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Post by chica on Nov 14, 2006 18:57:44 GMT
Thanks Winegirl, God how I am missing you all, my time just does not seem to be my own, mind you it has not been my own since the kids came along, but it does seem worse at the moment. I have got about a sneaky 15 minutes on here if I am lucky. I have cooked ma in laws tea, sorted the kids tea out, and will be putting them to bed in about 15 minutes time, then I have to sort hubby's dinner!!"! I would love to be just slobbing about without worrying about everyone else and what they think of me. Why can I not just sit down and put my feet up without feeling judged or guilty? But I guess that is me all over, I am still trying so bloody hard to be the perfect mum, perfect wife, perfect daughter , and perfect sister and perfect daughter in law, god the list is endless! I wonder if I will ever have the courage to be the perfect ME and to hell with everyone and everything else. Oh well enough of the ranting, I have about 5 more minutes left and need to wee, I cant even seem to do that in peace. I hope you are all well out there, I so miss catching up with you all. Until the next sneaky 15 minutes Chica
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Nov 15, 2006 7:55:44 GMT
Hi Chica - or should I say 'domestic goddess'?
You're doing so fantastic juggling everything and still being able to keep your sense of humour! x
I've just smiled at your bit bout trying to be perfect - I got a text message yesterday from one of the 3 people who know about the pni and what did it say - stop trying to be perfect and everything to everyone. I think that sums a lot of us up!
See you in the next sneaky 15
KL X
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Post by chica on Nov 15, 2006 18:34:29 GMT
WOW, thanks KL I have never been called anything like that before in my life, you cheered me up. I only wished I was. Wouldn't it be nice if we were all goddesses and could just sit back and order people to do all the work for us... mind you I sometimes wonder how some ladies out there (my sister in law being one of them) who just sit back and let hubby do all the work, she openly admits that she cant cook and doesn't cook!! How do they get away with it? Talk about me being a green eyed monster, my hubby can just about put toast in the toaster If I had a genie in a magic lamp, just one of my wishes would be to share my life with someone who wanted to be in the kitchen cooking me a meal. Even when I broke my hip and was in a wheelchair, he couldn't manage to cook, so we ended up living on take aways! Anyway enough of my moaning, I knew what I was marrying as we had lived together for 10 years before we got hitched, so I have nobody to blame but myself. I had a great result today, I have actually managed to buy a floor buffing machine (how sad is my life, that I find this exciting) but I have lived here now for a long time with just marble flooring that is a black onyx colour, and they show every damn mark imaginable. I have searched high and low for one of these machines, and at last I found one, and joy upon joy, it actually works!!! My floors are shining like they have never done before.. EUREEKA. I have survived another day, the kids have been little horrors today, and I so want bedtime to come around. Not long now though, then I have to go and cook hubbies and my dinner. Hubby lost it with the kids sitting at the dinner table last night, so I thought it best to eat after they have gone to bed. At least that way we can have a conversation and a meal in peace without all the chaos. Only trouble is I am starving, Anyway that is about all the time I have again, I feel like a naughty school kid, who is sneaking behind the bike sheds for a crafty fag!! Hope your are all okay out there, I am so sorry I have not had the time to reply to anyone elses diary or posts, but my thoughts are with you all. Love and Hugs Chica
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Nov 16, 2006 8:11:26 GMT
Hi Chica
I looked yesterday but they don't do cards for 'Congratulations on your floor buffer' otherwise I'd have sent you one! x Isn't it funny how the little things really matter. The other day my hubby looked at me with such sympathy because I was really enthusiastic that I had finally found the Zoflora disinfectant in Hyacinth - Bless x
Take care KL X
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Post by winegirl on Nov 17, 2006 12:41:24 GMT
Hi Chica
I agree with KL. I spent all afternoon cleaning my bathroom the other day and had to give my OH a guided tour when he got back as i was so pleased with myself. Then rang my parents and a friend to tell them what a good job I had done! Wierd I know.
Hope your day goes well today and look forward to your next post.
