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Post by babybumble on Jun 14, 2007 18:43:36 GMT
mmm well today had a phone call to say got an appoinment to asses my state of health on tuesday at 9:30am.. feel like that im admitting im ill...i know i am ..but just find it hard to be honest about it as i feel like im putting on too many people..
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Post by babybumble on Jun 14, 2007 19:01:17 GMT
anyways...this is my story!!!
gave birth to a beautiful boy in may 2003 my world was such a happy place...the next thing to do was to try for another and have the dove couple boy & girl...
at 32wks i was measuring 29wks so worry kicked in ...had to keep going hospital for scans and checkups which if it wasnt for the reason of concern would of been great but it was just worry after worry .... anyways after weeks of concern they decided to induce me just one week early but when she arrived it looked like they had the dates wrong and she was 4wks early...weighing5lb 9oz (which not bad considering me myself at full term was 6lb)but they worried becoz my thomas was classed as a bigger baby ..7lb 13oz
anyway the arrival of maisy isnt exactly life threatning it was just PURE SHOCK..i got induced twice..and i was left on the ward neglected i would use ..as no one came check on me really anyway that day i arrived 9am ...sat on bed got induced was being monitored for 30mins...then told go for a walk came back got another induced tablet...after bout 2pm i didnt see any nurses till bowt 5:30 but just a quick head around the curtain..then by 7:30pm had twindges..by 8:10pm i was in agony...my hubby told them i wanted pain relief....they came rushed me to the delivery room....and i literaly sat on bed **thought i needed a poo** and she came ...they took her away worrid but all was ok...i didnt get that bond...i didnt get told it was definatly a she my hubby named her maisy which we had discussed but i wanted time with her to see her properly then name her...they dressed her i was told to bath...they fed her .,,then hubby sent home as it was 11:30pm time for bed ...
maisy then didnt sleep for 6wks at night just in day bearing in mind i had 18mth old too..hubby on shifts ...maisy still wouldnt feed ..she would take 2hrs to have 4oz so i felt like i was just constantly sitting feeding her or cleaning the sick up...i spent nights shouting at her screaming at her wishing someone would take her away ...
now 2.yrs later i love her but she can still wind me up so quick...i get really mad feelings about things that can happen but the chances of them hapening r slim ..but i will b convinced they will happen...i worry about what ifs,i worry bout wot people think bout me...
gotta go kids stirring ...............**typical**
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Post by Veritee on Jun 14, 2007 19:19:44 GMT
Hi Babybumble Great name by the way Like so may of us you sound like you had an absolutely terrible time at the birth and mistakes were made and you were not listened too Would you consider posting your birth story in our birth section at: veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=birthNo need to re-write it just copy and paste I have many similarities even though my 'baby' now 18 My baby did not sleep hardly at all until at least 18 months and never through the night until three years - I was dead on my feet !!!! I too found I was so easily wound up by her - probably because it had all been so hard and I just wanted her to start to be easy................ Caja has never been easy - but I assure you that I did recover from PNI and so will you. For your birth experience have you considered contacting the Birth trauma association: www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/They offer great befriending and coun sellign for difficult birth experiences Just a thought as I used them and they were really helpful But please continue to post here and do not worry about what we will think of you As we are all in the same situation - or have been VeriteeXX
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Post by babybumble on Jun 14, 2007 19:22:06 GMT
allsorts just run in my head i almost feel that theres more than one of me more like 4 of me as i so many views and opinions on the thoughts in my head ..is that making sense all most like 4 debbies telling me to do 4 different things in one situation and i have to pick the right one and hope it is ....
ive had a weird past too so when im at my worst that pops up and gives me greif to ..i also dont have a bond with my mum...and ive only just got intouch with my dad after 22yrs apart..so having an emotional ride at present...
the reason im here is to sort my life out......as 3wks ago i lost everything i hoped and dreamed off ...but it was my doing...i left my husband i took the kids....but it was cos i didnt feel loved,wanted and couldnt cope ...i came of my tablets and i feel like numb...i feel i have no feelings...so in that sense makes me wanna kill myself too..as im annoyed that i dont know wot my feelings r ..so its easier for me if i wasnt around and wouldnt have to get in the state that i do...(i hope im making sense i feel i arnt but .....its all rolling of my tongue ) anyway...i know deep down i wouldnt but someone said u never know i mightg just crack....so went docs an like i said in 1st post got an appoinment to asses my mentAL health...now i feel like a nutcase..feel that if im completly honest they will take kids away and men in white suits will take me away...
arrrrggghhh going have to sto[p this for a min...getting a thumping headache cos im getting stressed....
