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Post by annag on Jan 10, 2005 14:59:52 GMT
Do you get out at all AC? I'm afraid to say your CPN is right and in not confronting what you are scared of like the nursery you are renewing the panic every day. I find it very difficult to get out but I try and face it at least once a day just to nursery or school I know from past experience that if I don't the panic will win. I say to myself well whats the worst that can happen here. Realistically even though I think i'm going to die I never have and deep down I know that is unlikely certainly not something I can prevent by being indoors. Fainting would be unpleasant but not the end of the world and as I understand it you would use corrective breathing before allowing this to happen. I think I may go mad and start screaming etc but also I never have so why would I. Also when you confront your fear it peaks and falls before the full blown panic comes. If you sit it out don't run that feeds it try and be still just accept how you feel it will wash over you. You may feel uncomfortable but it will pass and the next time and the time after that will be better. Honestly I promise you it will work I've been there. I am in no way cured today I was supposed to go to my sisters and backed out at last minute. Like I said I try and do something small every day. Yesterday it was just tidying the yard a little answering the phone. Have you anybody who can come to nursery with you? your health visitor will be able to offer support on this score. I have been offered but turned down for personal reasons home start. They would take my children to and from nursery/ school. I think this is available to all parents who for one reason or another can't do the job themselves. Hope this helps a little Anna
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Post by AC on Jan 10, 2005 18:33:29 GMT
Dear Anna, Thanks for ther reply even though its scary to have someone say what i know is right !! I do get out,i have met a really good friend through a pni group that was running in my area a while back.I see her about 3 times a week and our children get on really well together. I met her today at a toddler group that i go to every week and i can manage to go to that paticular group okay as i know she is going to be there. My problem is going to the nursery 'on my own'.I just seem to go to pieces around people i dont know,say stupid things,go red in the face,etc.My cpn has suggested taking someone along with me,but i have turned this help /advice down as i know that this is something that i have got to face/do on my own. Im sure if i was to manage to get to the nursery i would be fine,even if i know i will struggle to speak to anyone. I feel totally embarrased about it all,and even writing it down here is a bit embarrasing because it does seem so pathetic.
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Post by francoise on Jan 10, 2005 19:48:08 GMT
hi alison , i found the different ways to deal with it like when i went to the hospital with the bab , i was like in their face which is the opposite to what im like but it kind of worked and now what i do is the same thing only abit less , like i go to a shop now and chat to hubby on the way round and look at things and be quite aware of my surroundings and people but try and be ahead of it and them , its all wierd but i struggle like mad with it and im always trying to think of alternative methods , i dont want to be loud or really quiet but it is a sense of feeling uncomfortable isnt it and not the same as everyone else , i used to stare out of my window and think that everyone else was normal except me and how do they do it , how do they breathe right and dont pass out and shake n stuff , i couldnt understand how shopkeepers or anyone come t that do their jobs , i really dont get any of it much , in fact the only thing i can say that does work well is feel the fear and stil go for it , its what i do and im still doing it although when i am in the middle of it i feel like running away but i dont anymore , good luck babe , if i can think of any advice for this i will certainly post it on here , love fran
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Post by francoise on Jan 10, 2005 20:42:48 GMT
i just been thinking about all this while i was bathing the bab and i was wondering whether we really do get better completely or whether we kind of get used to feeling like crap but managing it better like when we get headaches instead of panicking now do we just think oh well thats pni and it isnt anything dodgy , im not sure , i suppose we dont know until we have fully recovered eh ...love fran
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Post by AC on Jan 11, 2005 9:40:35 GMT
Not feeling good,been slipping for the past 2 days really. Had a disagreement with my partner lastnight and in the heat of the moment he called me a 'loser'. I went to bed crying and havent stopped crying since.The thing that has really upset me the most is the fact that he is right.I am a loser. When i think about who i am,i have no money except my incapacity benefit,im so miserable all the time,i have no friends,i have put on all the weight i lost last year at slimming world,im scared to answer the door or telephone,scared to take my son to the nursery...the list could go on and on. So yeah,he is right i am a total loser.
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Post by francoise on Jan 11, 2005 9:51:42 GMT
hi alison
you would be the last person i would call a loser , as for the money , its a full time jon looking after the little one hun and thats a job with no pay and no thanks but there should be , thanks from your partner at least for doing a grand job , the thing with answering the door and the phone is , it dont matter i dont think , its only when i hear who is talking on the answering machime that i might pick it up or ring 1471 after , the door is pretty hard as the front door is onto our living room and there is glass in it so its hard to hide quick enough , i dont get many visitors so im lucky in a way , as for no friends hun im disputing that the most , we are your friends , i have none outside of this , im hopeless seeing them or talking to them regular so i dont keep them long while im like this but i treasure you lot and i look at you as a genuine frined , if i was in trouble i would log on here first before anything else , if something big happened i would phone one of u girls up or ask one to phone me , your not a loser hun , your wonderful with your advice and your partner shouldnt ever call you a loser , mine did once , i wont repeat what i said to him , if u are losers we must all be on here and i dont think you would agree there eh hun , i think we area ll trying to beat this and im sure your sick of it by now hun but keep fighting eh and we are here for you all the time , as for the weight thing god im in that club for sure . loves ya loads hun and you know i care , i tell you alot alison , please let us be true frineds to you hun,xxxx
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jennie
Full member
2 bubs,9 and 4,better though still struggle.