Winegirl x
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Post by chica on Nov 17, 2006 20:15:59 GMT
Thanks KL and winegirl, I can so relate to both of you. It is the little things quite often that can give you a high. KL I too like to use the Zoflora Hyacinth, so we must have similar tastes, and the last time I cleaned the bathroom I too showed my husband every nook and cranny!! Well otherwise he wouldn't have blooming well noticed, and if we cant pat ourselves on the back occasionally then its a sad world indeed. I had to pat myself on the back today, if there is one thing I cannot stand and that is nuts, and today was a fiesta (celebration) at the childrens school, for all things the chestnut.. you have guessed it, there we were all standing in the playground, whilst one of the other mums was dressed in the traditional chestnut lady costume, roasting chestnuts on a big griddle, the children were all queing up with there paper cones in eager anticipation.. my kids came running up to us looking so pleased with themselves saying here you are, you can have them mummy!!! So I had to pretend to enjoy the things, talk about mothers love and the sacrifices we have to make. Daddy and Nanny were there as well, but they managed to get away without having to eat so many. I have to admit to beginning to feel as if I am gettting on a downward slope again, but if I am honest, it is probably because I am just so tired. It is really taking it out of me all this running around and trying to be perfect for everyone all the time. I seriously need some me time, but unfortunately, I cant see that happening until at least the ma and law has gone home, and by then it will probably not happen as knowing me I will be tearing around on Christmas preparations. Oh well, enough of the moaning, maybe tomorrow will be an easier day, the kids might be little angels, the ma in law might get out of her chair, and who knows hubby may be of some help as well!! CRIKEY I think a pig just flew past me. I always knew they could fly. Love and hugs to anyone out there reading this. Lets pray we all have good days tomorrow.
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Post by sarajay28 on Nov 17, 2006 21:04:11 GMT
Hi Chica,
Your posts make me smile so much, i think its probably because i recognise so much of what you are saying!! 'perfect housewife/sister/wife' all spring to mind!! and i too like to show off my hard work (although my other half thinks i'm nuts!!, hahaha, scuse' the pun!) i actually love cleaning and find it very very theraputic, there's nothing like seeing your taps sparkle and your floors clean is there? Well done on managing so well, i think your downward spiral is probably you trying too hard to please everyone, just count the days til the M-I-L is gone!! then you breathe and relax. Hope you have a nice weekend.
Luv Sarah.xxx
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Post by chica on Nov 20, 2006 19:38:26 GMT
Well here I am again, back for another sneaky 15 mins, God how I miss you guys, I did not realise how often I logged onto this site, until I couldn't, in fact normally this site is open all the time and I pop in and out throughout the day, now I am lucky to get on the computer once. Hubby monopolised it at the weekend. How comes he does not feel guilty? He does not seem to think that his mum might want his company or entertaining, so guess who it falls down too. I am still running around trying to keep everyone happy, it is getting harder by the minute as I am really feeling tired now. I so want to curl up in a ball on the sofa with a big glass of wine and slob!!! Oh well only 9 more days before ma in law leaves, then so help me God, I am determined to put my feet up and do absolutely nothing all day. (I bet I dont manage it, but the dream is there). Once again I say hello to everyone out there in cyberspace who are taking to time out to read my chunterings. I am going to have so much catching up to do, when you know who goes, until then, I hope you are all okay out there, I am forever wondering how you are all doing throughout the day, Love and Hugs Chica
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Post by sianyc on Nov 20, 2006 22:28:19 GMT
Hi chica
I've finally got internet access in the new house. I know the feeling about missing this site - I've been going mad without broadband. There's been nowhere to let off steam apart from at Gary - oops
Catching up on your diary has made me giggle a bit though x
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Post by chica on Nov 29, 2006 9:18:27 GMT
YIPPEE!!! Hi guys I am back, at long last my time is my own again, well as much as my time can be, but as I am writing this, my ma in law is at the airport ;D I am going to miss her, but it is so nice to be able to just sit out here in front of the computer, and not be worrying about is she alright, does she want anything, does she want to go anywhere etc etc., not having to worry about what to do for dinner, the list is endless, I just want to slob about and do absolutely nothing. I have to admit to being quite proud of myself, I have managed her visit far better, than I thought I could. The only trouble I have now, is I have two very sad little children, the tears this morning were heart wrenching. They really did not want nanny to leave. I went back to the doctors on Monday, and she is really pleased at how well the new dosage of meds is working, (she is not the only one) ;D I have to go back and see her after the new year. She told me that it was lovely to see me smile and even laugh, how right she is. I told her that for the first time in 6 years that I was actually beginning to feel love for my children for the first time. So her advice to me was to go home, have a fantastic Christmas and take time out to bond with my children. I have to admit to being a bit scared. These feelings and emotions, are all so new to me. I have to admit to being jealous of anyone who says that they love their kids to bits, because I never have. It is almost like seeing them for the first time as my children, not just children, (hope that makes sense). I am so frightened that this bubble will burst. I have wasted so much time of their lives under a black cloud, I know their will be cloudy days still, and that it is going to be a long process, but at last I am seeing glimmers of sunshine. Anyway enough of my babbling, I am going to check up on how you are all doing. It is so good to be back Chica
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Post by chica on Nov 29, 2006 18:31:25 GMT
Oh God, do I feel guilty, I have been counting down the days til ma in law went home again, so that I could at least relax a bit more and chill out when I need to (given half the chance that is), but now my little lad is in absolute bits, he keeps breaking down in tears saying how much he misses his nanny, I never gave it a seconds thought on how it would effect the little ones . We have spoken to her on the telephone just now, I thought that it might help knowing that she was just a phone call away, but it seemed to make matters worse, he ended up in tears again, and so did Nanny. Daddy is trying to amuse them by playing dominoes with them, I was so looking forward to tonight, and now I feel rotten, for wishing that I could have my house back to myself again. Do we ever stop beating ourselves up over things, or is it just our role in life?
