|
Post by kirsti on Dec 5, 2005 10:41:40 GMT
Well i suppose i had better start at the begining.I fell pregant in may of 2004 i didn't find out i was pregnant until i was 6 months gone .So i had to give up work and tell my partner he wasn't to pleased to start with but eventually came round to the idea. My contractions started on the 14th of feb i was due on the 19th so i wasn't to worried .We went up to the hospital and i was nearly 1 cm dilated i thought yes here we go .We went back home .Contractions were coming and going and eventually slowed down so wednesday i went out started walking went back home then they picked up again thursday morning i came up to my mums due to my partner being at workon .They started getting worse on thursday so back up to the hospital we went and i was a whole 2 cm dilated! i thought oh god they offered to keep me in but i'm not a big fan of hospitals so i took the painkillers (paracetamol) as i was allergic to co-codamol while i was pregnant after an hour of being in the house they were worse but i stayed at home and beared it out .Friday came the slowly got worse spent most of the day walking up and down the hal with a walking stick all my contractions were in my back which wasn't to good as back was killing me as it was as i was diagnosed with pubis symphasis disorder .So on friday night after nearly four and a half days of contractions we went back up to the hospital we arrived there at 12 at night we went into the room with the ward sister and i got a contraction and she said you ain't going anywhere! they checked me and i was 5 cmdilated i was like at last we're getting somewhere.So ilay on bed took the gas and air and fell asleep . i got checked again at 4 that morning and low and behold i was still 5cm so they had to burst my waters i fell back asleep contractions getting stronger the whole time i woke up at 7o'clock that morning saying i need the toilet to my mum so she called the midwife in she kept saying to me you don't need the toilet it's the baby's head but i was adamant thati needed the toilet so i pushed and pushed and 46 minutes later on the 19th of febuary i gave birth to a 7lb 13oz baby boy called ben .We were both checked over and sent up to the ward we we're up there by 9 my mum,boyfriend and my cousin(she took pictures of ben being born anyone want to see it mail me )all went home . I had a visitor in the afternoon which wa smy dads mum and my gran and cousins at night by 10 o'clock that night i was home i went back to my mum's for support due to me and my partner were staying with his dad before i fell pregnant.I was sore downbelow baby was fine .I hadmy 6 week check up and was diagnosed with PND at that point i was put onto 20mg of prozac after about a week i felt great so after a month i thought right time to come off these i wasn't keenon being on them in the first place so i weaned myself of them after a week i crashed but i didn't tell anyone until 3 weeks ago when i broke down to my mum she had noticed the diffrence in me but hadn't realised how bad i was really feeling.My brainwas telling me to do soem really bad things to myself and my son and i couldn't handle it anymore but i felt if i went to the doctors the would think i was insane and take my son away from me.So 2 weeks ago i went back to the doctor's adn i got put on 20mg seroxac i also told her about me feeling anxious going round to the shops etc and feeling that everyone was watching or judging me .So i have been on these pills for abotu 2 weeks and feel great but there is one thing i'm really greatfull for is that my son is a really happy placid baby he goes to sleep with a smile and wakes up with a smile he doesn't cry for anything unless something is wrong with him .I couldn't imagine what i would be like if i had a real screamer!SO everything seems to beok at the moment but like most people i have bad and good days .Last night i put my son into his own bedroom and he slept til 5 this morning! which is really good as when he was in my bedroom he woke when i went to my bed and the only way i could get him back to sleep was to take him into bed with me and by then i was to tired and would fall asleep with him .So i will keep you all posted on how things are going.Any comments greatly appreciated kirsti xxx ;D
|
|
|
Post by Veritee on Dec 5, 2005 11:05:57 GMT
Hi Kirsti
Thank you so much for your story so far - it always helps others to read others stories.
You do seem to have had a reasonably smooth birth - I think any birth is traumatic and a bit of a shock for the first one at least but as you stayed at home as long as you could - always a good idea I think if everything is going OK - and had the baby naturally apart form breaking the waters - it was reasonably OK.
Is this how it seems to you or did you find it really traumatic ?
As many women on here pinpoint their birth experience as the beginning of PNI especially if they had lots of intervention or a caesarean - I had an emergency caesarean and leading up to this I felt disrespected and ignored by the staff which really had a lasting effect
Did you find the staff at your birth helpful?
