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Post by jmontan27 on Mar 5, 2007 20:33:45 GMT
Another cr*p night's sleep. Baby woke up four times, but the main reason I couldn't sleep is because my feet are so painful. All the muscles feel as if they have been pulled and even the bed covers on them was painful. Just terrifying - what's going to happen next?
Anyway, my youngest is a lot better today - much more his usual cheeky self, and the spots look less red, though I noticed he even has some on his tongue - poor thing. My mother in law said it would be good if we all got out this afternoon, so we went to a child-focused farm / nature trail. It was quite nice, but would have been even better if I could've left my brain behind so I didn't have to think and worry all the time.
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Post by jmontan27 on Mar 6, 2007 20:08:00 GMT
I don't know what's going on with this painful feet thing. Can't think of what has caused it apart from another manifestation of a serious neuro illness. Tried Deep Heat last night, but my feet were still killing me all night.
Baby much better today, but elder son coming down with something else (3rd illness in as many weeks). Terrible cough and high temperature. Feel like I'm on a treadmill trying to juggle their illnesses and mine. Sometimes I wish I could be put in an induced coma for a year and wake up feeling refreshed.
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Post by sianyc on Mar 7, 2007 19:40:21 GMT
Hi
Just read through all your diary which I'd been meaning to do for ages.
What a mare you're having with your two catching everything under the sun. I can't imagine how tired you must be looking after them while they're ill and not having had sleep for so many months.
I find that warm bubble baths with dream time solid bath oil works wonders if I'm too tense to sleep. Also, radox for aching muscles I've found really good too. Nothing beats uninterrupted 8 hours though. Is there any way of getting someone else to get up in the night for a few nights so you can try to catch up a bit?
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Post by jmontan27 on Mar 7, 2007 20:29:38 GMT
Thanks Sianyc
Going to try and make time for a bubble bath later. Unfortunately no one else can really get up in the night as I'm still feeding my youngest (a habit I intend to break very soon!) and my OH has an hrs drive to work every day so I don't really want him driving tired (though when both kids are crying, I do ask him to deal with the eldest).
My eldest son was literally coughing all night, but as we are staying with my in-laws, my mother in law got up with him and had him in her bed, even though he was coughing so hard he was sick. He has been going hot and cold all day and has not been well at all. My younger one was grouchy again today, so I hope he's not going to go down with something else too. He woke up again 4 times in the night, but even when he was asleep between 2 and 4.30, I was awake worrying about everything, particularly these pains.
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Post by jmontan27 on Mar 8, 2007 21:35:45 GMT
My eldest is a lot better today, thankfully, and the younger one also seemed fine, despite waking the usual 4 times last night.
I woke up this morning with my toes twitching by themselves again and I am just so frightened of what this could signify. I tried to discuss it with my in-laws, but they really can't get their heads round why I am so worried. Every night I read for as long as possible because I am scared to turn out the light and be left with my own thoughts of what is wrong with me and when I will take a turn for the worst. I get no pleasure out of life anymore.
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Post by jmontan27 on Mar 9, 2007 20:13:38 GMT
Talk about sleep deprivation. Reli (youngest) woke about 7 times in the night. Was so tired, just dozed off while feeding him. I ignored him 3 times and he went back to sleep, but woke at 5.00 and cried and cried even after I fed him. Gave him neurofen in case he was in pain, but he still kept crying. After an hour, I put him back in his cot and he went to sleep till 7.45. Everytime he wakes up I am a nervous wreck. I feel panicky immediately, and this is when my feet start twitching and cramping up the most. Then I start worrying about my symptoms so even when he does get to sleep I stay awake panicking and worrying. This has happened every night for the past 3 and a half months. Don't know how I am still functioning.
My mother-in-law has been a help this week, but we are going home on Sunday and I just dread being by myself with the kids again next week. Stop the treadmill.
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Mar 9, 2007 21:29:00 GMT
Hi J,
I know that feeling of panic when they wake up. I was the same with my son if he woke I would panic as I was afraid of my physical symptoms coming on. I remember trying to rock him back to sleep and petrified that I would start seeing the purple flashing lights I kept seeing in the dark so to take my mind off it I recited the lords prayer (don't know why I was just so terrified).
By the way I slept with a light on for around 2 months as I was so afraid of all the physical symptoms I was getting. I was too terrified to even read at one point. The nights are the worse time. Have you thought about stopping feeding your youngest in the night?
Hope you have a better night tonight. Love Clareyxx
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Post by jmontan27 on Mar 10, 2007 18:42:35 GMT
Hi Clarey - thanks for your message
I would really like to stop feeding Reli in the night (I have more or less stopped feeding him in the day), but it is going to be a question of him going "cold turkey" I think. Every time I plan to do it, he is ill. Last night he woke up I don't know how many times. He was coughing and had a high temp so we gave him calpol and neurofen but he didn't settle. This morning he looked really unwell, so I rang my in-laws emergency doctor and we had to take him to the hospital. They said he had a chest infection AND and ear infection. Just typical.
