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Post by gizmoracer on Mar 18, 2007 11:30:48 GMT
Ahhhhh The kids are driving me up the wall..., across the celing and around in circles I wonder how old they have to be to appreciate Mothers Day. Steves still in bed - didn't go to bed til about 5am ish coz of the Grand Prix. I was up at 6.30 and they haven't stopped since. I am desperatly trying to keep them settled so he can sleep but they are like little wound up coils. They know we are going to the Nans at sometime today and thats got to be it. I'll be honest it doesn't bother me that Steve is still in bed, it bothers me that when I need them to the kids just WILL NOT behave. I can guarentee a bad day now. I know he hasn't slept well and will feel guilty that they have been playing me up. Everything is going to be a rush and everyone will be extremly irratable. I know I am already.
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Post by gizmoracer on Mar 19, 2007 8:03:06 GMT
Well the Anti D's seem to be doing Steve some good now to. I gave up trying to wake him in the end, he said the kids had woken him alot already so I went to Mums without him. Spent a couple of hours there, had a nose round the local shops then pondered what to do about MIL. It was 3pm by then so I thought better phone and get the rant from home. he was up, not in a bad mood and didn't put up too much of a fight about going to see his Mum. Also wasn't bothered I'd been out so long. We went back for him and onto MIL dreading every minute. She was OK to. Said we could leave the kids there for a couple of hours and she would give them dinner So for the first time in ages I got a bath by myself (so trivial yet so important). All in all not a bad day. But yuck do I feel rotten this morning. Back hurts, got a nasty headache, no enthusiasm to do anything at all, which is bad really coz both kids are going to school this morning and I need to get some stuff done, got a friend coming round Friday morning while all the kids are at school (her daughter with my son and her son with my daughter). It's the first time she has been here and we are fairly new friends so I want it to look nice - if possible. Got to get motivated, come on snap out of it. Just want to go back to bed.
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Post by gizmoracer on Mar 20, 2007 9:49:04 GMT
Oh did I feel bad yesterday. Didn't get a thing done. Not for the want of trying either. I managed to fill the kitchen sink up, but never go round to washing up, and rewashed the stuff that had been left in the washing machine from 3 days ago. Guess what ... it's still there. The flat really does look like a bombs hit it Steve had his interview at work, yes they are trying to get rid of him. He spent 1 1/2 hours defending his job. Has finally got them down to allowing him to present an 8 week plan of rehabilitation back to full duties. This has got to been done for Thursday, but we have done it already. Just got to wait and see now. So today. Well I feel abit better than yesterday, still no enthusiasm, surprise, surprise. I promised to put all the clothes away while Steve is at work this morning. I found the bottom of the washing basket last week ;D thing is though I managed to dry everything so it didn't need ironing, then dumped it in a pile in the bedroom and now it all needs ironing. Why oh why can't I just put it away when its dry For some reason it just seems too hard at the time. There is soooo much I want to do today but know full well I won't succeed. Need to write out a realistic plan. Mind you every time I do this I never get as far as following it. God I'm lazy. Wish I could snap out of it I really do. Right OK clothes, motivation, concentration, get something done at least.
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Post by gizmoracer on Mar 21, 2007 21:56:35 GMT
So I managed to get most of the clothes put away. Woo Hoo, something done. Thats it! Tuesday, feeling down, can't be bothered again, finally got round to hanging the washing up. Still washing each plate, bowl etc as needed and ironing a work shirt every morning. One plus. Mum phoned and offered to pay for Joey to go full time at pre-school She missed the cut off by 2 days. ie. if she had been 2 days younger I would have finished paying by now. This is gonna make a HUGE difference to me having 5 mornings a week to myself ;D Wednesday. I woke up this morning feeling really motivated, yet very tired. Managed to iron all Steve's work shirts and do 1 load of washing AND hang it up all before 8am ;D It didn't last! Took kids to school, Pre-school don't have the space to up Joey's hours til September. I was so looking forward to a bit of me time I was also supposed to be going down the dump whilst kids were at school, but yuck the stuff at the end of the garden was literly covered in worms, slugs, snails bugs and other nasties. Really , really didn't want it in my car. Rang Steve to see where the black bags were, so I could rebag it all and got told we've run out gee thanks for telling me. So I grabbed a pair of his gloves and very reluctantly set to work. Ended up running out of time so I had to take it down the dump with the kids after school and guess what the sodding place was closed My back is playing up something terrible today, but do I get any help? Like hell I do. Instructed to try again later and go into town for him, 2 places both at opposite ends, oh yeah and go see MIL. Really feeling very very low now. He has the ass that I have a friend coming round on Friday and he wants me to drive him into town to get a new game. He has a bike for christs sake. I never get to have friends round and I arranged it long before hand. Typical male. Just fallen asleep putting the kids to bed again (hapenes most nights) don't think I'm popular right now. Don't really care. Feeling so very very fed up and so so so tired.
