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Post by amummy on Mar 30, 2007 7:48:07 GMT
ok, so today I have convinced myself that I don't actually have PND or pregnancy induced depression, but that actually I'm just stupid and finding it difficult to manage having three small children and a relationship with major communication difficulties and so therefore, I can never get better, unless my circumstances change, which of course they won't for at least twenty years. I can't look after these children by myself and yet it doesn't make it any easier him being here. The fact that the house is a mess, won't cause the sky to fall in. What I need is emotional support. Not the constant feeling that I am not good enough and a failure as a mother. I have these feelings myself, they don't need to be reinforced. I wanted to have my kids, none of them were unwanted. I love them, but I never, ever get any time to myself. I get a few hours away from the older two, but I still have the baby to look after. I'm tired and fed up. My baby wants to be held whenever he is not sleeping. My arms ache from holding him, and there is crap all over the house and no food prepared. I long for ten minutes alone, just ten minutes. I don't know what to do. And I know I can't make any major decisions while in this state, so I just have to keep going as things are. People with nannies have no idea!  |
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Post by helenr on Mar 30, 2007 20:25:36 GMT
Hi amummy,
hope you don't mind me crashing your diary. It is hard work looking after small children, but doubly so when you don't feel well within yourself. You are definately not stupid, and its really hard when you don't get a moment to yourself. i tend to find that I just get one of them settled, and the other one kicks off, and some days its never ending! Do you have anyone other than your partner to help give you support/
love and hugs x.
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Post by sianyc on Apr 1, 2007 7:54:28 GMT
It's not stupid to find coping with small children difficult. It's the hardest job in the world and every mummy finds it hard. Having a break is essential - you said you get some time away from the older 2. Does someone take them for you and can they take the baby instead so you're getting a break from the constancy of looking after a baby?
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Post by amummy on Apr 2, 2007 4:35:24 GMT
Hello,
I'm so much better after a really good weekend. I took the baby out shopping on Saturday and basically had the whole afternoon away from my other kids. My baby slept in his pram the WHOLE time and I didn't have any anxiety attacks.
He is breastfed so I can't leave him with anyone for long. There's no one but my husband to look after the kids so I can get a break.
It's good to not feel so awful. I don't feel fantastic, but I feel ok and that's such an improvement!
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Post by sarajay28 on Apr 2, 2007 10:01:13 GMT
Hi amummy,
I'm glad you are feeling a bit better today. I too have 3 kids, ages 10, 8 and nearly 2 and i am lucky in the fact that i am at college, my youngest goes to nursery while i'm doing something for ME and i have a wonderful family around. How awful that you don't have this support, have you ever thought about asking your HV if there is anything like 'home-start' or 'sure-start' around that could help you to get a break for an hour or two?? Unsupportive partners can be the biggest hurdle can't they? i think my only advice here is to show him that you don't actually NEED him, just try and get on the best you can on your own (very difficult i know) and then maybe he will feel he wants to be involved in your life's a bit more??? i know this works for me. If i 'exclude' my partner for a while and show him i'm not needy or dependant on him then he starts to want to be included and do things with us/for us??? i don't know if it will work for you but i thought i would let you know and then you can make your own decisions?
I hope you continue to feel better, keep talking it really does help.
Loadsa Love
Sarah.xxx
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Post by amummy on Apr 3, 2007 3:31:27 GMT
Hi Sarah,
yes, i try that too! It does work sometimes! At least I know he really does care, he just doesn't know what to do or how to act when I'm really miserable and he gets fed up easily.
I'm not in Britain and we don't have health visitors or Homestart unfortunately.
Feeling good again today. Wish I could get the house sorted out but so hard with the babies. If only I could have a day without them, I'd get so much done. Anyway at least the sun is shining!
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Post by chica on Apr 3, 2007 8:52:10 GMT
Hi there,
Hope you dont mind me crashing your space, but I just wanted to say that I know exactly how it feels to just need space!!! I too live abroad, and like you there are no organisations to help and certainly no health visitors.
In the end I discovered a private little nursery which took my twins for 3 hours Monday to Friday, and it really was not that expensive. I felt terribly guilty about needing the space, but it was for my own sanity and in the end their safety. Not that I would have hurt them, but I was at the end of my tether. They started when they were two years old and I must admit they came on in leaps and bounds. The nursery also had facilities for newborns as well. So I dont know if you could look into that side of things. Do you also have a language barrier to contend with?
Dont worry about the housework, you have little ones, and we are not wonder women however, much we want to be.
Sending you love and hugs
Chica
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