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Post by cinders on Jan 15, 2006 16:05:02 GMT
Hiya Gail,
I hope you got through the panic attack ok. Its horrible isnt it? That was a good idea to write it as its happening though...I'm going to try that next time.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you....Love n hugs Cinders xxx
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Jan 15, 2006 18:50:53 GMT
thankyou for your concern
it has passed..i had it in waves for a couple of hours. went from elation to extreme fear. i feel cleansed though...i think my periods have come back. i 'came on' today its only a bit but this could be why im aall over the place again? dunno. definately helped writing it down as it was happening. you read it back and think how silly and irrational youre being.
like staring it in the face.! feel ok, swinging from ups and downs like a pendulum!
gail xxxx
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Jan 16, 2006 14:32:09 GMT
last night i felt so scared. i thought it had all come back again. it was when i closed my eyes and tried to sleep i felt really strange. felt panicky/ doomlike and it was only when i closed my eyes.felt like crying. got up and made myself a cuppa and read. the irony was that tlws slept right through and i couldnt bloody sleep! i eventually felt ok and drifted off to sleep about 3/4 am. one minute i feel ok, then i feel awful, better, then not better. its not as severe as it was though, theyre just like little reiminders - little articles of torture there to taunt me. . i dunno its such a strange illness! i guess these are the famous ups and downs? my periods have come back but very very light...i also have 2 massive zits - one in the middle of my forehead like a bindi! the other like a coldsore beneath my lips stupid hormones i wish i didnt have any iw ish i was a bloke. maybe ill have sex change!
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Post by cheshire on Jan 16, 2006 17:58:38 GMT
Hi Gail I'm sorry you had one of those nights I remember so well....good idea getting up to read - did it help. I used to have a huge pile of magazines on the kitchen table. It is just so cruel that when the babies sleep through, we no longer can... My GP said this was quite comon with PNI.. Oh and by the way - my first few periods (at about 9/ 10 months as I had the coil in for a bit) I felt, for the three days leading up like I was back to square one - bit like PMS x 100. But this does improve too. Thinking of you Hopefulxx
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Jan 16, 2006 21:23:44 GMT
Reading definately helped - and cammomile tea (what a godsend)! felt like i was back to square one thats what perpetuated the fear aswell i think - i was ready to go back to the doctors in despair... but had a wonderful sleep afterwards until about 12 (!) woke up feeling ok, then not ok, then ok, then not ok etc etc. i have improved with the day and now i feel almost manic, deliriously upbeat chatting hugging my baby thinking it has gone (mostly) then i have the fear again and feel as if i cant cope.
when that awful doomlike fear comes along i know it will pass, and im not scared of fear just of the illness coming back and feeling as dreadful as i did in the beginning.
when oh when will it go?
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Jan 17, 2006 16:39:03 GMT
feel so emotional today. was just in worthworths with tlws and felt like bursting into tears! coped ok though - its that 'self indulgent' low i think when you feel so bad it kinda feels almost good i dont know, perhaps im not making sense. tlws has started to sleep right through! brilliant but shes wide awake all day and doesnt like being on her own in her chair so shes attached to my hip all day! feel ok as im writing this have ordered one of those full spectrum bulbs which might help with these awful dark days. the thoughts have come back a bit. i havent mentiond them as i find them very difficult to talk about. im scared im going to lose control . just now i was walking down the stairs and i had an image of me willingly throwing myself and the baby down. sharp corner of the desk, roads you name it. i feel as though im a danger even though i would never/ could never do anything i feel so vulnerable - like i domnt trust myself. everyone eles does though - is that a kind of pressure? i feel frightened that im going to get back to tat horrific feeling i had at the beginning. so many contradictions. feel ok/not ok happy/sad positive/negative afraid/brave all at the same time. so much emotion.tired i must stay strong even though today i feel so negative
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Post by cheshire on Jan 17, 2006 22:29:32 GMT
Hi Gail, How are you now? I read this (below) earlier and thought - this could be me. I do know exactly what you mean here..and have found it so helpful to read your post: just now i was walking down the stairs and i had an image of me willingly throwing myself and the baby down. sharp corner of the desk, roads you name it. i feel as though im a danger even though i would never/ could never do anything i feel so vulnerable - like i domnt trust myself. everyone eles does though - is that a kind of pressure? Stairs and roads (and bridges) were points at which for me the 'what ifs' reached a whole new level - not that I consciously wanted anything bad to happen - I just thought that it might, as my symptoms made me feel out of control. Anyway, I really do know just what you mean. I am no longer affected by this and you will get through it too. Keep in touch. Lots of love, Hopefulxx
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Jan 18, 2006 13:44:37 GMT
feeling a bit better today...seem to be improving with the day. mum's coming over later on and were going down my nan's later. putting some makeup on i think i look quite nice! anyway, think today is an 'up' !!!
woo hoo. going to brush my teeth now.
love gail xxxxxxxxx
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Jan 18, 2006 15:24:06 GMT
just done some exercise -only 10mins walking up and down the stairs and feel loads better! felt as though i could have kept going for ages!!! my head feels lighter, feel more positive etc. just ordered an exercise dvd! so when im feeling low i will do some exercise! if 10 minutes make s mre feel like this imagine what an hour will do!!!
woo hoo i think ive found the way!!
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Post by cheshire on Jan 18, 2006 18:19:32 GMT
Hi Gail It does help doesn't it? I don't do enough, but when I do exercise, even if just a long walk, I usually feel 10 times better x
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Jan 18, 2006 20:12:41 GMT
up...................
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Jan 19, 2006 13:17:10 GMT
my full spectrum bulb arrived today.......think its working all im going to say for now is
...................up!.................
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Jan 19, 2006 16:03:07 GMT
...................up...............................
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Post by yoyo on Jan 19, 2006 17:27:16 GMT
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Jan 20, 2006 13:32:03 GMT
.................even upper................... im not going to crash am i?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ?!?
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