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Post by AC on Jul 14, 2004 15:05:03 GMT
one other thing aswel,
I keep getting letters from my works retirement trust. I guess that because my pension has been activated due to my contract ending,as far as the retirement people are aware ,i have hit retirement age !!!!!!!!
I have letters telling me to take it easy now that i have retired etc.
They were also kind enough to send me a birthday card at the weekend,which i suppose i should have been honoured except it was the kind of card you would sent to an 80 year old,and it was signed from 'The retirement trust'
This is really starting to wind me up,i have sent emails telling them the situation and that im 28 years old.But they dont seem to have registered as i am still receiving these insulting letters.
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Post by Veritee on Jul 18, 2004 14:05:00 GMT
Hi Alison
I sent you an e mail - did you get it?
How awful it must have been for you to have your son in hospital.
I am sure this will into help but while I had PNI Caja went into hospital a couple of times and it was the pits - yet of course I tried to appear the coping concerned mum while I was there.
As to coming home to a sink full of dirty dishes etc. This was an ongoing thing that I found hard to cope with that my husband just took no responsibility for the house or chores when I had PNI and he had no excuse as he was not even working when he was home from leave as a marine engineer.
When he was away at sea when I left the house in the morning to go to work or somewhere else, when I came back everything was how I left it but when he was at home and I went out, I came back to a complete mess! Not only would he not tidy up any mess that there was already he would make more mess. In addition while he would occasionally cook and sometimes vacuum he rarely really helped with household chores and really never seemed to notice how much I did.
He just could never see it and felt aggrieved that I was always so annoyed with him when I got home and he accused me constantly of nagging.
It was a horrible time for us and really he has completely changed now. But I just wish he could have got it then and saved us both a lot of rows and misery.
I think the bottom line was that while he was not aware of it he saw housework as my job to the extent that he did not even notice it. So when I went out he did not even notice any washing up or untidiness as he did not subconsciously After many years together and especially now I am disabled he is no longer like this and notices what needs doing as much as I do and does it.
I wish we had come to this a lot sooner and especially when I had PNI.
However what I will suggest is that a way forward to him considering that household tasks are not just your responsibility alone is that if you are going to go out and leave him at home just begin every time to ask him to do a few specific tasks i.e. say ‘while I am out can you just do the washing and wash up , or could you tidy the living room and empty the bins?’ I found this approach worked for me and Barry gradually took more and more responsibility for the house until I know longer had to ask. I feel it is wrong that we have to think of ways of getting our partners to help with this as after all they live there too and if you are ill with PNI the last thing you need is total responsibility for all the housework etc, but I found I had to do this.
I am not saying this will work for you. I have a friend who has tried everything and her partner just will not help at all. He works and does what he considerers to be ‘male’ tasks but although he avoids direct confrontation on this he just does not feel that it is in anyway up to him to clean or cook or wash etc. He never states this directly but any attempt she has ever made to get him to help around the house, he sabotages. She has been with him over 25 years and they are both in their 50s and every time she has left him to put the dinner on, ( she normally prepares it and just leaves him to switch the oven on) or do the washing or vacuum has resulted in disaster i.e. burnt dinner, broken Hoover, ruined clothes.
Now it is obvious that an intelligent man capable of many things can not be that daft that he can not even operate a cooker or washing machine, he just does not want to do it – so she has given up.
I am sure that your partner will not be as set in his ways as this though and it may be worth trying to ask him to do specific stuff gradually and if he refuses on any of the things you ask, at least you will start to get an idea of what his attitudes towards this are and why he is not as helpful as you would like.
I hope your son is now on the road to recovery, what exactly did he have wrong to need the traction.
All the best
Veritee
PS It must have been very insulting to get this ‘retirement’ letter. As this makes you seem like number and not like you were a person who they all knew.
It actually is pretty inexcusable that they have done this. I know the letter was automatic but all things like this should run through a personal department who should ensure this did not happen.
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jennie
Full member
2 bubs,9 and 4,better though still struggle.
Posts: 59
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Post by jennie on Jul 19, 2004 16:08:39 GMT
I'm not good on the computer- so'll probably put this in the wrong place as I did yesterday.I was desperate to find some form of support when I was at my worst but shame ,giult fear,. of being rejected stopped me seeking help early on. At 24 I aborted a baby, and I had my daughter 4 yrs later.I couldn't stop crying.I loved her so much but I had this huge pain in my chest.I was waiting for her to die cos that is wot I desesved. I was ashamed of my abortion and ashamed of my feelings, hated my physical apperance, had a crap personality and came lowest in personality. I'm a lot better now even have a 2nd child,which was totally terrifying and will continue my story at a later date,kids need feeding.I will be amazed if I receieve any feedback-jennie[ 3yr old & 8yr old]
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Post by Veritee on Jul 19, 2004 17:31:29 GMT
Hi Jennie Of course you will get feedback - from me and I am sure many others - I hope you come back to get it! As this is ACs thread perhaps you can click on the link 'Post Natal Illness/Depression and make a new thread for yourself. At 20 I also aborted/terminated a baby see my post which includes this click here veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&n=1&thread=517and scroll down or search for temination. I am now 51 but my termination at 20 really had a real bearing on how I felt about my daughter and maybe contributed to my getting PNI. I must admit that while I truly beleve it is an individual womans choice - it affected me deeply and I loved that dead baby as much as my live one. Anyway Please post back we would really like to support you here All the best veritee
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Post by AC on Nov 15, 2004 18:12:47 GMT
Well,
2 years down the line,still on my meds,but feeling much better than i ever thought i would.
