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Post by Tina on Feb 3, 2004 17:43:29 GMT
Hi Alison, Sorry you have been down again. But your last posting was more postive, that's nice to read. Why don't you come to baby group tomorrow. I will meet up with you before if you like and we can go together. I not been for a couple of weeks and would be nice to go in with company. I will ring you tomorrow, but don't feel you have to go but feel that there is support if you want to. You know a few of us already and the other's are nice. Your son will love it, I am sure mine does. I hated the first time but I am so glad I went. Wednesday afternoon are almost as important and monday afternoon's. You can stop as long as you want. It starts at 1.30 and finishes around 3.00 but quite a lot come and go to suit themselves, you could do the same. No one minds, no one looks at you if you leave early. Don't forget were all scared the first time. Just think about it theres no pressure. Take care Tina
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Post by AC on Feb 3, 2004 19:13:13 GMT
Hi Tina,
Yes i would really like to meet you prior to going into the mother and baby group,i know i am making it sound like a real big thing,its just that for me its really quite daunting.I guess it comes down to the confidence thing again.
I have text eloise tonight and will arrange to meet her aswell if she decides to go.
I totally agree that maybe the group tomorrow is just as important as our Monday group.
I need to be strong in the morning and make myself go,perhaps knowing that you will be waiting for me will make me more determined not to let you down.
Tell me where to meet you and what time and i will be there !
Thankyou. xx
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Post by Mandy on Feb 3, 2004 19:52:59 GMT
Hi there
Thanks for your reply - i certainly didn't mean to make you cry but if it helped then thats good i guess.
Tina's right - i used to get myself all wound up before going to the baby group but its such a friendly group of people. You could go there and not know anyone and I guarantee that one of the mums would come and speak. I know that my daughter enjoys it and it gets me out of the house for an hour or so. It would be really good to see you there tomorrow - i'm glad you're meeting with Tina beforehand - it is a bit daunting going into that room on your own for the first time. I actually think i met Tina on my first day as well!!!!
I used to have to make myself go to group by telling myself that it would be good for my daughter to be with the other children and after the first time i went i felt so proud of myself for having survived it!! It sounds like such a silly little thing to be proud of but its how i felt. I thought all the other mums would look at me and think "she's such a bad mum" or that i'd look at the other mums and think "they're much better mums than me" but everyone just wants to talk and let the babies wreck someone elses' place for a change!!
Just think - its only an hour and a half at the most out of your day and you'll feel like you've climed Mount Everest afterwards!!
I really hope you make it and I look forward to seeing you there.
Hope you've had a good day today.
Thinking of you mate.
Take care sweetie
MANDY XX
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Post by eloise on Feb 3, 2004 20:50:45 GMT
Hi Alison, Firstly, I really want to thank you for being such a supportive friend to me. It means a lot to me and it really helps. I hope of some use back to you. We need to be more positive and I could really see the baby group being really helpful and just as important as our monday group. So, I shall definately be meeting you just inside the door at 1.15 tomorrow. I promise you're not alone in worrying about it and I'm pretty sure by the time tomorrow comes around we would have both of thought off at least 10 excuses not to go. However, I think it would do us the world of good. We shall encourage each other to go. It would be really good for our son's and it's not like we aren't going to know someone thats there. See you tomorrow. Hope your alright and please try not to worry about it (easier said than done I know!) eloise x
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Post by AC on Feb 3, 2004 23:35:55 GMT
I cant sleep...ive been in bed for about 45 minutes.
I need to try and clear my mind....yet again !
Im laying in bed wondering why i have post natal depression.I have never suffered any form of depression before,so why ?
I had a perfect pregnancy,nausea to begin with,but once that stopped,i felt fantastic the whole way through.
So why did i get this terrible illness ?
Its something ive been thinking about since Monday,One of the women from the group sort of brought it up,she wanted to borrow some books on the subject,so she could try and understand what PND actually is.
Having read a book recently on PND, I am starting to wonder if i have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress disorder),would that be linked to PND ?
The symptoms of PTSD sound familiar,Re-experiencing the traumatic event,feeling distant and difficulty in concentrating.
Nothing major has ever really happened to me apart from the traumatic birth,and prior to having my son,i had never been to hospital.
