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Post by winegirl on Jun 26, 2009 20:04:39 GMT
Yeah! I love it when its a surprise..
How have you been last couple of days?? Hope you are ok? YOu still got my email if you fancy a chat?? xx
WG x
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Jun 30, 2009 17:48:35 GMT
Hey WG I'm feeling alittle better. The stress of the last few weeks has subsided and hence the intrusive thoughts are less stronger -there is a definately some kind of connection. I am trying to keep my mind relaxed as much as I can and trying to desensitise myself from these thoughts so that they dont frighten me. And that takes alot of courage believe me. I cant wait for the day im free of these awful intrusive thoughts - only then can I be truely happy. I know that day will come one day Smiley xx
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Post by winegirl on Jul 1, 2009 19:18:35 GMT
Hey Smiley
Good idea. Stress is definately connected with the thoughts, and i found doing simple things like going to bed with a magazine ormy ds lite, or listening to some really chilled music (chill radio is good for it), cheesy as it sounds did help.
Glad you are feeling better hun - long may it continue x
Love
WG xx
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Jul 8, 2009 18:46:22 GMT
Thanks WG, you have been such a tower of support to me - I can never repay your kindness.
Well, I am feeling ssooooooooo much better!!!! What is it, with these highs and lows!! But I think I will stay on a high now. I read the book 'Imp of the Mind' in 4 days and my intrusive thoughts have almost gone! I cant believe it - how amazing! I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel so free. Its such a reassuring book and has really put my mind at ease. I am so happy. all my fears and doubts have seemed to gone in a flash!!
Smily xxx
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Post by winegirl on Jul 8, 2009 19:40:50 GMT
Oh mate I am soooo pleased for you.. you deserve to sit on your bum and enjoy this pregnancy with lots of custard donughts (oh, that was me actually...lol)
Do keep us updated with how you are doing. I am so pleased you are finally at peace xx
Love
WG xx
p.s book sounds interesting, if you ever get chance - can you let us know the author??
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Jul 10, 2009 10:12:09 GMT
lol about the donuts. i havent actually had any yet! but plenty of biscuits! Still feeling abit queasy from time to time which im suprised about, as im 17.5 weeks and so would have thought it would have gone. With my little boy it was gone by 13 weeks, so could be a girl! I am starting to enjoy my pregnancy now with the tiredness lifting aswell. dont feel as negative as I was feeling - actually quite excited!
The book is a godsend for those who suffer from intrusive thoughts (i think its the only book that deals with this condition rather than OCD as a whole). loads of reassurance (that were not monsters or bad people) and strategies to deal with them I am currenty trying the exposure therapy which involves writing a script of your bad thoughts and reading them everyday until you get bored of them. Lets see if it helps. The book is by Lee Baer
Have a wonderful weekend
Smily x
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Post by winegirl on Jul 11, 2009 6:55:57 GMT
Thanks Smiley - will check that one out!
Hope you have a good weekend and the nausea goes soon!
