smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on May 14, 2009 17:37:13 GMT
Hiya all
I am 8 weeks pregnant now ;D
Im just feeling abit hfffhm and I thought I would come on here to have abit of a moan! I have had nausea all day long for over 2 weeks and feel so tired. I am lucky that I didnt get as bad as I had with DS but still its crippling and annoying. Its getting me abit down to be honest - its kind of disrupted my life. Whenever I feel down as im sure alot of pni sufferers feel, I feel paranoid that i will get depressed again. Also feeling sick feels abit like being ill with pni which is a quite uncomfortable place to be.
I dont know its just getting to me abit. On top of that I keep thinking because I have had the intrusive thoughts I will get ill - i know I keep going about this but Im scared. I havent had them for a week but last few days they have appeared once a day or something. I hate this - why cant I be a normal happy pregnant mum. I am trying so hard and I know that I am doing well - its just there, you know, this fear.
Had MIL over for weekend and was feeling sick so she looked after DS and it bought back flashbacks of how i felt when I first had DS - too sick to care for him and her there. It was unpleasant to be there again. I fell out with her at that time as I felt she was trying to take over and now Im stressed the same thing will happen again when im at my lowest or weakest. I am trying to keep it civil with her and keep my distance but since we broke the news she seems to want in on the action again! Grhh.. she keeps ringing me and saying I need help with DS etc.. If I need help I will ask.
I have turned into such a moany old cow. Im just so scared of being in that place again - I think my confidence in my ability to handle stress has gone even tho the last few weeks have been so stressful and I have handled it. DS has been getting up every night for 2 or 3 hours and I have had to tend to him feeling sick as a dog.
I look at other new mothers who so normal with their newborns and I think why cant that be me - my mind is just thinking the worse. I just want to have my baby and not suffer again. The fact that I am waiting to see whether I will be sentenced or not is quite torturous!!
Anyway, must sign off now.
Love to everyone
A sickly Smily! xx
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Post by winegirl on May 15, 2009 16:12:59 GMT
Hey Sicky...
How you feeling today? You been trying ginger, mint tea etc for the nausea??
I think that you are worrying yourself into the ground about getting ill again, and in doing so almost making it happen. STOP WORRYING!! You are doing great and are nowhere near the person you were when you first had PNI. Have some faith in yourself that you are strong mate!!
So 4 weeks till the first scan... We will need full details please!!
You have my email mate if you need to rant xx
Take Care
WG (())
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on May 15, 2009 17:21:18 GMT
Hi WG
Thanks for your reply - I can always rely on you to shake me up abit! ;D
I know I shouldnt worry but everytime I get an intrusive thought it feels like a sure sign of something abnormal. Surely, a normal person doesnt have these thoughts - they broke me before and im scared they will again. You are right I need to STOP worrying and give my brain a break!
Sickness -wise I felt alot better today - yes have had ginger galore. Its great to know im at the end of this yucky period! Feel alot happier today...
Need to chant a mantra ' i will be fine, i will be fine' everyday!
Love to ya all
smily xx
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Post by winegirl on May 15, 2009 17:26:35 GMT
Hey Hun
Actually intrusive thoughts happen to lots of people, its just that they are so fleeting they hardly notice them...
You are doing great hun - just believe it x
Love
WG xx
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on May 19, 2009 17:48:19 GMT
Thanks WG, that makes me feel alot better x. Im still on an ignoring them spree Everything else is ok, im less worried and going with the 'what will be, will be' attitude. Sickness is getting better and im handling the tiredness. Cant wait for my dating scan and when I can tell all my friends and extended family! On another note, I wonder if anyone has any advice about mending broken relationships because of pni. I want to get on better with DH's family now that im well again and its not affecting things. Which to a certain extent is happening itself as im not so anxious around them anymore. But I am scared that I will just let myself and everyone down again if it all happens again and I cant stand them to be near me or my baby. Im scared to get close to them and apart of me thinks I should keep a distance, just in case. But i dont want to live like that - i just want to be me!!! smiley xx
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Post by winegirl on May 19, 2009 19:30:52 GMT
Hey Hun
I know this might not be your cup of tes, but its a suggestion anyway.. How about writing them all a letter? You could explain how you felt about them because of PNI and what it did to you and outline the things that they could do to help you if it were to happen again?
I dont know what these people are like, but i normally find they are in one of two categories.. they either love you for writing to them telling them all about the PNI and your feelings... or they think it all a bit wierd and start to get a bit strange with you. Only you know what they are like and which way you think they will react...
