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Post by clairecharlie on Feb 14, 2007 0:11:42 GMT
Soph had her op yday. felt extremely let down n alone, had mentioned 3 times 2 Paul over wk end bout im coming 2 support me n tol im sun night that my sister would hav baby so he could b with me just let her no!!!! Every time someone entered the ward i thought it might b him esp after i'd showed him this sight thinking it might help im 2 understand what pni is like so he would b "there 4 me" . Anyway i managed 2 hold myself 2gether n b strong n supportive 4 Soph while she was worrying n panicing til i left her in theatre having kissed her n hoping n praying every thing would b ok i lost it.........All went well n when returning home it was then the night b4 Paul leaves 4 work. i hate those nights its awful. i started 2 cry n tell im i didn't want im 2 go but he just moved away 2 play with baby. i really feel so alone n hate myself, i'm sure he hates me 4 being so needy!!!!! i was independent n confident when we met WHERE HAV I GONE?  ??!!!!!!!!!!!He left this am at 6 text at9.30 2say he arrived phoned early pm 2 c if furniture had arrived then again at 8 2 say goin 4 quick beer he'd text when in room 4 me 2 call. after hr i text n tell him not 2 bother 2 night or rest of wk. i hate waitin 2 hear from him. i hate the fact he's got company n i'm so lonely. i hate the fact that i can't go out 1 night let alone every!!!!! |
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Post by clairecharlie on Feb 14, 2007 21:12:39 GMT
Valentine's Day n on my own apart from baby just another lonely day n night!!!!! babi unsettled all day don't no if he's pickin up on my mood or teethin or comin down with somethin????text Paul 2 say thanks 4 card n pressies he'd left 4 me at 11 ish but didn't hear from him til 8.10 when i missed his call coz i was tryin 2 settle baby. i text back 2 say sorry i'd missed call n if he was watchin footy not 2 worry bout callin back. how nice would it b 2 b his number 1 4 once?!!?Recieved an awful text back tellin me i'm jekly n hide so told him not 2 bother contacting me again that sat sobbin my heart n soul out coz that isn't what i want at all!!!!!!! baby cryin again now so got 2 go. Our anniversary 2moro, 4 yrs will that b any beta?? I very much doubt it!
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Post by clairecharlie on Feb 19, 2007 22:33:38 GMT
It was beta! The wk end was lovely 2! Monday 2 day n he left at 6 this morning n i'm still feeling alright which is not normal 4 a monday at all. but he's promised me this time so i'm trusting his word so lets hope he sticks 2 it n maybe it will be just what the dr ordered!!!!!!!!
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Post by cheshire on Feb 23, 2007 17:08:18 GMT
Hi Claire Great that you felt better for your anniversary  How's things with you? HopefulX |
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Post by clairecharlie on Feb 27, 2007 22:14:05 GMT
Hi Hopeful,
I had a really good week last week, felt normal 4 the first time in a very long time but i'm slowly slipping back! I think it's because i'm feeling very little support from the person i want it from the most!
Did you n do you get support from your partner? Was he supportive from the start or did you have to ask 4 it? I've asked so many times that i'm sick of asking! I've showed him this web site in the hope that he'd understand more but nothin ever changes!
Thanks for askin how i am i only hope you find my reply as it's been so long.
Hope you are well?
Love Claire x x x
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Post by clairecharlie on Mar 20, 2007 23:50:27 GMT
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 21, 2007 14:19:37 GMT
Its very hard when your partner works away i hate it and he doesnt do it very often. I dont think making him happy is worth your happiness and you should be able to discuss it in person if he is anything like my partner he will sulk till he gets his owne way and then i feel bad regardless of what i do if i give in its bad if i dont i feel bad cos he sulks!
Hope you get this sorted let us know how you get on xxx
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Post by clairecharlie on Mar 21, 2007 18:29:33 GMT
Hi Claire, thanks for your reply. I think your right we can't win either way can we!