I wish i had the answers,maybe if i could understand why i have this illness,i could recover quicker
Im sorry if i sound very clinical and like a text book,but it is something i have been thinking about and needed to write it down.
Does anyone else feel like this or am i just being completely paranoid !?!
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Anne
Full member
Posts: 33
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Post by Anne on Feb 4, 2004 1:53:59 GMT
Hi Alison
You know it's so funny - i was just reading about PTSD today in a book called Post Natal Depression by NCT. I cant get over the fact that all of the things mentioned are me! I still have nightmares about the birth 21 months on. Am i the only person to have felt so out of control that i just cant get to grips with it?
The book says it can be helped by counselling and psycotherapy but also pints the finger at health professionals for treating women in such a way that they even feel assaulted and invaded in the 1st place.
Worth a read if you can get your hands on it.
I am sounding like a text book too now but I really just cant believe how everything fits with what I have been going through for the past 20 months.
Now go get some sleep - god knows we all need it!
Anne x
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Post by eloise on Feb 4, 2004 16:15:15 GMT
I want to start off by apologising for making three of the same posts! My computer was messing up and said that it couldn't do it. It obviously lied to me coz it could quite clearly do it. I have deleted the others and just wanted to say sorry because I was very embarrassed!
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I have also been wondering why I have got PND. I have been depressed before, but that only increases your chances slightly of getting PND. I really want to know why I've got it and to enjoy to the full extent, what I have now.
I have had this feeling for a while, but I have really starting thinking about it a lot more since Monday. As it was said on Monday "Why have I been pin-pointed? What's so special about me? Why doesn't everyone get it?"
The other morning whilst I was getting ready I was thinking about the fact that my family weren't over supportive when I was pregnant, they thought I was throwing my life away, I was too young, etc etc. I can now say that they all deeply regret that now, as they love my son very very much and have said that they can really see how happy my son makes me (I know that sounds a little bit ironic!) Then I thought, is it to do with the past catching up with me? Or is it the fact that although I had a fairly reasonable labour, I did have quite a few scares along the way. Not only that but I also moved house a few days after having given birth.
Does everyone have a need to know what caused/causes it in people? As I have seen it quite a lot, especially within the group and more recently than anything!
I'm really glad we went to the baby group today. I was going to text you and tell you that I really couldn't make it, but I'm glad that I did go. I hope you are to. I also think it might make it slightly easier to make ourselves go to the group on Monday and walk into the room. I don't know about you, but I think thats the hardest part for me!
Hope you alright. Take it easy (well as easy as you can!) Eloise x
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Post by AC on Feb 4, 2004 16:32:48 GMT
Thanks Eloise
Im really glad that we went today aswell.Even though it was hard,Lastnight after texting you,i was really looking forward to going,but then this morning came,and i wasnt so sure !! It got to about 12pm and my heart was pounding,felt really giddy,the usual !!
I got in the car,drove around for a while,feeling very anxious about going.Bad mistake driving around as the ' Little Geezer ' fell asleep before we had even got there !!
Anyway.....We done it,and it was nice to see the others from the group.I can finally say that i have new friends,which is nice !
Getting back to the '' Why do i have PND ?'' I think it is almost another thread,so im going to stop here and post another topic titled ' Why do i have it ?'
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Post by MANDY on Feb 4, 2004 21:25:27 GMT
Hi there
Just wanted to say well done for going to the baby group today - it was really good to see you there. It was also nice to actually see our children play together as normally they're in the creche and we don't get to see what they're up to!
I know what a big thing it was for you today but yet again you've shown what a strong woman you are by overcoming these obstacles. I hope you at least enjoyed it a little bit (you seemed to and your son did too!). It doesn't have to be a weekly thing, just when you feel like it. Don't put any pressure on yourself by thinking you have to make it every week.
It was good to have a chat with you today - i know its not easy when the little ones are keeping us busy!!
I hope you have a good few days and i'll see you at the group on Monday. I'll give you my number on Monday so that you can ring or text me (only if you want to).
Anyway, you should feel proud of yourself today.