Another woman on here I think has pubis symphasis disorder , but in her case this has led to ongoing problems, perhaps if she reads this she will tell you about it... do you have any ongoing effects from this??
It is quite common with PNI to realise that you are not feeling quite right soon after the birth but then to improve and feel better only to crash later as you did . And this can happen with or without medication. But I am glad that the medication seems to suit you and is helping.
I am guessing that from what you said that some of your symptoms were what we call 'intrusive thoughts' such as thoughts you may harm your baby or someone else or that some sort of accident might happen.?
You do not have to tell us if you do not want to , but many of us have had thoughts like this , I had thought s that I wanted or would kill my baby in many different and nasty ways - but my 'baby' is now 16 and all grown up and fine!!!!
I am so glad that putting your son in his own bedroom , this is often a great boost and you can start to have time for yourself when he is in bed and it will really help your recovery. People often find that without the disturbance of you coming to bed they sleep much better - and so do you.
Anyway thank you again for your story - I am glad you have joined us
All the best
Veritee
|
|
|
Post by kirsti on Dec 5, 2005 13:40:02 GMT
Hi veritee thanks for the reply i wouldn't say the birth was traumatic but it did make me feel immensly tired i had 3 hours sleep in 5 days i was totally exhausted ..still am infact.The midwife i had during my labour was very good she was meant to finish her shift at 7 but stayed until 7:40 to see him being born but had to leave to give her vf the car and missed him being born which was a shame .And with the PSD i have the occasional back problem and due to this PSD with my body producing to much hormones it can be passed onto the baby during birth so i now have to go to sick kids in edinburgh to get my sons hips and knee's checked as one of his knee's is slightly rotated outwards and this was only discovered at his 9month check up when it should have been noticed at his 6 week check up the only way we noticed it was when he was crawling he was draging his left leg behind him and when he was walking it was gettign dragged aswel i just pray that everything is going to be alright the though of him having his leg in a cast or going through operations scares the sh*t out of me .Then he would have to learn to walk and crawl all over again .I Pray that nothin is wrong and that it will fix itself kirsti xxx
|
|
|
Post by kirsti on Dec 7, 2005 9:10:37 GMT
Well today is a very exciting day but for some reason i don't feel that happy.This evening i take part in a beauty competition .My family put me forward for it to boost my confidence but all i feel is paraniod.I got my sons hospital appiontment through yesterday 22nd of dec what a date to go to hospital.Not really pissed off but as usual i have a lot of emotions running through me that i can't seem to get rid off. As for last night well that was a diffrent story...I was upet as some family can't come tonight and i had no money my partner phoned me as he was at thehouse demolishing one of the fireplaces and he sat on the phone listening to me crying and telling all my worries which i thought was very good of him he kept telling me everyting would be ok just stay on the meds . And my son has succesfully slept 3 nights in his own room he ehasn't slept right through yet 6 o'clock has been his latest but it's a gret accomplishment considering what he was like before. kirsti
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Dec 7, 2005 12:56:05 GMT
Hey Kirsti It's great that you son has slept 3 nights in a row in his own room Such a relief isn't it, in a way..I found it to be so as then I managed to fall asleep instead of staying listening and noting every single noise. Let us know how the beauty competition goes? Don't think anyone in my family would consider entering me for one - LOL ! Love Hopefulx
|
|
|
Post by kirsti on Dec 8, 2005 14:27:13 GMT
hi hopeful, I came in the top 10 but sadly didn't win .Wasn't really bothered was all for charity any way ..Gave me a great confidence boost though.My dad said to me this morning that i was in the winner in his eyeswhich i thought was so sweet of him .When i came home last night my son had woken up with a fever i went to take him off my mum and he started crying! everytime my mum left the room he would start bawling i don't think he recognised me with all my make-up on ! lol Also does anyone know anything about "slap cheek" i think my son has it one side of his face is really red and hot he woke up with it this morning but it doesn't seem to be bothering him any adice woul dbe greatly appreciated . kirsti ;]
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Dec 9, 2005 12:35:06 GMT
Hey Kirsti Well done on the contest - glad it gave you a boost I'm afraid I don't know much about 'slap cheek', but someone else might. How is your day today? Hopefulxx
|
|
|
Post by kirsti on Dec 9, 2005 13:31:09 GMT
Well....My day today so far has been pretty shit.lol Me and my mum argued her boyfriend walked in while we were arguing we stopped he said he had to go back out and she called me an embarrasment becaus i was shoutingand swearing :s so i burts into tears sat sobbing for bout 20 mins with all the shit going through my head" Am i an embarrasment" .." would everyone be better off if i just fukced off" etc etc btu i calmed down spoke to her and it's all cool now . So i hoep the rest of the day goes as planned ..Did you read the poems i posted ?? Think it was in close to the knuckle they really made me LOL kirsti xxx
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Dec 10, 2005 13:39:12 GMT
How are you today Kirsti? Thanks for the funnies. How's little one sleeping now?
