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Post by sianyc on Jan 6, 2008 19:06:51 GMT
Hey carlie
I use my diary to keep track of bad and good days. I'm not too great at writing about the good days and really have to try hard with that so I can see where the bad days are. Every now ans then I read over my diary and it obvious from the past entries how far I've come. I can tell from the posts how I was and whether it was the full story at the time etc
I think the mood swing thing is very common. I know it was part of my PNI and is very much a feature of my awful PMT :-) That does get better as your bad days get fewer x
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Post by carlie on Jan 8, 2008 21:19:53 GMT
hey sianyc, iv got a diary for 2008 and in it i have started to write a brief summary of how i feel each day good or bad. I find with the diary on here i seem to only write when im feeling bad! why is it we focus on the bad and not the good!, its quite negative really! i think we all do it tho. Good for u trying to write the good days too.
well iv figured tht the feeling achey etc is not a bug cos i feel extremly low, and my stomach is really bad. I think i have got ibs and i get bouts of it tht can last a few weeks now and again. i have been ok for a good few months but the last few days its been really bad. got stomach cramps, nauseas,bloated,trapped wind. Im pretty sure its ibs, my mum suffers it too. Im tryin very hard to ignore the little voice in my head tryin to convince me its cancer! i have seen a specialist about it and she didnt think it was anythin serious and tht it is prob ibs. i wonder if anyone else has experienced this after havin kids? i was ok b4 hand.
Today i have felt so crap wat with the ibs and my mood bein so low, i feel like i need to cry but it wont come out! I managed to pop to the co op this mornin to get some bread but was shakin whole time. its been a long time since anxiety has got me like tht. anyway reluctantly i let a friend come see me and havin the company made me feel alot better. Took the pressure off me a bit with little one two as she played with my frinds kids.
the ibs is a strange one as tht in itsellf can cause ppl to be depressed, im wonderin if its the ibs makin me feel low or if feeling low has triggered the ibs?! endless questions and no definate answers!
Hope tomorrow is a better day. x
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Post by Scarlet on Jan 9, 2008 8:28:52 GMT
Hiya Carlie, I have a diary, but I never get chance to write things down, I must try Have you got a stomach bug hun. I know there's a virus going around at the moment, 24 hour diahorrea and sickness ~ perhaps it's that. I had IBS for months during the early part of my PNI, and was on the loo a lot, fortunately it's gone now. Did you ever check out the anxiety symtoms in the general thread Carlie, IBS is a biggie for those suffering with stress & anxiety. veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=General&action=display&n=1&thread=4213Hope you are feeling a bit better today Love and hugs Scarlet X
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Post by carlie on Jan 9, 2008 16:52:45 GMT
hi scarlet,thnx for the link. didnt realise just how many sympoms there were with anxiety! its no wonder it makes us think we have a terminal illness! I dont have a tummy bug, luckily iv avoided tht one so far. Im pretty sure its ibs, my mum has it too, i rang her last nite and she said it sounds exactly like how she used to be. Also because i did have this bad cold thing i was takin nurofen everyday for a week and mum told me thts worst thing i could take! as it is an anti inflamitary it really affects you if u have ibs! oooopppppps!!! So im layin of the paracetamol, have bought some activia yoghurts as they helped before and some buscopan! Iv had this on and off since havin alysia so im 80% certain its ibs, it cant be a bug to reacur like this! On the up side i feel a little better today, tummy not so bad. still a little bloated and sore! How long did it take b4 ur ibs went? mood wise today i am much brighter, been to town and got up at 9am this morning (thts early to me!) am very very tired now tho, im strugglin to stay awake!! carlie x
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Post by Scarlet on Jan 9, 2008 17:14:01 GMT
Glad you feel a bit better Carlie. The IBS lasted about 10 months, and I know it was connected to PNI and stress as i've never had stomach problems in my life. I wasn't taking meds either. It went by itself when my anxiety eased. I'm back to normal now Hope you had a good day in town, did you buy anything nice in the sales? I'm cream crackered as well, was up most of the night with my LO who is teething and real cranky. Early night for me tonight I think *yawns* Scarlet X
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Post by carlie on Jan 11, 2008 19:06:17 GMT
hey scarlet, didnt buy anythin just toothpaste lol! exciting stuff eh! My tummy is much better, goin to avoid nurofen from now on. Wish i could say the same about my mood. I got up at nine this morning and by 2 i was strugglin to keep my eyes open, i had a sleep when lo did. its been a long time since iv done tht. I still feel tired even after having a sleep. I know iv got problems with sleeoin to much which is bein investigated but its ten times worse with the depression on top. It really gets me down, keep thinkin why cant i just be normal like everyone else! My mood has been really low today and i have just wanted to go to bed and hide from the world. Iv felt like i cant be bothered to look after my daughter. I thought i was on the road to recovery, now im not so sure! maybe i was jus imaginin it, cos at the min i feel like iv taken 5 steps back. I dont understand why i feel so crap and where its come from, i was doing so well. Im slacking with the house, ironin, chores etc cos i just cant motivate myself to do it. Im really scared tht im going back to square one and will end up back in the day hospital. Dont know what else to say other than, i pray tht this is jus a blip and tht im not gettin really ill again. surely after a year of suffering i cant just go back to square one? i hope not anyway. thing is when i feel like this i find it so hard to notice how far iv really come. i jus fear the worst. carlie x
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Post by winegirl on Jan 11, 2008 21:08:08 GMT
Hi Carlie
The tiredness since having PNI is something i have found to be a massive struggle. It doesnt matter how much I get to sleep I am still battered! If I see past 10 at night its like a miracle and I struggle like hell to get up in the morning. It is a common feature of depression and anxiety, and does lift as the illness gets better!
