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Post by winegirl on Sept 10, 2008 12:31:19 GMT
I think I was always a bit like this before PNI, but PNI has definately exaggerated it. I struggled for ages to ever enjoy doing anything as the whole while I would be about stressing about other things that I should be doing. I still do it a bit now, but it has definately got better...
As for the towels, I am like that with objects generally in our house. They have all got to be put back exactly where they shoud go, my LO's toys have to go in the right sorting boxes etc and i will get really stressed if i find the wrong toy in the wrong box. Tiring though isnt it?
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Post by alexandra on Sept 10, 2008 20:13:52 GMT
Thanks for the replies - and I'm pleased to say that I used the new towels to dry both girls after their bath! I don't know what I would have done if either of them had pooed or gotten them dirty in any way!! It's been a mixed day today. Managed to get to the post office in time, so that was a load off my mind. Had a nice couple of hours with my friend and her kids, then got T from nursery. She's only been back 3 days and was absolutely shattered by 5.30 tonight so she whinged and cried and moaned. F was tired too cos she didn't sleep while my friend was here, so she was clingy and whining too. At one stage I was sitting on the floor with the pair of them climbing all over me trying to see who could cry the loudest! I actually managed to stay really calm, and didn't shout at all, just soothed the pair of them with cuddles and a quiet voice. It worked! Of course when I get wound up and shout it doesn't help them to calm down (so says Supernanny) but I normally can't help myself. It was a really good feeling, and I hope it continues. I did shout at T in the bath but I had told her off for splashing F in the face half a dozen times, so I felt justified in doing that. The pair of them were in bed asleep by 7pm and I've prepared T's lunch and have put away all the toys (unlike you WG I just throw them into the playroom and ignore it - it's the only room I can leave alone!), have also done another circuit of the house to make sure all is well and now I'm gonna sit down and have a glass of wine before bed. The great breakthrough today was managing not to get in a huge stress when both girls were crying and being demanding. I deliberately put everything else out of my mind except for the girls and how to get them to stop - I think I'd normally get angry because while I was having to deal with them I wasn't able to carry on doing things round the house. I'd just shout then get up and go and tidy and leave them to cry, which didn't help them and it certainly wasn't doing me any good. Fingers crossed that this is the way it's going to be in future. I say it was a mixed day because while I'm really pleased with the way I dealt with the girls, this bloody tidying fixation is really getting me down. Even now I want to go and start opening cupboards and rearranging things. I suppose if I try to look at it positively, today was the first step towards improving my relationship with the girls, which is the most important thing of all.
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Post by winegirl on Sept 10, 2008 20:24:28 GMT
Hi Aleaxandra
Well done you! You are so right, my husband and I have had this conversation before where we agree that the times we get wound up and cross with our LO is when we are busy trying to do other things, but it is really hard to switch off from the things you need to do, so you really have done brilliantly!
Hope this is the future of on and up for you know hun!!
Take Care
WG xx
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Post by alexandra on Sept 17, 2008 21:53:21 GMT
Been a busy few days, both good and bad times. We went to Germany for the weekend, I was so pleased with myself for being able to pack a bag for us all without having sleepless nights beforehand! D was doing some work over there which meant that me and the girls were alone a lot of the time, originally I had refused to go because I didn't want to go through that, but with D working away all week it would have meant that we'd not have seen him for 2 weeks, so I gave in. The first night we were there both girls kicked off in the restaurant (tired cos of the travelling) and I had a local midwife trying to give me advice on how to get them to sleep. D doesn't cope well when they make noise in public, which stresses me out - he keeps apologising to people for the noise. To be fair, it was a room full of business colleagues and he wanted to make an impression. It was also really hot and T was starving and the dinner was taking bloody ages to appear. My stress levels just went through the roof so after 20 mins or so of this I got up, took F and a glass of wine(!) and cleared off upstairs to the bedroom without a word to anyone. D appeared 10 mins later with another glass of wine and my starter, and T who was shattered but starving. I was in my pjs and F had gone straight off to sleep so I was lying reading a book and sipping my wine. Quite relaxed!! He then had to come back up with main meals for both me and T, then I settled her into bed with Harry Potter on her PSP, and D appeared with my dessert. I actually enjoyed that more than I would have enjoyed sitting downstairs in a restaurant full of people I've never met. Thanks kids!! ;D The following day was pretty rubbish cos the weather was crap so we were stuck in the hotel room for the best part of the day, and it was a major struggle. We did venture out to a park for a couple of hours and got totally drenched, but the girls enjoyed it which was the main thing. I felt really stressed but did manage to keep a lid on it thankfully. That night we ate in the restaurant again and it went quite well, apart from having to eat one handed while holding F and trying to cut up T's dinner and eat my own and hold sensible conversations with strangers. I'd have preferred to be upstairs again! That night was the first night in F's 10 months on earth that she kicked off big time at 3am and could not be consoled. She cried and cried - I have no idea what it was, maybe teeth, maybe