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Post by gizmoracer on Mar 25, 2007 8:56:34 GMT
Have been feeling very down all week and very irritable. Wednesday was a joke, still wound up over it. Steve got his mum to look after the kids again Thursday, with the intention of taking the dryer down the dump (2nd attempt), the weather was rotten and he was really tired from cycling all week, so that put a stop to it. However we did manage to dismantle the big unit in the living room and get that down the dump (that took some persuading). I then ended up staying awake most of the night trying to get the place looking nice, all by myself as usual. Got a couple of hours sleep and then got up at stupid o'clock to finish off. He was going to get up early to and help me, but fell out of bed 5 mins before we had to leave for school. It really pissed me off, I'd been slaving away for hours with no help at all. OK fair enough he's tired, I can't really complain about that coz he did do alot of cycling last week to and from work and has has a stressful week to with work trying to get rid of him, but I just wish he wouldn't offer to help if its not likely to happen, thats all. So anyway by the time we left both kids were crying coz I'd lost it with them and been yelling all morning, we were running late and I was in a 'don't even look at me' sort of mood. Dropped Steve off at the shops on the way, just managed to get jay into school before they closed the gate and Joey was still crying really fed up now. By the time I had got her down to school she was complaining of earache, that would explain her crying so much, its not like her at all. So in the long run, she came home with me and my friend. Was commented on how nice the flat looked ;Dyay it was worth it, and we had a really good chat. Felt alot better afterwards. Saturday we all went into town, not something I like doing too often. Traded in a couple of games for a new one for Steve, got Jay some badly needed new school shoes and Joey some new trainers. My feet are still sticking out of my shoes though. Found some nice ones and good price to, just not my size Least everyone else got something out of it. On the way home we went into little Tesco and Steve got me a big box of maltessers to make up for it By the afternoon the kids were driving me mad again, think they over done the sugar abit, had a donut in town and an iced bun after dinner. We had forgotten the milk so I thought a walk down the shops was in order, yes fair enough it was dark but anything to burn off some energy. So I am then told "you can't take them out in that, if you want to take them out you can go to big tesco and get my DVD for me". Like thats going to be the easiest job in the world It was raining outside so I decided to go anyway, but my god I wish I hadn't. They are never ever having sugar again they were like the devils children, I couldn't keep control of them at all Started panicking again inside, but was determined to get it all done, very nearly left the trolley afew times and walked out but somehow managed to keep it together till I got outside, when I ended up screaming at the top of my voice in the middle of the car park. I don't know how I didn't bang their heads together The pair of them managed to keep me semi-sweet by asking for apples and satumas. Jay just doesn't eat fruit at all so I was really impressed when he ate a satuma in the car, and shared Joey's apple, on the way home. Oh they got off lightly as did Steve. By the time I got home I couldn't be bothered to have it out with him. I've been exhausted this week. So back to Sunday again. I slept on the sofa last night, too tired to bother waiting up for Steve's film to finish and didn't see the point in kicking him out of the bedroom. I would normally just sleep with the TV on anyway but got the feeling I wasn't welcome last night. I know my snoring annoys him anyway so I'm often on the sofa or in with the kids. When I'm tired I can sleep anywhere, literally, I fell asleep standing up on a stool once when Jay was up in the night. And I am ALWAYS tired. Kids are being loud this morning but playing nicely for a change, just tiring constantly trying to keep them quiet so Steve can get some sleep. Don't know if I can really be bothered today. The flats got that look about it again, you know everything is gonna fall to bits any second now. I was going to clear the kitchen again and have a quick tidy up but feel like its all I do and I hate it. I remember complaining to my Dad when I hit puberty all about how life would be so much easier if I was a boy and I think I hit the nail on the head. If I were a bloke I could laze in bed all morning, lock myself away in my room all day playing games, spend hours away from the kids when I felt like it, not do a single bit of tidying, cleaning, cooking, washing and all other mindless slavery work and I wouldn't have these stupid sodding hormones to deal with So Steve I know you are bound to read this one day maybe, I'm not having a go at you I know you are ill and need your rest and you do help occasionally its just how I feel right now.