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Post by babybumble on Jun 14, 2007 19:26:52 GMT
veritee... when i 1st met my dad he thought it was funny that i said "i being attacked by a babybumble bee" so he calls me babybumble so its stuck ...lol....
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Post by Veritee on Jun 14, 2007 20:31:16 GMT
Ohwww thats really sweet Do you still see your Dad - don't reply if you do not want to - I just wondered. I have a bit of a 'Rocky' past too, I am sure we can relate to you - i am sure i can - but we are all great mothers we just have or had PNI. it sounds like you have been through an awful lot -as well as PNi you have left a relationship and whether it was your choice or not it is still a huge life change and one that will take time to adjust too. you are not a 'nut case' PNi happens to at least 1 in 10 women and mental health issues to many more and as far as i am concerned should be viewed as like a very badly broken leg - it will heal but it will take time and you need to allow that time When is your appointment? and good luck - just tell it to them how it is. Have a break if you need - I have to pick my daughter up in a minute - but we are always here and we will be here tomorrow and the next day and onward. So just relax tonight and have a break and the forum will still be here whenever you feel like talking Veritee
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Post by babybumble on Jun 14, 2007 21:04:42 GMT
yes i see my dad but..i feel awkward and finding it hard to be honest with him on how ive felt...etc etc...alot has happened in my past and i was very very bitter towards it after many years i grew to cope with it ,...but maisy came along...and thAt seemed to bring it back to the surface ..
my appointment is tuesday 9:30am...
i am back with my hubby now ...but obviosuly i am hurt and i HAVE hurt him ...so were having to work a little an stop being selfish as i grew to have the attitude that he didnt do anything for me so why should i bother so i put me & kids 1st .. spk soon xxxx
****ive got a positive vibe from the site**** right off for quick gander then blowdry my hair
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Post by babybumble on Jun 14, 2007 21:44:35 GMT
need a reply to this....as feeling like a horrid mummy... just wanna know this is part of illness....
thomas could spill a cup of juice and i wouldnt batter an eyelid but if maisy does ....im convinced shes done it deliberate and end up yelling for godsake you ALWAYS have to do that .....
just was lying in bed thinking of everyday scenarios in my life...needed to get it off my chest!!
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Post by cazfletcher on Jun 14, 2007 22:08:36 GMT
youre not a horrid mummy, we all have days that we scream at the kids. it doesnt mean we dont love them or we love one more than the other or anything. please dont feel bad you are obviously doing your best and are exhausted. here for you
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Post by babybumble on Jun 15, 2007 6:20:08 GMT
well its friday the 15th june
really tired .......could sleep for england ..maisy woke screaming to get out of cot...then when i bring her down shes demanding breakfast...wish she would give me 10mins to wake up myself...
i am going to a funeral today its my friends dads ...so all doom and gloom... will update later ..as going to sort kids then myself ...ready for the long day ahead...hubby on lates so thats pretty crap as after 8pm start to twiddle thumbs ..but at least i found this site
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Post by cazfletcher on Jun 15, 2007 8:56:26 GMT
i'll be on tonight if u need a chat. ill be thinking of you today, its not gonna be easy but try and get through it as best you can and we will be here when you need us
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Post by sianyc on Jun 15, 2007 10:04:58 GMT
Mine shout their brekkie too. Drives me nuts!! It's like - give me 2 seconds to wake up aarrgghh
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Post by winegirl on Jun 15, 2007 14:12:32 GMT
Hi Babybumble
Will be thinking of you while you are attending the funeral. Hope it goes as well as can be expected.
I know what yuo mean about screaming for breakfast. My little girl (just over 1 yr old) does the same and I'm stumbling around half asleep, desperate for a glass of water or something myself whilst breaking my neck trying to sort her porridge out. It can really make your blood boil first thing in the morning can't it?
Let us know how your day goes.
Winegirl x
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Post by babybumble on Jun 15, 2007 16:24:18 GMT
well..i felt quite strong at the funeral..1st one id ever been2 ,someone collasped,..then i saw my friend and her brothers crying ..and that got me going it was horrible....
caz cant seem to get chat to work...weird?!!....
well thuhmping headache again ...told my mum about my appointment she thinks im not opening up to her enuff i said well its hard coz im angry to also i hate crying ,,,,i feel so weak!!
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Post by cazfletcher on Jun 15, 2007 17:16:16 GMT
chats down at the minute hun, veritee is sorting it out though til then u can pm me any time or email me x
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