You are right, you have come far, this is just a blip but you will keep going forward hun x
WG x
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Post by carlie on Jan 12, 2008 22:52:26 GMT
thanx winegirl! rubbish day yet again! hoping things will pick up soon. on a positive note i managed to get all the roning done and clean the house! my ironin took hours, there was loads! but it was gettin me down looking at it! all done now tho! phew! I got work tomorrow,dont want to go but i will prob muddle thro!!! tired so not gonna write much. all for now. x
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Post by sianyc on Jan 13, 2008 18:35:51 GMT
Wanna do mine - my ironing is threateneing to take over the world
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Post by winegirl on Jan 13, 2008 20:22:02 GMT
Hi Carlie
How did work go hun? I have found going to work such a struggle since having this illness, but I know I feel more human for going than if I had not. Hope it went ok for you x
WG x
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Post by carlie on Jan 14, 2008 21:22:17 GMT
hi winegirl, thanx for checkin in on me! Well i managed to get thro my shift. Before work we went to mcdonalds (oh and lo) and had some food, i was fine. then we walked to the pre sinct and jus before we got there i suddenly felt like i was gonna faint. my legs were like jelly, my arms and shoulders were aching i felt dizzy amd had blured vision! It just cam out of the blue. Now im worried iv got some heart condition. sometimes my heart does an irregular beat, its not palpatations and it only does it once but it fluters. I must go get it checked cos its worryin me altho it happens quite rarely. anyway i felt awful when i got to work my body felt like led could hardly keep my eyes open, but i stayed and i finished my shift. today i feel crap again, really tired, irritable and flat! i have had enough if feelin like this i really have, i thought i was gettin better. iv even had a few horrid thoughts which iv not had since the beginning. they r not as bad but they r still there. im so so scared tht im heading back into the big black hole and if i am i dont know if iv got the energy to climb out again. I feel dizzy this evening and i cant smile about anythin. my oh has gone to cumbria for the nite and wont be back til tomorrow tea time. he gone to a funeral, selfish of me totally but could have done with him being here really. He doesnt seem to understand or realise jus how bad i feelk bcos he has seen me have some good days. everyone thinks im over it now! little do they know! im rambling again. off to bed i think, i mite be naughty and have lo in with me for cuddles! mumy needs one! x
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Post by winegirl on Jan 14, 2008 21:31:48 GMT
Hi Carlie
I know exactly what it is like. You are going about your business feeling fine and all of a sudden feel faint, dizzy, like your legs have gone to jelly - and it is bl***y horrible! I know what it is like to sit in that big black hole as well hun. I was convinced something was either really wrong with me or this was gonna be stuck with me for life.
But I promise, it does get better hun!
I hope you have a lovely night cussdling LO to sleep! Wish I could have my LO in bed with me - but OH wont have it!
We are always here for you mate x
WG x
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Post by carlie on Jan 15, 2008 10:52:44 GMT
hey winegirl, your right it is horrible and it makes no sense! but its good to know im not the only one. I dont understand why or how iv fallen back into the whole? i was doing ok and its just hit me like a ton of bricks! This mornin i feel terrible as lo one woke up at 8.30am(in her cot) and i physically could not get up i didnt get up to her til 9.30am. she was playin in her cot not cryin but i just feel like a terrible mother. All i want to do is sleep all day long, i dont want to have to look after her, thts terrible thing to say! I cant even speak to oh, i just dont wanna talk im just silent most of the time. I feel like my eyes are just gonna close, i feel dizzy and faint. Iv been havin thoughts again,and im so so scared tht im gonna loose control and do somethin stupud cos at the min i dont wanna go on like this. I feel like cryin but there r no tears to come. Im so petrified im goin back to square one and i dont understand why? I wont go to docs cos all they want to do is increase my medication and i refuse to take a higher dose. i hate this, iv had enough its hell. i just want to be mee again,. to be honest i have forgotten who i am! To think jus a month ago i was writing so positive, now look'! jus goes to show how unexpected this illness is. saf, lonely, miserable, carlie x
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Post by winegirl on Jan 15, 2008 18:45:04 GMT
Hi Carlie
I still suffer with the tiredness. And often if I am not at work leave little one talking to herself in her cot until she gets loud enough to get me out of bed! I would happily sleep al day and night given the opportunity, there isnt enough sleep available as far as I'm concerened!
I said so many times, `i just wanna be me again' too. There were to many days when I never believed I would. But now I am getting there and see the light and KNOW I will be me again. Also, like you, I just didnt want to talk to my OH. Not really sure why, maybe it was too much energy to bother, but that will get better to hun.
Go back to the docs hun, they may have a point about the meds. What tends to happen when you are not on a theraputic level is that you feel better for a few weeks and then drop back down again, this is a classic sign in needing an increase in dose. just think about it hun x
WG x
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Post by Scarlet on Jan 16, 2008 8:07:12 GMT
Hiya Carlie,
Sorry to hear you are feeling crappy. I'm sure it's a blip due to some stress hun. Perhaps it's because your hubby had to go to Cumbria for a funeral and left you for the evening and you got anxious about it. I'm the same, I dread my hubby going away, and once when he did I had a terrible blip. This illness makes us terribly vulnerable and insecure doesn't it.
To think jus a month ago i was writing so positive, now look'! jus goes to show how unexpected this illness is.
You are not going back to square one, there's no way that will happen. Last month you were feeling positive and this will come back, I promise you hun you will get back on track, so try and ride this blip out as best you can.
Keep talking Carlie, we are here for you. Hope you are feeling a wee bit better today lovely.
Scarlet X
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