|
Post by kirsti on Dec 9, 2005 21:09:58 GMT
hi newwie, This is regarding the issues with your mother.Instead of tryin to talk to her about if she had PNI etc why nto a write a letter to her and take it round with you give it to her then let her talk .Just an Idea btu it may help .I always find if i can't say soemthign to someone to write it to them it so much easier to do .Hence why i'm on here! lol I hope all is well with you at the moment and i hope you get better as i do to all the girls on here kirsti xxx
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Dec 10, 2005 13:31:49 GMT
Hi Newwie
How are you? It says on the Forum it's a big birthday for you this month? Hope you're doing ok Hopefulxx
|
|
|
Post by newwie on Dec 13, 2005 19:19:29 GMT
Tahnks for that kirstie, i may try that when i feel strong enough. Yes hopefull 30 on saturday oh my god i still feel as if i am a child though. But im making an effort and going out on saturday and hope that it will be a good night i havent been out in about eight months prob longer than that actually. I am worried mind you going to have to have a drink before can get out of the house but hey i dont care. Im just gonna try it. I never thought that i would reach this age but i have and still here just with a few stretch marks and wrinkles to go with it and yet still no man on my arm lol. Newwie
|
|
|
Post by francoise on Dec 13, 2005 19:21:57 GMT
hey newwie
hope its lovely for you hunny , you deserve it so much , im 40 in march and cant wait , prefer 30 though hehehehehe lucky thing you
francoise xxxxxx
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Dec 13, 2005 20:30:59 GMT
Hey Newwie
Hope you have a good time Yeah, I wish I was 30 again too
Take Care Hopefulxx
|
|
|
Post by newwie on Dec 13, 2005 22:18:39 GMT
Here i go Lately all i can think about is the past and why it has taken so much of a hold over my life. I have bene trying to think over and over what i am going to say to the councillor when i see her. I have not spoken to my mother about any of this due to the fact that so much has happened around another family member. I have my neice around quite often since her mother and father split up as she sees it as a relaxing lazy weekend. Her dad has since married but to be honest her dad my brother has always been a bit of a impatient arrogant, scary man. Its hard ot say that as he is my brother. I can always remember once he got that angry with me when i was younger that he hit me so hard it bruised my face in front may i add of my mother and father and nothing was done his wife came and spoke to me and held me while i was so shocked not my mother or my father his wife as they had all witnessed this. I know that i was no angel and i wound him up but still he had no right to do that. After many years of him been around i grew more scared of him and still am to this day. I feel frightened that he would do it again and there has been many times he has raised his fist to me. Any way my neice came and she said that her dad had punched her and he has also pushed her against the wall and repetatly hit her. She is a teenager and she is a rather how can i put it, a rather push to the point near explosion with me she is fifteen drinks heavily, smokes, steals from shops, family and also never does anything that she is told. But she has been through a break up and her own mother doesnt want any thing to do with her and she talks to me all the time. I can only offer my words but nothing else as i have not got the strenght myself to fight him i cant. Ay way i spoke to my mother about this and things really kicked off. My other brother is a socail worker and he was threatning to report him to social services and he was adiment that this was gonna happen. He came and spoke to my parents and now all is forgiven and nothing more is been done. There is lots of other things that have happened and im not sure the right thing was done. I feel that my brother needs proffessional help and he needs to sort his anger out. My parents i dont know they are strange. My mother is so timid but she had a life of sexual, physicla and mental abuse whilst growing up by her own father so i always feel angry towards her anyway about it as she is so weak. And my father he just does not say much and keeps his head down. This whole saga has set so much off and now i feel again like i have taken so many paces backwards. I know that it wasnt me to endure the pain that she did but it has brought back the feelings of helpfullness,anger and the feelings that i cannot fight anythign as i am so scared all the time. Lately anyway i have been in rather bad health and the doctor has advised that i need to be stress free etc as i am heading for a nervous breakdown, my blood pressure is sky high and have to have it checked every week. Last week i collapsed and my daughter managed to get me the phone quick enough to call my mother who sent my dad who had to break the door down to get in and again dismissed. nothing wrong with her just lost her balance that's all they advised. I have had doctors test me for all sorts and they say stress is a main factor, infection in my system and maybe prob with liver and kidneys to repeat the test in another month. But i cannot understand i feel like i am so alone and fighting this all the time by myself like no one gives a shit. I have no proffessional support and have no offer of support at all. My h.v i havent seem in ages even though she was supposed to give me a checkup. I have no support at all apart from you guys and i do appreciate it but its not enough. No offense to anyone i hope. I just simply do not know what to do where to go from here. I need to talk about things and i so desperatly want to move on from this but im stuck like in quick sand and i need to get myself healthy but i just keep getting more and more symptoms all the time. My visions still have not gone but its maybe my fault as the h.v knows about them as my friend told me she has called her in the end as she kept asking me questions and i got supicious and she told me she had called the h.v but still no reply or help. I dont know apart from standing on top of a building and shouting im a physopath and need help i dont know what else to do. newwie
|
|
|
Post by susanneb1984 on Dec 13, 2005 23:28:35 GMT
Hiya Newwie, I hope you don't remind me replying to your diary hunni. I'm sorry if you do. I am so sorry that things are so bad for you at the moment.
My sister is nearly 15 and she swears and has been in some minor trouble lately, and when I sat her down and talked to her, she said it was because misbehaving was a way of her getting some attention. Now, my mum will admit that she has the maternal instinct of a dead flea, so she just kinda gets on with life, not really paying my sis any attention. But now, they have stopped my sis going out as much and are doing a lot more together, my mum is remarried, and they do things as their lil family, and my sister has calmed down so much. She's getting letters home from school, saying how well she's doing, I wondered if your neice might be the same? I'm only 21 so not an expert on teens other than been one myself, but maybe worth a thought! I am sorry things still aren't good with your parents. I think it's wrong for them to dismiss everything, sorry if that upsets you, but I believe parents should be there, no matter what, to help, support and love you, through the hard times and the good ones too. Again, I'm sorry if you disagree, just my thoughts hunni. My mum dismissed a lot of what happened in my childhood, and it just ended up where I can honestly say I hated her. Now, hate is a very strong word that I don't use very often, but I really did. I hated her with every bone in my body, I hated her for what she'd put me through, for not protecting me, for not believeing me, for not been there for me. I hated her for keeping my dad from me, I hated her for just about everything. And to be honest, the relationship was pretty much the same from her side as well! So one afternoon, we sat down, and we talked, we cried, we laughed, we had a drink, we hugged, we shouted, and we got everything out in the open. I managed to almost here her say she believed what had happened in my past, well, that in itself, although she didn't actually say it (we were interupted) was like a major weight had been lifted off my shoulders, that was the final bit holding me back from moving on from the abuse I had suffered as a child. She cut the final string holding me into the torment I was put through. I can honestly say I have a mum. I've never been able to say that before, but now I can. I know you are apprehensive about talking to you mum, maybe you could write things down instead?
As for your health, this is again, something I can relate to at the moment. I hope things start to improve for you hunni, I'm not quite ready to open up to the extent of my problems, but I'm sure you understand. Please let us know if we can do anything to help you hunni.
Sorry it's such a long post! I got a bit carried away!
Susanne xxx
|
|
hannah457
Senior Member
i have 4 children. brandon,angel , peter, leland .
Posts: 453
|
Post by hannah457 on Mar 26, 2006 11:15:12 GMT
happy mother days love hannah xx
|
|