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Post by gizmoracer on Mar 26, 2007 16:12:07 GMT
Fed up, headachy, very very down. Everyone and everything is irratiting me without even trying. All in all can't be doing with it anymore.
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Post by gizmoracer on Mar 30, 2007 7:25:33 GMT
The last week has been very up and down. I have been feeling very low, and the dread of the easter hols is really starting to get to me now. Isn't it terrible how spending time with my kids fills me with dread. Steve has been really good this week, back to the father of the year thing. We all went over the park a few days back. it was my idea and there was no possible way I was going without his support but he was like yeah OK sounds good Anyway we got down there and he said he was just popping over to the shop quickly, (its literally just round the corner) so I didn't mind, but the second he was out of sight I panicked, I can't deal with being out alone with them, unless its going to somewhere. I worry that I can't keep control, which is really bad as they are getting so good when we are out now. Anyway I think Steve was gone like 10 Min's or thereabouts. The longest 10 Min's in my life. The following day he suggested taking them out so I could get on with a few bits in peace ;D I went looking for them after about a hour, they were on a bear hunt in the woods. He can be so good with them when he wants to, makes me feel guilty though We went on to the pub so the could play on the slide there. I have only just opened m eyes as to how bad the play areas are here. We live in a community thriving with kids and our park has 3 play areas plus tennis courts, astro footie pitch, and a basketball court. But they are all in terrible condition. We are going to go and take photos of it all (might have to wait til after easter hols when there s no-one about) and send it in to the local paper. See what happens. The kids new beds arrived Thursday, so we started decorating their room yesterday, orange and pink urgh Well it's their room so we decided to let them choose, after all they have to spend time in there not us. They were really pleased with it anyway, Joey was bouncing about like tigger saying 'thank you, thank you daddy for my pink' It was good, we had time to talk while they were out. I told Steve about how bad I feel when he is good with them and how nice it is to be more like a family, we have even managed to get a few hours in bed together over the last couple of nights. I usually end up in with the kids or on the sofa coz they are up alot and I don't see the point in us both loosing sleep. I've still ended up waking on the floor in their room in the morning but at least we are going to bed together for a change. Seem to have got my sex drive back to, strange re-appeared almost as fast as it disappeared. Better get Joey up, last day of school today and I need to get to the shops on the way for treats for her friends, its her 3rd birthday on Monday, wow thats gone quick. my baby is growing up And Steve now you know about this diary this is for you you have been a really big help this week, love you.
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Post by gizmoracer on Mar 30, 2007 17:19:12 GMT
I'm at a complete loss. It's quiet and I'm on my own (well sort of) and no pressure to do anything except chill and I don't know how This is really weird. After quite a battle this morning, i managed to get Joey to school with her packet of sweets just as the gate closed oops, but no big deal. Jay didn't go in, his asthma is playing up, at least I hope thats what it is and not another chest infection I decided to take Joey out this afternoon to get her birthday cake, but Steve had a friend over amd by the time he went I was shattered, both kids had a nap as did I before being woken by 'MUMMY I NEED A WEE' delightful, sweet quiet little angel, lungs the size of beach balls. Steve tried to take her but was pushed away. So I sorted her out to be told 'go and have a rest I'll go get her cake with her', ay come again. Steve doesn't drive an we are a fair walk from town, but totally unfaized 'we'll get the bus' OK. So we both empty our pockets, tip up the penny jar and relise there's no change in the house. But no sweat 'we'll walk up and get the train' (theres a cash point there). So here I sit, Son sleeping, hubby and daughter out. Now what ? This week is turning out quite well, hope it stays like it.
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Post by helenr on Mar 30, 2007 20:15:52 GMT
Hi gizmoracer, hope you don't mind me posting in your diary, just wanted to say really happy that you seem to be having a good week, love and hugs x.
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Post by gizmoracer on Mar 30, 2007 21:04:01 GMT
First off anyone is free to post in my diary, there would be no point in having it on here otherwise.