Thinking of you
Take care
MANDY XXXX
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Post by AC on Feb 5, 2004 10:34:35 GMT
Hi Mandy, Thankyou for the reply and also making it to the group.I think it would have been much harder if you hadnt of been there,Although having Eloise there also made it easy fro me. It was really nice to talk to you,like i have said in previous messages,we have a lot in common with the 'dreaded work' side of things and you know it really helped talking to you yesterday about the subject ! I could of thought of about 10 excuses not to go yesterday,but i didnt and i am pleased about that. My son seemed to really enjoy it,even though he was very tired ! And as you said,it was so nice to see the children playing together and bonding.If they can become friends out of all this,then i will be very happy !! I would very much like your mobile number and we can keep in contact during the week. Once again Thankyou for being there.
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Post by AC on Feb 6, 2004 13:45:33 GMT
I done a really brave thing yesterday and let my mum read this whole posting..
We were talking about things in general,and i was on this site at her house and the right time came to show her.
She was really shocked at how bad i feel sometimes and said that she never realised that i was suffering so badly...I hide it very well !
Im glad that she knows now,i cant bring myself to talk to her about it face to face,but letting her read it was as good as.
My parents know that i have PND but we dont talk about it.They call it my THING.
Today when i saw my mum,she asked me what kind of day i am having..im glad that she knows how i feel.
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Post by AC on Feb 6, 2004 18:46:19 GMT
I have just replied to a new thread on Horrific births and PTSD,and i feel terrible again.
I suppose its good to air my feelings and talk about it again,however it all just comes flooding back.
Im sitting at this Computer typing this down ,but all i am thinking about is the birth.I know it is good to talk about it as it has had such a huge impact on my life,but its still so hard.
My caesarean scar has been hurting for about 2 weeks now,its very purple and enlarged and is tender to touch,(Yet another reminder i suppose).I should visit the doctor,but i couldnt stand the thought of them touching it.
Has anybody else got a sore scar 16 months on ?
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Post by MANDY on Feb 6, 2004 20:58:27 GMT
Hi there
I'm glad that it helped showing your mum this website and i hope that in time you'll be able to talk about it in greater detail with her. Although my mum knows i've got pnd - she never raises the subject and like your mum calls it "my thing". Its not that she doesn't care, i think its just that she feels if she doesn't talk about it then i'll feel better. Anyway, i hope you feel it was a positive step for you.
Regarding supportive/unsupportive partners, i had a chat with my husband last night and told him that i thought he was responsible for part of my pnd (that sounds awful!). I told him that i felt let down my him as he wasn't around a lot after the birth and hasn't been around much since. We had a good chat and i got a lot off my chest. He said he appreciated me being honest with him (something which i haven't been with regards to the pnd) and that he was glad i'd finally told him. May be if you spoke to your partner - i know its only a small part of things but it might just help. I don't know - i just thought it might help you.
Anyway, hope you have a good weekend and i look forward to seeing you at the group on Monday!
Take care.
MANDY XX
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Post by AC on Feb 7, 2004 17:18:26 GMT
Hi Mandy,
very brave of you to be able to talk to your husband about it all.
I cant do it,he feels that i am 'Starting an argument' if i discuss him and his lack of help.You are very lucky that you can discuss your feelings.
My partner takes it quite badly if i say that he doesnt help much and gets very offended,we used to be able to talk about most things prior to the baby,Our son has almost definately had a huge impact on our relationship.If i ever told him that i feel that he has caused my PND ( Or part of it ) He would go balistic,and feel that i am blaming him.
I suppose everyone is different and can handle situations differently,Im quite weak when it comes to disscusions and confrontations.
Looking forward to seeing everybody on Monday,i just hope we ALL make it.
Lots of love Alison xxxx
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Post by AC on Feb 8, 2004 9:49:18 GMT
Bad Morning !
I had planned to go out lastnight with a whole load of friends.I had been saying all week that i was going.Friends had rung me most of yesterday to check i was still going,and i said i was.
It got to about 3pm yesterday,and those feelings of anxiety were there,i really didnt want to go.I couldnt be bothered.
I text my friend and told her i wasnt going.She never got the text,and rung me,i told her i wasnt going,she was okay and i think believed my excuse.
I felt like a weight had been lifted once i made the decision not to go.
This morning i feel awful,i feel as though i let myself down and i was stupid to have let myself down.
its almost as if i have let the PND win again,instead of fighting it.
Where has my confidence gone ?
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