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Post by chica on Oct 24, 2006 19:05:38 GMT
AAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!! Hubby still not in from work yet and its nearly 9pm and I have just run out of blooming wrapping paper..... What sort of mum am I that I do not think to get enough paper... So angry at myself. Kids are at last quiet so at least that is a good thing. I cannot even find any wrapping paper left over from Christmas. What am I going to do? Spoke too soon, little man just got back up again, they are still awake, saying they miss daddy, cos he has not said goodnight yet. Its funny the habits you get into, when I think back to my childhood, I cannot remember any good night kisses from mum or dad. I suppose I must have had them . Enough ranting, got to go and stir the bolognese again so it doesn't burn.
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Post by sianyc on Oct 25, 2006 13:06:38 GMT
If it makes you feel better, I had to wrap Caitlin's 3rd birthday present in a mixmatch of paper cos I completly forgot to buy any. Some of it had Xmas trees on nad had been in a cupboard since last year
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Post by chica on Oct 30, 2006 21:20:25 GMT
Blooming heck at long last I have managed to get logged back in. I typed a really long update, only to find that I had run out of time, and now I cannot find the blooming thing. I am so tired now, I will have to try again tomorrow. Thank god for letting me rant and rave to you all, its funny even though you cannot see what I have written, it still got it all out of my system. Thanks everyone.
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Post by chica on Nov 1, 2006 20:22:40 GMT
It seems hard to believe, that a week has gone past, since I properly wrote in my diary section. I am not really sure where to begin, I have had terrible trouble getting signed on so I am sorry to you all out there if anyone was wondering where I had got too. Especially when I read my last entry on the day before the twins birthday, my stress levels were at an incredible all time high.. But I am glad to say, that their birthday went really well, even though some of their presents ended up being wrapped up in newspaper ;D The kids had a marvelous time, they loved their new bikes, even though they kept falling off of them They are getting the hang of them now, in fact they are getting so much more confident they are tearing around now. I spent most of the day on Thursday trying to recover from the day before, I was absolutely exhausted, Oh! and tidying up all the glitter glue from my floors, breakfast bar etc etc., my kids love to be creative and you really do not want to know where glitter can really get to!!! On Friday I went back to see the gp, she is really lovely, and really does understand what all this is about. She even asked me a few probing questions, which I have never been asked before, and even through her asking me these, I just knew that she was only asking me, as she really has been there done that and got the t shirt too! She doubled my dose of meds, which I was a bit concerned about, but she has told me not to panic, as she had just put me on a maintenance dose at first, so that she could see, how I got on with them, as I had such bad side effects from the ones before. As I have been ok she now wants to increase them so that I will really feel some benefit. I must admit I have now been on the double dose for 4 days, and I can really see an improvement. Thank God... I am beginning to smile, I put the radio on in the car and wanted to listen to music again, which I can honestly say I have not managed to do in a very long while. So something is definately happening. I am just keeping my fingers crossed that it lasts..... why can I never stop worrying about things? The weekend seemed to go by in a blur, and on Monday, I started to do all the running around for a Halloween party. Never done one of those before. Yesterday, (Halloween) I ended up with a house full, I stayed calm, did not panic, drank far too much wine, and generally had a lovely evening. It is still warm over here and we spent the entire night out in the garden, having a barbecue, wearing scarey face masks, the kids all had to go and search for all their treats which were hidden in the garden. Lighting pumpin heads (which we had made at lunch time) nobody warned me how messy they were!!!! Apple bobbing etc., I cannot believe how nice the evening was, and I can honestly say that if you had told me 6 months ago that I would have been doing all that, I would not have believed you. So at last just over 6 years on, I am seeing glimmers of hope. It has taken me since April of this year to realise what the problem was and to try and seek help, so I guess it has taken me 6 months now to get to this stage. I just pray that I am now on the up and up, without too many more blips along the way. Enough for now, as I am very tired and possibly still if I am honest a little hung over from yesterday, Whoops!!! I will try and catch up with everyone tomorrow.
