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Post by winegirl on Sept 5, 2008 7:25:13 GMT
Hi Alexandra
I still struggle to cope with anything while I have LO one with me... I hope you have a fab day today whilst you have someone to look after baby! I love getting time now to nip to the shops on my own, get my hair cut etc...
Have a lovely day hun xx
WG x
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Post by alexandra on Sept 5, 2008 10:36:20 GMT
Thanks WG, although today has already been a stressy one, completely my own fault. We're off to my SILs at midday for some lunch and to pick up T. For some reason I lay in bed this morning and concocted a list of things to do before we leave to get her. I need to clean out the fridge and sort out some washing, sort out a pile of post that's on my kitchen side, wrap 2 birthday presents for a party tomorrow afternoon and write cards for the birthday girls and for the wedding do tomorrow night. Hardly a mountainous task but I've worked myself into such a panic over it and now I'm not even showered yet and we have to leave in half an hour and I've not managed to clean out the fridge or do the washing. I've forced myself to come and sit down and enter this into my diary to see if I can show myself how irrational I'm being. I want to leave the washing and the fridge but if I do then I'll just feel so stressed all afternoon. If I go and do it now then I'll be late getting to my SIL's and then I'll feel guilty because I'll be thinking that she'll be thinking "Lazy cow is leaving me to look after her child." even tho I know that she adores her and it was her who asked T if she wanted to stay for the night. I'm a complete fruitcake
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Post by winegirl on Sept 5, 2008 11:42:49 GMT
Hi Aleaxandra
You are not a friutcake hun, I have been like that my whole life - a million things to do by lunch time. Lunchtime comes and I am still in my PJ's and seriously stressed - cant settle with all the stuff to do!
Everything you needed to do this morning can waittill later on. Go and enjoy your afternoon and you can do all your stuff later. Who gives a crap if the fridge isnt cleared out??
WG xx
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Post by alexandra on Sept 5, 2008 20:10:36 GMT
Nearly bedtime again - relaxing (?) with a glass of wine before bed - no one told me if it's safe to drink while taking ADs?? Thanks for the advice WG, in the end it worked out ok - my mum made a start sorting out the washing, F slept an extra half hour which gave me a reason to ring my SIL and say we'd be late, which in turn gave me the time to sort out the fridge!! We drove over and had a nice lunch then headed back - a 40 minute drive which can sometimes involve screaming most of the way - the pair of them were asleep within minutes today and both woke up when we got home and were quite happy for the rest of the evening. I even managed to make a tuna pasta bake this evening - kitchen is now clean and tidy and I actually REALLY AM RELAXING! Blocking my mind to the things that I still 'need' to do, of course T watched a dvd in bed and when it was finished she came out to tell me to turn off her tv and we had a little cuddle on the sofa - it was lovely - normally I'd have gotten stressed by seeing her out of bed and rushed to get her back in again, so it's just another little sign which shows me that good times are ahead
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Post by winegirl on Sept 5, 2008 21:30:28 GMT
Hi Alexandra
Glad your day turned out good in the end! Sounds fab!
As for the wine, the odd drink wont hurt with the meds, but they can lessen the effects, so best not to go overboard (I am being an utter hypocrite here by the way - but I have my sensible head on).
Enjoy the rest of your night and hope you have a good weekend too.
Take Care
WG xx
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Post by alexandra on Sept 7, 2008 10:37:47 GMT
Nothing much to report today, things have been pretty good over the weekend. Birthday party was great, the girls loved it and I had a chance to chat to friends while they played. T ate so much rubbish that she was sick last night but she was right as rain once she'd gotten it all out, thankfully. D got back from his biz trip and brought me a load of duty free perfumes and make-up which was lovely. We went to the wedding evening do and had a lovely time together. He drove so I had a few too many wines but had a great time. I don't like to drink too much because I start to talk crap when I'm drunk and I don't want to start telling him all my woes - I dread to think what I'd say. Funny thing last night was that a friend got really drunk and spent the evening telling us about her awful marriage, which surprised us, we thought they were happy together - but I'm sure she's woken up this morning cringing to herself.
My mum looked after the girls and they were no trouble to her, she's offered to have them again today if D and I want to go out somewhere. I might take T out for the day as we never get to spend one on one time together, F is always around. I'm feeling ok today, slightly stressed but with both D and my mum here things are ok. Mum leaves on Tue and D will be away from tomorrow so I'll be completely on my own for the first time in a few weeks, til Fri. Not feeling too stressed about it just yet, and T goes back to nursery tomorrow so hopefully I'll be able to cope ok. Deep breaths and one hour at a time - funny, I've not been clock watching recently, maybe another effect of the ADs, or maybe just because my mum's here.
Waffling, better go and get dressed.
