|
Post by chica on Oct 13, 2006 12:05:52 GMT
I was all worked up last night and this morning, as I had an appointment with a new doctor who can speak English, so you can imagine last night I was trying to go over everything in my head, you know what its like, where do I start... how do I begin...what are they going to think... I know you all know what that feels like, so this morning I was now in quite a state, but thank god, the doctor could not only speak English but SHE was English, what a relief.. she was lovely I did not feel rushed and she listened as I let a lot of what I felt pour out, she has changed my meds to fluoxetine and I have to go back and see her in 2 weeks time, It all cost money but it was every euro well spent. She even went on to say, that she really could understand a lot of what I was feeling, as she also had pre eclampsia, was delivered early, did not see her little one till he was 3 days old, and did not even start to bond with her child at all until he was around 18months old. So hallelujah I have hopefully found someone who truly understands who is a doctor!!!!! She said as I was leaving, do not worry I will get you back on track and sorted, even if it takes years... not sure I liked the years part but I guess it has taken me nearly 6 years to get to this stage, so I guess I cannot just get well again over night. Another thing she thinks as well is that I am also suffering from Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. Not quite sure what that means, but hey what the hell in for a penny in for a pound. Mum had come with me to the surgery, and I felt so up when I came out of the doctors room, I tried to open up a bit more to her, even said that me and hubby just needed some quality time together and that would help as well. Her response was.... That does not exist after you have kids!!! So much for lots of help and support if we move to Spain, that was what was promised... she did not even suggest looking after them for one night so that we could maybe even go out for a meal together. THANKS MUM Never mind I suppose that I should be grateful in that she found this doctor for me. I seem to be rambling a bit now, and I am getting raging heartburn, does anyone know if thats normal with fluoxetine. Also I have just managed to buy a bottle of Rescue Remedy as well, can anyone tell me what to do with it as all the instructions are in Spanish? Enough for now. I hope everyone out there is having a good day.
|
|
|
Post by sianyc on Oct 13, 2006 20:30:40 GMT
hey chica I pm'd you before I read your diary. I've got the spray one and it's 2 sprays on your tongue. I think it's 2 drops on your tongue if you've got the dropper bottle. My mum comes out with hilariously unsupportive comments like that too! Then she wonders why I don't bother telling her how I'm feeling I just hope that I can be the exact opposite if either of my girls get this after their babies - 25 years down the line hopefully!
|
|
|
Post by chica on Oct 14, 2006 17:41:47 GMT
Siany, how true, so help me God if I ever live long enough to be a grandmother (bear in mind I am already 42) I swear that if I still have all my faculties, (loosing them already)., that I will try and be so hands on its untrue. I am sick and tired of hearing how hard it was for my mum as she had no support, well I am sorry just because I was a prem baby and apparently bloody awful too, does not mean to say it has to be the same for me. It would seem that she thinks well I had to get through similar on my own so why cant you . I wouldnt care but one of the reasons we moved out here was so that she could offer me help and support, what a blooming joke that has turned out to be, my mum and sister apparently have yet again (according to my dad who I am sure likes to rub my nose in it) spent the blooming day together again, whereas what did I do all day was look after the flipping kids, even hubby could not stand the chaos and went out for a few hours. It makes me so mad, think I had better go and sink some rescue remedy down as I can feel my blood pressure rising. Not for the first time today either!!!
|
|
|
Post by chica on Oct 15, 2006 12:11:18 GMT
Last night got worse by the minute, its funny though, sitting here I cant remember why. I just remember getting so angry I could have screamed, took 3 lots of rescue remedy and then ended up having to take one of my magic pills that I have to use in an emergency. Why can I not remember today, what it was all about. Thats a bit scarey!! Anyway, today is not going to bad, hubby has taken the kids off to the mountain park, so I am sitting here in a completely quiet house... Oh what bliss. I think even hubby realises I am near to breaking point (yet again ) So what else can I do with my time apart from come online with you guys, I have even managed to get out of cooking the Sunday dinner as I got the chicken out of the fridge and it had gone off . Maybe someone up there in the big blue sky is looking after me after all Hope everyone is having a good weekend and a lazy Sunday. Well as lazy as us ladies can get. ;D
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Oct 15, 2006 14:05:26 GMT
xx Glad you've had a bit of a break todayxx
|
|
|
Post by chica on Oct 16, 2006 14:14:36 GMT
Not really managed to get much done today, I have a horrible feeling I am getting a cold. The kids have had runny noses for the last couple of days, so now I think its my turn, why is it that the only presents they give me are of the yuccy type On a positive note I have not had to resort to the rescue remedy today (well so far anyway). Also there has been no return of the heartburn with the fluoxetine, I keep making sure I flush it down with loads of water and that seems to have done the trick. I do not feel quite so at the end of my tether either, so hopefully the roller coaster ride down again has reached its level, so now as the saying goes, the only way left is up again. Heres hoping!!