Thanks Helen. Its been a strange week for me. I often get wound up when there is a school holiday or something out of the ordinary going on, we are decorating at the mo to. So by rights I should be acting like a mad woman. I'm curious if hubby has worked out that these things get to me more or if he has just decided to become a more active father. Either way it is certainly helping. Got a very busy week ahead of me so it will be interesting to see how I cope with it.
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Post by sianyc on Apr 1, 2007 7:47:38 GMT
Hope your good week continues
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Post by gizmoracer on Apr 2, 2007 4:31:16 GMT
Thanks sianyc, so far so good. I've decided alot of it is due to hubby making such a big effort, maybe he's worried what I'm going to say to the councellor on Thursday lol. So Saturday, he took them both out into town to get my birthday pressi, then droped them off with his parents for the day. My Dad came over early and we set about making the kids bedroom furniture. Not to bad thankfully. I had to go out at 4pm to get Jay, he had a triple birthday party (2 bouncy castles) Glad now I instructed MIL to give him his inhaler ever half hour, he needed it big time. Good party, had a chat with a few mums I don't usually speak to at school. Everyone was dashing off at the end to catch the new series of Dr Who. Apparently David Tennant is rather popular amongst most of the mums lol. We kept the kids out of their new room as Joey's bed still wasn't made. Sunday was my birthday. Joey and I got out of bed on the right side, but god knows what happened to the boys Decided to cover Joey's face in red paint spots as an april fool. Hubby first off ignord it the said 'what did you do that for' I give up. Jay went hysterical shouting 'don't touch me, don't touch me I don't want your chicken spots' huh men (well males I should say). Anyway turns out Steve has gone down with a cold, I'll spare the 'man flu' thing coz he is actually quite ill with it, we were told things like this will hit him hard. I done well with the pressis mind you, 2 DS games and the guide book I wanted. Apparently Joey took him into the right shop, to the right place and then pulled out the right book and insisted he buy it. she's brighter than I think, I didn't show her. Oh yeah and a giant cookie ;D thats gone already.lol. Then the kids went to my Mum while we finished off her bed. Dad was busy with election stuff so down to me and Steve. Not a problem though I did most of the bed myself, Steve thought I was on the loo, or hiding with my DS. Then we had to put the bike together OMG I'm not doing one of those again, it took longer than the bed, we just couldn't get the brakes right. Anyhow its done now and hiding in the car for when Steve gets home from work today. Today, yes Monday, Joey's birthday, she is 3, already. And here I sit at 5.30am typing into my diary and I haven't even wrapped her pressi's yet, better get moving. We have got family comming over today as well so I need to do a huge tidy up again. i can atleast use the 'we're decorating' excuse. But to be fair even though we have all of our bedroom in the living room along with the equivelent to the dining area and living room itself, It acually fits quite well, toying with the idea of staying in here and giving the kids seperate bedrooms. Probably not a good idea, but a thought anyway.
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Post by chica on Apr 2, 2007 11:57:01 GMT
Hi gizmoracer, Just wanted to pop into your diary, to say happy birthday to Joey, your life sounds just as chaotic as mine. Nice to know I am not the only one. My kids have their last day at school tomorrow until the 17th April, so I know what you are going through, heres hoping they all behave themselves I also need to do some decorating around here as well, but am not brave enough yet, so good luck, hope you havent pulled out to much hair yet. Love and hugs Chica
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Post by gizmoracer on Apr 3, 2007 8:14:19 GMT
hope you havent pulled out to much hair yet. Haven't got much left to pull out, I hacked over half of it off about 3 weeks ago. The knots got too much for me, so in a desperate attempt to look semi-sane and as if I was coping, for my first councelling session, I cut off as much as possible from underneath. Feels much better as I have very thick hair, but it didn't quite have the desired effect, I've now got a bald patch, where I over did it and with long hair it looks kinda weird lol. Good luck to you and everyone else trying to survive the hols.
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Post by gizmoracer on Apr 3, 2007 16:08:13 GMT
Having a really bad day Very low fighting back the tears all day long Feeling so guilty for being nasty to the kids today Possibility I could be pregnant, not sure if thats good or bad, but Hubby is being great, even said he liked the idea of trying for another one, if I'm not. But is worried about my mental state - you me both.
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