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Post by cokey on Jul 29, 2009 19:12:16 GMT
Hi ladies
Sorry I havent had chance (weal excuse really as I seem to get chance to go on facebook).
Well its been a weird week. I got my results back and all is okay at the moment, although I do still have stomach cramps and backache. The GP says it is almost some form of IBS and to keep a diary. I find it hard to accept as when I was at my wort with PNI, I didn't get this and now I feel (or did feel) ok, I get IBS!!
Anyway all that was overshadowed by my little boy getting or possibly getting swine flu. It was pretty short lived so I am thinking it may have been a nasty cold but nonetheless it was rough for 48hrs because he had chronic lung disease as a prem and his lungs are still very weak. Anyway got the tamiflu which seemed to do the trick, then last night Evie got a temperature. However thats gone again now which reinforces my belief it was just a virus all along but the GP told me to give Michael the tamiflu anyway, and I am glad I did because it is always better to be safe than sorry.
I have been left feeling somewhat anxious again, not sleeping well and if anything proves that OCD is a symptom of anxiety, this blip does because I am having some old favourites pop along for the ride.
Anyway I go on holiday tomorrow which is just what the doctor ordered and Paul needs the break.
Will still be online.
One note, am worried about u again WG? I hope you are okay, always the helper and sometimes you may need to talk. You know where I am xx
Cokey
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Post by nicola1712 on Jul 29, 2009 19:28:49 GMT
Hi cokey
Sorry to hear your little ones are poorly - my LO has some kind of virus at the moment too. She has had a cough for bout two weeks now and we also thought it was swine flu to start with but she has had no temperature.
Hope you have a nice holiday anyway, sounds like you need a break!
xx
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Post by winegirl on Jul 31, 2009 7:05:12 GMT
Hey Cokey, Sorry you have been blipping a bit Hopefully the holiday will help? Where are you going? I hope you have a great time x And please do not worry about me, I am cool. But thankyou for your kindness. Enjoy the break hun! WG xx
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Post by cokey on Aug 28, 2009 18:42:26 GMT
Hi Ladies
Just popping in the check on things and say hello.
Not wishing to jinx it but I have felt pretty well since my last blip (which I think we all had at that time).
I have been on holiday a lot and really busy and even my PMT is pretty much okay.
One thing I will never regret is having that copper coil removed, I am sure that was aggravating my moods.
Anyway I see everyone is ok, our group all seem to be on the mend now. proves it does happen, no matter how much you think it won't - especially during blips.
Take care and speak soon.
Candice xx
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Post by winegirl on Aug 28, 2009 19:03:19 GMT
Hey Hun
Great to hear from you! And so glad you are doing well.. Yes blip city is looking like a past nightmare now.. Hoorah!
Take Care of yourself and hope to speak to you soon x
Lots of love
WG xx
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Post by cokey on Sept 22, 2009 8:53:49 GMT
Hi Ladies
Sorry to dip back in again but I am blippy again and its all because of the news. The story about the Indian lady who killed her daughters has really bothered me and I am googling it all the time. (Bad idea eh?)
I keep thinking maybe this PNI has morphed into another mental illness because all the time at the moment I feel resentful because I dont have a life away from the kids and Paul and he has his life (I am going to get back to work sometime next year though). So then when I read this story about the woman who wanted to get back at her ex, and that she may have suffered from anxiety/depresion, I think is it possible I could do that in rage because in the past I have at times just got into such a rage (not physically but inside) and have had the thought pop into my mind 'I'll kill us all and that will teach him'. I didnt mean it and quick recoiled from the thought but it came to me nonetheless and so how do I not know my resentment won't turn into something more sinister?
AAAAGGGHH - bloody news, was doing okay until this.
Cokey xx
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Post by bam02 on Sept 22, 2009 11:40:09 GMT
I know what you mean about the news. The time the boys were hurt a couple of weeks ago really got to me. I am stuggling to keep my days meaningful some times as I don't work at the moment and I wish I could feel more satisfied in myself.
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Post by tabbysmum on Sept 22, 2009 12:05:44 GMT
Hi Cokey, I too very fleetingly had those thoughts but as you have told me so many times in the past if you were mentally ill you would neither know nor care, the very fact that these thoughts are frightening you tells you it's OCD but it's a vulnerable area for you and stories like this will always prick at those vulnerabilities. I don't know the details of the case, have a read a bit of it but have stopped now as I'm worried it will trigger me - but that's all it will do, just a trigger for my OCD, nothing more. You know this will pass, stop googling and do not watch the news, I'm all for facing your fears but when you're strong enough to do so. Yes it will do you so good to go out to work and occupy yourself in other ways.
Take care
Love L x
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Post by cokey on Sept 22, 2009 12:59:52 GMT
Thanks Ladies, I know you are right. I am 100% sure this lady who committed this crime would not have had OCD. Its just the media scaring us and not reporting the full facts.