Posts: 59
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Post by jennie on Jan 11, 2005 10:09:27 GMT
Ac, that's not the face of a loser in the photograph and that little boy doesn't think your one,the photo speaks volumes of the fun and love you share...
I loose a stone,feel gorgous,put it back on,(with a little extra each time) Your hubby knows what buttons to press... remember mine calling my self obsessed...how I sodded my heart out....
He's got some big grovelling and apologises to make for making you feel bad....
take Care hunny and give yourself a new affirmation....
"I'm sesitive to others needs ,have a gentle heart and am giving mt son the best start in life by being there for him"......
I over heard mine on the phone saying,to his sister ,yes jennie's not working now,I'm glad she's at home with the kids, they love it too,we've tried childminders but it's not right for them....
Hello mr...nice to have told me that...
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Carmen
Senior Member
2 boys - 5 and 23 months - recovered(but still on AD's)
Posts: 484
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Post by Carmen on Jan 11, 2005 11:56:48 GMT
You're definitely not a loser Alison - Fran is right - if you are, we all are. We've all felt the same as you but we will beat this. It's so positive to hear Fran is going out more and more - it wasnt long ago and she wasnt leaving the house. It wasnt long ago either that I was on here telling my fear about taking Jay to kindergarten and it was only just over 3 weeks ago that I was petrified of going away for holidays. But we have done it and you can do it too. I think it may have been Lisa (sorry if I'm wrong) who told me that the fear of doing something is worse than the act of doing it - and she is so right. I thought I would die going away - the fear was so huge - but I had no choice and I did it - and its the best feeling I have had in a long time. When you do go out - breath through it - and reward yourself for taking another huge step in your recovery.
Take Care Love Carmen
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Post by francoise on Jan 11, 2005 12:32:23 GMT
even embracing it works i think , i know it sounds mad but i got told that and that helped altho it was so hard at first , wanting to feel bad and then trying to take it all and smile about it , it does sound mad but thats what i meant when i said be in their face , its like larger than life but only to you , to others you look normal but we feel loud and arsy , its just another way of trying to overcome and i think i prefer that one , embrace it and try to imagine liking the feelings instead of hating them , it was the hospital one where i tried it and it was my first time out after weeks , well its just me , daft eh ,xxxxx
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Carmen
Senior Member
2 boys - 5 and 23 months - recovered(but still on AD's)
Posts: 484
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Post by Carmen on Jan 11, 2005 12:36:06 GMT
Hey, I feel like that too - when I was away I felt like I was being loud and talking non stop - looking back I dont think I was though - just seemed like out of character for me to talk to any one out of my comfort zones at all - feel heaps better for it though - and I know I have to push myself to continue to get out of my comfort zones so I dont go backwards.
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Post by francoise on Jan 11, 2005 12:39:47 GMT
thats what i mean carmen , i just wrote this on another thread the last post , or did i , god this is wierd again , anyway i agree and have definitely just wrote it again somewhere else , ignore me im barking again , i knew i would today as i had terrible night mares about my ex , god he was mad as a hatter
i think it rubs off sometiimes ..mad ness i mean , i know amy thinks she is a s mad as me but i think she is well sane , goes to show
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Post by AC on Jan 11, 2005 20:11:49 GMT
Just got to write something down..anything. Im here crying,feeling completely useless,inadequate and crap. Been around my parents house all day,and just put on this happy smiley face,and then as soon as i get home i cry.Partner said he was sorry,but it hasnt made any difference,the damage is done now. I cant even bring myself to say one word to him,i know im being bloody childish,but i dont care,im just sick of being the one who has to face his moods etc.I dont get any thanks for anything i do,but as soon as i dont do something,im the worlds worst. i start to feel like im getting better and then i hit rock bottom again.crying uncontrollably and generally feeling so sad. im just so fed up and down that i hate myself so much.
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Post by francoise on Jan 11, 2005 20:20:03 GMT
hey babe do u think u might be upto chatting in the chatroom at the moment , would like to talk to you if thats ok , im worried about you , i hate seeing yuou like this , come n have a chat to me babe, if not message me and ill chat through that , whatever u want hun , im here for you now love francoise xxxxxxxx
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Post by AC on Jan 11, 2005 20:26:01 GMT
Thanks Fran, But im just not up to it right now,im gonna go to bed.Thanks anyway xx
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Post by francoise on Jan 11, 2005 20:31:16 GMT
ok babe
we are here when u need someone , hopefully ill be here if u do as i would very much like to try n help you , take care sweetheart and ill be thinking of you ..xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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