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Post by Jay on Mar 11, 2007 16:58:13 GMT
Hi Hopeful Its not stuff on here upsetting me, its all the stuff the hospital gave me to read. I have a feeling that I'm not going to be able to cope with the treatments and couseling that I am going to have to do. The forum helps me, and the ladies I talk to are lovely. I don't think I could live without this. I know it is depression and anxiety that is making me feel so bad. I am so jumpy and frightened. And I keep falling asleep on and off all day. I did go in the garden for a bit this morning in the sunshine. Hope you are ok Suzi x
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Post by bam02 on Mar 11, 2007 17:12:02 GMT
hiya Suzi,
I did some CBT ,it can help - but like they say it takes effort and if you look at my recent trip to hospital (last night) stated elsewhere - it need to be relooked at all the time ? I don't know all my problems or the answers - but some things do work given time - sometimes I just don't think we get that time given to us?
Sal
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Post by cheshire on Mar 11, 2007 17:28:51 GMT
Hi Suzi I see what you mean - about the stuff hospital gave you to read being upsetting But glad this forum helps you a littlex I was originally diagnosed with PTSD - and can identify with feeling 'jumpy and frightened' all the time. Thinking of you - it does get better (maybe gets worse before it gets better?) But it doesx Thinking of you Hopefulx
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Post by faith31 on Mar 11, 2007 21:55:43 GMT
hi suzi hope you do not mind me posting on your unwinding space by the way appt name!! Have you tried red wine to sleep after 3 bottles its great, although the morning is crap but hell it normally is anyway, in all seriousness i did not realize what a bad time you have had of it if its worth anything i am honoured you took the time to help me thanks again love and BIG hugs faith xxxx
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Post by bam02 on Mar 12, 2007 16:15:09 GMT
Hope you feeling better now?
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Post by Jay on Mar 12, 2007 17:04:20 GMT
I have felt a bit better today, and have managed to do a bit more, so I feel I have achieved something. Don't feel quite so useless.
For a while last week, I thought I had gone to hell. And I could not see a way out. And it all seemed too much to try to get better. I do not feel so scared today. And last night I slept without extra sedating pills or music blasting my ears out, which makes me feel a bit more normal.
Have to manage work tomorrow, I so hope I do not mess up like I did last week. Remembering my Keys would be a good start, must write myself a reminder note. I hate letting people down, don't know why I was let off so easily for my mistakes. Must sort myself out.
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Post by cheshire on Mar 13, 2007 21:00:49 GMT
Hope work went ok today x
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Post by Jay on Mar 13, 2007 22:27:04 GMT
I managed work better than I thought I would.
I was working with a lady who had had some sort of breakdown because of a bully we have at work. Luckily the bully is off sick. she is milking the system and is taking us to a tribunal, to get a big payout. And it is so unfair how she treated us and make us all into nervous wrecks. Do you know last year when my Mum was so ill and we had carers in all the time, they had the same thing happen with this same person. she ended up with a hugh payout. Then we got her. Iife's so Unfair!!!
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Post by Jay on Mar 14, 2007 7:25:03 GMT
Feel awful. Hope I manage at work today, am on my own for most of the day, I know its going to be busy. I will be ok if I don't get too tired. Oh dear hope I don't loose it and go into none coping mode. Not sure about the lady who is coming across from our other office in the afternoon to help me. She will look down her nose at me, and make me feel stupid. Last time I was with her she downed everything I said, so I must try not to talk to her, then she can't make me feel bad.
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Post by Jay on Mar 14, 2007 19:46:54 GMT
I was busy and I coped. Or I coped until the lens fell out of my glasses!!! Who wants to see what they are doing anyway? Well my afternoon helper, [the cow one who lives on another planet] wanted to know things about ME. She got in on a conversation last week about me going to the hospital. So she got me talking. Don't know how it happened as she is not the normal sort I would talk to about my problems. All of a sudden she cried. then while I was walking home, she was suddenly in front of me giving me a bunch of roses. I can't understand today, and I can't understand her? ?
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Post by Jay on Mar 19, 2007 10:16:36 GMT
I seem to have felt better. I think it is the brain fog lifted, which makes me feel a bit more human. But all the hassle and things going wrong around me have upset me. Now how barmy is that to say I feel better, but upset at the same time!
I wish I had not gone to the hospital. I feel like I have put a great weight round my neck, while I wait these 8 months for treatment. then I dread how I will cope with it when it comes.
Mother's day upset me so much on Saturday of all days. I was at work and cried on and off all day. Then when I got home I just went completley to pieces. G held me while I sobbed, then I fell asleep for a while. he took me around the garden to look at all the new shoots on things and the spring flowers, then he ran me a bath as I could not stop shaking. And poured me a glass of wine. So I failed --I had a glass of wine Saturday night and one again on Sunday. I tried to tell myself that one glass a day is not awful. Its the 3-4 a day when I feel so ill and horrible that I must stop.
Slept a lot of yesterday afternoon after the awful visit to G's Mum and Dads. They are such a muddle and a mess.
I can see G ending up back on antidepressants again soon.
That lady on the front page of all the papers the last few days has really upset me. She is the one who was wrongly put in prison for killing her children and now she has died. the photo of her has a haunting look.
I must stop crying and try to do some house jobs
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 19, 2007 15:06:23 GMT
Hiya suzi sorr to hear your having a hard time of it as well latley. I know how you feel about the drinking thing it used to just help me sleep and not obsess so much about having all these illness and convinced i was dieing i just felt a little calmer. I have been on medication for 5 weeks now that is strictly no alacahol so i am missing the feeling of being chilled and it helping me sleep (my sleep is rubbish at the min 2-4 hours per night) Dont dwell on the days you have a glass of wine just praise yourself up on the days you dont have any.
Lots of love claire xx
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Post by claire99991 on Mar 19, 2007 15:06:58 GMT
Hiya suzi sorr to hear your having a hard time of it as well latley. I know how you feel about the drinking thing it used to just help me sleep and not obsess so much about having all these illness and convinced i was dieing i just felt a little calmer. I have been on medication for 5 weeks now that is strictly no alacahol so i am missing the feeling of being chilled and it helping me sleep (my sleep is rubbish at the min 2-4 hours per night) Dont dwell on the days you have a glass of wine just praise yourself up on the days you dont have any.
Lots of love claire xx
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Post by Jay on Mar 19, 2007 15:19:40 GMT
Thanks Claire,
It sounds awful the amount of sleep you get 2-4hrs. It makes the nights so long. At least is not the really dark horrible bit of winter at the moment. My 3 nights without alcohol were not as good sleeping. And I had horrendous nightmares one night. I have never been a nightmare person, I had to wake myself right up from it, so get rid of it all. I still do flashbacks when I am awake, and probably always will, but luckily they are not so bad at the moment.
I hope that the sleeping and everything improves a bit. Take care Suzi xx
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Post by Jay on Mar 20, 2007 21:57:58 GMT
Woke at 4am with heart racing so fast I thought It was going to jump out of my chest. Not sure if it is side effect of ant's or becasue I have had a panic atk or bad dream.
Get in the bath this morning and get stuck in a flashback. A new flashback and one I have not had before. This one I cannot move and am in pain. I have both arms bandaged to boards as I have drips and blood transfusion going in. and they bring my daughter to be fed. first time I have ever fed her, two days after the birth, as I was too ill to do this before. They forget me, and I can't move and I keep talking to myself. When they come I ask for pain relief and I drift away again.
My heart is still so fast, while I walk to work. I manage work and enjoy it. But the walk home starts it off again, so I hit it with diazepam, to get some peace. Seem ok when it works.
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