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Post by caterina on Apr 23, 2009 12:12:45 GMT
Hi Flobob Don't worry about needing support just now..I've needed it plenty times from the great ladies on here without giving back..it's how it works, sometimes you're supporting, sometimes you need supported. Did you manage to get out to playgroup this morning and how did your GP appointment go? Hope it was helpful for you. Look forward to hearing how you got on xx
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Apr 23, 2009 14:26:20 GMT
Once again didn't get to the dr because my little boy is unwell so had to keep him home from nursery and really can't have the open conversation I need with him with me. So cancelled the appointment. Re-booked it for Wed next week and OH should be home so will be able to go on my own.
Having a very strange day with little boy home and baby at nursery. Didn't think I'd have a day like this again. It's been quite nice and fairly relaxing. Even quite proud of myself because this afternoon when little boy was happily playing with his cars I thought about what I should do and thought of cleaning the living room, but didn't do it! Hurray for me. Instead I laid on the sofa and read a book. Didn't last long because little boy then wanted to play hide and seek. But at least I tried to give myself a break as normally I can't rest if there is something that needs doing.
This sort of day has made me dream of a couple of years time when little boy will be at school and I'll just have 1 child at home during the day. I think I can cope with that. It is so much easier with one and I never knew that when I just had one! Little boy drives me mad with not listening to me and not eating his lunch but apart from that we get on very nicely.
Got to go now to collect baby girl from nursery. Can't wait to see her.
She pulled herself up to standing for the first time yesterday! She was so happy with herself.
Cheers Caterina and Monica for your messages.
xx FloBob
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Apr 24, 2009 9:23:22 GMT
After a very positive day yesterday all went a bit pear shaped in the early evening. Usual argument with my son over him eating his tea. Actually suppose it is not usual just often enough to drive me mad. But I was very definite that he had a choice of sitting in the corner with no-one to talk to or sitting on his chair and eating his tea. He sat in the corner for 5 minutes then said sorry and ate all his tea! We'll see if that works again. Instead of shouting at him to go in the corner, I said it calmly. Maybe that'll work next time too? I'm sure I've tried it that way in the past. Maybe I sounded more convincing.
In the night decided to make myself a "time out chair" so the chair in my bedroom is now that. Haven't used it yet but in a way helping me to stay calm knowing I have that space. Although no doubt if I do use it both kids will coe along too!
Anyway wanted to record all this positive stuff too because I normally only come on here when feeling low and thought it would do me good to have positive stuff. Think I'll keep posting regular for a while to keep me on top of these feelings.
FloBob x
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Post by winegirl on Apr 24, 2009 21:11:25 GMT
Hi Flobob
Great that you are listing the positives hun! Definately keep doing that - it will help x
Hope today has been ok for you??
WG xx
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Apr 29, 2009 17:13:39 GMT
Got an appt with Dr at 6.30pm. Head is all over the place. Don't know what I'm going to say.
Things were going better. But as per usual OH just has to bring me down. It's all my fault that he couldn't go out this afternoon because he let our little boy play in his car at the weekend and little boy left the interior light on and battery ran flat. Yeah, of course that is my fault. Then he had to immediately go out to buy a new battery - yeah that had to be done straight away! I suggested leaving it until tomorrow so he wouldn't be sitting in rush-hour traffic but that caused an argument. Arguing is fine but I could see the absolute hatred in his eyes. I think I'm more angry than anything right now.
Came on here to get a grip before I go out. Let off a bit of steam. Just think I'll go to pieces at the Drs. Which I didn't want to do because I have been doing better again.
FloBob x
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Post by winegirl on Apr 29, 2009 20:35:39 GMT
Hey Flobob
Perhaps the GP seeing you in a state isnt such a bad thing?? If he/she just sees you all hunky dorey then you will not be able to get what you need when you need it!
Have things calmed down at home now? How did it go with the GP? You ok??
WG xx
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Post by caterina on May 2, 2009 23:59:11 GMT
Hi flobob How did it go at drs hun? Hope you're ok xxx
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on May 8, 2009 6:11:31 GMT
Not been around because I couldn't face it. Also had flu.
OH excessively useless with support - even when I had flu he went out and I was on my own with 2 children.
Waiting for 1 hour at docs last week. Had to keep myself calm whilst waiting. By the time I saw the dr I had calmed myself - felt that if I got angry it would just be over the long time kept waiting - and actually didn't really tell the dr anything.
Feeling awful now. Very low. Want to run away and hide in a hole and sleep forever.
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Post by winegirl on May 8, 2009 6:43:53 GMT
Oh hun sending you loads of hugs (())
Do you think you can face making another GP appt but this time have it writen down before you go in? That way he/she will understand how you feel at your lowest?
I am sorry to hear OH has been useless. Does he understand how down you are at the moment??
