|
Post by Jay on Apr 7, 2007 17:50:04 GMT
Today seemed so awful and was such a struggle. I started to have thoughts about my future counselling, and I was trying to think what we would be talking about, I felt myself go down.
By the time I got to work I was being sick, and feeling faint and awful. I hated every minute of work, and have know idea how I managed to stay there. Then all I have done since I got home is cry. OH cuddled me while I cried, and I tried to explain how I feel and what all my fears are. but some of it was not being understood at all. I feel better since I have drank a couple of glasses of wine. I know this is not the answer, but there is no answer at the moment. Only waiting for appointments.
|
|
|
Post by Jay on Apr 8, 2007 18:56:04 GMT
I feel a bit better today. I don't feel so desparate and ill.
|
|
|
Post by claire99991 on Apr 8, 2007 19:30:23 GMT
Suzi glad you are feeling a little better whish there was more that i could do for you claire x
|
|
|
Post by Jay on Apr 9, 2007 18:01:58 GMT
I feel a lot better today.
It is easier when family are around.
Back to work tomorrow, not looking forward to that as I am on my own all day!!! I must be careful not to start thinking about things and send myself down again.
Lower dose of meds has sorted my heart out, so feel relieved about that. Just got to hope that I can stay up mentally. Have gone back on my VegEPA capsules, ran out of them and thought I could do without, but not so sure, so have brought more.
|
|
|
Post by claire99991 on Apr 9, 2007 18:18:32 GMT
Glad you are having a better day try not to think about tomorow to much it will only ruin your evening and im sure you will be fine Lots of love and hugz claire xxx
|
|
karen1977
Full member
Mother to the smiliest baby in town, who helped me get through and see the light again!
Posts: 45
|
Post by karen1977 on Apr 11, 2007 8:25:02 GMT
Hey Suzi I am doing fine, dont worry about me I am glad you are going to see someone, hopefully then you will start feeling better about yourself.You are most definitely not worthless, or else why would we all care be nice to yourself please, you know things can be better than this, try to remember what the good days feel like and know that you will get there again Karen xx
|
|
|
Post by Jay on Apr 12, 2007 6:32:58 GMT
Wow -I don't know how I feel at all. My letter came from the hospital. I have 'moderate to severe PTSD with co-mobid depression and panic disorder. My symptoms are consistant with severe depression, anxiety and hopelessness'. Now how do we cope when we read something like that about ourselves?
|
|
|
Post by Jay on Apr 12, 2007 21:29:11 GMT
I have got myself into a bit of trouble now, with this hospital letter. saying things I had not talked about at home. And I am not really managing very well.
Any ideas how to stop panic attacks? even with diazepam I am getting not a lot of relief. I think if I shoved my head in a paper bag for a week it would not help. Everything seems to make me jump, and feel in a panic.
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Apr 12, 2007 21:45:26 GMT
Hi Suzi, I am worried about saying the wrong things - but I am so here for you and have been following your threads. I was initially diagnosed with PTSD and I know that the panics/ breathing/ however it manifests itself are so hard to manage. It's awful How are you sleeping? Do you have a point during the day when it's worse? Much love, Hopefulxxx
|
|
|
Post by Jay on Apr 14, 2007 7:39:01 GMT
Hi Hopeful, Thanks for your post. I have slept for 2 nights now? awake very early. But I am getting so I am tired and konking out during the day, and can't seem to do anything. I feel so lost and down, and wondering how to find some 'fight' to sort myself out. I feel next week will be difficult when K is back to school and I am on my own. Things are worse when I am on my own. Work got really difficult this last week. I only do 2 days, but I am not managing them. And I will have to have a talk to them next week. I am petrified to step out the door sometimes, and I got stuck in our town centre last week in major panic atk mode. And on wed I was eating diazepam just to manage to stay at work. To my lovely friends on this site. I am sorry if I do not get to post and to help you at the moment. I care about you all, and the best thing in life for me, is my hope at being able to encourage and help you all to keep going. I will see, I might get going again soon. I am going to try my hardest. thanks Hopeful xx
|
|
|
Post by sianyc on Apr 14, 2007 9:17:14 GMT
Sorry you're having a hard time Suzi
We're here for you whenever you need us
|
|
|
Post by Jay on Apr 15, 2007 12:16:10 GMT
I feel a bit better about things at the moment. I've had a good cry, and a talk with OH. And I have made a few decisions.
