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Post by tabbysmum on Apr 7, 2009 20:00:17 GMT
I've just talked him into a romantic holiday somewhere with blue sea and white sands (although not for a couple of years!) - not gonna push my luck and I know which I'd prefer!
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Post by winegirl on Apr 8, 2009 20:21:59 GMT
well i would take the holiday if iwas going alone, but if it meant going with hubby... think i would pick the pc! LOL
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Post by tabbysmum on May 26, 2009 11:36:56 GMT
Hi all
Thought i'd better bring my diary up to date although not much to report. Am still very up and down, I seem to be having a lot of mini blips which freak me out as all blips do but they're over and done with in a couple of days. It was my husbands 40th birthday a few weeks ago and I organised a surprise party for him, found myself getting quite nervous and stressed about it but all went fantastically well and the same old story I suppose, whilst I had something to keep me occupied I didn't have the problem with the thoughts. I'm still finding I'm a bit forgetful and slow. Have very recently started taking tablets for high blood pressure so am hoping they're contributing to my brain fog as I know confusion is one of the side effects, but am convinced it's Alzheimers so am getting a bit stressed about that. Like with all health related anxieties once you pick up on something you can't let it go and notice every little thing and question it. I know I can't be that bad because nobody else seems to have noticed but I have and that's what counts - or maybe it isn't? My harm thoughts are still unchanged unfortunately but I'm just trying to ignore them, 21 months to get me to this level of improvement - my goodness, doesn't happen overnight does it! One major breakthrough though, Ed's racing season has started again and since I've had Tabitha I've stayed with my Mum when he's been away, but he was away a couple of weeks ago for 2 nights and I stayed by myself, felt ok about it and everything was fine, I could never have done that a few months ago so I felt somewhat liberated, small steps can make such a massive difference.
Hope everyone is ok, WG you seem to be enjoying your placements, if I can't get on this site I keep an eye on you on facebook! Candice hope you're ok and are having a fab holiday.
Love to everyone
L x
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Post by sianyc on May 28, 2009 9:02:31 GMT
Well done on the staying alone!
The progress through PNI can be irritatingly slow can't it? You seem soooooo much improved though. It's fab to hear you so positive xxx
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Post by tabbysmum on May 28, 2009 9:11:00 GMT
Hi Sianyc
Thanks so much, yes I suppose I am more positive, had a horrible mini blip after I posted my last diary entry, all because I was feeling a bit anxious and then drove over a bridge - bridges are my thing I'm afraid. Was in a bit of a state, frightened, convinced I've was going to stop the car and throw myself over but it passed and I'm calm again, yes recovery certainly is irritatingly slow!
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Post by cheshire on May 28, 2009 17:02:35 GMT
Hi TM,
Just to say I had bridges phobia too - and we're not short of them here!
I'm ok with this now - can't believe it. You will be too.
Love and hugs, Hopefulx
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Post by tabbysmum on May 28, 2009 18:20:26 GMT
Hi Hopeful
Glad to hear of someone else who had the bridge phobia and came out the other side, it feels like the last big hurdle but is so massive can't believe I'll ever get over it.
Thanks muchly!
Love TM x
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Post by sianyc on May 29, 2009 10:09:29 GMT
I still avoid mountains (hard going seeing as I live in Wales!) as the fear of driving over the side is too much to bear. I wasn't keen on them before but can't cope with it at all now. I drive miles out of the way rather than do the shortcuts over the mountains - daft I know but there you go :-)
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Post by winegirl on Jun 1, 2009 19:58:09 GMT
Yep, and I am still PETRIFIED of vomit.. I am sure it will get better one day too.
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Post by tabbysmum on Jan 10, 2010 14:10:44 GMT
Hi all
Long time no speak! Hope you're all doing ok and all had a fab christmas? How's it going WG, you feeling any better? Cokey, hope you're ok, you sound happy enough on FB. Thought I'd check in and just say I haven't forgotten about you all, you're still my saviours! Not really much to report, no real change, when I'm good I'm good and when I'm blipping I'm not so good. The thoughts are still there but thankfully the gaps between them do seem to get longer. The downside of that being that the blips seem harder to deal with the longer you go, but I'm still in a better place than I was 2 years ago and for that I'm grateful. When I'm blipping i do wonder whether i should go back to the doctors for a counselling referral, it always seems so necessary at the time and just wonder whether it's something worth following through to try and nip this in the bud once and for all, the other part of me thinks that this OCD thing will never leave me until I feel my daughter is no longer vulnerable - ie, when she's about 25, only another 23 years to go then!
