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Post by stevensmummy on Jan 16, 2009 20:50:41 GMT
I thinks about the time I'm going to get benefit from a diary again so I'm going to give it a go.
I'm about 7wks from giving birth to my 3rd. I already have two lovely boys who are the world to me. At times they pull my rag out as kids do but without them I'd be lost. They make my life complete and I can only just remember what life was like without them. Now they are my life.
I long for the birth of this child. The pain is making me wish I could have it now! I'm suffering from that pelvic problem, the name i cant remember, when your pelvis opens and in my case is tilting forward. The pains in my lower back, pelvis and legs are some days unbearable. I get pins and needles as there is apparently a trapped nerve somewhere in there too. I wear a support but it makes little difference. The only real relief is in a bath. Somehow it takes the weight off and the hot water eases the pain. It actually makes me consider a water birth.
I'm finding the darkness is falling again. I'm sore, exhausted and the kids are pushing me to my limits. I'm finding my patience thinner and thinner. My eldest is hard enough just now hes having a sudden behaviour change and its really wearing. Is rather mean to his little brother too, i find it hard to discipline him without a full scale tantrum and the younger one getting afraid and needing picked up. At 3.5 hes hard and the younger one is only 18m, so still a baby really.
I'm beginning to fear that I will have yet another baby I cant cope with. Another unhappy time. i long to have a happy pregnancy and to feel happy that i've given birth and have a lovely baby. I feel sort of robbed of that happy time with my new baby. I have never experienced that bit and I fear already that I wont again. The way I feel now, I'm afraid of antenatal depression nevermind postnatal. Its always on my mind and I cant move on from it.
I managed to make progress today and have made an app for my HV to come round on tues. I even managed to tell her its me thats the problem not one of the kids. She is the same HV from my pni second time round so will be expecting it I think. Shes quite screwed on and will only need prompting that I need help and will ask all the right questions. I just need the courage now to ask for that help and most imporantly accept it. I have a habit of 'oh I'm fine I'll cope' when really I'm screaming inside. Is that just me?
I do feel lighter knowing she is coming. Its progress, slow but there.
I'm off for a bath so i can see if I can sleep better tonight. A good nights rest makes a world of difference. The day seems easier.
xxx
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Post by winegirl on Jan 17, 2009 8:52:26 GMT
Welcome back to the diary section babes x
Just wanted to mention that I had SPD too and found the bath the only place of relief! Also I really suffered at night in bed and used to sleep with a pillow between my legs as that seemed to help a bit.
Anyway, just wanted to welcome you back and hope its ok for us to write in this diary??
Love
WG xx
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Post by stevensmummy on Jan 17, 2009 15:39:47 GMT
Course its ok hun, I like a bit of feedback. Its nice to know you're not there alone!
Thats it SPD, iI knew it was something silly like that. Mine is apparently very similar, due to my damaged vertebrae in my back from a horse accident its altering how it normally would go. The midwife says some peoples hips practically pop out. In my case my pelvis is opening at the front and tilting forward. They says its due weak muscles where my damaged back is. Apparently if I have another baby I should be strengthening the muscles there nefore conception. They say i can work on them now but its unlikely to make any real difference due to the relaxant hormones.You know if I was a cow I'd be shot, poor breeding capacity!
Sleeping is really uncomfortable. I do use a pillow but its getting now that I get comfy then get pins and needles and have to move about. I normally sleep on my tummy too so instinctively try to roll round, then get a reailty check at the boulder in the way!
Did you have a water birth by any chance WG? I might post to ask about that actually as its something I'm considering.
hopefully get back on later, I need to go muck out
xx
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Post by winegirl on Jan 18, 2009 10:35:28 GMT
Hi Sarah
No I was too much of a fanny to have a water birth. I wanted epidural, drips, spinal block the lot. But I have heard many great things about women with SPD who have had a water birth. I am still suffering a bit with SPD nearly 3 years since my LO was born. Not bad, but sometimes at night the pain in my pelvis comes back and takes a couple of hours in the morning to wear off.
Are you looking into a water birth?
WG x
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Post by littlelotty on Jan 19, 2009 17:08:33 GMT
Hi Sarah
Welcome back to the diary hun and i am sure it will help you alot.
I really wanted a water birth but i was too high risk so couldnt have it but SIL did and she loved it and managed on gas and air - how she did is beyond me but my pain must of been worse lol.
Hope you have had a better day
take care
littlelotty xx
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Post by stevensmummy on Jan 19, 2009 20:36:13 GMT
Hi again LL thanks for the reply, spotted you in my other post but will update here.
Hectic day yet again. i'm running a bath so cant be long.
On sat night and early this am i had spots of blood. Not much at all but I was very crampy too so I was advised by my midwife to go to the hosp. When I called in I got all the usual qus, and have you felt it move this morning, I had a think and thought well no n0t this morning actually. They all looked and went oh, so when did it move? Last night. Oh well get in asap thats about 12 hrs. None of them were prepared to listen to the fact that this is my 3rd one and i kind of now know whats going on and also know that its normally not moving about till after lunch.