My main decision is I can't lose my lovely friends on here. I was going to give up. Well give up on everything really! I was a bit too down, and could not cope with anything. But here I am ready to plod on again. well try to anyway.
Thanks everyone
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Apr 15, 2007 15:21:39 GMT
Hi Suzi
I am so pleased you are feeling a bit better about things. I know what you mean about plodding on, sometimes during this illness that is the best you can offer and it is a damn sight better than any alternative!
It is good that you have been able to talk with OH about this, I hope you get all the support you need from him.
We are here for you any time you need us, and it really is great to see you aren't giving up.
Take Care of yourself.
Winegirl x
|
|
|
Post by Veritee on Apr 15, 2007 15:58:27 GMT
Dear Suzi I wanted to catch up with you and to say sorry I was not around for you during your current blip - but I was reading your posts and feeling for you.I think I found it difficult to reply to you because as you might have realized if you have read what I have been writing on the 'prems' thread that as you too have a teenage daughter and have been - like me - suffering the aftermath of PNI for a long time. My fear was therefore that anything I say might seem hypocritical or make you worried that when your 15 year old is 18 like mine you might still be feeling this way. But I want to reassure you that I am not feeling ill at all - just sad - which is really a very different thing I find from when the times I have felt ill in the past. Yes I am going through emotional upheaval due to what has happened between Caja but I do not have panic attacks or need to take medication nor do i feel unwell - I can not even get counsellign on the NHS because I am not considered ill! And I am not but I have found counseling such a useful tool to process emotional issues I choose to use it when I have them - so I am paying for counseling privately.I just wanted to somehow say to you that life will of course in the future have ups and downs - and maybe quite large ups and downs - but that if you get the right treatment and support you will not feel like this forever or even for much longer!! I know that you have been told that you can not have counselling for a while ( until you are more emotioally stable- less raw i think was what was meant) and on the one hand I understand this as deeper therapy can throw up many issues that you need to be strong enough to cope with while your mind processes it. One of the reasons I have been so sad is that I am having counseling by a very skilled counselor who uses psychotherapy and it has exposed nerves, so to speak, that I otherwise would not have known were there and felt and has brought my sadness to the surface so I am easily triggered by small things. So I understand well that to be able to go through a counselling process like that you need to be able to cope with what it exposed during the time it is going on. Because the counseling session is only an hour at most a week and then you have to go home and cope with the feelings it brings up for you - and if you are not stable it can be unsafe for you - so I guess this is why they have told you to wait until you are a little less raw before you undertake counselling. But on the other hand there are different types of counselling and for different purposes. I am sorry that you have not been offered purely supportive counselling who's aim is to support you and heal you and not to delve too deeply into the underling causes of your current distress. but I guess the NHS can not afford the luxury of this kind of counselling - I have always got this privately, have you ever considered private counselling ? As I know it is expensive but supportive private counseling can be a really useful stop gap until you can have more probing therapy. Your psychiatrist would probably be appalled that I made such a suggestion as they would want you only to have therapy that they are in control of so perhaps I should not suggest it .But I found it so useful to have private supportive counselling from a really caring older woman when I had PNI. I knew at the time I was too vulnerable to cope with any deep exploration of my issues, but it really helped me to get through until I could cope with deeper therapy from the NHS in the last year of my PNI. Otherwise please do not leave us here as you said in your post above . We really do value your presence here Did you mean you were thinking of leaving the site or suicide - or just give up trying to get better - sorry but I wanted to know? Your posts to others are really so very supportive - but do not think that you have to be supportive to others if you are not able to be ? To support others is not a requirement of using this site - it is for mutual support but it does not mean that you have to give back the support that you get. There are moderators - and myself - who have contracted to support others, but until - or if and when - someone becomes a moderator your only responsibility on here is to yourself - to get the support you need and to getting yourself well.
Of course if you want to support others, that is great and it can often help you too....and your support posts are very supportive and useful to those you support but I wanted to say that you do not have to
I am very glad that you are feeling better and that I have managed to get around my fear that because of my own situation if I respond to you I might make you feel worse as my child is 17 - I so hope what I say does not do this?And I am very glad you have not left us - in whatever way you meant Love veritee
|
|
|
Post by claire99991 on Apr 15, 2007 18:00:54 GMT
Hi suzi just wanted to say a big thank you for all of your very supportive msgs whilst i have been ill. Im really sorry to hear your not doing great and you can msg me whenever you like and i will help in any way i can.
Lots and lots of love claire xxxx
|
|