her slight cold, maybe she didn't like Germany - I don't know, but she would not be placated at all, and in the end D took his mattress and put it outside on the balcony and slept out there! I knew there were people next door and I just felt sooo anxious that someone was gonna come and knock on the door. Thankfully no one did, but it was awful. I got about 2 hours sleep and had to really work hard not to bite T's head off the next morning - she's in the middle of the Why? phase and it's hard work at the best of times! F was fine by the time we got up, and promptly fell asleep for 3 hours at 7am We came home on Sun afternoon and I managed to get them into bed and unpacked and the house sorted and all things shipshape without too much stress. All in all not too bad a weekend. Monday I went to see the doc and we had a good chat. I told her that I had considered asking her to up my dose but by then I was feeling more positive. She's given me an extra pack of pills for this month and told me to start taking a second one if I start to feel a slide backwards. So far I've not felt the need. So far... So far this week has been ok, I still feel hugely stressed and anxious and can't stop tidying and washing, but I've also started to achieve a few small things; I've cooked a couple of meals from scratch - T had a friend round for dinner tonight and I actually managed to cook a cottage pie - she's been round dozens of times before and I've always made fish fingers, beans and smiley faces. It felt great to actually give them something proper. I've also managed to clear out the hall cupboard and the magazine rack in the bathroom - it sounds like no big deal, but I swear, those 2 things have been driving me mad for months. We have a static caravan on our land which we can rent out. I've been in and out of it loads of times, we've had friends staying etc, but I've never actually noticed it, or had a proper look. Over the last couple of days I've been in there and (it might sound silly) but I've actually seen it for the first time. I've gone out and bought new bedding, and a new shower curtain, and I noticed that the net curtains are all torn and need to be replaced - not yet managed to measure up for new nets yet but hopefully I'll do it soon. T's 3rd birthday is in a couple of weeks and I've been in a major panic about her party, trying to hide my head in the sand and hoping for it to go away. Last night I was able to sit down with a pen and pad and actually make a list of things I need. I even managed to go out today and buy invites, balloons and a banner. Just need to decide on a final guest-list now and we're off. Again, it might not sound like much but I feel like I'm finally starting to touch the real world through the wall of glass I've been living behind for the last year or so, and it feels good. Today has been ok, I've been pretty stressed about nothing in particular, just an underlying feeling. I had to return some stuff to Debenhams and pick up some things from Mothercare and wanted to go and look at some new shelves for the playroom, and maybe it was all just a bit too much for me to cope with. Plus F's off her food still (except Wotsits ) and I'm a bit worried about her. Managed to keep a lid on it though, and the day went off pretty uneventfully. Both girls tucked up and asleep by 8pm so I've been tidying everything away ready for the weekend (we're off to London tomorrow night for a few days). Miracle of miracles, I've not packed our bags and yet I'm not climbing the walls panicking about running out of time. I've got all day tomorrow to do it, although I do have to go out and get flea powder for the cats and a new pump for the fishtank, and leave out clean bedding for the cleaner to put on the beds (all this tidying and I have a cleaner - she comes here for a rest!) so maybe I should think about going and packing that bag after all One last bit of good news - got a letter from DVLA yesterday, D's license retention was accepted. I came rushing in to show him the letter, shouting "Look, I managed to DO something!!" He looked at me like I was a looney, but I was so pleased I didn't care!
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Post by sianyc on Sept 18, 2008 7:09:42 GMT
I filing away your tip for dealing with the kids calmly for later on today when I have them both. You are absolutely right - my relationship with them is much more important than the house being tidy and that is the point when I lose it - all I can see are the chores and how it could all be done if they would just give me an hour's peace to do it in.
I love supernanny - must start watching again ;D
Have a fab time in London. very jealous.
Oh, how old is T - my eldest is almost 5 and I wanted to get her a DS or PSP for Xmas and my oh thinks I'm nuts as she's too young. I think she'd love it!
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Post by alexandra on Sept 18, 2008 14:43:10 GMT
Hi Sianyc - T will be 3 in a couple of weeks. D actually bought the PSP for himself a few months ago, then somehow ended up with a Harry Potter movie which he put on for T one day and she loved it. She's never tried a game on it, but you can lock the keys and put on a headset and it's a great little travel dvd player - she'll be wearing it tonight while I drive to London. I'd say it's prob a waste of money at her age, but a 5 year old could prob cope a bit better with it. (Plus the movies cost even more than normal sized dvds to buy.) In saying that, I'd not be without ours now! Having another stressy day today, prob because I didn't pack our bags last night. F fell asleep while I was doing the errands this morning and has been awake ever since so I could feel the old panic levels rising about getting the house cleared up and the stuff packed, but I managed to deposit her at the front door while I emptied out the car of junk and refilled it with packed bags - there may be a few small stones in her nappy later but she seemed happy enough! I'm a bit calmer now - car all loaded up, F's having a nap although I have to go and wake her now to pick T up from nursery. Half an hour of play, then dinner time, bath and pjs and into the car go two (hopefully) sleepy babies. What can possibly go wrong??
