Help Needed Unsure..

[hunter1356]

I have a 10 week old baby and I do love Her although bonding is difficult, I breastfeed Her and I am really scared as although I dont hear actual voices My head keeps telling Me I am a failure and I need to kill Myself I am a hindarance and wasting peoples time, I am a waste of space and a rubbish mother and If I am going to do I need to plan it right.. I dont think its PP as I can shove these feelings aside as I wont go to the extremes of attempting suicide when My 2 kids are at home, However the feelings are coming more often and stronger I'm scared I wont be able to keep pushing them.. I dont want hospitilised as My 2 kids are the only thing stopping Me ending it al- if they were away from Me even for half an hour I feel I would just do it.. I have never left My nearly 3 year old as I always feared someone might hurt Him and I didnt trust anyone- This time I want someone to take them away I dont want them being affected by Me but I need them I need them as they are the only thing keeping Me here... confusing I know but its all going round in my head and I feel I dont know what to do next.. If my daughter took a bottle I wouldnt be needed they dont need me as a mother they dont need that pain in their lifes.

[chica]

Hi hunter,

Firstly, even if your daughter did take a bottle, that most certainly would not mean that you were no longer needed!!!! Who else knows her as well as you do, already at 10 weeks old I bet you know how she prefers to be held, or what colours she is most attracted to, and I bet she listens and looks for you just at the sound of your voice, and I now this sounds rather animalish but your scent too!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have a section here, called the dreaded thoughts!!! Believe you me, I have had every one of the ones that you mentioned above. But they are just that, thoughts, eventually they do start to get less and less, and even if one does pop in your head from time to time, do not cause the distress that they are causing you now.

Hang on in there.

Keep on talking.

Love and strength
Chica
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[winegirl]

Hi Hunter

I think the fact that you feel as though things are still getting harder for you then you need to talk to your GP again and tell him/her this. I know its hard to be so honest, but they really are not going to take your kids away just like that, and these people really will help you..

How have things been for you today?

WG xx

[cheshire]

Dear Hunter,
I do remember feeling like a failure too – as I was ill and felt I couldn’t look after my children properly. It became a vicious circle. As the others have said, you will definitely still be very much needed, even if your daughter takes a bottle - but if the thoughts are increasing in intensity and frequency – I would go back to your GP if you feel able? Some antids work well re. The negative thought cycle. They may be able to refer you for additional help also to help avoid you feeling any worse and to help with recovery.
Take care.
Talk soon, Hopefulx

[cheshire]

Hi Hunter,

Just wondered how you were feeling at the moment?

Hopefulx

[winegirl]

Hi Hunter,

How are things going for you? Perhaps you have posted elsewhere on the forum and I have missed it...

Hope you are ok?

WG XX