Post by loonylamb on Jun 18, 2006 12:13:08 GMT
hi all,
first i'll give you all some background. i'm 29 and have three children aged 10, 6 and 6months with child no2 i developed pni although i didn't know what it was. i thought it was just the stress getting to me. i did recover from it but it did take a while. however my partner had a one night stand when i was suffering pni.
now since child no3 (who we love to bits but he was the result of my coil not working) was conceived everything has gone wrong.
i think my pni is back again as i'm getting suicidal thoughts again. my relationship has gone downhill we have drifted apart and i'm absolutly terrified that my partner will stray again. i've now resorted to checking his txt messages to try and find evidence that he's cheating on me even thought rationally i know he won't but i'm causing huge arguments about him getting txts and e-mails from female friends. he refuses to give up the contact, i just wish he could feel like this for just a day. i just need his support but i've pushed him to the point that he doesn't want to support me.
also i've fell out with my mum as she has kept on interfering in my life. my life is less stressful now shes not in it so much but i'm now all alone fighting just to stay alive.
i remeber how i felt just before i became pregnant and everything was really coming together. now that person that me is locked away inside surrounded by layers of hurt and anger and pain that i can't get through and the thing that is pretending to be me is driven by all the hurt and pain and its pushing everything away that i love and i'm shouting at it to stop and its ignoring me. it just carries on, going on and on and on destroying eveything around me and i can't stop it no matter how much i try.
i'm sorry i've got to go.
first i'll give you all some background. i'm 29 and have three children aged 10, 6 and 6months with child no2 i developed pni although i didn't know what it was. i thought it was just the stress getting to me. i did recover from it but it did take a while. however my partner had a one night stand when i was suffering pni.
now since child no3 (who we love to bits but he was the result of my coil not working) was conceived everything has gone wrong.
i think my pni is back again as i'm getting suicidal thoughts again. my relationship has gone downhill we have drifted apart and i'm absolutly terrified that my partner will stray again. i've now resorted to checking his txt messages to try and find evidence that he's cheating on me even thought rationally i know he won't but i'm causing huge arguments about him getting txts and e-mails from female friends. he refuses to give up the contact, i just wish he could feel like this for just a day. i just need his support but i've pushed him to the point that he doesn't want to support me.
also i've fell out with my mum as she has kept on interfering in my life. my life is less stressful now shes not in it so much but i'm now all alone fighting just to stay alive.
i remeber how i felt just before i became pregnant and everything was really coming together. now that person that me is locked away inside surrounded by layers of hurt and anger and pain that i can't get through and the thing that is pretending to be me is driven by all the hurt and pain and its pushing everything away that i love and i'm shouting at it to stop and its ignoring me. it just carries on, going on and on and on destroying eveything around me and i can't stop it no matter how much i try.
i'm sorry i've got to go.
