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Post by bean guest on Jan 28, 2010 17:02:46 GMT
Feeling really low, need to manage this as by myself with kids until tomorrow afternoon, need to get through the night safely - as of course, stupid muppet that i am, having the old thoughts again. I really am my own worst enemy (well not quite there is 1 other!). bean x
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Post by winegirl on Jan 28, 2010 17:18:54 GMT
Hubby out till about 9 - can I ring you about 8??
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Post by monica on Jan 30, 2010 21:47:20 GMT
Hi
How are you doing? You've had a lot on recently and that's in addition to feel poorly yourself so cut yourself some slack! You've had the therapy and the stress of it all, your gran dying and your friend not really being a true friend. If you're feeling low anyway, all these things are going to make you feel worse. Petal, wish I could give you a huge hug in person....a virtual one will have to do.
love
monica
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Post by winegirl on Jan 31, 2010 10:44:29 GMT
Same from me - big virtual one (((((())))))))
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Post by bean guest on Jan 31, 2010 13:50:02 GMT
Thanks you two, and a big thank you both for last night (sorry for ranting on Monica - bet you'll thnk twice about ringing me again!!) xxxxxxxx
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Post by monica on Jan 31, 2010 20:06:54 GMT
Not at all! it was good to have a chat.All the best for your Gran's funeralxxx
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Post by monica on Feb 1, 2010 21:37:51 GMT
All thebest for your gran's funeral tomorrow xxx
Monica
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Post by bean on Feb 1, 2010 22:12:24 GMT
Thanks Monica Im dreading it and feeling quite weird but i thnk you know my feelngs about funerals, especally recent ones for me. Bringinga few things back and not all of it good. Or alternatvely could just be feeling weird cause i had full zopiclone (supposed to half it, anti psychotic, diazepam and two glasses of wine. Now if i dont sleep tonight i will contact the drug companies and tell them they;re a bag of shit!
Had a mad panic today because the friend who was looking after martha for me tomorrow, her son was run over last nght and they found somethng on the brain, which could be somethng to do with a clot he had last year and they had to operate quickly or he would have died, so they dont know if its to do wth that or something new, but tonght i think theyve given hm the all cleear and just keeping him in for observation. Poor Joe hes only 21 and has been quite poorly afterthe initial operation, had to learn stuff again. Anyway so she has to be there for him, but i asked a friend from school ive known 6 years and she was glad to do it, so sorted. Didnt ask my other friend again... Had bath, washed hair so all ready for a chlllout before tomorrow. So pleased that ive managed to keep my arms free from marks - didnt want anyone seeing any and making any comments. Shes stll in limbo now, just resting but tomorrow wll be the end of Gran. Very very sad, also that roys not there cause he loved her too and has known her for 20 years. :There isnt going to be a wake because of some bad feeling in some of the family so me and the kids when i collect them, mum and dad, nephews and my aunt & uncle are going for a drink in our local to spend some time together and remember and raise a glass to My Gran, Gladys Gossip - wot a woman, cant believe shes not here anymore. She well deserves a good send off! - Will still take Dans pool cue & joes DS for them lol - keep them happy cause dan has taken it quite hard, will be good for him to see the famly too, me too. Rs gonna join us when he finishes at court.
Oh and ive had to cancel with kathie on wednesday which i could really do with but cant be helped.
Please please please, let me get what I want this time! - good sleep with no hangover! luv beanx
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Post by winegirl on Feb 2, 2010 10:27:38 GMT
I am thinking of you today mate xxxxx
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Post by monica on Feb 19, 2010 21:42:09 GMT
Hi
how are you? I am computerless so won't be on FB or email. I can only get on this at work and only when I have a quiet minute. Hope things are going well.
xxx
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Post by Beanguest on Mar 22, 2010 21:49:18 GMT
Not good feel inadequate, fat, ugly but most of all like a seasoned self harmer who has failed herself !
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Post by winegirl on Mar 23, 2010 8:30:35 GMT
Mate - you have NOT repeat NOT failed yourself!! Give yourself a brake lady! Look, you have gone from being a regular self harmer to having the odd blip - that is great!! And as for fat and ugly, well dont get me started. Your as thin as a rake and boootiful... I wish you could see what the rest of us see!!
Are you about later if I ring??
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Post by bean on Mar 23, 2010 20:59:31 GMT
I am not thin as a rake, i havent seen you for 3 months and my arse has spread, my legs are fat and i have a double chin, i have lank falling out hair and ezcema on my eye which makes me look like youve punched me lol.
Been difficult to contain today, this monkey in my brain! Having a drink of pinky now and gonna have a zop soon so hopefully some sleep (with hopefully some nice dreams instead of scary ones). Jaw still locked and head hurting. x
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Post by winegirl on Mar 24, 2010 7:57:38 GMT
Hope you slept ok mate? Sorry its a quickie - got to go to work soon and not dressed yet - but will hopefully catch up with you a bit later??
Hugs mate (())
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Post by bean on Jul 4, 2010 20:05:49 GMT
The urge to harm hasnt been so strong in months, probably since last year. Want to hurt bad - cut, not burn!
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