I just feel like nothing is ever going to change. The kids are always ill, I'm always tired and anxious and my other half is always stressed. I look at families out with their kids, having fun and looking relaxed and think "why can't we be like them?" Why am I destined never to be happy? We are going home tomorrow and I am dreading it. Sometimes I feel like leaving because I just can't take the stress any more.
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Post by sianyc on Mar 11, 2007 14:09:55 GMT
I can totally sympathise with the wanting to leave thing. I quite often was so desperate for a break from caring for everyone else I could picture myself going.
I never did it though. I had to make myself go out ON MY OWN without the monsters. I'd feel guilty - not for having a break from the kids but I thought that Gary must hate being alone with the kids as much as I did so I'd feel bad for leaving him with them.
As well as the odd Saturday afternoon (sitting in Starbucks and reading mostly!) I'd go anywhere in the evening. Asda to look at the clothes for instance, even though I wasn't buying anything
Sorry - I'm going on a bit - what I'm basically trying to say is try really hard to get some time to yourself. It breaks up the week and will make you feel better after a while x
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Mar 12, 2007 21:21:24 GMT
Hi J,
Hope the boys are feeling better. Are you back home now from the in-laws? Hope you are feeling ok.
Love Clareyxx
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Post by jmontan27 on Mar 13, 2007 19:24:45 GMT
Thank you Sianyc and Clarey Yes, I do need a break away from the kids. The MHSW came again today, and said that I should take some time out for myself, but it's just a question of when and how. I used to meet friends a lot up in town because we all live in different boroughs so it's easier to meet in the city centre, but the only time I can do that now is when my husband gets home in the evenings, and to be honest sometimes I'm too knackered to hop on the train. When I feel better I dare say I'll want to start doing it again.
Anyway, MHSW said that although there is a long wait for cognitive therapy, the assessment by the psychiatrist shouldn't be too long. Also, she's going to ask whether the psychiatrist will prescribe my something diazepam-based for my anxiety, as I don't want to take anti-depressants. However, the borough's policy seems to be against prescribing it as it can be addictive. I am seeing her again in a couple of weeks and she is going to bring me info on a post natal depression group they are running and also info about the Homestart volunteers, which I think I would find useful.
As for the children, well the sickness continues. I sent my son to nursery this morning and they rang at 10.30 to say he had thrown up everywhere and to go and collect him. I rang my husband who agreed to collect him as I didn't fancy the 2 mile bus journey with a baby and a child vomiting everywhere. Also, typically, the MHSW was due at 10.30, so I didn't want to cancel her. My poor eldest son has had trouble keeping even water down today and has just lay on the sofa all day saying he's thirsty, then throwing up after I've given him a drink. I rang my in-laws and they say there is a very infectious bug going round and his cousins who we saw at the w'end have all had it. Great. We'll probably be next, and the baby who still has a chest infection. It never rains, but it pours.
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Post by sianyc on Mar 13, 2007 22:22:54 GMT
Kids are like bug magnets aren't they!!!
I hope they get over their illnesses soon so you can try to relax a bit
seriously - go anywhere to have a break - I swore by it for keeping what little was left of my sanity x
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Mar 20, 2007 20:55:16 GMT
Hi J,
How are you? How are the boys doing now.. hope they are better.
Love Clareyx
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Post by jmontan27 on Mar 22, 2007 22:18:47 GMT
Hi Clarey
Haven't written in my diary for a while as I've been too tired. My eldest son seems better (finally went back to nursery this week), but we had to take our youngest back to the emergency doctor last Saturday as he developed conjunctivitis, plus his cough was no better and he was coughing till he was red in the face and sounded like he couldn't breathe. Doc said he thought it wasn't on his chest and didn't want to prescribe any more abx, but when my husband asked him to check his ears, he said they were still inflamed so prescibed a different course of medication and some eyedrops. Now, nearly a week later, he is still not a hundred percent and coughs every night till he sounds like he's choking. He was under the paediatrician as he has had a bad cough on and off since he was 5 months old. Paeds said it the linings of his airways were immature and that he would grow out of it. He seemed to get a bit better so was discharged from the paeds in January, but now he is worse again. Don't know what to do. No Drs can agree on what is causing his cough. Half say it is on his chest, while others sat it is only in his upper airways. Either way, it sounds awful and he does struggle to breathe sometimes.
My hv came to see me again yesterday. She recommended I try meditation to try to get myself out of thinking about my health all the time. I am still having the muscle twitches and muscle aches and pains.
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Post by helenr on Mar 22, 2007 23:19:24 GMT
Hi J,
just catching up. I had my OHSAS meeting last wek, and she gave me leaflet for our counselling service. Get this, theie waiting list for CBT is 4 WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!
Wish I had've known that 6 months ago.
Thought it might help, have you triedthrough yours?
love and hugs x.
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