Even if this does happen again, you wont let anyone down. You know the drill, you come through the other side of this and it all turns out right in the end xxx
Love
WG xx
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Jun 3, 2009 15:22:29 GMT
Hi guys n WG Just writing to say im doing fine and feeling alot less sick n tired. Yai! Im 11.5 weeks now and already got alittle bump! ;D I am starting to enjoy being pregnant and looking forward to getting big!! My scan is next week so looking forward to that. Anxiety has left the building! Not to say the normal worries of pregnancy arnt there but I know that they are normal feelings. Altogether feeling NORMAL - finally, lol! Feel very boring as have nothing to complain about, really, well nearly nothing! I really thought I wouldnt be able to cope with the first trimester sickness and looking after a toddler and working but I have kind of sailed through it and suprised myself by coping really well. I thought I would get depressed again or something but I didnt. I suppose once you have had a breakdown you feel more vulnerable in stressful situations but it doesnt mean you will break down again and I need to start to realise that. Maybe, I am stronger and less likely to break down but then why do they say you are higher risk if you have already suffered depression or a breakdown?? The intrusive thoughts have more or less gone but not totally. Sometimes, maybe once a day or something I have a really vague intrusive thought for a fleeting moment. I am hoping this will disappear altogether in the next few weeks or so. I havent mentioned it to my GP or midwife as Im hoping they go anyway. All in all I feel calm and less worried about things. I dont obssess as much about things. Like the in laws issue - if I get on with them I do and if i dont, I dont. I dont cut myself up over things anymore. Hope everyone else is doing good. Smily xx
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Post by winegirl on Jun 4, 2009 11:55:46 GMT
Yipppeee!!! So pleased to hear that hun! Really hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and make the most of it! I loved being pregnant and if I never am again i will miss it.
Keep us in the loop with how you are doing? It would be great to keep up to date with your progress xxx
Much Love
WG xx
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Jun 10, 2009 14:44:39 GMT
Thanks WG, still doing good. Calm before the storm.. ha haaaa
i was just wondering today when will i ever rid of this intrusive thoughts, if ever. Though they are momentary flashes usually once a day, they are still here in my head. I can cope with bizarre thoughts but not the sexual ones about my LO - that cuts me up. I try not to think about it too much.
Also, is it normal to feel lonely? When i was ill i felt sooo lonely as i was home 5 days a week. Now I am home 2 days with my LO and although I meet with people, I still from time to time feel lonely. Is that strange? Im happy so why do i feel lonely sometimes? I think surely other mums must feel lonely?
Otherwise, everything fantastic!! Smily
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Post by monica on Jun 10, 2009 15:32:01 GMT
Hello
Huge congrats on your pregnancy if I haven't congratulated you! Glad you are feeling well. I think because you've had pni you're bound to worry about getting it again and thus will worry about every thought you might have - but everyone gets these thoughts from time to time. Also 1sty trimester can always be hard with hormnes all over the place.
I think everyone feels lonely from time to time - my lonliness can vary from hour to hour! I don;t know what it depends on. But as long as it's time to time and not upsetting you.
Make sure you take it easy!
Love
Monica
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Jun 10, 2009 17:53:45 GMT
Hey monica
Thank you so much for your reply and reassurance - it means alot. Yes, I probably do worry and think more deeply about my thoughts and how im feeling than a person who hasnt had pni. I will try to chill out!
The loneliness isnt upsetting just abit annoying - i want to be able to spend time with my LO on my own without feeling alone - if you know what i mean. There was a period I was totally comfortable with this but lately its bothering me. I have only been in this area for 8 months or so and still getting to know people here so it may take time. Also my hubby works away 2 nights so thats not great.
Otherwise, cant moan as life is good!
Smily
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Post by winegirl on Jun 10, 2009 20:14:21 GMT
Hey Hun
My LO is 3 now and i still feel lonely at times when home alone with her. She is beautiful, and i love spending time with her, but nothing ever matchs adult company. I find getting out and about with her when we are on our own together helps this.. I think it is quite common and perfectly normal, so try not to worry.
Hope the pregnancy in general is going good??
Love
WG xx
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Jun 23, 2009 18:37:24 GMT
Hey ya Scan went really well and all is ok with baby. Really happy about that. Sickness and tiredness is getting better - Im hanging in there and trying to grit my teeth through this trimester! I forgot how horrible it can be. We've had some bad news - our closest friends 10 week baby died. I have been so upset and crying alot. I know this is normal as im so emotiona at the moment. I just feel soooo sad for them. Hubby and I have been really stressed about our friends and how they are coping. Cue lots of intrusive thoughts. Anxiety and stress related ofcourse. im just scared that they are not going and im 14.5 weeks now.. Arnt i entering into the second trimester - shouldnt have have gone by now. Its gettin me down to be honest, as i just dont know if I can deal with having them throughout my pregnancy and when baby is here. I try not to think about them as this makes them worse but im so upset that i still get them Trying to keep my chin up but its hard. Smily
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Post by winegirl on Jun 24, 2009 7:16:09 GMT
Hey Smiley
It will pass hun, your friends news would have set off anxiety in anyone try not to worry too much about when it will go and take each day as it comes...
Glad all is ok with baby! You going to find out at next scan the sex or are you keeping it a surprise??
WG xx
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Jun 24, 2009 13:08:48 GMT
Thanks WG, yes hoping it will pass. Im just getting tired of dealing with them for so long. Its like your thoughts aren't in your control. I will try not to let it get me down but its hard.
I think we will keep it a surprise as to whether its a girl or boy. thanks for your support.
smily x
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