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Post by cheshire on Sept 22, 2008 8:19:27 GMT
Hi Alexandra, How did the trip to London go? Hope it went well Hopefulx
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Post by alexandra on Jun 30, 2009 22:16:02 GMT
Hi everyone, it's been a long time since I've been on this site - and I'm sad to say that I'm returning in much the same state as when I first joined. I just want to start keeping a diary again, at this point I don't particularly want to start recapping the last 9 months (can't believe it's been that long) - not that anything of much importance happened, more a slow decline back into full on stress mode once again. I took my ADs for a good 4 months at least, not necessarily every day but pretty regularly, until one day I just found I'd run out and we were going off for a week and I just never bothered refilling the prescription. But when I look back now I realise that they not only dulled the feelings of stress and anxiety, they also dulled all my other senses, so I'm now stuck between a rock and a hard place - do I or don't I go back to the doctor??
T will be 4 in October, and F will be 2 in Nov - I hoped I'd be 'normal' again by now. Instead, my best friend is 12 weeks pregnant and I can barely bring myself to pretend to be happy for her - I'm imagining myself in the same situation and feel horrified at the thought of it.
I'm now working almost full time for D (hubby), which I love. The job is fantastic, I'm organised, I'm confident, I'm happy between the hours of 10 and 4. The hours before and after are awful. I'm awake til after midnight every night just trying to keep on top of everything, making packed lunches, leaving out clothes for the morning, washing dishes, wiping surfaces, putting away washing etc etc etc. Then I'm up 3 or 4 times in the night with F who just does not sleep well unless I get into bed with her, and up for the day at 7am. Major panic ensues, trying to get me and both girls ready for the day, despite having last night laid out every single item required for the morning, and having more than 2 hours to get ready... I normally shout at one or both girls at some stage before leaving at 9am. Drop them both off and race home to clear up the house, make beds, clean bathroom, put washing on, make tonight's dinner (or more often stand in the kitchen for 10 mins in complete panic, frantically trying to decide what to make), I even leave out the girls' towels, nappies and pjs for bathtime that night. Usually make it into work between 10.30 and 11.00, then morph into sane, intelligent woman for a few hours, until 3.45 comes and the nightmare of the evening begins, which I'll save for another time as I'm running out of steam tonight - 11pm and I still have clean clothes to hang up before bedtime.
My biggest fear, my biggest sense of failure, the thing that upsets me the most is that I'm still not enjoying my time with the girls. Without doubt things are easier now - they can both feed themselves, can even play together and entertain each other for short periods, etc etc, but I'm still unable to relax and have fun with them, I just see them as a chore, and I just don't know how I'm ever going to get over this. I'm forever apologising to T, telling her that mummy is sorry, I was tired and I'm going to try very hard not to shout at her so much in future - and 15 mins later I've lost it again. I'm not violent with the girls, but I can see the fear in their eyes when I yell at them - it must be like living with Jekyll and Hyde for the poor little critters, yet within minutes they've moved on and seem to forget everything - but here's a quote from last week's Sunday Mail 'You' magazine about a woman who moved her London family to the Australian Outback for a few months, just to step aside from a life "that sometimes involves a woman I don't recognise; who yells at her children and husband in a voice I've never heard before. Who is she? In the stress of the moment she's sometimes unleashed and I know that my children will remember her through their childhood and beyond, and I'm ashamed of that."
And that quote is mainly why I've come back to this site after all these months - I'm so terrified that I'm in the process of ruining my relationship with my children forever.
Phew, it's a relief to get that out!
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Post by winegirl on Jul 1, 2009 19:27:49 GMT
Hi Alexandra
Welcome back x
So sorry to hear you have been struggling though.
Most of us feel like our kids are a chore - and lets face it - alot of the time they are! But yes I imagine your frustration at struggling to enjoy your time with them.
I would say the reason you are struggling to relax with them is because your mind is always on the next thing.. Got to get this done, that done, etc.. You just cant relax and enjoy your kids when you have so much to do and think about.
Time to sort it out. If you sort out your time, where it goes, what can be left, what someone else can do etc.. You can start to tackle the time you have with your kids and actually switching off from life to enjoy it...
I might be wrong with all this, but it would be my guess.
I am glad you have come back to us and hope we can be supportive for you.
Take Care
WG xx
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