Take care all.
love TM x
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Post by winegirl on Jan 11, 2010 10:26:05 GMT
Hi TM
LOVELY to hear from you!! I am glad that the blips are getting fewer and further bewteen, but I am in total agreement that sometimes, when you go so long without one, when it comes along it feels worse than ever!
I understand your thoughts about the counselling. I feel I will never lose my emetophobia and often wonder if I should go and get it dealt with once and for all.. But I would say that if the blips for you are getting fewer, then perhaps they are naturally working their way out? Maybe give it a little more time and see??
Anyway, its so lovely to hear from you, I hope you have a really happy new year hun, and know we are here if you ever want to come and talk.
Lots of Love
WG xx
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Post by cokey on Jan 25, 2010 20:08:14 GMT
Hi L
Great minds think alike, I thought I would check in too and see how everyone was.
Glad to see things are okay with you. I am totally the same as you. I can go 3 months at a time and be great, then blip (usually around the time of my cycle) and feel back at square one but I am resigned to the fact that I may always be this way and suffer with anxiety but I just have to learn to recognise it more. I would like to study more about OCD and learn how it all works etc etc.
Anyway, you know where I am, night or day when you blip - still on same mobile number.
In the meantime take care and c u on facebook.
Candice xx
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Post by tabbysmum on May 10, 2010 19:39:34 GMT
Hi girls
Just bringing my diary up to date with a rant and rave! Been feeling really low over recent weeks for no apparent reason but just accepting it as one of lifes peaks and troughs, the last couple of weeks have been worse and been doing a fair bit of crying for no reason, anything sets me off. My boss phoned today mid cry and he got it all, thankfully he's brilliant, is very people focused and is no stranger to mental health problems so he was fab, let me cry, had a nice chat, he does think it might be stress related as he believes i'm displaying the signs. I'm seriously pissed off with Ed at the minute and that contributed to todays meltdown but I didn't share that. I'm sure i've said on here many times that my beloved is thoughtless and selfish (and many lovely things to) but his racing season has reared it's head again and he's bugging me. As well as scooter racing he's now built two karts and is kart racing as well which means he'll be away twice as much. He's just come back from a weekend away and i'm not speaking to him. He went on Friday and came back Sunday evening, Tabitha hadn't seen him since Thursday night and he didn't phone once, I tried ringing him but he didn't answer or respond to my text, just sent me a text at bedtime to say goodnight, i was and still am furious, when I replied to him to say I wasn't very happy he just responded with "goodnight then", so by the time he returned yesterday I was ready to rip his head off. He thinks I'm making an issue out of nothing, he said he went out for a curry and left his phone in the caravan, which I don't have a problem with, but he'd had all Saturday and Sunday to ring, he thinks i'm making a fuss because i resent him going away, which is a red rag to a bull. I can't deny that there have been times i've resented him going away but not anymore. I tried to tell him that I don't resent him going away but I resent him giving us no consideration which he just denies. I feel so insulted, don't want to talk to him or even look at him if i've silently called him an effing a***h*** once today i've done it fifty times. Don't know how to move things on. He can only do the things he does because of me, he does nothing in the house, not a thing, does not even make himself a piece of toast, I do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing, ironing, gardening, decorating as well as being my daughters main carer and I work fulltime, I think my manager may be right with the stress thing. I feel so hurt by his lack of thought I just want to pack my bags. If anyone thinks i'm making a mountain out of a molehill please tell me, any advice would be welcome.
With love
TM x
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Post by winegirl on May 11, 2010 11:00:38 GMT
Hey Hun xxx Sorry to hear you have been struggling a bit again. I dont think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill at all and actually think you have much more patience than I would have!! Have you ever done the `we need to talk', sit down and have a long discussion about things? Lay it on the line a bit? Sounds like he needs a bit of a reality check into getting his priorities straight? How are you feeling today mate? About on and off all day if you want to chat x WG xxxx
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Post by tabbysmum on May 11, 2010 15:59:52 GMT
Hi WG,
I haven't done the "we need to talk" thing. I know i'll have to but at the minute we're both so defensive I don't think it would get us anywhere. I usually end up backing down after a couple of days of stropping round the house but don't think it's going to happen this time, feel quite worried really as small things can end up major and before you know it your marriage is in trouble, but it's a matter of principle and I just don't feel I can back down this time. x
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