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Post by winegirl on Apr 5, 2008 7:56:29 GMT
Hi LL
Sorry you are struggling babes. Keep yourself busy and by lunch time you should be feeling better. Will be around on and off all dsy if you need to talk xxx
WG xxx
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Post by littlelotty on Apr 5, 2008 12:08:44 GMT
Thanks WG. Have somehow got through this morning, I was so anxious and could not calm down, went to the soft play area and have given my LO lunch and I am now sitting down as she is asleep at last. You are right that I am feeling a bit calmer now - I just don't now how I can feel so good over the last week and then drop down again with no build up!
Hope you are having a good day WG,
LittleLotty xx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 5, 2008 13:56:56 GMT
Hi LL
I find that it comes back to bite with no warning whatsoever. Can be fine for weeks and then suddenly have some really rough days. Glad you made it out to the soft play area, you up to much this afternoon?
I have managed to do housework (well, some) and wash my hair. Just got to try and straighten it now whilst occupying Lo.. hmmmm....
Glad you are feeling better, hope it is the end of the blip for you??
WG x
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Post by littlelotty on Apr 5, 2008 14:20:40 GMT
I have just watched portsmouth win the semi-final thank god as my hubby is a die hard portsmouth fan and he is at wembley today so I know he will come back in a good mood. I am just hoping my horse comes in to win - there is a sweep stake at work and I have cloudy Lane so fingers crossed as I could win £50!!!
I am trying to tidy up and do some ironing whilst my LO is running around although she is outside in the garden - we have an ideal garden that I can see her at every bit from the kitchen so I can do my ironing and she can run around safely and tire herself out!
Hope you manage to straighen your hair!!
LittleLotty xx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 5, 2008 20:34:28 GMT
LOL! Yeah, and my horse came first!!!! Dead chuffed, happily drunk on the winnings now!
Hope your evening went well?
WG xx
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Post by littlelotty on Apr 6, 2008 10:12:32 GMT
Well had a good evening last night. My horse didn't win - oh well can't have everything I guess!!! Well done WG for your win! Bet you have a sore head this morning!!! I managed to get all my ironing done - took me two hours though - there is always so much and I iron all the time it seems like! My LO played in the garden for 3 hours though and loved it which was nice as it was a really nice day.
My hubby got home about 5.30pm which was much earlier than I thought so that was nice and he was in a very good mood!!! He had to watch the whole game again that he recorded though which is mad!!! He bathed our LO and we got her to bed and then cooked dinner.
I watched a bit of tele and we were both tired so went to bed whilst hubby watched match of the day in bed!!!! You can see what I have to put up with!!
Woke up this morning and there is snow everywhere which is very rare for us southern people as we live really close to the beach and my hubby reckons we haven't had snow for at least 5 years or more!! We took our LO in the garden and built a really cool snowman. Our LO was scared of it for ages and took her about 30 mins to get her out of the house but once out she didn't want to come back in! Me and OH had a snow ball fight which was really funny. Our LO has gone to sleep after all that runny around and we are about to read the papers which is nice. I think we are heading into town this afternoon to watch the other semi-final so my hubby knows who he is playing!! We are going out for dinner whilst watching the game so our LO will be occupied!!!
Feel a lot calmer today which I am pleased about and trying to remain calm.
Hope you all have fun with the snow!
LittleLotty xx
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larsbars
Senior Member
Mummy to Daisy 3 1/2 & Jamie 2.
Posts: 415
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Post by larsbars on Apr 6, 2008 20:54:33 GMT
Hi LL,
I did post in your diary yesterday but I can seem to see it. I think I probably wrote it then forgot to post it!
Well done for getting through Sat. and I'm glad you have had a better day today.
What I said in my last post was does your husband work quite close to home and is London a long way for him to go. Sometimes if I am quite low I find that if OH goes too far away from home or is drinking and I know that I can not get hold of him easy I worry. I just can't relax for the whole day. It doesn't happen all of the time but it may be why you had your nightmare. It might have been your sub-conscious going into overdrive. Try not worry about it too much although I know what it is like. I'm glad you feel better today though and I hope you have a good week.
We had tons of snow today and it was great. LO's played in it with OH. I woke up with ANOTHER headache so I just spectated and took the pictures. It was lovely to see them having so much fun!
Take care,
xx
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Post by littlelotty on Apr 7, 2008 21:16:43 GMT
Well had a good afternoon yesterday and we went to town and watched the semi-final matched whilst our LO was eating her dinner and it was good afternoon. We came back and bathed LO and put her to bed. I had lots of energy last night - no idea where that came from and was ironing, cleaning, doing paperwork, writing myself lists etc.
Woke up this morning today and I felt good and although tired as usual I managed to get lots done. Straightened my hair, phoned up currys for our fridge freezer, tried to book a doctors appointment for my LO but unable to due to a rubbish receptionist but that is another matter I wont mention! Also picked up my meds, tidyed up, did some washing, went to the tip to get rid of some rubbish in the garage and then the health visitor came and that was good.