Love
WG xx
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Jul 17, 2009 8:58:56 GMT
Well, what a day i had yesterday. I have alot on at the moment. Workwise im having to reapply for my job which has been made full time. So i have 2 interviews next week with a panel of 3. Since I have recovered from pni my confidence is recovering slowly but professionally my confidence will take time to develop. So i am abit nervous about it all, even tho I know that I am a favourite to get the job! I just cant be asked to do this when im 5 months pregnant and due to go off on maternity leave in November, if you know what I mean. anyway, ho hum - must soldier on! Still working on the exposrure therapy re: intrusive thoughts. I think its helping but not at the speed I had hoped. They dont frighten me as much as they did although Im frustrated and scared that im still having them. Today, its got me abit down actually. Im still having to battle against them nearly 2 years later. I dont think I can be truely happy until they are gone. Its quite stressful to be dealing with them. I am at my happiest when I am free from them (which admittedly is alot more than I was). Wierdly reading my script of them actually calms me down and makes me feel better and lessens the thoughts. I suppose reading it my mind realises how stupidly irrational they sound. I just dont know what else I can do. Again, as no-one close to me knows I still have them I feel sad that having to deal with this myself. I also keep thinking they may get worse when the baby comes along. Coping with a newborn and them again - Argghhh, might just break me down again. But I know what im dealing with this time and how to cope with them which is like a million times better than the situation 2 years ago when I thought I had gone mad. I think I may have broke thr another barrier yesterday but not sure. i still have difficulty letting hubbys famly be with or do things with LO. Obviously, the illness that made this possessiveness really bad but over the years I have learnt to let go alittle althought its been really hard to do that. Yesterday, hubby's father was here and he picked Lo up from nursery and looked after him for an hour or so. I know it sounds stupid but I was angry about that and full of fear. I felt really bad about feeling like that and had alittle cry. But i was suprised that I didnt have any extreme anxiety symptoms like I used to in the past and the anger passed after an hour or so and I moved on. i suppose I just felt angry and uncomfortable which was manageable. I was really really pleased about this and this is not what I expected. I suppose things dont feel as hard as they used to. Its still really difficult for me to let others look after Lo or be away from him for long periods but maybe this will improve in time??? I hate feeling like an evil mother and want Lo to have freedom to be with who he wants. Smily
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Post by winegirl on Jul 17, 2009 10:12:01 GMT
Hi Smiley
You are doing good. This was always going to be a slow process, but you can see how much progress you have made and are still making!
I know you will find peace soon, dont let it grind you down hun.
How is the pregnancy going in general? How many weeks is it now?
Thinking of you x
WG X (())
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Jul 17, 2009 11:37:04 GMT
Thanks WG, thanks hun. It feels good to have someone championing me out there and i dont feel so alone. The pregnancy in general is going great - no issues at all. Im around 18.5 weeks so half way there and have my second scan end of July. I just cant belive I have another little person in there!! How amazing is that?!
When I get tired I get negative but being tired is all part and parcel of being pregnant and a mother. I know im doing well - I am a strong lady!!!
Looking forward to the baby coming and my family being complete. Thanks for wishing me peace - it means alot.
Smily x
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jul 17, 2009 13:28:26 GMT
Hi Smiley, Hope you don't mind me butting in on your diary, but just discovered you are pregnant with your second after PNI. I am hoping to get pregnant this year with no. 2 and this will be the first month hubbie and I are trying. I'd be really interested to know how you get on after the baby is born. I am so anxious that PP might return again if I have another one, but I really want a bigger family so we are going ahead with trying.
Wishing you every success in your pregnancy and having a newborn and I really hope you don't get ill again.
By the way, when are you due? I read you are going on maternity leave in November. That's when I took mine because LO was born December 12th, very nearly a Christmas baby. I was so sad because I missed his first christmas because I was on a psychiatric ward. We made up for it last year though.
Take care
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Jul 21, 2009 18:34:41 GMT
Hiya
No, I dont mind at all. I hope you can benefit from my experience. So far its been up and down in terms of fears and stress. Sometimes, I feel fine and sometimes scared but I suppose that is to be expected. I have started to put alot of stress management techniques in place which are helping and just taking each day as it comes. I try not to overload myself and take tings really easy and I have a big support system in place and ofcourse these forums. It does take alot of courage to try again but I never wanted pni to stop me from having another baby and here I am! Wishing you all the luck and let me know how you get on.
I had a really nice day today as I just chilled out and had alot of 'me' time and its done me the world of good. I need more days like this!!
Doing fine.
Smiley
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Post by winegirl on Jul 26, 2009 9:53:14 GMT
Hope you have had a chilled weekend too hun??
(())
WG x
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Jul 27, 2009 10:50:17 GMT
Hi WG
Feeling soooo much better! Intrusive thoughts have more or less gone! The exposure therapy has helped so much with my fears. Reading them again and again has helped the obsession with what might happen die down.
Im so glad. i can just chill out and enjoy myself now. Got my scan on Friday so looking forward to that.
Hope your well Smily
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Post by winegirl on Jul 27, 2009 10:55:01 GMT
Let us know how the scan goes?
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