|
|
|
Post by chica on Oct 16, 2006 17:39:38 GMT
I am definately coming down with something Oh deep joy! Getting the pounding head, and the scratchy runny nose. I have just dosed the kids up with tixylix, so lets hope they sleep tonight. The thoughts of having to keep them off school sends shivers down my spine, I will wait and see what the night brings. I must remember to ask my mother in law to bring over some more bottles of tixylix, she is coming over on the 6th November, why she could not have come sooner so she could have enjoyed the twins birthday on the 25th of this month I will never know. But hey I guess thats families for you. Lets hope we all get a peaceful nights sleep tonight!!!
|
|
|
Post by yoyo on Oct 16, 2006 17:42:32 GMT
Oooo poor you - hope you are all feeling better very soon! It's so hard when everyone is manky at once isn't it?!
|
|
|
Post by chica on Oct 19, 2006 11:43:21 GMT
Back in the land of the living (well as much as I can be). The last few days have not been much fun, me and the kids have all had rotten colds. We should have had a competition on whose nose was running fastest!!! Mind you saying that, my little lad asked me "mummy, why do we say our noses are running, as they have not got legs"? Try answering that when your head is pounding, it was not easy, it then got us on to quite a discussion, about running a bath, drawing the curtains etc etc., He is six next week and already he is asking me so many questions that I have no idea how to answer. Had my spanish lesson this morning, not sure how much actually went in to my head, as it still feels like a collander. Full of air and wholes I seem to be calmer in general, so thats good. I have been taking the fluoxetine for a week now, so hopefully it is beginning to kick in. Thank God I am not on the ones that were making me so sick anymore. I have just been given a letter today by the headmistress, inviting the children along to a workshop that will be held in the village 3 nights a week, after school. So I have signed them up for that, as they love anything to do with art and drama. The only drawback is that it will mean more to and froing. They go into school at 3.30 til 5pm and the workshop will start at 5.30. Not quite sure what I will do to fill in 30 minutes, as it takes us 10 minutes to get back home, so I guess I will just have to loiter for half an hour. They will finish at 7 so I will be back and forward even more, than I am now, but I do think that it will be good for them. Its just a shame that they cannot go straight to the workshop without the break, as that would give me 3.30 til 7pm oh what bliss that would be.
|
|
|
Post by noodles on Oct 19, 2006 22:32:02 GMT
hi chica, thanks so much for the nice message, and the previous ones about moving abroad. things have settled down here a bit well actually alot so i don't feel the need to be a million miles away. i will add though that i think that you are very brave!!! how is spain? (is that where you are?) i found whilst travelling round spain, in my pre baby years that it was a really difficult country to be in, give me india or thailand any day of the week!!! i imagine that being in another country could feel really isololating some times! but hey at least the weather is better!!! im not around much these days but if you ever feel the need to unload you can always pm me or feel free to add to my diary!!! i hope that you feel better soon. n x
|
|
|
Post by chica on Oct 20, 2006 9:22:44 GMT
Thanks Noodles, It really is lovely to hear that you are doing so well. Yes I am in Spain, I must admit the weather is still lovely over here. I read on someones post the other day (sorry not sure whose) that it was nearly dark and that they were putting the lights on and I think it was only around 3.30pm, it gets dark here at the minute at about 7.30-8pm, mind you that will change soon, as the clocks go back. The biggest problem I have over here is the obvious language barrier, it is so difficult to make yourself understood. I have been told that my Spanish is good, but I think they are just trying to be polite. The children are obviously bi-lingual (well as much as 6 year olds can be), they have no trouble at all just switching between the two languages. Makes me quite envious. They are also learning valencianan as well, so in total they will have 3 languages before they leave what you would call junior school. Even the 3-6 year olds are learning both valencianan and English as well. The other parents were quite concerned with them learning English, but I joked with them in my broken spanish that it is easy peasy, and if they need any help with their homework books come and see me hee hee! I have to try and translate all the kids books into English before I can try and help them, so it was lovely to have the boot on the other foot. The other mums luckily have a sense of humour and laughed too. Anyway enough for now, have to get on with the daily chores.