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Post by sianyc on Nov 1, 2006 21:23:06 GMT
Hi
So pleased you feel good. ;D
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Post by chica on Nov 3, 2006 13:24:13 GMT
Just typed an entry and then my fingers got in a knot and all of it disappeared? So here I go again. Last night the heavens opened, we have not had any rain here in a very long time, and I had forgotten how hard it can rain. We are flooded. Ten days ago we just had part of our field converted into where we could park our cars, well we had that much rain, not quite sure why but the whole bloody lot sank!!! We ended up having to get the man who had laid it all to come back in the pouring rain (yes it is still raining) to tow us out of what has become a quagmire!! Hubby not very happy to say the least, but instead of me getting myself in a right worked up state, I remained calm. Which is quite a nice feeling. I have not lost the plot at all. These tablets are most definately turning my life back around. If this had happened 6 months ago I really dread to think how I would have reacted. I now have so many footprints on my floor, and I really could not give a monkeys... in fact I am sitting here smiling. These are all very strange feelings, smiling for one thing, singing a song in my head for another... what is happening?? I think I am beginning to see the old me. Lets jhope that these feelings continue. I am almost scared, of coming back down to earth with a bump. Mind you if anything is going to do that, I have my mother in law coming to stay as from Monday, so I may not be around as much for a while. Dont get me wrong she is a lovely lady, but she is now in her 80s so in a way it is almost like having to look after a child again. Especially when it comes to what she can or cannot eat, how late we eat etc., worrying constantly if she is ok. So it will be interesting to see how I hold up. Enough of my ramblings for now, I had better go and see if we need to start building us an ark to get out of here!!
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Post by winegirl on Nov 3, 2006 16:13:06 GMT
Hi chica,
Glad to see you are feeling ok. Good luck with your mother in law coming to stay! If my mother in law was coming to stay I would be moving out! Just keep an endless supply of yorkshire tea and she will be fine. Everyone over 70 likes that!
Take Care Winegirl
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Post by chica on Nov 5, 2006 17:41:35 GMT
I got a bit wobbly yesterday, the kids were driving me absolutely nuts, it was still raining and that really is not funny out here, when it rains it really does rain, I am talking deluge. The fields have turned into quagmires and it makes getting out of our country lane quite dangerous. I jokingly said we need Noahs Ark. Anyway I ended up getting out of the house and we went shoe shopping with my mum. My mum bought them brand new shoes and some very much needed wellington boots, I even bought myself a pair. It has been so long since it rained out here, the kids are so excited. Today has not been too bad, it is still very wet outside, so the kids went and got their wellies on and decided to go running and jumping in the mud, you should have seen the state of them. My little boy ended up head first in the mud, talk about mud wrestling, their boots kept getting stuck and they kept ending up bare foot in the mud. I got my wellies on and joined them!!! It ended up I had to hose them both down with a hose pipe... its a good job that although it is wet over here it is not cold. Hubby eventually emerged from the house and said it is nice to see you having a familly moment, and do you know what he is right!!! Managed to get all the Sunday dinner cooked, and the guest room sorted out in readiness for my mother in law arriving tomorrow. I am about to go and get the little ones in a nice long warm bath. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this goes okay as for some reason or another I find bathtime on a Sunday evening particularly stressful. So keeping fingers crossed that I can remain calm.
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Post by chica on Nov 5, 2006 20:15:23 GMT
Managed to stay relatively calm, although hubby lost the plot a bit with all the noise and a flooded bathroom, maybe I should consider giving him some of my meds LOL... only kidding. After sorting out the drowned bathroom floor, got them to bed, without too much protest, so this is good. All is quiet now so I guess we all live to fight another day. Mother in law arrives tomorrow, so now I am already worrying about what I am going to do for dinner,... will I ever have nothing to worry about? Anyway I think I am going to treat myself to an early night, I have a feeling I am going to have to have saved up all my energy and resourses over the next few weeks. I am going to try and promise myself time out for myself even if ma in law wonders what I am up to on this computer, so hopefully post soon.
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Post by Veritee on Nov 5, 2006 22:31:36 GMT
Hi chica
I am following your diary - and i feel for many of the things you say
but I had to laugh about yor car park! sorry it jsut sound so much like stories i could tell!!!!
