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Post by cheshire on Apr 8, 2009 20:50:09 GMT
I suppose my answer in rank order, would be:
1. That I had no knowledge that PNI was something that could affect you and affect you physically and enotionally 2. The loneliness and debilitation 3. The attribution by others of another cause.
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jun 11, 2009 9:03:33 GMT
1. Feeling robbed of the joy I thought I'd feel about being a first time Mum
2. Not being able to feel love for my son and being completely numb
3. Feeling as though I wanted to give my son up for adoption in the early months of PNI
4. Flashbacks to the birth and pyschotic epsiode I had 5 days after the birth because of PP
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Post by HintOfSunshine on Jun 11, 2009 11:57:46 GMT
I agree with all of the above!! Bookwormprincess, your 4 are 100% the same as with my PP, I could have written them myself!! Axx ;D
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Post by winegirl on Jun 11, 2009 12:31:24 GMT
1. Feeling robbed of the joy I thought I'd feel about being a first time Mum
That one still gets me now.. I am unsure if we will ever have more children (personal reasons and the fact that I have PCOS!), and so i feel like i have missed out big time on that.
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jun 11, 2009 21:53:42 GMT
Andrea, it's so good to know I am not alone, particularly about wanting to give my son away - I still can't believe I ever thought that. Thank God I wasn't a single parent, otherwise who knows it may have actually happened if I hadn't had support.
WG, I wonder if we'll ever get over that, even if we do go on to have more children. I was saying to my pyschologist today that it is so hard to come to terms with PND when the baby was planned and greatly longed for, because even though circumstances and hormones and chemicals may have triggered the PND we have finally got what we wanted - to be a Mum. PND just doesn't seem logical. Ever other episode of depression I have had to deal with has had an obvious cause, like my difficult undergraduate degree or my chronic pain condition. Whereas PND was so unexpected at a time in my life when I was finally content. I suppose has I known more about PND and with my history of depression, I maybe wouldn't have been so surprised by it but that doesn't make getting it any easier.
I might even add that to my list:
5. Not knowing why PND happened when baby was very wanted
6. Costantly wondering if things has been managed differently at the birth and straight after, if PP would have happened at all.
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Post by HintOfSunshine on Jun 12, 2009 7:51:13 GMT
Your number 6. also rings so true with me!! I've always believed that the sleep depravation was the major cause of my PP. Yes, I was under extreme stress at the time (OH had a major health scare + normal stresses of birth & 1st time motherhood) but I could've coped with the stress if I'd had enough sleep!! I didn't sleep for 4 days so no wonder things went into meltdown - it still makes me angry as I've always thought (in my naivety?) I could've prevented PP with a simple dose of sleeping tablets! If only someone had told me! Axx
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jun 12, 2009 11:03:52 GMT
Sleep deprivation was one of my main triggers, and like you I didn't sleep for 5 days, not until I was admitted to pyschiatric hospital and they gave me a sleeping tablet. I've posted all the things I think triggered it in the Pregnancy forum because I've written my plan for next time to prevent it happening again.
Have you got your story of PP written anywhere that I could read? - I'd love to hear how other people coped with PP and what it was like for them. The stories I've read so far have been quite different to what I experienced, although the feelings were the same.
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Post by HintOfSunshine on Jun 12, 2009 14:55:56 GMT
Hi Bookwormprincess,
I've put my story in the PP section, I'm sure there're a lot of gaps but I think I've put most of it down. Be warned, it's v loooong!
Axx
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Post by cheshire on Jun 12, 2009 15:10:16 GMT
Sleep deprivation was a problem for me too - went through a spell of not sleeping at all - couldn't lie flat as breathing affected, so sat upright downstairs with duvet! Promised myself I would never take getting to sleep for granted again..being sleep deprived made me feel so ill...
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jun 13, 2009 22:19:22 GMT
Thanks Andrea, I've read your post and commented there.
Yeah, hopeful, I've always suffered with mild sleep deprivation to some degree because I have a condition called Fibromyalgia, which is a chronic pain and fatigue disorder. One of the main symptoms is not getting quality deep stage 4 sleep, so you wake up and feel like you've not slept at all most days. Getting to sleep is a problem too. On days that I only get a few hours sleep the night before, I can be in considerable pain and my head feels like it's in a fog. I always nap when my toddler naps as it's the only way to cope. But I've never felt worse than those 5 days I didn't sleep after his birth. That was a living nightmare, and in some ways, no wonder I went psychotic with all the hormone changes and stress on top of it.
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Post by cheshire on Jun 17, 2009 13:58:23 GMT
5 days, that must have been torture How's your sleeping now? I must admit it was only once I'd taken the antids that my routine settled. Prior to this, whilst I could sleep in short bursts, these were continually interrupted with panic attacks which would force me out of bed. In the end I just couldn't cope and took the antids after a period of resistance. Never looked back xx
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jun 17, 2009 20:17:26 GMT
Yeah, it was like torture. I was constantly trying to sleep, and some times in the day I'd get drowsy and feel like sleep was about to come when I'd be disturbed by midwives or mental health professionals checking on me. Nightmare, it really was one of the worst weeks of my life at a time when it should have been the best.
My sleep is not so good at the moment ever since coming off anti-psychotics, cos at night my mind just keeps buzzing with thoughts. I think it's because it was so used to being numb and now it's having a field day because I can think again. I keep a notepad by my bed to offload, but sometimes I give in and come downstairs, watch some tv or go online. I'm taking sleeping tablets, but sometimes they work sometimes they don't.
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Post by louloubexs1 on Jun 22, 2009 22:13:28 GMT
hey andrea and Bookwormprincess
I always think that about the PP if I had enough sleep I would have gone mad!!!! But i didn't sleep for 16 days........it nealry killed me. I was just totally manic, my mw came round on the 11th day and loloked at me straight away and knew I had PP then I got refereed to specailist. They say the reason you can't sleep is because of your hormones and thats the beginnings of it!!!! I keep hallucinating at home and dh and I thought that was because I wasn't sleeping it can make you hallucainate like they use as torture techniques in the army.
I nearly shaved all my hair off before dh stopped me. God I was so ill!!! xx
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Post by HintOfSunshine on Jun 23, 2009 7:21:24 GMT
Hi Lou,
OMG that reminds me, I nearly did the shaved hair thing too!! Only because I didn't have the will or the energy to wash or brush it though! I was just being practical really! lol. Soooo glad I didn't, phew!!
Axx
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Post by winegirl on Jun 23, 2009 7:26:21 GMT
I suffered with PNI as opposed to PP but also had thoughts of shaving my head.. Hated my hair, no time to deal with it, couldnt get to the hairdressers through anxiety etc..
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