A lot of new members have been using the site,that i can empathise with,thinking back to 2 years ago when i was at my lowest point,i honestly never thought i would be able to smile again.
Going to Florida on Thursday,really anxious and nervous,but am definately going,so i must be brave and enjoy it.
After the 2 years i have had,i think a holiday will do me the world of good.(I hope !) xx
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Post by AC on Dec 5, 2004 22:13:26 GMT
Survived Florida !
My son was as good as gold,can count on one hand the amount of times he cried,he loved disney world and the fantastic parades.
Since ive been home,i have been completely stressed out,so much housework to do and general unpacking that its all getting on top of me.
i took my anti-d's on holiday with me,but didnt take them.Im wondering if that is why im now collapsing a litle,i obviously still need my 'happy pills'.
mel, Really good to hear that you are having a boy !! bet your girls cant wait to have a little 'blue one' around !
anyway.....Time to make an appointment with my cpn i think.
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Carmen
Senior Member
2 boys - 5 and 23 months - recovered(but still on AD's)
Posts: 484
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Post by Carmen on Dec 5, 2004 22:25:33 GMT
Hi Allison
I'm so glad you had a good time in Florida. I've always felt, even before PND, that I needed a holiday after being away on holiday. I know that sounds like it doesnt make any sense but when you're away on holidays youre always busy doing things and its just nice to come back home and relax for a few days. Hopefully after a few days when you get back in to routine you wont feel so overwhelmed and stressed out - you may not even need your happy pills!
Wishing you all the best and take care Love Carmen
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jennie
Full member
2 bubs,9 and 4,better though still struggle.
Posts: 59
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Post by jennie on Dec 5, 2004 22:52:04 GMT
hi Ac, you were using when I first starting,this site that is......how long were you away for? were you taking your meds when you remembered when away, Was it a wild whirl(sounds like it) get your photos developed,,show everyone and relive it.... then go to the park and scream on the roundabout(close your eyes tight)we all need a buz!
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Post by susie on Dec 6, 2004 19:52:49 GMT
Hi Alison,
I am so glad that your holiday went well, I know you had been a bit apprehensive about it all, you now have lots of lovely memories to treasure, I bet the wee man had a blast at the parks!!!!
Try not to worry about the housework etc, it is hard when you come back from holidays, especially at this time of year with the build up to Christmas. Don't let it get to you.
take care
Susie x
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Post by AC on Dec 6, 2004 20:40:53 GMT
Thanks sus, I feel strange using the site a bit now,as a complete new batch of members are on here etc !! Nice to see that you have become a moderator !! at least i know that there are still a few of us 'old users' on here !! How are you doing ? ,i read that you are recovered now,that is such good news and i think you are pretty amazing to still want to use the site and help others,Good on you
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Post by AC on Jan 9, 2005 20:54:05 GMT
Oh Dear ! Just done a message and lost it....nevermind.
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Post by AC on Jan 9, 2005 21:04:16 GMT
Ill keep this brief as Celebrity Big Brother is on in a mo !!!!
Just wondered if anyone is suffering the aftermath of PNI like i am.
Anxiety....,Not wanting to bump into anyone i know,answer the phone or frontdoor.If somebody knocks on the door,i freeze,feel sick,go all sweaty etc,is this a normal effect of anxiety or am i just a total freak ?
Confidence.....Where has it gone,i look in the mirror and hate what i see,feel that i am useless in everything i do,Again is this normal ?
Anyway i have loads more to say,but got to go and watch CBB !
Any advice pleeeaaaase.
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Carmen
Senior Member
2 boys - 5 and 23 months - recovered(but still on AD's)
Posts: 484
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Post by Carmen on Jan 10, 2005 0:16:54 GMT
Hi Alison - (by the way I'm a huge reality TV addict too!)
I really feel for you - suffering with this for so long. Your anxiety sounds very familiar to me and I'm sure to all the girls on here. Has this just started/restarted or have you been suffering from this for the whole time? We are all here for you so please dont feel alone with this.
Take Care Love Carmen
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Post by wendabell on Jan 10, 2005 5:44:03 GMT
yes exactly the same symptoms as you. i hate them.. i know im recovering but why do i still not recognise me anymore where have i gone will i return one day and forget all this .....
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Post by AC on Jan 10, 2005 8:16:34 GMT
I think i have always had these symptoms throughout the whole pni,but things were so bad back then that not only did i have anxiety,lack of confidence and self esteem,i had the sleepless nights,intrusive thoughts,flashbacks of the birth,not wanting to get up and dressed in the morning etc.
I am still on my anti-d's and have been now for a long time,i think they level my mood,and im sure if i didnt have them i would be worse.
The biggest problem i have out of everything is the confidence thing.I enrolled my son into a nursery back in november,and as yet havent been able to take him,its only across the road from where i live and is only for 1 hour on a Tuesday Morning.But....This is such a HUGE thing for me,i get myself in such a state,Anxiety,feeling sick etc,that i take the easiest option and dont take him.As soon as i have told myself that i'm not going,i feel fine,and start to calm down.
But i know that this type of avoidance is just feeding my 'illness'.But i am so stuck in the vicious circle that it is continuing to have a huge effect on my life.
I still see my CPN on a regular basis,but it is getting to the stage now where we are just going over and over the same thing and seeing her has almost become a kind of 'comfort' thing.But i dont want to waste her time and i know that she thinks that half of my problems are down to my avoidance.
Alison x
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