to this point, the anger is a hard one to get through but isn't it better to feel something (even if it is anger) than nothing at all? It is a sign of getting better.
The old (or not so) you WILL return - and it's great to make acquaintance again! Hang in there - you're a star!
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Post by cheshire on Nov 11, 2005 20:27:23 GMT
Hi YoYo and All, I have felt quite moved by all your responses - know it sounds cheesy, but it is true. Thanks so much Yo Yo, when you said this, [glow=red,2,300]I think more of it was my thought processes than my actual words or actions[/glow] in relation to what you thought about yourself moaning etc...is so true. I know EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. Thanks for that YoYo and everyone, I really appreciate it and I am fighting this blip. Hopefulxx
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Post by cheshire on Nov 12, 2005 2:09:45 GMT
Well I have been in bed, but just can't sleep..this used to happen before...but I am not scared or worried as when I had PNI badly, I couldn't breathe and was having night terrors - whereas now I just can't sleep, but breathing is easy !
I am going to have to work harder at distracting these bad thoughts. ...
I took these two weeks off as husband has been unwell- I'm always so much better under the stress of work though .. I think I need work and I have agreed to go back part time..I need it as I am feeling really bored?
I have been in on a supply basis already and I felt 'proper tired' and fulfilled really by bed time....
I am starting to believe that some of my identity is based in my work and not just rooted in being a mummy...
Anyway, weekend now, starting to feel like sleeping again.
Does anyone else out there like watching the X Factor or I am on my own with this one?? Better go, love to all xx
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Post by cinders on Nov 12, 2005 2:36:53 GMT
Hiya Hopeful, Its now 0329 and I'm awake also and cant sleep!! Shame we cant have a natter and keep each other company.... Just made a hot drink and thought I would check on here before trying to go back to bed.. My mind is in overdrive and I feel exhausted by it.. We WILL get through this flower. I keep telling myself this and hope its soon!!! Yes, I too am an X factor fan. I just love that show....my dad calls it Trash Tv, but I love that sort of programme....Roll on 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here', which starts again soon.....Now I must be the only person to watch that!! Anyway flower, I hope you're now in the land of nod and I hope you wake feeling better. My thoughts are with you. Take care...Love n hugs Cinders xxx
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natalie1985
Senior Member
Mum of Peter ~ Born 15th Dec 2004
Posts: 470
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Post by natalie1985 on Nov 12, 2005 4:22:56 GMT
Hey Hopeful! I too have admitted i need work! I felt really bored aswell and didn't like have just mummy as my title. Working is part of me and i too realised i need it...funny isnt it?? Especially the different "tireds" you feel...there's work tired and family tired lol...if u get what i mean. Hope you're well and enjoying your weekend! Mwah Love and light, Natalie xxx
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Post by sarajay28 on Nov 12, 2005 22:00:19 GMT
Hi Hopeful,
Hope your having a good weekend, mine's been ok (read my diary to see what i mean!!) I'm wishing away your blip for you and sending a big cyberhug to make you feel better. !
Loadsa Love
Sarah.xx
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