Thinking of you
WG x
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Post by monica on May 8, 2009 9:09:45 GMT
Hi
Poor you - feeling low, having flu and looking after kids is no fun. Could you ask your parents to help you out? I know it's hard to do this when feeling low but you must try and think of yourself - a breather will give you chance to recuperate a bit which will make you feel a bit better.
Can relate to oh not giving support - this may sound stupid but have you tried asking for help from him. My bf will rarely support me in any way unless I specifically ask him to do stuff. I know we shouldn't have to... but if it helps....
Think WG's advice is good - the sooner you tell someone like dr, hv exactly how you are the sooner you will feel better. Again I know it's hard to do when all you feel like doing is curling up into a ball and shutting yourself off from the outside world but do try.
Have you recovered from flu?
Sending you a huge hug flobob
Monica
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Jun 8, 2009 4:52:45 GMT
hello I've not been around for a while. Had a very up-and-down month. Trying to understand myself.
I'm a bit hopeless WG, I did have it written down, but somehow writing it down made the feelings feel un-genuine so I couldn't show her the paper or read from it.
I really think that I do NOT have PNI this time but that I have a very poor relationship with my husband. And that gets me down and if I let it then it can all spiral out of control and I do feel depressed. But I am trying not to let my marriage mar my relationship with my children. And trying not to fall into a downward spiral.
Cheers for your support again WG and Monica. You're keeping me sane.
Love FloBob x
P.S. I probably won't be around for a while because as I say I don't think it is PNI and I don't want to waste anyone's time.
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Post by winegirl on Jun 9, 2009 21:08:39 GMT
Hey Hun
We are always here and you can talk here PNI related or not - you are wasting no-ones time. You can even use the relationship section if you wish - we can get you the passwprd?
But that is not to say you have to talk here, completely up to you. Just didnt want you to think you couldnt just because you felt you dont have PNI second time round.
I am sorry things with you guys arent great. Have you thought about the whole relate thing??
We are here if you need us hun xx
Much love
WG xx
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Post by monica on Jun 10, 2009 12:54:04 GMT
Hi
Just wanted to echo what wg has said - you can come on here anytime whether it's pni or not it's a great place to offload.
Sorry your relationship isn't good - I agree with you as I'm the same - life really gets me down when myself and my bf don't get on. With two small kids life can be very hard adn without support from your oh it's bound to make you feel pants.
Here for you if you want to chat
Love
Monica
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Nov 14, 2009 5:38:08 GMT
Just feeling a bit anxious at the moment, so wanted to put something in my diary, quietly, don't mind if nobody notices, just wanted to get this out of my head.
I should be feeling happy! OH has a new job. Starts on Monday. He's been home since Easter and of course that was difficult. Very difficult at the start in terms of learning to live together again. Then lots of worry over money. And I knew obviously that he would get a job again and things would have to change, but ...
Anyway this job is permanent and starts on Monday. It's on the south coast, so too far away for commuting and he'll be away Monday-Friday again.
I think I'll cope but still anxious. I am so tired a lot of the time and fall asleep by 9pm.
But mostly kind of worried because in Sept I went to a playgroup with my 1-year-old girl who is very active, been walking since 9 months and very "up and about". This is exactly how my son was. Going to a playgroup again with a walking baby put me back to how things were with my son - going to playgroups and feeling isolated because my baby was running round the room and I couldn't talk to other mums whose babies were the same age but not mobile yet. Couldn't talk because I had PNI but also because baby boy never stayed still long enough for me to finish a sentence let alone a conversation! Anyway in Sept with baby girl I didn't know it at the time but my feelings, when I thought about them afterwards, were exactly the same as when little boy was a baby. And this was at a playgroup where I already knew other mums. I got very cross with a friend of mine who was moaning about children walking in the baby area which was meant for pre-crawling babies. I felt me and my daughter didn't fit in anywhere. Too active for the baby area and too little for the toddler area. Anyway, I haven't been back to the playgroup since.
So mainly I'm scared that OH being away Mon-Fri will make me have thoughts like I had when little boy was a baby and OH was away Mon-Fri. OH worked away on contracts Mon-Fri from when I was pregnant until little boy was 2.5 years old. Then he was on contracts closer to home and would commute. Then he was at home as no contracts.
I do feel stupid saying all this because obviously he hasn't gone yet and maybe I won't feel like that but am just worried that I will feel like that.
I'm just going round in circles now and getting more upset so I'll have to go. I wish I could explain myself better.
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Post by winegirl on Nov 14, 2009 8:09:02 GMT
Hi Flobob
You are getting yoruself worked up arent you? But you need to try not to mirror everything with your little girl as to how things were with your son. You dont know that things are going to repeat themselves, but you could almost make that happen by constantly thinking about them.
Dont feel bad for being in bed by 9pm every night, i do that when i have the anxiety too, its self preservation, and will get better as your anxiety eases off.
Be kind to yourself, you are doing a great job and need to recognise this.
I wish you the best of luck for monday. Try to take it all day by day and not fret about the week as a whole. We are here if you need us hun xx
Love
WG xx
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