|
|
|
Post by kirsti on Dec 10, 2005 14:51:16 GMT
he's doing good so am i pills seem to be helping i'm on 40mg now but doc doesn't know yet :s will tell her next week as i need a new prescription.he's slept really well in his own room woke for a little while last night but only due to teething bit of calpol and back to sleep. I just wish i coul dnotice the patterns on what makes me feel down most days i feel fine but then about 1-2 days out of 7 i feel like utter shit and i talk and treat everyone else like shit too.I suppose it's all part of the illness. I also never mentioned i have went a week without smoking cannabis so maybe that was contriubuting to when i was feeling bad.We'll see if it is soon enough if my moods stay like this i'll know it's the cannabis .If not then i'm stumped nad back to square one trying to figure out whats causing the mood swings kirsti xx
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Dec 11, 2005 14:21:37 GMT
Hi Kirsti
What would we do without Calpol hey?
Hope this finds you having a reasonable day
Hxx
|
|
natalie1985
Senior Member
Mum of Peter ~ Born 15th Dec 2004
Posts: 470
|
Post by natalie1985 on Dec 12, 2005 10:37:21 GMT
Hey Kirsti, I've been reading your posts but been too busy at the moment to reply ( i have FINALLY got a minute to spare lol). Just wanted to see how things are going....how's your son?? Is he still quite clingy?? I understand how hard is it being a young mum, and people expecting you to not "need" the love and attention still!! I fell pregnant at 18 and gave birth when i was 19...after i had my son, sometimes it felt like my mum didnt think i still needed her to be a mummy still towards me! It's such a hard time becoming a mum, and the last thing you need is your mum stopping the affection, so i understand where you're coming from...have you spoken to her regarding this?? I did, and my mum said she didnt realise she had cut back on the affection. Feel free to email me or pm me if you want to chat! Take care sweetie!!! Love and light, Natalie xxx
|
|
|
Post by kirsti on Dec 13, 2005 10:19:43 GMT
hey nat yeah i spoke to my mum about the affection side of things after i broke down a couple of weeks back now things seem to be going fine i've nto had a down day in a while now so i'm doing a bit of PMA.And regarding ben he's not as clingy as he was he just follows me all about the house!I had to buy a stair gate on sunday as he has a thing about follow the cats and eating there biscuits! i was afraid he would start meowing ! lol all seems to be good at the moment but i will keep you posted on all that happens kirsti :-)
|
|
natalie1985
Senior Member
Mum of Peter ~ Born 15th Dec 2004
Posts: 470
|
Post by natalie1985 on Dec 15, 2005 10:28:48 GMT
Hey Kirsti Glad things are looking up a bit for you:) Yes we had to get a stair gate too, Peter seems to be into climbing EVERYTHING!!! We have to watch him so much lol! Oh how yummy...cats biscuits lol...they eat the strangest things sometimes lol! Im glad to hear things have improved with you and your mum! Take care sweety! Keep us posted! Love Nat xxx
|
|
|
Post by kirsti on Dec 17, 2005 11:39:12 GMT
Hey all well so far this week things have been fine.I've had one crying moment and that was because i forgot to take my pills but apart from that evrything is fine.My son is teething ! lol his top two are cutting through at the moment and he is reallt driving me up the wall but i'd rather him be liek this now than at christmas he also has the cold nappy rash and an ear infection! ( could it get anyworse) lol one is nearly through next day or two i suppose so he'll have 4 teeth come chrimbo ! he looks so cute ! How do i know if i'm on the road to recovery? I feel like the old me happy bouncy bubbly if you get what i mean but then i have down days too .Is this normal? I feel like the old me Am i recovering?? I bloody hope i am ! lol love from kirsti
|
|