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Sarah
Oct 21, 2006 19:49:02 GMT
Post by stevensmummy on Oct 21, 2006 19:49:02 GMT
I've now been on the meds for about 5 days and i think I am beginning to feel them working. But I still hate knowing I'm on them. This time I am determined to 'let' myself take them, I want to get better and I'm sick of feeling this shit. i want to be able to hold my little boy and feel proud. Everyone says you should feel this overwheling love for ure shild but I just cant. I admit sometimes I do but most of the time I just feel dispair. Latley tho hes been coming up to me just to cuddle me, I like the feelin, the feelin that he wants me. Hes never really wanted mummy before, grandma has been just as good and really I think he would have settled just as badly for anyone. But now he wants me and I am beginning to feel like a real mum.
Steven seems to be sleeping better too, the health vistors plan about the leaving to cry and going back to settle routine seems to work. Its taking a while and she was right the 3rd day was worse but ist getting better and a whole nights sleep makes him in a better mood druing the day. Although I think hes hitting the terrible twos 6months early. Hes such a boy, as everyone says he loves to make a mess and destroy things. I guess thats normal.
2nite I'm going to try and relax a bit and take the puppy a walk so she settles better. I am looking forward to a whole nights sleep, hopefully nite will be better.
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Sarah
Oct 22, 2006 17:15:45 GMT
Post by cheshire on Oct 22, 2006 17:15:45 GMT
Hi
Welcome to the diary section- do you mind if we post here?
Hope you got some sleep XxX
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Sarah
Oct 26, 2006 18:33:34 GMT
Post by stevensmummy on Oct 26, 2006 18:33:34 GMT
Thankyou for your input and of course please do post and reply to me on here.
I have been so busy lately I have hardly had time to think. I find sometimes one of the best ways to get through the day is to keep occupied, but not this occupied! Its hard work having so much to do, I do try and find play time with steven, but I think tirdness makes me me gurmpy with him. I do try to play with him but I cant seem to get happy times. He cuddles me now, he comes up and asks for a cuddle and I like that, it feels nice. Its times like that when I feel like maybe there is a light at the other end of the tunnel and maybe I can cope afterall. I actually held a little baby today, he was 11 weeks and I can say I actually felt broody and thats just not me at all. I didnt like kids before. I do want another baby, I'm just afraid I wont cope, i couldnt do this again. Maybe I'll get better this time and maybe I'll be happy again. It seems a long way off just yet but i guess I can dream cant I!
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Sarah
Nov 7, 2006 21:02:22 GMT
Post by stevensmummy on Nov 7, 2006 21:02:22 GMT
I am finally reconnected after my puppy chewed through some of my computer cables! I have felt so isolated.
I have just discovered I am apparently 11 weeks pregnant, they need to do a conformation scan but they think 11, but i guess more like 7. Whatever or however long I am pregnant and thats a big issue. Since posting here I have stopped my meds, the doc is convinced my lapse is due to pregnany hormones which I hope it is and really I think it could be too. What else makes you cry when u see a andrex toilet roll advert just coz the puppy looks cute and it tumbled over!
But basically in this space of 2 weeks I have discovered i'm pregant and been given a puppy. Great timing I know but we didnt know at the time! Shes ever so cute except for the cable chewing incident of course. I think my hormones are on overdrive coz I'm concerend about trivial things like getting in the car and looking composed. Who cares if i look like I have been dragged thro a hedge, I have an 18 month old and a puppy and i'm pregnant and horifically sick all day, so I guess I should let myself off. None the less I feel teary and generally disshevelled, oh and sick!
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Sarah
Nov 7, 2006 22:00:20 GMT
Post by Veritee on Nov 7, 2006 22:00:20 GMT
Oh Sarah congratulations about the pregnancy.. I must admit that all I remember really about my pregnancy is feeling sick - very and for the entire nine months!!! awlful I really feel for you there are a few others who have recently discovered they are PG - some posts are in the pregnancy section see: veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=pregnancyand one of our past moderators has just had a baby - she was very sick too but the good news she does not feel like she has PNI I feel that you can let yourself off the hook about how you look etc given the circumstances .. and puppies are great but perhaps not now ! but you can console yourself that as puppies grow up a lot quicker than babies by the time you have this baby your puppy will be a nearly grown dog and trained ( hopefully) Please feel free to discuss your PG and anything else on here VeriteeXX
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Sarah
Nov 15, 2006 11:52:00 GMT
Post by stevensmummy on Nov 15, 2006 11:52:00 GMT
I didnt anticipate just how hard work this would be! I think the hormone overdrive isnt helping but i feel so stressed. I'm no sooner finnished one thing when something else just as urgent appears.