I think its very hard to be fulfilled if you don't work and regardless of how you try to make a 'job' of staying home full-time it ultimately may not help your kids if you are resentful. I am definitely going to start voluntary work next year at the school as a step towards teacher training.
My problem with the news is that I have AOL and you can't stop the news page from popping up, I have tried and once the headline grabs me I have to read it.
Okay, am much calmer now. Thanks again ladies.
Candice xx
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Post by monica on Sept 23, 2009 21:49:36 GMT
Hi
Just want to echo what the other ladies have said that you won't hurt your kids - it's just thoughts triggered by the news. But as you've had a similar thought inthe past, it's triggered a fear.
Being a full time mum is the hardest job of all - it's relentless and you don't get a break at all. That's illegal at work!!! Look into doing something - voluntary work sounds liek a good start. I work (part time) but I love thebreak from home life, which can be quite frustrating as I'm forever chasing my tail, not to mention adult conversation and soemthng else to think about.
Take care - this blip will past
Llve
Monica
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Post by cokey on Sept 24, 2009 6:52:21 GMT
Hi Ladies
Hope you are all ok. My blip seems to be passing. I think so long as I avoid the news I can stay in recovery but am still fragile enough to get triggered.
Again, hope you are all ok.
Candice xx
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Post by winegirl on Sept 26, 2009 7:32:27 GMT
Hey Cokey I am sorry I missed you when you were blipping Yes, it is hard work trying to avoid the news, but definately something you need to do while still fragile. Hope the blip has completely passed now and you are back on track? Much Love WG xx
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Post by cokey on Sept 27, 2009 17:33:31 GMT
Hi Ladies
Thanks for your support last week. Its just nice to have a place to write things down when I blip.
I am much better witht he OCD now but I am still quite emotional. I am kind of tearful all the time without being down but I do feel so resentful at the moment regarding my role in the family. I guess we all feel like this at times but its really grating on me at the moment. When I met Paul I had an equal career but because Michael was born so early I gave my career up and then we had Evie and now it seems I have become toe absolute housewive where I listen to Pauls problems for him, cook all meals even at weekends, do all the washing/ironing, do all the childcare inc bathing and then at the end of that he hopes I will be intimate (which I wont). I have been trying to break free from that role and set up a new website business but I never get free from the children whereas whenever he wants free time he just takes it and tells me he is having it and when I argue, he says its for work and we need the money. So then I cant argue. He does have a really really really tough job but he chose to go into it. He supports me in getting a job when Evie goes to nursery and is good that way but he still will never help me with anything at home or with the kids. I just feel like an unpaid slave.
Wow moan over, feel much better now lol - would be great to hear how other people have similar experiences with their partners. I know men are men and most will never be what we want them to be because they are inherantly selfish but why is it winding me up so much at the moment because really in reality, a lot of women would love to be me with a nice house, a husband who loves her and two great kids.
Cokey xx
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Post by cokey on Oct 6, 2009 11:00:35 GMT
Hi ladies
I know most of my old group arent around anymore, so I don't expect replies but need to get this off my chest.
I am really bad today, I could cry. I am so terrifie4d of my OCD thoughts, I know what they are but they feel so real.
Paul is stayinga way tonight and my parents are on holiday too, so I am totally alone with the kids and because of that the fear I will suffocate Michael has resurfaced.
Last night I struggled to have him in our bed and I know tonight he wants to be in my bed and I know the best thing to do is carry on as normal but the anxiety is driving me nuts. Then I get a suicidal thought that I had best kill myself in case I hurt him. Again, I know thats OCD too. I neither want to hurt him or myself and strangely I don't have these thoughts towards Evie. Probably because she sleeps in her bed.
I also came on today so my hormones are unsettled which is bad timing.
I have had this OCD for years and never acted on it. I know what it is but none of that really helps to be fair. I am still sitressed, I feel guilty because I love my little boy so so much. I just F****** hate this illness. Just when you think you are better.
On the bright side, the reality is tomorrow will come and no-one will be harmed and then the thoughts will subside because I have stared them in the face but in the meantime its just awful.
Cokey xx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Oct 6, 2009 11:22:28 GMT
Hi mate
I'm around! I know exactly what you mean, it feels so frustrating being scared by thoughts that you know are not going to be acted on. I still struggle with that, and i agree, i f****n hate this illness too.
I'm around tonight, give me a call or a text, it's no probs at all, like i said, would be good to have a catch up. Internet is still down though so no chance of facebook chat!
Just wanted to reassure you that i have OCD that i will smother Violet in my sleep and it's a horrible horrible thought but i do believe you and your kiddies are completely safe. Call me anytime, i tend to be awake alot in the night worrying anyway ;-) xxx
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