When I go there I was put straight on a monitor to find exactly what i said it was just happy not moving. They monitored me for about 2 hrs then a scan and cervix check. They think the blood came from my cervix. I have a terrible cold and have coughed lots and lots so wonder if I have slightly torn it. One midwife says one thing then another something else. Then the doc says something again. You just cant win. Thankfully after a urine culture sent off and a cervical swab I got to go home. I was terrified that i'd have to stay. I have 2 little boys at home they would have been devastated and a real uproar to have someone to look after them.
Its not till you land back in that awful place do you remember why you say I'm not having another one! With every preg so far i have landed in for some reason or another, its such a scutter about waiting for hrs to be told nothin basically or oh we'll keep you in for observations! I was lucky today. They say any more spotting go back, yeah right if its just a little I'll not be bothering as everything looks fine as they said. My own midwife said unless its regular or more not to worry, i'm seeing her on thur anyway.
HV coming 2moro. I'm knackered already. Shes bound to give me a lecture about doing too much they did in hosp too. Take it easy, feet up etc etc etc. Welcome to the realy world of 2 kids under 4 and 7m preg!
Going to try hard to be honest with HV 2moro. See what they suggest. Shes lovely and I feel comfotable with her so hopefully be fine.
Wish me luck, i'll let you all know how it goes. off for my bath, i'm aching from the poking and prodding
xxx
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Post by winegirl on Jan 19, 2009 21:18:23 GMT
Enjoy your bath!!
And good luck for tomorrow. And in defence of the HV - yes - you SHOULD be taking it easy. The odd bath for an hour isnt enough. SLOW DOWN
Signed,
Mum - lol
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Post by stevensmummy on Jan 20, 2009 20:05:59 GMT
Awwh WG love you crack me up.
I'm knackered so not staying, going to have a bath and an early night as both kids are sleeping already. make the most of it!!
Catch up 2moro when i get a chance
xxx
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Post by winegirl on Jan 20, 2009 21:18:25 GMT
Enjoy mate! Bout time you had a bit of a rest.
Take Care and will catch up with you tomorrow x
WG xx
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Post by stevensmummy on Jan 26, 2009 9:21:25 GMT
hi guys sorry for the delay again!
im actually in hosp just now. Came down with a bad bug and landed in here on sun to go on a drip. I've had 4 IV bags now so feeliings better of them. Bn getting anti-sickness meds too so not bn sick since last nite. Looking like Ill be here for another nite. Not keen on letting me home to 2 kids when Im so weak. I was badly dehydrated and had keytones in my urine.
This thing is super temperamental so its short but sweet! This has taken about 10mins!!! Ridiculous keypad smaller than a phone, with tiny buttons that stick.
Hope u guys well, going 4 a browse of posts while I'm on monitor for baby and stuck to bed!
xxx
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Post by winegirl on Jan 26, 2009 21:13:38 GMT
Oh babes.... MASSIVE HUGS (())
Best you be bored in there though while getting better as opposed to struggling at home!!
Hope you are better soon. Let us know when you get out and get 5 how you are doing??
WG xxx
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Post by stevensmummy on Jan 27, 2009 8:18:12 GMT
Hi
I'm still here. Although docs have had a sudden change of oppinion. Diff doc from yest. This new one who was actually not very nice, prob just me feeling anxious tho, says it may not be a bug. I could actually be like this till baby born. Im not badly dehydrated now and although Im still being sick there isnt anything they can do. I was on IV for 24hrs and no longer need it so theres no point in me being here. I was a bit taken back by the sudden change in oppinion but they are right I guess. Im not staying here till the baby is born, and I may well be like this till then. So Im getting home this morning. Im happy about that, I miss the boys. Saying bye yest was heartbreaking, their little faces just didnt understand why they couldnt take mummy home. My eldest was very concerned about my drip and the 'big biter' in my arm. I couldnt go thro that much more. In a few days I'd be kicking up to get home.
This will be a long morning so I'm going to have a lie down in the hope that I can digest my cereal b4 I move about too much and be sick!
xx
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Post by winegirl on Jan 28, 2009 20:58:53 GMT
Oh hun I am sorry! Being sizk is like my worst nightmare EVER and I dont know how you are managing with 2 kids and one on the way whilst being so poorly!! They sent you off with any drugs?
How have you been back at home today?? Hope you are ok???
WG xxx
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Post by stevensmummy on Jan 29, 2009 13:45:40 GMT
Hi
Feeling like shit to be honest, lol. I'm not being sick now but the meds I have to take to stop it give me tummy cramps and really bad heartburn. So much so I just wish I could be sick just to feel better. I actually think I'm not going pee enough either so I'm making an effort to try to drink more. I have the midwife just shortly so will need to get moving. i will let you know what they say hopefully 2nite, if I have the energy!
xx
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Post by monica on Jan 29, 2009 14:10:40 GMT
good luck! Let us know how you get on!
all the best
Monica
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