tasha
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Post by tasha on Nov 25, 2006 20:48:34 GMT
Hello Well I have read back wot I wrote Tuesday and yes I think I was being paranoid!! I rang up the nurse and explained wot had happened and that I freaked out and she explained that that could happen and I felt better then and my anxiety level went right down. Thursday I started having side affects again and felt like I was plugged in to the electric, I felt so high but not in a good way,there seems to be no balance and the anti D's are effecting my sex life ( cant reach orgasm!!) going back to the docs on Monday to see about my meds. My partner has gone out tonight for a well earned drink, I feel so sorry for him that he feels guilty or afraid of leaving me " just in case I hurt myself/son or the anxiety comes back". love tasha xx
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Post by winegirl on Nov 26, 2006 10:41:35 GMT
Hi Tasha
Side effecte of anti-d's can be pretty crap for teh first few weeks. But good on you still having a sex life (although I'm sure not so great without the big `O'). Even the thought of sex is enought to turn my stomach these days so well done you for maintaining one!
Hope the appt goes well with your gp tomorrow. Pls keep us posted.
Winegirl x
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tasha
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Post by tasha on Nov 29, 2006 21:05:26 GMT
Hiya, well at this moment I am having a panic attack and feel shit, all I want to do is cry but cant bring myself to just let go . went Xmas shopping today with my mum (we do it every year go to a big city and have a day out). thought I would be OK, spent the night awake got up and was tired and feeling sorry for myself. did not want to disappoint my mum so put on brave face and went by the time I got there was knacked and starting to feel anxious. it got to 1 and told mum I felt shit and we came home, can hardly remember wot shops we went in. Feel crap because mum took the day off work to go and I turned out be a failure, cant even go shopping without freaking out!! got back and felt safe again when I walked through the door, mum took Ashley home for a hour so I could have a sleep which was nice. went to the GP on Monday and she said she could see an improvement in me, done the depressed test on me and I came border line!! still taking the anti D's and still getting side affects Think I am due on so that might explain why I feel like this. f###ing hormones on top of f###ing hormones (sorry to swear). earlier I was wished I could have my old life back for 1 day just so I could have the feeling of no responsibility and the only thing I had to worry about was wot I was going to cook for tea that nite!! Then I thought how selfish of me I have a wonderful partner/family and a gorgeous little boy who love me then the guilt came flooding in and I have got myself in a state. going to bed now Tasha
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Post by yoyo on Nov 29, 2006 22:05:48 GMT
hi tasha
Sorry you've had such a bad day. Well done for attempting it though even when you didn't feel like it - please try and see that as a postive thing, I know it's hard to though.
Periods & PNI - defo not a good mix!!!
Don't feel guilty for wishing your 'old life back' - it really is something many of us can relate to. This again will get easier for you x x x You're doing SO well fighting this horrid illness - never forget just how strong you really are x x x xx
Hope you sleep better tonight x
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tasha
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Posts: 40
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Post by tasha on Dec 6, 2006 21:25:17 GMT
Hello, have not been on here for a while. well things are not really any better, Ashley has been really poorly last week, got an infection plus s & d, then I got it!!! 2day he has been seeing how far he can push me crying constantly and being very clinging so I went round my mums house to see if he is faking and as soon I I walked through the door it was big smiles and running round (so I know hes not ill). I feel physically and emotional drained 2day :(and I start back to work tomm. When me and Ashley are ill I seem to go in to auto pilot and then it catches up with me!! Went back to the MH nurse and she said I looked better and seemed to be copping fine, did not freak out this time and don't have to go back to her. Going to see about counseling for me. My partner is fantastic but even though I know I can talk to him sometimes I cant, I don't want to keep talking about it because I think it upsets him and gets him down. just want to be normal again Tasha
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kl77
Senior Member
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Post by kl77 on Dec 7, 2006 8:22:06 GMT
Hi Tasha Sorry to hear you've both been ill and good luck for today x We sound to be in a similar place at the minute - not good is it? But we'll get through it!!!