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Post by winegirl on Sept 7, 2008 10:44:25 GMT
Hi Alexandra
You seem to be doing really well hun! Well done you.
I am glad you had a nice time this weekend. And duty free perfume and makeup - wow! Its like having a birthday!
Hope it goes ok tomorrow - I am sure it will, keep on and up hun xx
WG xx
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Post by alexandra on Sept 7, 2008 15:01:33 GMT
Thanks WG for your comments - I've been reading a few other diaries but I think I'm a bit too caught up in my own bubble to be able to offer any words of comfort just yet. It's good to read about others and what they're going through at the same time. I've had a blip this afternoon, when we all went out to a pub for lunch. F was grizzly and T wanted to play in the park in the beer garden and wouldn't sit down to eat her lunch so I found myself getting more and more uptight. T started to cry and whinge and I just shouted at her "Go away - I don't want to listen to you crying!" (now feel guilty ). At one stage I just wanted to throw down my knife and fork and go and get in the car, but I didn't - I tried to make myself calm down and finished my dinner (one-handed as usual) and we've just come home now. I'm feeling stressed and it wouldn't take much for me to go into full scale panic mode. Deep breaths...
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Post by winegirl on Sept 7, 2008 19:49:35 GMT
Hi Alexandra
Dont worry about this afternoon, days like that happen to all of us with or without PNI. Kids can wind us all up when they are like that. I love my LO with all my heart, but there are times when we have been out when she is whinged and cried so much I just wanted to walk away too nd would end up shouting her. Always felt awful for it, but I know it happens to the best of us.
Now its night time its time to calm down a bit. Get yourslef parked in front of the telly with a glass of wine and relax - you deserve it..
Take Care
WG xx
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Post by alexandra on Sept 8, 2008 8:21:57 GMT
Bad morning T back at nursery so have to get back into a morning routine. Made her packed lunch last night, got her clothes ready etc, it should have been easy this morning, plus my mum is still here to look after F. We did manage to get washed, dressed, fed and ready and out to nursery in time but I am sooo stressed and am starting to panic about being alone when my mum leaves tomorrow. Of course I'll not tell anyone and will quietly get on with it but I'm worried that I'll just be in such a foul temper and will be horrible to the girls. I know now that I've just been calm because my mum's here. Deep breaths...
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Post by winegirl on Sept 8, 2008 9:32:55 GMT
Hi Alexandra
Once you get into a normal routine without your mum you will be fine hun. Honestly its just about routine.
What are you doing for the rest of the day hun?
WG x
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Post by sianyc on Sept 9, 2008 9:08:53 GMT
I get home from the morning school run and usually think 'why did I have to shout this morning?!' I read this thing on netmums the other day about how to stop getting stresed and losing it in the morning before school. Bloody fantastic - everyone must yell like nutters in the morning then It was mostly common sense stuff but I tried it yesterday and actually had a decent morning. 1. Got uniform/clothes ready the night before. Made sure shoes, bags, homework etc were ready and by the front door. Got coats and pram sorted the night before. 2. Set the alarm for 15 minutes earlier than normal. 3. Had shower before girls woke up 4. made them milk and brekkie 5. Mainlined 2 cups of strong coffee ;D 6. Got kids washed and dressed 7. Had my breakfast 8. Did their hair 9. Got myself dressed 10. Left house 5 minutes early!!!!! I did have to tell them off a couple of time but as I wasn't stressed, that's all it was, just a couple of words and then back to normal - no head spinning losing it
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Post by alexandra on Sept 9, 2008 20:57:00 GMT
Thanks for the post Sianyc - very useful! It's been a pretty bad couple of days, purely down to me panicking about being on my own. Yesterday I sorted out the drawers and wardrobes in our bedroom, and did a huge pile of washing and generally drove myself demented trying to do as much as possible while my mum was still here to look after F. We went to the beach after we picked T up from nursery and all I could think of was that I should have been at home doing more stuff instead of wasting time. I just felt so stressed and could hardly breathe. Did manage to keep my temper tho, but I think that was partly due to mum being there with me. Last night she went to visit her cousin and D left to spend the week in London at work, leaving me on my own. Got both girls into bed with no problems but then had a huge panic attack trying to sort out T's lunchbox. God knows why. Managed to get it done and just spent the next couple of hours tidying til mum got home. I can only relax when someone else is here with me - on my own I just keep going. That's why this diary is good for me, it forces me to sit down and stop for a minute, even tho my head is spinning with stuff I have to do. This morning went quite well again, because mum was here. D's nephew popped in and said he'd like to take T home for a night this week but Weds and Thurs were no good. I jumped in with "What about tonight?" My mum joked afterwards that I sounded a bit desperate - little did she know!! After taking mum to the airport I went to Tesco and spent a fortune on new towels (I seem to have a specific OCD with towels at the minute, they've all got to be folded in a certain way and I hate it when D comes along and uses a new towel every time he has a shower and leaves them lying around). I did a menu