She said that I am doing very well and although I had a blip when I felt suicidial a couple of weeks ago I have managed to pick myself up again and the blips are not lasting as long. I mentioned about my LO and that her behaviour has been better the last couple of weeks and that is likely to be as I have been happier and she is clearly picking up from me. She made me feel a lot more positive and is also going to be transferring me to my old health visitor as I am moving everything back to hubby's and this meant health visitors as well. My old one is really nice so I am looking forward to that.
I picked up my LO from nursery and she has had a good day again and they all love her their. She has been a little monkey today and took all the children's socks off and hide them in drawers and thought it was funny - they all thought it was funny!!
Managed to bath her and get her to bed on my own which was good and my Hubby came home just after 7pm. Have cooked dinner and sat on sofa watching tele - eastenders was good tonight with Ricky and Bianca back!
Feeling a bit more upbeat and although at times today I have been crying I have managed to brush it off and keep going somehow. I think I have just been a bit more emotional today and no idea what I have been crying for.
Will have a quieter day tommorrow so that is good and we have relate which I always look forward to.
Hope everyone is ok
LittleLotty xx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 7, 2008 21:22:05 GMT
Hi LL
Sounds like you are doing really well!! good for you!!
Sorry you have been feeling a bit emtional today though, i am sure that will pass too hun x
Sorry its a quickie but it is past my bed time!
Hopefully catch up with you properly tomorrow xx
WG x
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Post by littlelotty on Apr 9, 2008 9:50:26 GMT
Hi everyone
Had a bit of a down day yesterday, got up and had a mad morning - woke up tired and this didn't help i think. Dropped my LO at nursery and then had to go into work to get more forms signed as my registration as a social worker runs out on the 10th May and my manager and her manager has to sign the forms. They also want to see that I am medically fit - so that has upset me as I am worrying that I may not pass!! They are probably going to be writing to my doctor to ask for a report! I also chatted to everyone at work which was really nice to catch up with everyone - although they all asked how are you - you look really well. If only they could see into my head!!!!
I then went to my house as I had left the heating on from the day before so wanted to switch that off. By the time I got back I was shattered and it was lunchtime! I stayed at home all afternoon as I had a new fridge freezer being delivered but I sat on the computer for most of the afternoon and felt really funny - like I was getting anxious I think and stressing about everything. I managed to put some washing on and dyed everything blue as a new blanket was in there and it dyed everything so I was really annoyed about that. I then felt I was a waste of space for not doing much and wasting time and there is still so many things that I need to do.
I picked my LO up from nursery and she had a good day but was tired - just like her mother! I needed to get some milk so I quickly went into the shops with my LO and it took my 30 mins to get some milk as my LO was a nightmare - more tantrums than I have ever seen and everyone was looking at me and I was struggling with her and carrying by bag and the milk. Could of walked out and left her as I just wanted to get back to the car! I somehow managed to get her back screaming. I will learn to take her in her buggy next time and not let her walk - I think I give her too much independance sometimes. I got her home and was very stressed and my OH walked in and I snapped at him as soon as he got through the door. I think he knew I was stressed and helped me and got LO bathed and ready to go to in laws. I was able to try and calm down. We took LO to in laws and then went for dinner and then relate which was an excellent session.
We were finally able to talk about some of the issues from the past and we have gone onto the relate website and found which colour our personality is and what the other one needs - I can give you the link if you want. It helped so much and we talked about what we need from the relationship. I said that I wanted more romance - things that didn't cost money as we haven't got much at the moment but things like running a bath, leaving notes, sending an e-mail or flirty texts etc and I said that the spark had gone since we had our LO and this was what we used to do and it was really good. My OH was surprised by this but helped that I was able to say what I needed. He talked about what he needs and I was able to be aware of that which again is helping us. We talked all the way home and have said that the next two months we are going to get the spark back with things that don't cost money, until we have some money!
was tired when I came back - watched eastenders on repeat and then went to bed. I was able to have a lie in as we didn't have our Lo and my OH went to work, so woke up at 8.45am which was good for me! My OH had left me a note in the kitchen saying 'I love you' which was really nice and showed he had listened last night! I am going to try and plan something for our wedding anniversary which is on 26th May.
Feel a bit better today and have squash tonight!
Hope everyone is ok
LittleLotty xx
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Post by littlelotty on Apr 9, 2008 18:46:13 GMT
Have got to write my diary early as I have such a good day - which is rare I know! Spent this morning on computer and made a few phonecalls that I needed to do which I was pleased I managed to do this. I cleaned up a bit and had a phonecall from my solicitor to say that all the court things with our LO has all been finalised and there is no further court involvement which is such great news! My OH was asking for shared residence order and contact order after I left and this has still been granted even though we are back together as it is still early days and I have to accept this but so glad it is all over.
I then had a phonecall from my letting agency saying that they have managed to sort out people moving in for the 26th April so I do not need to pay anymore rent and I can cancel all the direct debits for all the bills. This has saved me about £800 plus this month and that has been a god send as I only had £100 left this month and I have been getting so worried how I am going to survive. It is some of the best news I have had for so long!
