Tabbysmum's diary

[cokey]

Hi TM

I hope you had a good night with your son, did you say anything to him? What are you doing today?

Don't worry about the foetus thing. I remember last time saying to someone who was talking about religion - don't talk to me about that because my mind is too suggestible. I think thats a big part of PNI that random things can make us analyse/assess life too much and makes us anxious. I had far more thoughts last time and they were so random all the time. Just accept it and know it won't happen when you are better.

Cokey xxx

[winegirl]

Hi Tabbysmum

How did it go last night? Hope you are ok x

Best of luck to your hubby racing today too! Its been years since we have been up to Donnington Park, but I do remember how exciting it was and I am sure it will put hubby in good mood for when he gets home too.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend babes x

WG xx

[tabbysmum]

Dear both,

Had a really good night last night. We had a chinese and a gossip, my son talked non stop (mainly about himself!) but that was fine as it distracted me from other things. We're going out for lunch today with some of my family and the weather is nice so things are on the up. Hubby wont let me go to see him race with the lo because of the noise so I haven't been for ages either but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a win and a good mood!

Hoping you're both ok.

TM x

[winegirl]

HI TM

Hope the lunch is good babes! Yes, still sunny here too, but can see it not lasting many more hours.

Enjoy!

WG xxx

[tabbysmum]

Today started out really good, had a lovely lunch out with my family but as usual started feeling a bit jittery and tense on the way home. As soon as I walked in the house I saw something that triggered a new thought and really freaked me out, I see this thing every day and it's never been a problem, but suddenly now it is, and of course once that thought started, it triggered all the old ones as well so feeling very tense and tearful now. I feel dangerous and scared once again to be alone with my child. I just hate the constant 1 step forward and 5 back, feels like i'm losing my marbles.

[winegirl]

Hi TM

Thats why this ilnnes stinks, because just when yu feel like you are getting somewhere you seem to go sinking back again. But the steps forward really are much bigger than you think, and you will get there.

Is baby in bed yet? When is Hubby due home? Anything yu can do for a while to distract you. The thing that you saw in your house, can you move it for a bit. I am a believer that we shouldnt hide from these things as it doesnt get us better, but if you can put it away until you feel well enough again to fight the thoughts?

Will be around on and off all night if you need to talk xx

WG x

[Scarlet]

Tabbysmum, it's always the case with these thoughts, isn't it?. Did you ever read this site, that I posted about how to deal with obsessive thoughts? It has some very useful tips hun.

www.panic-and-anxiety-attacks.com/distrubing_thoughts.html

www.panic-and-anxiety-attacks.com/intrusive-thoughts.html

Glad you are joining us for the EFT, think of this thought when you are doing it hun...and see if it helps.

I love Chinese and a gossip too...one of my fave pastimes

xxxx

[tabbysmum]

Dear both,

Thanks for the messages of support. Ended up blubbering down the phone to my sister last night, was the first she knew of any of it and she was really good, I'd put off telling her as she's quite hard but she was brilliant. Hubby walked in in the middle of it so couldn't have hidden it from him even if i'd wanted to. He said maybe the thoughts/visions I have is just a scenario I'm picturing and that because it's my thought I'm interpreting it as if I'm going to carry it out, whereas in reality it's just an imaginary scenario - if that's makes any sense to anyone, gave me food for thought as he could have touched on something. Had no sleep at all last night and dreaded what the morning was going to bring, was extremely anxious and tense when I got up but by the time I'd got the lo to nursery I felt much better. I think if she hadn't gone I'd have been fine, I sometimes think it makes it worse with her being away from me all day as I start worrying about how I will cope when she comes home, whereas when she is at home, at the weekend for example I'm fine. Have to go to see a friend this afternoon and I look like a freak as my eyes are all puffy from crying, thankfully I have a cold so can blame it on that.
I start my new job on the 6th May which is the day of my next counselling session, was really torn what to do but decided to postpone the appointment as I think getting my teeth into my new job is probably more important and will provide me with a much needed distraction rather than clinging to my counsellor, unfortunately she can't see me until the 20th May which seems an age away but am going to try and brave it out.
I'm supposed to be working now but all the BT systems are down so time to try that EFT I think!

Take care all

TM x

[cokey]

Go for it TM - I love the tapping

[Scarlet]

Hi Tabbysmum,

I think it's good that you were able to offload to your sister. Your hubby is right about the scenario, it's your mind playing tricks. Everone has thoughts/scenarios, but not everyone get's upset about them, and it's the fear factor which creates the anxiety. I think the EFT will help with these scenarions/intrusive thoughts. In fact since I'm pushing this guys EFT vids so much, I wonder if he'll pay me

Hope your afternoon with your friend goes OK, and I'm sure your new job will give you a new focus and do you the world of good. Congratulations btw

Hugs

xxx

[tabbysmum]

Thanks Scarlet,

Have been tapping but not noticed any immediate improvement yet, I will continue though, never let it be said that I'm a quitter ;D

[cokey]

Hi TM

I didnt see any immediate improvement either but then I realised some of my symptoms had eased.like the tearfulness.

It maybe works best to begin with on the less troublesome symptoms.

How r u today?

Cokey xxx

[tabbysmum]

Hi Cokey.

Have eaten four slices of toast, a flake, a toblerone and a packet of crisps - i'm obviously feeling much better! Have just told my cousin some of the detail of my thoughts which upset me (i had to because my sister had threatened to tell her if I didn't) but she was cool about it, just said if I need to phone her up hysterical and talk about it that's fine or if I just needed to phone her and say I'm having a moment so talk rubbish to me as a distraction then that's fine too. On the whole though do feel much better. Slept well last night, although I did take a Diazepam but only to make sure I didn't lie in bed brooding, I woke once in the night and went straight back to sleep again and think I probably had about 7 hours sleep, which for me is brilliant , I usually get by on about 3. I felt Ed was being a bit funny with me yesterday and I think I'm starting to get paranoid that he's becoming fed up with me crying etc. He was asleep on the settee by about 8 o'clock and slept right through until he had to get up for work so could just have been that he was very tired. If I feel up to it I'll try and relay these fears to him tonight, but don't want to start crying again and at the minute feel I could go either way. I'm going to do my tapping again in a minute and see how I feel, fingers crossed!

[cokey]

Hi TM

Oh my word, Paul is awful when he is tired. Thats all it will be but if you speak with him (Ed not Paul lol) you can get the reassurance you need.

I am off tapping again too.

C u in the tapping cosmos.

Cokey xxx

[tabbysmum]

Had a so so night last night. Had another new thought, had that horrible sicky plunging stomach feeling that we all know but I managed not to react massively and didn't immediately try to hide the offending object and as a result feel much better for it. The thing that's worrying me now is up until the last few days I've always had the same thoughts, but now I've started introducing new ones and it's almost got to the point where I can look at any object and have a really scary thought about it, at this rate I'll be living in a bubble because I can't hide everything away, am fluctuating between thinking this is just ridiculous, being bored with it and being frightened stiff that it seems to be getting worse.