|
Post by tracy77 on Nov 13, 2008 20:37:01 GMT
its been 13 weeks since my little girl was born and yet it seems to have gone by in ablur i have seen doctors crisis teams and have just been evealuated to see what kind of help i can get but i feel like its like a long time coming everyone asks me how i feel but what happens when nobody is there i panick i feel anxiety im frightened the crisis team think the reason y i have harmfull thoughts is beacuse i have been abused and its my brains way of trying to protect my litttle girl if i had to sum up my life i would say im sad im angry and im an alot of pain i have been abused by my step father from being 3 till i was 12 i have also suffered abuse from other members of his family and to top it off my mam abandoned me because she didnt beleve me i have been married and divorced and y does everything have to be a fight i am a fighter but sometimes i dont want to fight any more does anyone understand ? i had pni with my first baby but no where to the degree im having this time this time i have harmfull thoughts im scared to be left alone with my baby and all i want is to be a good mam thats all i ever wanted but im struggling i dont no what to do to make things better how do i cope
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Nov 13, 2008 21:11:19 GMT
Hey Tracy
Im not lying to you, its gonna be damned hard work! But it WILL WILL WILL get better. You need the right suport and treatment and time and this will pass and you can get on with your life again.
Clearly you need help talking about what happened to you as a child as it is having a massive impact on how you feel right now, and this will come through the services you are being offered, and with some work on your part - you will beat this.
Believe me, its so great on the other side of PNI, its worth every second of the fight xx
WG x
|
|
|
Post by tracy77 on Nov 14, 2008 19:42:10 GMT
thanx wg for your message it made me feel better i just didnt realise how hard the down days are i suppose after having so many good days i had to have a bad one i hate feeling this way i just wish therewas a majic wand to take everything away but i know that wont happen so with every day i wll just carry on fighting thankyou for your kind words xx
|
|
|
Post by littlelotty on Nov 14, 2008 23:40:52 GMT
Hi Tracey
I so understand when you say i wish there was a magic wand! I have often thought that and it is hard but as WG states you WILL get better, it just sometimes takes time.
I am having therapy for a very traumatic and abusive childhood at the moment so can do a degree understand your thoughts etc.
It sounds like you have the support around you and this is great. Work with them and you will come out the other side and as you sound a true fighter!
Take care
Littlelotty xx
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Nov 15, 2008 12:58:52 GMT
Hi Tracy,
I'm sorry to hear you are suffering -esp. with the anxiety and panic, which is so hard to deal with when you're on your own with a LO to look after..
I agree with your GPs analysis, it makes sense to me - I have read several times that this can be the case for new mothers who may have a history of abuse.
What I would want to do is reassure you that this does get better, even if things feel bleak at the moment. Good support, medical intervention etc. can all help, but it's what's right for you.
I hope you know we're here for you anytime you need to talk, offlaod, need support.
Hopefulx
|
|
|
Post by Scarlet on Nov 15, 2008 13:50:37 GMT
Hi Tracy,
It might seem a million miles away, but you will recover from this.. We understand what you mean when you say that you don't want to fight anymore, but you are already fighting and as each day passes you will grow stronger and the 'thoughts' will get less and less. You will just have to trust us on this, becasue we have been where you are now.
I had terrible obsessive thoughts, thought I would do something terrible in an irrational moment, and was afraid to be with my baby... My days were sepnt walking around in a daze, due to my mind being so tired, and I became depressed and thought life wasn't worth living. There were times I felt like I would never be able to get through another day, but I am well again now and those days are behind me...this will be you as well hun,. You are a good mam, just carry on with daily activities no matter how you are feeling, this is the best advice someone once gave me.. and of course seek as much help and support as you can from family, frineds and the medical professionals.
Keep talking to us, and we will help you all we can
xxx
|
|