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Post by sianyc on Mar 6, 2008 13:12:06 GMT
Hi
Mine seemed to centre around not being able to stop myself imagining me, G or the kids dying and what would happen afterwards. One hit me the other day for the first time in months and I got fixated on accidentally crashing the car when reversing out of my dad's old house (I was meeting him there) and the car going into the side that my toddler was on, killing her. It was on my mind until I actually did that drive safely.
Anyway, I try to make a conscious effort to stop thinking about anything and then make myself think about something else. Mundane things like what shopping I need, what I fancy for dinner and whether I have the ingredients etc takes my mind off it. Putting the radio on loudly and singing along sometimes works as does starting off a conversation with the eldest if she's around.
The detached feeling you've described is also very familiar to me and I never really found anything that could get rid of this. On days like this, I'd try to visit someone - just my nan or dad - someone close who knew about the PNI and who I didn't have to put a front on with. If I couldn't do that, I'd take the lo's on the train to the big park a few miles away. Although I just wanted to cul up, it just wasn't possible with them in the house and this trip would take up a good 4 hour chunk of the day, tire them out and give me peace while they napped when we got back.
Do you take your meds in the morning or evening? Only asking as I changed them to the evening and this made my mornings a little better x
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 6, 2008 13:39:47 GMT
Hi JM,
Sorry you are feeling crappy today. I know only too well what you are going through with the intrusive thoughts, constantly chewing things over in your head and trying to resolve things, but it never works, because as soon as one thing disappears another replaces it. I thought these terrible thoughts would be with me forever, that they would never disappear...but they have, and will for you too, with time.
Like you, I also used to wake up and within a few mins I had asked myself if I was well again, and when I wasn't I became detached for the whole day. I somehow expected to wake up well, but it never happened and I was so disappointed..
Recovery is a slow gradual process of re-training your brain and thoughts, and it happens naturally really (with a bit of help from ADs). The way to push it along is to distract yourself, by getting yourself out, watching a movie, doing housework, cooking...basically anything that will give you 5 mins relief here and there, and then you build it up. I found getting out each day helped me, even if it was for a short respite. Soon the better moments were becoming more often.
As I said, when I started to recover I noticed that I had good hours on an evening and was able to watch a movie, this is when I knew I was getting better.....and you are too, it's just that you don't notice it yourself hun, but you are.
Love and hugs
Scarlet
xxx
ps did you manage to download that stuff hun??
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Post by winegirl on Mar 6, 2008 19:24:27 GMT
Hi JM
I dont know alot about the intrusive thoughts, but i can comment on feeling terrible in the morning and getting better as the day goes on.
It is pretty typical for anyone suffering depression and/or anxiety to be at there worse in the morning. It is something to do with your nerves rections to the day ahead. I am the same, I am still pretty bad in the morning but get better as the day goes on. At the begining of PNI it was really only the evenings when i felt a bit better!
But it does get better. I still struggle a bit in the mornings now, but nowhere near as bad and after a couple of hours I am pretty much back to normal! Hang in there babes, you will get there too soon xxx
WG x
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Post by justme31 on Mar 12, 2008 20:43:08 GMT
this will go down as one of the shittiest day ever...obssessional thoughts r terrible non stop feel like my head is spinnin and i feel so spaced out and cant think straight. dunno how muchlonger i can put up with feelin like this.... sorry if this offends anyone but i feel like jumpin off a cliff. keep cryin thinkin i must b mad to think all the irrational things that i do. been cryin mosta the night keep thinkin i have some incurable terrible mental illness. thought i was gettin a tiny bit better but now it just feels like it is worse then ever. think am gunna take some tranquilisers tonight as am scared i wont sleep. i should add that am due on so maybe thats y am really bad at the mo. its weird have always said that depression wasnt really the problem it was more the anxiety but tonight depression can b added to the list of things i feel. feel miserable, anxious, mad and in despair.
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larsbars
Senior Member
Mummy to Daisy 3 1/2 & Jamie 2.
Posts: 415
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Post by larsbars on Mar 12, 2008 23:05:50 GMT
Hi justme31,
I'v just read your thread and feel like looking in a mirror. I too am convinced that I have something worse than what doc & psychotherapist think. I keep thinking that I am schizo but they just don't realise. I get paranoid that they seem to think I have JUST anxiety and depression. I worry that they are just saying that to get rid of me but that they don't realise there could be something much worse wrong! I have to admit that I don't feel like this all of the time just when I am having a bad spell and I think I have nailed that down to when I am due on. I can feel absolutely horrendous and tend to for a little while after my period but after upping my tablets last time I seem to be having some quite good bouts. You may find that after you have had your period your tablets may take more of an effect as you will have been on them for a bit longer and those hormones will have subsided...I hate hormones!
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Post by justme31 on Mar 13, 2008 8:15:46 GMT
i know that feelin larsbar its hard bein a woman innit!! i remember i had the bad times around my period last time with the pni. my doctor keeps tellin me that ppl that r schizo and r mad dont really know so he says he will worry when i start to tell him that am sane lol. its hard though it like i know rationally that there r other people out there sufferin from this even worse then i am... but then this thought creeps in that says do they feel as bad as this and do they have all these crazy thoughts that i have!!
