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Post by claire99991 on Mar 7, 2007 0:56:04 GMT
Well today has been a good day really was a bit worried about dentist and it was over before i knew it so thats ok took hollie to the park this afternoon was nice to see her giggling on the swings and she has been a angel all day. She started doing this cute thing after she is ready for bed she has her bottle of milk and then starts waving bye at me because she wants to go to bed. Bless her she has grown up so quickly. So overall good day today
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 7, 2007 23:26:44 GMT
What is it with this illness one day you can feel almost normal and the next is terrible. I felt ok yesterday today i woke with a really bad headache, feeling light headed and just in a crying mood didnt want to get out of bed so didnt until 12.30! Did some cleaning this afternoon and cooked phil and hollie a nice tea but im on a diet so i had a bit of veg and a tiny piece of meat. It doesnt help with the moods when im trying to diet. Anyway kind of just sat on my owne tonight. TV was on but its just back ground noise i carnt concentrate to watch it i just lie there and look into space. Come on internet for a bit to look on the rightmove website decided to move back up to the north east to be with my family im so sick of the same boring routine here with no one to talk to and no company its making things worse.
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 8, 2007 19:36:05 GMT
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Mar 9, 2007 21:35:28 GMT
Hi Claire,
I know exactly what you mean some days things are ok and then the next for no reason I am so down. I never know until I wake up..and if I wake anxious I know it isn't going to be a good day.
Hope you have had a better day today, Love Clareyxx
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 9, 2007 22:26:58 GMT
I had a horrific nightmare last night about me being told i was ill and going to die and didnt have time to say bye to my baby and i was crying saying no not today please not today i woke up shaking ad crying it was so real it was horrible i only got to sleep at 3 and then got woke up by that at just after 6 so had 3 hours sleep the night before i think i got about 1 hour. Im living of adrenaline i think its keeping me awake i dont know why i carnt sleep its just horrible because every day i get a headache and i think it could be the lack of sleep. I HATE THIS
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 10, 2007 12:06:14 GMT
Well i went up to bed at 3am as there was just nothing at all on tv although i still wasnt tierd! I lied there for ages then started having a anxiety attack where i was convinced my heart wasnt beating properly the light started coming through the curtains so i dont know what time it was but i fell asleep shortly after till 8.30 so only had a couple of hours again and dont feel tierd. Hollie has gone of with her nanny for a couple of hours. Might go into town later this afternoon.
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 10, 2007 23:43:59 GMT
well now the tierdness has hit me im exhausted! Hopefully will get some good sleep tongiht!
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Post by cheshire on Mar 11, 2007 18:30:40 GMT
Hi Claire
Did you sleep ok?x
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 12, 2007 21:55:15 GMT
Hiya hopeful i did sleep i was awake till 2 which is a good nights sleep for me, i slept ok last night as well not great but ok.
Havent got much to add to my diary feel like i carnt be bothered to even think about how ive been feeling if that makes any sensce
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Post by sianyc on Mar 13, 2007 22:16:43 GMT
Dieting is not a very good plan when you're depressed. I found it made my mood swings far worse. I am a comfort eater though
It's only now that I can cope with dieting as before I was just too distracted and incapable of coping with limiting my takeaway and chocolate intake
Having said that, losing weight over the last month has improved how I feel cos I think I am starting to look better
See how it goes and don't worry if you find it too hard and can't keep it up. Your mental health is more important for now x
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 19, 2007 11:16:39 GMT
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Post by Jay on Mar 19, 2007 13:20:52 GMT
You sound so low and down and I so wish I could help make some of your problems better. You are going to be really busy for this move, and I know how difficult it can be when you are not feeling well. I can understand the not sleeping and eating/not eating problems they sound v familiar. You must get cracking on finding a new gp, before you do much else, do tell them how you are feeling. And get yourself on another list for couselling. You need to know you have some support, and this would be a good start. can any friends or family come to help you clean the place up? You are not a terrible Mum!!!! xx
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 21, 2007 22:17:08 GMT
Well the move is saterday my house is a tip and i hate living like this im dreading moving house but i just gotta get on with it. It might not be so bad ?? So we were travelling back today 2 hour drive to finish packing and we got caught in rush hour so it took 3 hours had to stop half way as started having tight chest and stabbing pains in my side when i breathed in i was tempted to book myself into the travel lodge for the night and just go to bed but my partner wanted to get home and so the other half of the journey i just sat in the back with my eyes closed trying to concentrate on my breathing was relieved to get home. I hate going far this is my 'safe zone' i relax more when im here. Hope i feel at home in the new house.
Also think hollie is coming down with something because her nose is running and she is cuddly and sleeping more. Also her lips keep going blue and shivering loads hope this is ok? its freaking me out loads. Ther heating has been of 4 days because we were away so its so cold now even with it back on she is snuggled with her dad on the couch with lots of blankets i might put her in bed with us tonight i mean the matress is on the floor cos bed packed up so she isnt going to go anywhere.
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Post by Veritee on Mar 22, 2007 12:48:52 GMT
Dear Claire
I am so sorry that you are having to move home at a time that is not right for you and to a house you are not at all happy with, and away from your family too.
This seems so unfair that yo have to do this - is your partners job paying enough to be worth this - I suppose it must or he would not have considered it?
I also understand well about not wanting to travel far form your comfort zone and i have often been in the position that I felt so much I could not continue a journey that I wanted to check into a travel lodge, but my partner was driving and he wanted to just get home.
I do hope Hollie is better today and she is not gong down with anything right in the middle of your move - but I do want to say that if her lips are rely blue perhaps she should see a doctor? Is she better today?
Anyway are you going to be off-line for a while during your move? Let us know
Perhaps your new area will have more support for you re your PNI - I do hope so Love to you Veritee
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 22, 2007 14:53:25 GMT
Hi thanks for the reply, I wont be offline for more than a couple of days my computer is the only place i can 'escape' to my partner knows this and will make sure i have accsess i think he is getting a new internet connection put in the house next week. Maybe my new gp will be more supportive i wont know until i try as a new patient you have to have a medical introduction with the nurse which is next week i might mention that im still struggling with my depression and anxiety and ask if she thinks i should see a doctor about it. Ill probaly break down and cry if i talk to anyone about it though im really shaky and vunerable they might take pity on me. I realy dont want to move tonight is the last night in my house before we leave tomorow night to the north east of england Im going for a meal tonight to say bye to my family im rubbish anf goodbyes as it is. We have tried so hard to find a job for my partner around my area for months he is a plumber and heating engineer but there isnt anything the job he has been offered is well paid and will support us all with out having to worry i just wish i didnt have to move. Im trying to stay postive and think it might be ok but i know deep down its going to make me worse and im scared that anyworse will just finish me of. Hollie is very quiet today she is spending the day with her nanny before we leave. Im scared im going to try and harm myself i keep thinking about it and im sat here on my owne with all my house packed up so desperatly unhappy crying and i keep tinking it could be over if i wanted it to be i dont think ill ever be the happy confident person i was before this is it now. I tried to ask for help from gp's and health visitor they said they would get me help but ive been waiting over 4 months and heard nothing.
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