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Post by winegirl on Apr 5, 2008 12:08:41 GMT
Hi Cokey
I am a massive believer in it getting worse before it gets better. I think you have to hit an all time low to woark your way beack up again.
How are you doing this afternoon? YOu got much on to keep you guys busy for the rest of the day??
WG x
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Post by cokey on Apr 5, 2008 12:25:32 GMT
I am going to tidy my bedroom and do some ironing later. Right now I am looking at something Scarlet sent me. I am trying to get my MP3 player working - god this not thinking straight doesn't half mess with practical tasks. I also have my SAD lamp on which is helping. I had some camomile tea and I have calmed down a lot. I also looked at my posts from PNI#1 and I was just the same. Feeling a bit better now than earlier. I think I am only just accepting I have PNI again properly. However not its hit me full on, the road to recovery is clearer and blips and all I know I can get through each day.
Thanks for all your support ladies.
What you doing today JM, WG and TM?
Cokey xxx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 5, 2008 12:39:30 GMT
Hi Cokey
These SAD lamps sound fab. Everyone i know who has had one swears by it!
Glad yu are feeling a bit better babes x
Right better shoot, got to attempt to shower and wash my hair whilst keeping LO entertained in the bathroom! LOL x
WG xxx
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Post by cokey on Apr 7, 2008 10:34:55 GMT
Well what a good 2 days.
Yesterday I woke up and the thoughts were basically in the background and no longer driving me. I felt good and couldn't understand why and then 5 days early, I came on! The relief has been instant really and even today I am so much better.
Last night the anxiety was dreadful and I struggled to sleep and had endless night terrors. I don't worry if I can't sleep though, I just go with it. I have sky plus so I just watch tv. Fascinating stuff on at 2am!
Oh and I had a few weird thoughts again last night. I had curry and I apoke about this with Justme and she had this one, about getting an allergic reaction from eating it. I am the same with prawns and peanuts lol It soon passed though.
Today I am better again but very shaky and anxious. Not panicky at all, just bascically shaky.
I am going to get some camomile tea and maybe do my relaxation tapes.
Hope you are all okay today.
Cokey xx
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Post by Scarlet on Apr 7, 2008 15:10:34 GMT
Hi Cokey,
You were up late hun... Sorry to hear that your anxiety flared up last night. But you know the reason, and I am glad it's subsided today. Did youlisten to your relaxation tapes?
Hugs
xxx
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Post by cokey on Apr 7, 2008 16:07:15 GMT
Hi SCarlet
To be honest and I don't know why but the relaxation tapes make me feel worse at the moment. Its very odd indeed. I find watching a programme I can get fully engrossed in works. I am not bothered though, if thats all I have to put up with then I am happier than last week. The anxiety will ease when its time I guess.
I am really philosophical today - either that or just plain tired lol
I liked the linked you put up about the anxiety/disturbing thoughts - makes so much sense.
Cokey xx
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Post by Scarlet on Apr 7, 2008 16:13:24 GMT
It is good isn't it hun, some of the other stuff I sent you doesn't go as far as to tell you how you should deal with the thoughts, and it's often difficult to distract yourself with small children. I like the one about viewing the thoughts as a bully, and answer with 'whatever'. I read something the other day which said you should imagine the thoughts are being said in a donald duck voice to yourself and this will take the edge off them.
You do have to laugh though don't you at all the things we try...
Hugs to you hun
xxxxx
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Post by cokey on Apr 9, 2008 10:02:53 GMT
Well what a couple of days. Today I have been reminded what a rollercoaster this illness is. I got my period 3 days ago and felt instant relief then yesterday woke up (my hubby had it too) with a 24 hour sickness bug. I had to rest all day and it gave me way too much time to think and BAM! the thoughts came back bigger and better than before and this time not only was I panicking I was depressed and may take my own life but also take my kids. So it can't get much worse. My husband reminded me I had the very same thoughts last time and came through it.
Its so scary though because 99% of me knows what it is, just thoughts but 1% of me freaks out and thinks what if I am right and I am crazily depressed. You read about it don't you.
Ultimately I know I will be fine. I took 2 kalms and they brought me back to reality.