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Post by winegirl on Mar 13, 2008 8:47:14 GMT
Hi JM
Sorry wasnt around last night hun. How are you doing this morning mate??
WG x
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Post by justme31 on Mar 13, 2008 8:56:21 GMT
not too good at the mo wg... thoughts r still terrible.. am startin to get annoyed with myself for not bein able to switch off from them. am hopin that all this is just connected with me gettin my period cos i seem to have got crankier the last 2 days and i come on this morn... so fingers crossed it will get better after a few days.
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Post by winegirl on Mar 13, 2008 8:59:54 GMT
Hi JM
Sorry to hear that babes - i would log into the chat room but am at work so bit of a nightmare. Hopefully if you have come on this morning you should start picking up this afternoon, i will keep checking in on you babes throughout the day and should be around for chat when I get home tonight.
Hang in there babes xx
WG x
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 13, 2008 12:16:30 GMT
Hi JM,
Sorry yesterday was a crappy one. I know what you mean about wanting to jump off a cliff, as I felt like that as well. I know it's hard with all the irrational thoughts as I remember when I was constantly bombarded by them, and my heart goes out to you...
It seems as if you have felt a tiny bit better in the last day or two, this is recovery hun...it is constantly up and down at first with a few hours of respite here and there. Some days you have no respite, some days an odd hour, and it seems so haphazard that you can't put your finger on what triggers the bad moments, but I promise you it eases with time hun, I'm not just saying this to comfort you.
It could be PMT though making it worse for you after a brief respite hun, from my experience of this illness, I was always 5o times worse when my period was due, and cried for days and had the most terrible thoughts, then it eased off a wee bit....
Did you manage to get some sleep at night, and did you have to resort to some tranquilisers? No matter if you did, as long as you slept hun..I promise you wholehartedy that you are not mad...else we all would be, as we all have, or have had similar symptoms.
Love and hugs
Scarlet
xxxx
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larsbars
Senior Member
Mummy to Daisy 3 1/2 & Jamie 2.
Posts: 415
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Post by larsbars on Mar 13, 2008 16:16:49 GMT
Hi JM.... glad you got the dreaded period. That makes you feel crap in yourself doesn't it but sometimes it's a bit of a relief when it does finally happen. Here's hoping you feel a bit better soon x
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Post by justme31 on Mar 14, 2008 16:43:56 GMT
went to a meetin at my boys school this morn... was sitttin in the reception feelin so spaced out thought am gunna lose it and run out... anyway i didnt and managed to get through it ok. its a result that i even went cos 3 weeks ago i was scared to leave the house let alone sit in a meetin!! gota say the panic attacks definely seem to have improved lookin back on how bad they were 3 weeks ago. obssessional thoughts seem to have got worse but have been told that the antids take longer to work on those. went to c the shrink on tuesday he says to stay on the tablets as it only been 2 weeks and there seems to b some improvements... he says he was pleased but that they recommend u give them 6 weeks... he also said to carry on with the pyschotherapists as i have ocd in with the depression. i still feel spaced out but was readin about this symptom earlier its called brain fog and apparently is very common in depression and anxiety.... i never knew thats so thats made me feel a bit better...cos i thought it was a symptom of going mad!!! thoughts r still bad yesterday was obssessed that i was guna get deluded and hurt someone and today am obseesessed with thinkin am gunna start hearin voices!! lol how mad do i sound!!
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 14, 2008 17:19:48 GMT
Hi JM, I am so glad you went to the meeting, despite feeling spaced out. Remember the more you do things, the easier it gets hun. Try and get out a bit every day even if it's only to Tescos or the local shops. The fear will disappear if you start doing a little bit every day, even if you have the numb feelings at first. Your psychiatrist is right, you are improving hun. I was reading one my earlier posts on here which you might find interesting to see how I was in May last year for you to compare. veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=General&action=display&n=1&thread=4193I also stopped smoking last September. Ciggies were my ADs for a year during my worst time  . Hugs Scarlet xxxxx |
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Post by justme31 on Mar 14, 2008 18:27:31 GMT
i can relate to your post especially the anaylsing everything. i dont really get any good days at the mo. its tend to b more that i might forget about the pni for 5 mins sometimes durin the day if that makes sense...then it hits me again. is this recoverin? 3 weeks ago it was 24/7 now i do get the odd 5 mins where i dont think about it. and nighttime for some reason after about 8 i seem to feel much better. i remember with the pni last time i didnt know id got better.. i know that sounds stupid but it just didnt occur to me no more cos recoverin was so gradually it was only when one day i thought i dont feel like that no more that i knew i was better. lol dunno if u know what i mean i aint goood at explainin myself!!
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Post by winegirl on Mar 14, 2008 18:43:24 GMT
Hi Jm
Have you read a book called Self help For your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes? She talks about the brain fog alot and ways to get over it - definately the best anxiety book i ever bought!
Yes, recovery is exactlt that hun. 5 mins here and there, then half an hour, then an hour and so on. It really is that gradual. I am starting to have good whole days now, something i thought i would never see!
You WILL beat this mate x
WG xx
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