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Post by motherferret on Nov 12, 2008 17:09:01 GMT
Picture the scene - an old English country pub, all decorated for the festive season. Christmas Carols sounding gently in all areas of the pub - the main bar, the snug, the non-smoking area (!) and even the front greeting area, where, in the sofas and armchairs, there is a group of several men enjoying their evening. They are a group of Chess enthusiastist, who meet periodically to talk about the latest championships, games they've played and won - to show off a little to each other, if truth be known. They all have drinks, and nibbles, and conversation is busy.
The Landlord comes out with another round of drinks for them, and cannot help but hear some of the chat.
"I beat someone last month in 45 moves using the Petrovsky moves," an elderly gentleman says, with pride all over his face. "Thats nothing," retorts a younger man. "I used that move to win in 38 moves."
The Landlord goes out with the empty glasses, and a troubled. He comes staight back to the group, and addresses them seriously. "Gentlemen, I'm afraid I must ask you all to leave."
The group look at the Londlord and each other in bewilderment. "Why?" asks one of them, eventually. "We're just a group of friends, sitting here and chatting. What on earth have we done wrong?"
The Landlord sighs, and says
"Gentlemen, if there's one thing I cannot tolerate, especially at this festive time of year.... its......
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!!!"
Ali xxxx ;D ;D ;D
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Post by winegirl on Nov 12, 2008 18:32:45 GMT
LOL LOL - Awesome - just in process of cutting and pasting to send that one round work!!
Brilliant!!
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Post by stevensmummy on Nov 12, 2008 19:28:34 GMT
I so didnt epect that last line, my Dad will love it x
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Nov 12, 2008 23:02:04 GMT
thats really cool!!!!! Made me laugh
Shell xxx
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Post by motherferret on Nov 13, 2008 10:29:07 GMT
;D ;D Dearest Ron, Thank you very much! How very sweet of you. A Pear Tree for Christmas, with a real Partridge in it. You really, really are the sweetest boyfriend a girl could have. Thanks once again, With all my love, Sheila Dear Ron, Thank you again - I didn't expect presents two days in a row. And how unexpected - Two Turtle Doves. They have settled in well in the Pear Tree, and look great alongside the Partridge. You are kind. Lots of love, Sheila Dear Ron, Well, well. What can I say? Three French Hens!! I have spent much of today sorting out part of the garden for them. They were doing well until the Partridge started swooping down on them, but I'm sure they'll all settle down. Love, Sheila Dear Ron, What a surprise it was this morning when the doorbell rang and it was the man from the petshop once again delivering your latest gift - Four Calling Birds. I can well see why they are so-named - the noise level is terrific as they appear to be competing with the Turtle Doves for territory in the Pear Tree. Thank you very much, Ron, but please - no more!!! Love, Sheila To my dearest Ronnie, Darling! You are so sweet! I just don't know what to say. Five Gold Rings!!! You are the kindest, most generous man I know. Thank you very much. With all the love in my heart, Sheila Dear Ron, I had a very strange look from the petshop delivery man this morning as he delivered the Six Geese a-laying. And boy, do they lay. The garden has cracked eggs all over it as they seem unable to decide where to nest. They have thoroughly upset the French Hens who at least have STOPPED laying eggs in protest. Thank you, Ron, but please stop. Love, Sheila Ron, Look, what is it with you and these damned birds? Seven Swans a-swimming? I ask you, where on earth am I supposed to put them? Three of them have taken up residence in my bathroom as I inadvertently left the back door open during the ever-lengthening feeding time. The rest appear to have ganged up with the French Hens and are harrassing the geese - who have still not stopped laying. The mess is indescribable. Enough, Ron! From, Sheila Ron, Ok. A joke is a joke, but this is going too far. I am relieved no more bird life has arrived, but the house has been taken over by the Eight Maids a-milking. They are the laziest bunch I have ever met, and judging by theit conversation very few of them really are maids. Regards, Sheila Ron, What is going on? First thing this morning the doorbell rang, and there on the doorstep were Nine Ladies Dancing. Complete with luggage they have commandeered the whole of the downstairs, and the bathroom is almost never free. And whoever called them 'ladies' must have been mad. The language they use has made even some of the milkmaids blush - and that is no mean feat. They have brought in the Doves, so between them and the Swans there is mess all over the house, and my garden has never looked worse. Enough! From, Sheila Look, Idiot-face, What part of 'enough' do you not understand? As if things weren't bad enough the Ten Lords a-Leaping arrived this morning. Two of them obviously haven't leapt anywhere for some time as they are severely overweight and are eating me out of house and home. The rest are leaping all right - all over the Maids and Ladies, who have now reached a state of open warfare due to there not being enough men to go around. One of them has at least offered to stuff and roast the Preasant for me, which would be a relief as it is still fighting the Turtle Doves for space in the Pear Tree. Yours, Sheila You Rotten Sod. As if turning my house into something resembling a brothel wasn't bad enough, you send me Eleven Pipers Piping. They are duelling with the Lords over the so-called Ladies and Maids, and seem to find it highly amusing to play their pipes in the early hours of the morning. The neighbours are threatening me with the law because of both the excrutiating level of noise and the stink from those rotten birds. Sheila You Total Bastard. The Twelve Drummers Drumming have teamed up with the Lords in taking over the upstairs of my house and have set up what looks like a gambling den and bar. The Ladies, Maids and Pipers have settled into what can only be described as a red-light district downstairs. The Swans and Geese have ruined my bathroom, and leave mess everywhere. The Calling-Birds, Hens and Doves have over-run the garden which now resembles a pigsty as it is covered in mess and all my plants are pecked to pieces. The Partridge has taken refuge next-door. I am taking the Gold Rings and will pawn them for as much as I can get. This, Ron, is the end! You Know Who.
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Post by winegirl on Nov 13, 2008 10:39:37 GMT
LOL LOL - thought it was gonna be a sweet story.. lol
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