Fast forward 6 months til I am better again.
Cokey xx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 9, 2008 16:59:28 GMT
Hi Cokey
Sorry you have been poorly hun. My GP told me that we all get a bit depressed when we have bugs, but those of us who suffer with mental health will usually suffer more than usual with or after having a bug. Think he is right because last time i had a bug it took me a week to pull myself together again.
How has your afternoon been? You been feeling any better?
WG x
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Post by cokey on Apr 10, 2008 17:47:59 GMT
Hi WG
Yeah I agree when I was in recovery last time I used to get blips whenever my kids were ill or if I was ill.
Well yesterday, after losing it big time and getting my family round, who are now all rallying and staying with me until I am able to be alone again, I have had a better day. My sister came today with her kids and they played well with my little boy and baby.
I had my first counselling session this afternoon and she was great. She diagnosed anxiety rather than depression and she explained how it all worked and how I need to beat it. She is going to help me every step of the way. Unfortuantely because of resources I can only see her once every 3 weeks but its something. She has suggested I talk to the GP again about meds and I may consider it if I am no better in 2 weeks time.
All in all I would have had a ncie day if my stupid mind wasn't analysing it so much and questioning enjoyment in itself!!
Tomorrow I have more time alone but my mum is nearby.
Also today I made dinner and tea for everyone and as stupid as it sounds I don't feel as useless because of that (although I have sent my ironing out - I love ironing normally but I find it gives you too much thinking time at the moment).
Hope you are all okay. Thinking of each and every one of you.
Cokey xx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 11, 2008 19:53:18 GMT
HI Cokey
Glad yesterday went well for you hun. I wish i could make lunch and tea for everyone! I can usually manage one or the other but never both!!
Hope today went ok for you? Did you see your mum at all?
WG x
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Post by cokey on Apr 12, 2008 16:00:17 GMT
Hi WG, everyone
Yes, yesterday my mum stayed with me most of the day. We went to NEXT and then my little boy wanted to go to McDonalds. I find all of it hard but I just let the anxiety wash over me and I remembered it couldn't hurt me.
I got home and my husband was due in at 4.30 but it turned out to be more like 6.30 so I was alone for about 2 hours and we had a power cut. My little boy got worried so I said right lets do something together and we tidied up downstairs and then the power came back after an hour. I was so jittery and on the verge of panic the whole time but I got through it.
The evening was okay but I had an explosion of thoughts and just had to get on with them.
I went to bed at 9 despite not wanting to (I hate night) and didn't sleep until 1am but that was okay for me and watched TV until then.
Today, I woke up okay (probably because my husband was home) and we went out to Leeds. We went to an ice slope place (just to view) and had lunch. It was nice but I started panicking a bit when I had a thought that I would be allergic to the salad.
The day has been okay so far for me. The thoughts are there but they aren't welcome. I keep saying to myself 'they are not the facts, they are just imagination'. It seems to be helping but without being negative I know full well that doesn't work when you are having a bad day.
I am having good days though amongst all this - probably 1 in 7, so its a start.
Hope you are all okay today.
Thinking of you all as usual. Glad you are on the up Justme and tabbysmum - tomorrow will be your good day again.
Cokey xxx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 12, 2008 16:18:54 GMT
Hi Cokey
Wow, I could never have gone from Lincs to Leeds wen i was suffering! You have done so brilliantly!
I am glad you are starting to the the good days mate, soon they will all be good days. x
Enjoy the rest of your weekend xx
WG x
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Post by cokey on Apr 12, 2008 17:40:54 GMT
thanks WG, I am quite proud of myself. I was a bit worried and took a few kalms but I did it and enjoyed it almost!! lol
I love these days.
Hope you are having a good weekend too.
Cokey xxx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 12, 2008 19:29:59 GMT
Yeah great thanks mate - made it swimming with LO today and we have had loads of fun in between!
It will get to a point soon hun when you will get out and about and really enjoy it! At first i managed to get out and about and it was all such a nightmare - but gradually i started to enjoy myself - and now i LOVE being out and about!
It will hapen the same for you too x
Enjoy the rest of your weekend xx
WG
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