Steven is no better, I cant believe the docs arent doing anything about it. How can he have diarrhoea for 3 and a half weeks and just be a bug! Hes so moody and wopnt eat anything significant. Dry bread is about all he ever wants and hes hardly drinking much today.
The puppy is playing up too, she has started running away and playing when its time to get in the car. she thingks its a game! I think its time for training to begin. Shes not going to get away with running all over me.
The inlaws are being horrible to me. maybe its my hormones but i swear they hate us coming over and since my horses are on the farm I kind of have to. Michael says just dint go in, but that really will cause a scene. I think I'm having a bad week. Roll on sat, mum is taking steven i think and I will get a sleep. I just cant sleep just now. I keep having the strangest dreams. Not exactly polite one either! My next door neighbour, who is actually a close friend of ours keeps appearing and I wont go into any more details!!! Is this normal? I'm sure being pregnant cant do this to you, poor adam I cant even look at him with a straight face!
Otherwise life as usual, just sicker and more stressfull
xxx
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Sarah
Nov 15, 2006 12:11:05 GMT
Post by winegirl on Nov 15, 2006 12:11:05 GMT
Hi Sarah
When I was pregnant i really wasn't interested in being `intimate' and yet I had loads of dreams, also involving other people! I talked to a friend about this and she said she was exactly the same with her pregnancy. So I guess that is quite common when you are pregnant, certainly nothing to worry about.
Hope your week starts to improve x
Winegirl x
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Sarah
Nov 16, 2006 21:01:11 GMT
Post by stevensmummy on Nov 16, 2006 21:01:11 GMT
Hi winegirl,
Thankyou for that. Put my mind a rest a little, I was beginning to think I was losing it or falling in love with my odd neighbour lol! So thanks.
Today has been better. Its been busy which i think helps. I still feel the need to constantly do something. I'm not sure why I feel this but I cant just sit at home. Even doing my house work helps but I cant just sit and play with steven all day. I feel like I have failed the day and it has been pointless. I have always been a bit like this but I think after this ilness I have been worse. Its days like this that make me wonder if I am better.
Still havne managed to get round with jackies b'day stuff, I feel under the Circumstances that things r far too aquward with her for low hearted vists, shes rather intense. She can be soo good and she means well but i think being nosey is second nature her mums the same. I always worry that she might pass on things to hazel and wendy too, I think not intentionally but I do think she may say things in passing which they see as 'points'. The wonders of family eh? If you cant turst them who can you trust. To think wendy and I were best mates so many years ago. Now I doubt I could have a civil conversation with her. Infact hormones as they are I think i would hit her. Not very lady like I know but none the less I dont have much favour for her.
Stevens still ill, I think I will give him till 2moro and call NHS 24. He seems maybe a litle better so I feel bad pushing it. Its certainly not so bad as it was anyway.
The inlaws are still acting odd. I am tryoin not to let it bother me but I just cant help it. We were so close b4 i had steven now sometimes I think the dont even want to see steven. I am so tempted to cut all contact. But I know that would be a step back not forward. Back to the dark days of early pni and I know I am past that now.
Still feeling sick but I have discovered fruit tea. I drank raspberry leaf regularly but when preg you cant so i have tried a fruit infusion mulitpack, I like the lemon, and so far the grapefruit is ok, thats all I have tried as yet. I think being able to drink 'tea' is helping as I was abit of a tea jennie and have been lowering my caffene intake. I find drinking somthing warm helps.
2morow mum is coing over and she will come up to the horses so wont have to face the inlaws alone. I am greatful for that. I lookforward to her company too, at times I feel isolated. Like a pregant mummy and not me. She is going to help me get my xmas shopping organised to see what I have left to buy.
Not quite so teary today, yet I have had nothing to cry about so 2morow is another day!
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Sarah
Nov 17, 2006 12:28:12 GMT
Post by winegirl on Nov 17, 2006 12:28:12 GMT
Hi Sarah
Glad you are feeling better. I will have to give that fruit tea thing a try as I have been suffering nausea since the birth of my little girl and nothing seems to help!
I know how you feel about cutting contact with your inlaws. Since being ill I can barely face anyone, let alone people who give me negative vibes. I think its best to just see them when you have to and just keep contact to as and when you feel like it. I often avoid meeting up with my sister in law because i just cant face her and her bloody baby advice!
Hope you have been having a good day so far!
Winegirl x
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