My feelings this morning were still all mixed up n not sure what to do but this afternoon it suddenly hit me that it really couldn;t be any worse than it is now!!!
Watch this space!!!!
Love Claire x x x
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Post by clairecharlie on Mar 22, 2007 0:04:56 GMT
Well Paul n i have spoken on n off all day reguarding the job offer n i've told my sis all about it n asked her to way up the pro's n con's from an outsiders perspective n we all think we've got nothing to lose!!!!! Nothing can be any worse than the last ten months so Paul is handing in his notice tomorrow!!!!!!!!
I'm a bit apprehensive but at the same time excited coz there's a glimmer uf hope that we will get our *family life* back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel as if i've been grieving for the loss of the life i imagined we'd have after Charlie was born, enjoyin all his developmental milestones together sharing the good times n the bad times of parenting together( i hope that makes sense?) Poor Paul has missed out on so much already, Charlie's walking now!!!! N Charlie has missed out on daddy time! He even wave's night night to P aul's photo!!!!
The apprehension because the new job gould still involve some working away......... but Paul is convinced that it won't be very often so i'm trusting him on that!!!
So, we'll see what his present boss will say when he tells him tomorrow i know they will panic as he's the most skilled n professional man they've got!!!!!!
Here's to the start of a better life n hopefully my recovery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 22, 2007 0:24:44 GMT
so happy for you good luck xxx |
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Post by Jay on Mar 22, 2007 7:59:41 GMT
Hi Claire
Well Things are moving on. It must seem like a relief that life IS heading in the right dirrection.
Paul obviously listened, when you sent that text to him that night.
And he chose you and Charlie over the job.
Which must make you feel good, and safer too.
I suppose his notice will a month!! So you will have to hang in there and wait. But just knowing things will get better, and you get your lover, supporter and best friend back into home life again, will make life a bit more bareable.
Will talk later
Suzi xx
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Post by clairecharlie on Mar 22, 2007 11:47:29 GMT
Hi Claire n Suzi,
Thanks for your kind words n the support you always give!!!
Yes he obviously DID listen Suzi n i am thrilled to bits but also a bit worried................ i'm stressing now that my illness is gonna shift n move on to something else for me to moan nag n obssess about n give Paul more grieve!!!!!!! Does that make any sense to either of you n if so what do you think?
Bugger...... i'm not even allowing myself to enjoy the relief n excitment at having my Paul back!!!!!!!
He's actually only got to give 2weeks notice so by easter he should be at home!
Oh yes ladies it does feel good.... wonderful in fact n safer too Suzi, definately safer!!!!
Love Claire x x x
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Post by Jay on Mar 22, 2007 14:58:56 GMT
Hi Claire,
Two weeks is not long at all.
I think you need a WELL DONE!
In the past two weeks you were brave enough to tell Paul what you thought, get him looking for new jobs, and in 2 wks time you have him home to snuggle up to at nights.
Not bad going.
We all nag on a bit especially when we are tired etc. But they learn to switch us off. Its the only time them switching off is useful.
Your illness could shift into something else -BETTER.
You could actually find that with more support around, and someone to share the children with, so you have time to yourself, life could actually get better.
Love Suzi x
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Post by helenr on Mar 22, 2007 23:24:07 GMT
Hi Claire, Here's to a new, happier life for you and yours  love and hugs x. |
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Post by clairecharlie on Mar 23, 2007 0:17:12 GMT
Thanks Helen.
I'm SO excited feel like a child with a new toy!!!!
Love Claire x x x
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??!!!!!!!!!!!He left this am at 6 text at9.30 2say he arrived phoned early pm 2 c if furniture had arrived then again at 8 2 say goin 4 quick beer he'd text when in room 4 me 2 call. after hr i text n tell him not 2 bother 2 night or rest of wk. i hate waitin 2 hear from him. i hate the fact he's got company n i'm so lonely. i hate the fact that i can't go out 1 night let alone every!!!!! 