I phoned hubby all excited which is rare for me. Cancelled all the direct debits and phoned all the companys such as gas, electric and water etc and some of them I am in credit! I thought things come in threes so I went to get some lunch and brought a lottery ticket which is probably dreaming!
I went around my in laws to spend the afternoon with my LO and her cousin and it was really good and I managed with both of them well, even took them to the park on my own and had a great time!
My hubby came home around 6pm and said that one of his work mates is moving into a new place this weekend and needs some things for it. that is so handy as I have so much furniture over there that is doubles and other things such as kettles, etc and we have been thinking about doing a car boot but have no time left to get everything out and I have been getting worried about that as I have to clean it from top to bottom and I just want it all gone so I can start on the cleaning. He is coming over with a van on sunday so it will all be gone - what good news that is.
What a day all I need is the lottery to come in but will have to keep dreaming ......
Also squash has been cancelled as my friends gran has died so I can put my feet up - didn't moan at that!
Take Care
LittleLotty xx
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Post by littlelotty on Apr 10, 2008 21:17:59 GMT
Hi everyone
Well had a very busy day and this is the first time I have managed to sit down and get on the computer all day which must of meant I was busy!! This morning we had my hubby's brother in law come and paint the kitchen and lounge which is the last bit of the decorating which was good but choas this morning! I went to the local spa place and booked a pampering day for three of my mates and myself for the 27th April and really looking forward to a girls day out! I then went to my house and packed my whole car up to the full and there is only three things left which is so good and it felt like a weight off me and that my stuff is all back here!! I think that is helping me with my recovery!
I then brought it all back and unloaded it all and then had to unpack it all which too me ages and I had to clean downstairs and put all furniture back as the painting had dried and wanted it all to look nice when my hubby got home.
I did a bit of cleaning and tried to make it all look nice!! I then had to go to counselling and it was a really good session although it was really hard today as we went through some of my past and how I am searching for this high up love and I am never going to achieve it. We talked about my needs not being met as a child and how I felt unloved by all of my family and anyone close to me and that I am trying to push my hubby away now as I believe it is not going to work and I try to destroy it. It was really good and made me realise alot of things. My childhood has really affected me in such a way that it has wrecked my whole life. I am determined more than ever to make sure it does not affect me for the rest of my life.
I came home and we got our LO bathed and to bed. We then put loads of stuff in the loft and finished the house off looking nice and I feel more comfortable now with it. Although the bathroom needs to be sorted as it is leaking again which is a nightmare!!
Have not stopped today and just starting to get tired!! I feel positive again today and my best mate said that I sound the best I have in months today and she should know after what I have been through as she has been through everything with me.
I am meeting a friend tommorrow from my school days who I have not seen for over 5 years and we both have kids so I must be on the road for recovery if I am able to do that!!!!
Take care everyone
LittleLotty xx
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larsbars
Senior Member
Mummy to Daisy 3 1/2 & Jamie 2.
Posts: 415
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Post by larsbars on Apr 10, 2008 22:14:58 GMT
Hi Littlelottie,
I'm really pleased for you. You sound like you have had a brilliant couple of days. I'l glad things are working out for you with your flat and that must be a huge weight off of your mind. Money is one of the worst stresses in life I reckon.
The counselling seems to be going well also. It's amazing when you start to talk about things that you start to realise hoe much they have been affecting you. Although I didn;t have a bad childhood I grew up with parents who had a loveless mariage, were tearing chunks out f each other all of the time and used to be their go between when they weren't talking all of which I took in my stride at the time but it totally makes me see how I am now and it took a complete strager to show me that.
I hope you a lovely day tomorrow and am really pleased for you.
Take care xx
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Post by littlelotty on Apr 11, 2008 20:12:01 GMT
I have had the worst day in ages and have no energy yet to write it all out but it feels tonight that I am losing the fight to keep picking myself up after the down days. It is so hard that you feel so good for days and then you drop down dramatically and it has no warning. I have had many bad days after good ones but it feels tonight that I will never get rid of them for good and this is my life now. I just can't manage my LO on my own anymore and feel a failure as a mother and that there are so many people that want babies and the one I have I think sometimes I don't want and can't manage her. I have thought today that I wished I could run as I can't manage everything and I want my life to go back to the way it was pre-baby. That sounds so bad and I have been crying about it today but can't calm down. I will write more tommorrow as I am so tried and exhausted after today.
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Post by winegirl on Apr 11, 2008 20:21:11 GMT
HI Babes
Sending you massive hugs (())
I have had days with my LO in the past where i have felt i just cant manage on my own (OH works while i have her and have no family near by), and i know what a desperate feeling it can be, especially when you have had a few good days and then it feels like it is all crashing around you again.
But this is just a blip, and you will get over it. Please believe that hunx x
Get yourself off to bed babes and get some rest, tiredness definately makes all the thoughts and symptoms worse. Dont worry about not talking about it hun, you know we will be here when you feel up to it xx
Love
WG x
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