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Post by jemima on Sept 30, 2008 10:41:52 GMT
Hiya hope you are a bit better today.Just try as I am to hold onto the fact that things and you will get better and treasure those moments with Gabriel. I have benn crying a lot too this weekend, am going to explain somewhere when I get more time, my littlest one came up and gave me a kiss, it was so sweet. I know that even without this illness, life and motherhood are hard, but with it you really seem to feel everything so much more and the racking of the brains to try and make sense of it all and the guilt are just terrible.I think I have always cared too much and been really hard on myself, when you have a bad spell with this,its horrendous.
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Post by phild09 on Sept 30, 2008 13:57:28 GMT
Thanks Jemima. I know what you mean about being really hard on yourself - I definitely am. Just now I have had a total collapse because I picked my son up awkwardly. It was a total accident but I took a lot of calming down before I could see that. Why can't things be easy???
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Post by littlelotty on Sept 30, 2008 16:45:41 GMT
Hi Phildo9
I am hard on myself and professionals have recently said that i am so hard on myself as a mother and that i need to take the praise that i am doing things right. It is so hard when you feel that all i am doing is screwing up my child. I feel guilty for everything but they have said that it is a sign that you are a good mother when you feel guilty as this is a natural maternal instinct so guess we must all be great mothers.
Hope you have had a better day and make sure you get some time to rest and get your energy back.
Littlelotty xx
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Post by cheshire on Oct 1, 2008 11:57:41 GMT
Hi Phildog,
How are things today? I agree with the others - it is so easy to be hard on yourself! I was talking to someone the other day who said the thing she had not been prepared for, in being a mother, was the guilt!!
I also remember someone once saying to me, if you think you've cracked this parenting thing, then you've got something to worry about ....
Love, Hopefulx
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Post by phild09 on Oct 2, 2008 18:59:11 GMT
Oh yes, I completely agree with that - I have said myself I think being a mother is one big guilt trip right from day 1!
Had a slightly better day today and was able to rationalise things in my head which usually I find very difficult.
I completely freaked out my fil today. Was sitting on the floor feeding lo breakfast (he's still too small for a high chair!) and a spider crawled right by me - a massive one - I jumped up screaming my head off!! He thought something was wrong with Gabe (who didn't bat an eyelid) and I really scared him....
I am going back to the doctors tomorrow, try and get some answers xx
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Post by littlelotty on Oct 2, 2008 19:42:26 GMT
Hi
Hope the doctors goes ok tomorrow - let us know when you get a min how it goes.
Glad you have had a better day.
Littlelotty xx
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Post by jemima on Oct 3, 2008 9:41:39 GMT
Hi, am glad you have had a better day too. I think being at the beginning of the illness is the hardest and the scariest, it is very all consuming and you cant really see a way out.I hope you manage to talk to someone who can get you a bit of help X
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Post by phild09 on Oct 5, 2008 18:34:02 GMT
I went to the doctors on friday and he has sent the referral AGAIN as the psychiatric nurses still hadn't received it! Also, he has doubled my dose of citalopram, so I am now taking 40mg. I don't know if it's my imagination or not but I think they are working already - I feel slightly less stressed. Not much though, but it's early days. I had to be alone with Gabe on saturday morning and I coped OK. I am going on holiday very early on Tuesday morning, to Malta for a fortnight. xx
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Post by jemima on Oct 5, 2008 20:23:31 GMT
hi, so glad you are feelin a bit better.Have a lovely hol & enjoy the sunsine, my friend went there & really liked it.Here for you when you get back, love Jemima X
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Post by littlelotty on Oct 5, 2008 22:11:19 GMT
Have a great holiday, think it will do you the world of good!
Take care
Littlelotty xx
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Post by cheshire on Oct 6, 2008 11:08:12 GMT
Hope you have a great time
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Post by monica on Oct 6, 2008 18:46:06 GMT
Enjoy your hols! Hope they're relaxing!
Monica
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Post by cokey on Oct 8, 2008 16:49:45 GMT
Hey there phild09
How are you doing? Did you speak with your HV?
Please don't be afraid. You simply have anxiety based PNI with OCD (Obsessive thoughts). The thoughts you are having are so common and simply born of a need to protect. Your brain is thinking these things because they are your worst fear. Trust me, no-one in medical history has ever acted on an OCD thought.
It does get better. I have had it twice and each time its hard work but one day it will have passed and in the meantime you are the safest person on this planet to look after your son because you have OCD. Strange but true.
Let us know how you are.
Cokey xxx
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