Anxiety Bad

[cokey]

Oh my word, my anxiety is so bad tonight. I fell asleep after having bad thoughts all day and I woke up with a major panic attack.

I feel so bad because my gorgeous little boy is in our bed and I just feel so anxious near him. I am so upset because I love him so much and don't want to attach anxiety to him, I love being with him and don't want to feel detached. I am also then ahving the old suicide thoughts because I am scared I will feel I need to do it to protect my kids from me.

Realistically I know (how many times do I need to be told eh?) its OCD but the anxiety is awful. I have taken kalms and rescue remedy but I even have the runs bad.

I so want to be better.

I woke Paul and he cuddled me for a bit but then he fell asleep again.

I hate feeling like this at night because I feel so alone. I know I'm not because actually I could wake Paul again and my parents (as peed off as they would be) are over the road if I was desperate.

I love this forum because even though theres no-one about, I can still talk and get it off my chest.

Cokey xxx

[cheshire]

Hi Cokey,

It's so awful isn't it - the night panics and the when the anxiety hits and you need to sleep - so sorry to hear you had a rough night.

How are you today?

Love, Hopefulxx

[Scarlet]

Cokey,

Hope you are feeling better this morning. I'm not surprised you woke up with a panic attack, as you had a bad day anxietywise yesterday and no doubt carried this over into your sleep.

Please try and not worry about this detached feeling you have, as it's perfectly normal due to your brain being overtired from all the thinking. As for the suicide thoughts they will pass as well, I had many thoughts like this in the past...that I would end it all, but I didn't nor will you.

I think you have to accept this is a low mood and that the feelings you have are normal for the circumstances, and they will pass. As you get further and further along, you will have more faith in yourself to realise this is true, and acceptance becomes easier and fear disappears...

I so want to be better.

You will be, even thought it seems such hard work at the moment to get there. Keep at it hun, we are always here to offload to when you need us.

xx

[cokey]

Hi ladies

Thanks for your support. I am a bit more rational today and now I know I won't act on my thoughts even though they are still there. However as usual after a bad panic attack I feel drained, anxious, preoccupied and guilty about the thoughts.

I know all of the above are normal so I am just trying my damned hardest to get stuck into the day, even going to tescos shortly. As much as I feel like sobbing in a corner I don't want this blip to last longer than it has to.

I read my recovery story on here form last time which has spurredme on a bit.

Hope everyone else is okay.

Cokey xxx

[monica]

Hi

So pleased today has been better for you. You are doing so well and will get over this nasty blip - and just like the others have said they will get less intense and shorter in time. Can you do something nice for yourself to give yourself a boost - buy something nice, get pampered. I found that a bit of exercise helped me hugely - might be worth a go if you can find the time or energy.

Love

Monica

[winegirl]

Hi mate

I have already spoke a bit in your diary about it, but just wanted to sympathise really as you sound identical in the way you suffer as to how I did in the depths of it.

You are handling this blip sooo well, and are clearly very strong. Be proud of yourself x

Always here for you and feel free to PM anytime xx

Take Care

WG x

[cokey]

Thanks WG/Monica

Yeah I think exercise would help but my husband works all hours so I can't get out until its dark for a run and I don't have access to babysitters really. I could do something at home though but I would really like to do exercise away from the kids because then its a breather too.

I slept better last night. I am a bit better again today but a bit low I suppose.

I am going to do the housework now to distract me, then we go away to the Lakes tomorrow until Monday with my parents so I may get chance to have some time alone to bring me anxiety levels back down.

Thanks again, its not nice is it.

Cokey xxx

[Scarlet]

Hi Cokey,

Can you go to the local gym with a creche hun. When my eldest was little I used to take him to the gym with me 3/4 times a week and this lovely girl looked after him and other children whilst I did my work-out. I loved it (didn't have PNI mind). Sadly the gym closed down and I haven't been able to find one with a creche like that.

As for getting out and about, I'm the same in that hubby works late and I don't want to leave my LO with a babysitter, and there's no time to run, cept on a weekend...and I take my eldest son with me for company.

Have a loveley time at the Lakes with your parents. The break wil do you good.

Hugs

xxxx