Here for you
KL x
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Post by winegirl on Dec 11, 2006 12:30:32 GMT
Hi Tasha
Sorry you are not feeling to good at the mo. I hope your return to work went as smoothly as poss. I have to go back in three weeks and not sure I can cope! I know what you mean about wanting to be normal again, it often seems beyond the realms of possibility doesn't it? But readingwhat some of the moderators on here have written tends to remind me that it will all come back. Hope today was ok for you? Take Care Winegirl x
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tasha
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Posts: 40
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Post by tasha on Jun 4, 2007 10:07:29 GMT
Hello, its been quite awhile since I have been on here and I am pleased to say my life is getting better I am not 100% but getting there. have had quite a stressful year so far, my partner got attached and was left with head injuries and 5 months off work but thankfully he fine now. my panic attack have gone but my anxiety levels are still quite erratic when at my worst my bad thoughts pop back in to my head and they can be quite distressing ( would never tell anybody what they are) and I have palpitation's and think I might have a stroke because I have them so often! these symptoms have started to go away for a bit then come back which is crap but I know that I am getting better slowly. Ashley is great and when hes playing up I look at other mums and see there children doing it and it makes me feel better knows thats it not just me and I can cope better. tashaxx
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Post by Veritee on Jun 4, 2007 10:53:47 GMT
That is totally great to hear Tasha i am so sorry about your partner being attacked that must of been just so stressful alongside PNI? How is he now, does he suffer any after effects? But you seem to be going on well now.. It does take a time for the thoughts and the anxiety to go completely - but you seem to be coping with them and feeling at much better than before. I know what you mean about never telling anyone exactly what your thoughts are - while I talk about them quite freely now it is a long time ago for me and it did take me a while when I had PNI to confide what they were actually about to anyone - I told a counselor first - but some never do tell anyone it is an individual thing. I found it helped me to find when I did go into detail i was not judged but then I was confiding the subject of my thoughts within a very 'safe' environment. Anyway it is great to hear form you again and to hear you are doing well
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tasha
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Post by tasha on Jul 19, 2007 9:00:53 GMT
HI I had a relapse last night . so very distressed at the moment. feeling very isolated and the only one. Had a new symptom last night and found it very difficult to deal with ( cant bring myself to share it). told my other half this morning that I am feeling bad and then that bring on panic attacks and I know it is hard for him but he said he does not know if he could cope again with all the depression :-[and asked if I could go and get help before it gets really bad. I had been taking anti d's for about 9 months and have come off them about 4 weeks ago after a gradual decrease so I will be starting them again. last night I was really battling with myself one moment I could tell myself that I was normal and it is the illness and not me!! but then I would think that I am kidding myself and that I am a really bad person.
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Post by chica on Jul 19, 2007 10:30:24 GMT
Hi Tasha, I am so very sorry to hear that you are having a bad time again, you were and are still doing so well. You really are not a bad person it is unfortunately this blasted illness. But it is good that this time you can see it for what it is. This episode will pass I promise you. Try and hold on to the memories of your good days, they are just around the corner for you again. Have you been back to see your GP? Keep on talking here. You are not on your own, we are all with you.
Sending you love and hugs Chica
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tasha
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Posts: 40
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Post by tasha on Jul 20, 2007 7:37:46 GMT
hello feeling so very down 2day, trying to stop myself from having constant panic attacks. my thoughts are being very intrusive and distressing setting off my anxiety and making me think that i am not normal, crying allot don't think it fair on Ashley that he sees his mummy like this. x
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Post by Veritee on Jul 20, 2007 9:55:04 GMT
Dear Tasha
i replied to your PM - i just hope you got it before you went off line
I am so sorry i let you down by not replying last night - my PC is behaving strangely - either the thunder and lightning that kept dipping our lights etc or Vista as it has been a bit strange since I installed it.
but i was not able to do anything on the forum last night and as the TV kept going off too due to the electrical storm I went to bed early - so sorry.
But you will not act on your thoughts - as I said they are the sort of obsessive thoughts that many of us get with PNI...
but the thoughts are the pits aren't they and for many of us the most shocking to find we have and the worst thing about PNI to get through.
You say you do not feel you can share them on here - that is fine -many are not able to and just say they are suffering badly from bad thoughts. but if you did feel it would help to share what they are about i know that no one here will judge you for them and we all will understand that they are fears and thoughts only...
Anyway i do hope that you are feeling better ? Have you read some of the sections of dealing with the thoughts?
I know others suggestions can be of limited help sometimes as sometimes you just can not make them go away whatever ( in my case even my husband being there who know all about them would not stop the thoughts ) but sometimes it can help to try some of the suggestions.
Anyway i do hope you got my PM
Veritee XXX
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Post by Veritee on Jul 20, 2007 9:59:28 GMT
PS I think also you may have come off the Anti Ds too soon? Many have done this and crashed soon afterward - they say that you need to be on them a good 6 months to a year after feeling totally better if you are to take them at all.
If you decide not to continue with the medication -or before they kick in again - I think you can expect a surge of symptoms especially the thoughts including new ones and therefore it would be a good idea to have lots of support and perhaps therapy to help you get through them.
Even if the anti D's do reduce your thoughts and other symptoms again - I would still recommend going to a therapist to look at where your thoughts come from and why theses thoughts in particular - and to deal with any underling issues.
PNI anxiety may cause us to have obsessive and intrusive thoughts but what they are actually about can be due to underlying issues which going to a counselor or therapist can really help
Veritee XX
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Post by monica on Jul 20, 2007 11:11:59 GMT
Hi
I'm sorry you're not feeling good at the mo. Could it be a blip? Or as Veritee said, an effect of coming off antids? When I came off antids I was fine for a month then had a bad blip. I also think that after you've been weel for a while, a blip can feel doubly awful and painful. I fyou want to talk about your symptoms, feel free but I understand if you don't. But I will say that you're probably not alone with awful and distressing thoughts that seem to pop involuntarily inot your head. It's not you; it's this illness.
I would consider myself more or less recovered butI have moments, when I find that alll sorts of anxiety provoking thoughts pop inot my head (mine revolve around illnesses, accidents). Even when you're really well, you can be prone to the thoughts thing which can make you feel panicky, upset.
Could you see your dr? Might be worth a visit if it's really upsetting even if only for reassurance.
How are you this am?
Monica
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