I live in Cornwall on a smallholding and in fact i have a simular story about my yard! i.e my horse and cattle hard standing yard area.........
it took us about 5 years to afford the concrete to make this area but when when the ready mix concrete lorry came with hundreds of tons of concreate to lay ( that has to be laid in the right conditions)
it started to rain hugely the minuite the lorry arrived with our concrete - so we laid it in the rain and it has been sinking ever since and that was 10 years ago!!!
The yard stands now at least 3 feet lower than the field next to it!!!!!!!!! cows have to jump to get down to it!!
its late now but will post more in the morning
I hope your visit from your Mother in law goes really well
VeriteeXX
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Post by chica on Nov 9, 2006 8:57:15 GMT
Blooming heck, just when I thought I had a few minutes to myself, as ma in law was still in bed, I have just heard the toilet flush, so she is now up and about, so have to dash. Managed to reply to one lady out there this morning, so hopefully have managed to help someone. I am ok, just about surviving the ma in law visit. Absolutely shattered but on the whole remarkably calm still.... anyway off to the kitchen I go... hope everyone is well out there, I will try and catch up later.
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Post by chica on Nov 10, 2006 18:22:53 GMT
Well as you can see, I never had another chance yesterday to get back on, my time really does not seem to be my own. At the moment I have just finished cooking all the dinners and the children are playing snap with their nanny and daddy. Gives me a well earned break, but just as I am typing this I can hear my son crying (I guess he lost)....
I have to thank you Veritee for your reply, as I now have this wonderful vision of your cows jumping three foot in the air, I am laughing now at just the thought. You have no idea how me having a secret quiet laugh to myself has cheered me up`. We are still awaiting the man with the tractor to come back and put things right, but somehow I have this sinking feeling (excuse the pun) that we are going to get nowhere fast.
Not quite sure how to sum up the last few days, except to say exhausting, and I am forever on edge and in the bloody kitchen cooking for everyone!!!
I had a hairdressers appointment today, (which I hasten to add I am terrrified of) and I managed to sit still long enough for them to give my hair a very much needed trim, I was really quite proud of myself, as I really do get panicky. Anyway I came out of there and returned home, only for my Ma in Law to say What have they done to your hair!!!!! Talk about confidence boosting ma in law style!! Everyone else has said that it looks nice, but I hate having my hair cut and I could really have done without someones comments. I think that it was just that they had left it all curly and wet looking whereas she likes the blown dry look, well that is what I am hoping anyway. I had a bit of a brain wave this morning about maybe a lot of the pni for me is because I am not in control of my life, as other people (ie the kids) determine how my day is going, I am going to try and get time to post a thread to see if anyone else has similar feelings.
Enough for now, not sure how much time I have left on the computer and I really want to pòst a new thread.
Hope all out their reading this , are okay and are having glimmers of light.
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Post by cheshire on Nov 13, 2006 19:58:26 GMT
Hi Chica How are you? I think I know what you mean about the hairdressers - I find it hard to sit still/ get anxious these days etc. But I'm not sure if it's about what they will do with my hair - sometimes I just don't like my head being touched and things/ someone else in control of my time and how I look - weird hey? . Although I like the result, usually. Having more blonde and being straightened tomorrow! Lots of love, thinking of youx
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Post by chica on Nov 13, 2006 20:14:52 GMT
Thanks Hopeful, you are the first person who has ever understood about me and the hairdresser thing, everyone else thinks I am just nuts anyway, so whats one more thing!! Good luck with tomorrow, I am sure you will look fabulous. I am just about hanging on in there, I have to admit to being absolutely exhausted, I seem to spend the whole day running around after everyone, and permanently at the shops buying meat and groceries, everyone seems to be eating me out of house and home. I am forever in the blooming kitchen, I just want to escape for a little while, without feeling that I am being judged or watched all the time. Thank god for my higher dosage of meds, I dont think I would have managed this far without them. Any way enough for now, they will be beginning to wonder what I am doing out here for so long on the computer. Hope you are all doing well. Chica
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Post by winegirl on Nov 14, 2006 11:09:50 GMT
Hi Chica
You seem to be doing fab while your mother in law is there! Well done you! I think I would have pulled all my hair out by now, but then I can't stand my mother in law. Glad you are doing ok,
Winegirl x
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