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Post by sianyc on Nov 30, 2006 8:55:20 GMT
Glad you've been feeling a bit happier and that the meds are working for you at last.
As far as I can gather, guilt is part and parcel of motherhood and you're not a mummy without it!
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Post by chica on Dec 3, 2006 19:35:30 GMT
Well guess who has come down with a stinking cold, the day after her ma in law left? Yes you guessed it me I feel like pooh, I have been struggling since thursday, it is almost like my body knew I could give up (so to speak), hubby has also gone down with the same cold at the same time, so I have also been running around after him!!! Just about on my last legs now, but am hoping to get in an early night. It has been a really strange week apart from all our colds, the other night (sorry I am that bad I cannot remember for sure what day it was) I got a phone call from my newly made friend who lives down the road with her parents (she is a widow with a 4 year old little girl), to cut a long story short I ended up accompanying her to the local hospital as her daughter was very poorly, she needed me to go with her as she felt that I could help out better with the language barrier. I ended up spending over 6 hours with her, surrounded by screaming babies, I tell you I have never felt like running so much in all my life. Just hearing little babies crying and screaming for all their lives tore me apart. It reminded me how bad things were when mine were so small and could not speak, or tell me what was wrong. My heart went out to those parents, but the feeling of dread has remained with me ever since. On saying that I have been with my friend every step of the way including another visit back to A&E, her little girl is just beginning to show signs of improvement, but it has been a very long few days!! But I do not think I will forget the cries of the little babies for a very long time again. The hairs on the back of my neck were standing up to say the least. If this had happened a few months ago, I am sure I would have had to have run out of the hospital screaming myself. But thankfully apart from this blooming cold, I am so much more positive in myself and coped very well, (I am actually quite proud of myself) do no mean to brag but it really did show me how far I have come in the last 6 months. So if anyone out there is in the depths of despair right now, I can honestly promise you, that there is a new horizon out there for us all. Believe me when I say I never thought that this was possible. So hang on in there girls, if I can see a glimmer of light at last after 6 long years, you will too!!!! About to go off back to bed now, with a hot water bottle and a milky drink, the old remedies are the best ones. Thinking of you all. Love and Hugs Chica
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Post by cheshire on Dec 3, 2006 22:38:26 GMT
Hi Chica
Hope you get a good nights sleep. I know what you mean about 'the glimmer of light'/ new horizons - it's a good feelingx
Love and sweet dreams Hopefulx
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Post by chica on Dec 5, 2006 17:46:17 GMT
Well I am beginning to feel more like a human being again, although I still think my nose belongs to an alien!! On top of that I have started with my wonderful stomach cramps again, it makes me so bloody angry that even after the hysterectomy I still suffer all the symptoms except the bleeding part. My little ones have been nagging me and nagging me about when to put up the decorations, so I may think about doing it tomorrow. It will give us something to do, as the children now have 3 days off school. 5 days in total if you count the weekend. I am not dreading it as I normally would, but on saying that I can hear them right now having a fight and my nerves are beginning to jangle. Maybe I had better have some rescue remedy! Have to go, I need to go and find out how much hair they have pulled out of each other this time
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