planner a couple of days ago, determined to get into a routine of eating proper food, and did a shopping list of all the fresh veg I need to buy, but when I was actually there picking the things up I started to panic about not having the time to cook them, so put them back and bought ready meals instead. Feel gutted now tonight, I was walking round thinking to myself "I'll do it next week." Who am I trying to kid?? F was really good too, I fed her organic crisps all the way round and she was really happy just lying looking around. I've got a friend coming for lunch tomorrow and I couldn't even begin to think about getting stuff in for that, I'll be going out tomorrow morning to buy specifically for that. I think I'm going downhill here - I used to have a demanding full time job and still manage to keep a house, have a social life, and cook, plus juggle a million other things without thinking twice. Yesterday I spent close to 20 minutes deciding between 2 patterns for new china mugs. (I don't think I've mentioned that I was in the shop on 2 previous occasions in the last week with the same dilemma). D saw them last night and said "I like the mugs." The relief I felt was unbelievable! So this evening I packed T off to her aunt's - she loves it there thankfully so no guilt involved - apart from the previously mentioned fact that I think everyone thinks I'm not looking after my children properly. So I was just left with F, and I found myself clock watching for the first time since my mum arrived. 5 to 6 we played (or rather I kept giving her more toys to play with while I tidied and tidied some more), 6.00 I fed her, 6.30 I ran a bath and got in it with her. 7.00 I put her to bed, but it took nearly half an hour to settle her even tho she was really tired. All day I've had a real sense of unease too because I've still not sorted out D's licence plates (I've given up on doing mine til his are sorted - got in a panic trying to work out which online DVLA forms I need for both our applications yesterday). Yesterday he made a comment which pulled me up short - I've been thinking that he hasn't really noticed how useless I've been recently, but when he signed the docs yesterday and I said I'd fill in the forms and post them today, he said "If you don't do it now it'll never get done." I promised I'd do it, and here I am now at 10pm the next day and I've still not done it, yet am panicking because I've not done it - where's the logic in that?? God I'm rambling on tonight, but it's good to get it out. I've made T's lunch, just have to drop it off at nursery in the morning. I've got a load of washing on that I need to take out and sort, and will I get around to doing the DVLA forms tonight, even though I know D will be really annoyed if I haven't done them? Who knows...
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Post by alexandra on Sept 10, 2008 10:14:47 GMT
Another stressed morning I managed to complete the DVLA forms before bed, god it was hard work and the car tax had run out so I think it'll all come straight back in the post but at least I've made an attempt at doing something. I didn't get into bed until nearly midnight. F didn't sleep very well last night so I'm tired which wasn't a good start. We got up just before 7 and she had brekkie and I put on some washing, and put all the new towels in their proper shelves in the bathroom - I'll prob just use the old ones and not let anyone touch the new, nicely folded spotless ones! She went back down to sleep at 10.00 and I've been running round like a mad thing tidying up ever since. I start at the front door and work my way through the hall and into the bathroom, round into the bedrooms and through to the living rooms and the kitchen and conservatory, checking and rechecking what needs to be done - and there's always something I've missed. My friend is coming up at 1 and I've got to go to the post office to post an urgent parcel (it wasn't urgent when I had to post it 2 weeks ago - now the 28 day deadline expires on Fri...) and I need to get in some food. And in my mind the house isn't up to scratch. I'm back at the docs on Mon so I think I might have to talk about upping my dose of ADs - if anything I feel I'm actually getting worse at the minute Now F is asleep and I'm panicking that she won't wake up in time so I'll be rushing to the post office and to the shops and I'll be late for lunch - when all I need to do is call my friend and tell her that lunch might be a bit later than planned. Irrational or what?!
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Post by sianyc on Sept 10, 2008 10:50:38 GMT
When the little one was a baby and I was on maternity leave, I just could not get my head round the fact I wasn't getting anything done. My house was GLEAMING but anything outside of the house that needed a bit of organisation or just for me to remember to do it had no chance.
I could remember Bobyn telling me after PNI with her first that she had a list. One or two things a day on that list that would mean getting out of the house, walking a little bit and getting some air and exercise. I never managed anything as ambitious as a play group but was ok with things like post office trips, walks to the park and getting some fruit on the way back etc. There were always things I forgot even though they were in black and white in front of me and even more times when I just couldn't face doing it' but it did help me to have a bit of a plan for the day.
Re T staying at her aunts overnight - sounds like the aunt has an idea about how you're feeling and is trying to help a bit?
The towel thing made me laugh - not at you but at the memory it brought back of my mother buying nice towels and displaying them in the bathroom (on the shelves and handrails). They were folded a certain way and we weren't allowed to use them. Not a PNI thing either - just weird about towels ;D
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