|
|
|
Post by chica on Oct 20, 2006 12:34:15 GMT
I am sooooo tired today, last night was the absolute pits, talk about sleep deprevation. First of all hubby couldn't sleep so with all his tossing and turning, that woke me up. Now I cant sleep either, seemed like I had just dropped back off when little man woke me up. Spent the next hour looking at the clock, my brain just would not shut up.Why is it the more you tell yourself to go back to sleep the more you stay awake. Must have dropped off again to wake up around 4.30, not sure what is causing this just lately, but it does seem to be a regular occurence now. Eventually got back to sleep to wake up again at 6am. By this point I gave up and just got up. Spent the next hour creeping around the kitchen trying not to wake everyone else up. The kids have done nothing but scream and shout at each other all this lunch time, I have even threatened them with not going to my sisters later on (its her birthday) that seemed to do the trick for a few minutes. I just want to be able to crawl back into bed, pull the cover over my head and disappear. Instead I have the school run coming up again, loads of washing to get sorted and now on top of going to my sisters after school, I have now got to rush into town as well, because at long last the book shop just rang to say that the last lot of school books that I ordered in September have just arrived, and because I live where I do the book shop is now closed until 5.30 as it has to have a siesta GGRRRRR. That feels better, nothing like a rant and rave to let the steam out!! Hope everyone else out there is having a more peaceful day than me.
|
|
|
Post by sianyc on Oct 21, 2006 18:01:40 GMT
Hey chica sounds like you've had a bit of a blip. Sorry I haven't been around for a little while - been non-stop here and not had a chance to sit down and turn on the computer. Hope you're feeling ok today
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Oct 22, 2006 17:17:19 GMT
Hi Chica
How's things with you?
HopefulXxX
|
|
|
Post by chica on Oct 24, 2006 12:42:41 GMT
I have been running around like a demented nit wit, these last few days have been manic. Trying to get any shopping done in between these stupid school hours that they do over here is nigh on impossible. But god knows how, it does seem to be at last so far so good. We have bought them new bicycles, lets just hope hubby remembers to pick them up tonight. Otherwise we will have 2 very disappointed little ones tomorow. Mind you I everted a disaster this morning, asI discovered hubby and I have been talking about the same party plans, except that he was thinking it was all going to happen after school at 5pm whereas I have everything planned for a gathering at 12.30 til they go back to school at 3.30 followed by picking them back up again at 5pm and then driving to pick my niece up and us all going to a burger king. Now I discover hubby is blooming well working, as he did not think he needed to be here during the day..... Luckily now with a bit of rearranging 2 people that were to surprise the kids outside school, will now surprise them at burger king instead. Talk about both of us, talking about things but not listening to each other properly, thank heavens we realised in time.
I am suffering from terrible flash backs today, it happens at this time every year, but I had hoped that this would ease as time went on, I know I should be grateful that I am still here and to move on with my life, but it just keeps coming back to haunt me. It would seem that it is not just the twins birthday tomorrow, but also the anniversary of me loosing my life 3 times to be brought back again, loosing my womb, and I suppose bearing in mind how I feel about the children, if I am honest loosing my life style in general. Loosing my relationship with my hubby (we are still good together, but how I miss those days of just him and me) So instead of me being happy that its the twins birthday tomorrow, but in a way I am mourning for what I lost. Sorry that was all a bit deep, but it is how I feel, but tomorrow I will smile for them and make a big fuss, and tell them how much I love them (I wished)and they will have a fantastic day. This should all be such a special time, but because of this blooming illness, another year has gone by of my wishing to turn the clock back..... hopefully by next year...... now I have sought help and all that, rather than suffering in silence, who knows. I guess I will say watch this space.
|
|