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Post by monica on Sept 29, 2009 15:16:36 GMT
Hi
good to hear you've got more energy now you're on leave. Working and juggling home and child is hard - i know what you mean when you say thinking about it is tiring enough.
Glad you're going to go for the cbt - it will really help in the long run by giving you methods of nipping negative thinking etc in the bud, although it can feel quite draining and upsetting initially.
How did you appt go today? it's a pain seeing different people especially when you feel you have to start the whole tale from the beginning. Hope the dr today was good.
Take care
Monica
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Post by stephmum on Sept 29, 2009 20:16:29 GMT
Thanks Jo and Monica
Dr's appointment today went ok. She was very easy to talk to and unlike some doctor's I have met had actually read my notes and seemed to understand a fair a bit of what has been happening with me over the last year or so. She says she thinks that CBT is definitely the way to go for me and is pretty confident that if I can change the way my thought patterns work then I will be better able to cope with my low moods and anxiety. So am feeling quite positive about CBT now although I'm sure that by the day of the appointment I'll be back to not wanting to go!
On a completely different note I'm feeling quite emotional about the fact that Sophie will be ONE on Friday. My baby is no longer a baby! I guess I feel sad and disappointed in myself that I've missed out on so much of her first year either through being in hopital or being on another planet altogether. I can't really remember anything about her first 4 months I was in such a state and then I was in hospital for all of June and half of July. I really wish I'd been able to enjoy her as a newborn and feel guilty and very sad that I wasn't really there for her. Must stop writing this now as I'm getting upset and one thing is for certain - the past can't be changed. I think Friday will be a bittersweet day for me
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Post by stephmum on Oct 5, 2009 19:56:51 GMT
Tired, tired, tired, tired... Why am I always so tired?  ?? This can't be normal!!!!!! I had 8 hours sleep last night and a relatively relaxed day and yet I'm so tired I'm going to go bed in about 5 minutes. I'm FED UP with being so tired..... |
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Post by winegirl on Oct 5, 2009 20:00:54 GMT
I was shattered constantly with PNI.. Would have slept for 12 hours if I could and then still felt tired! Hang on in there, it does get better. I know its hard though. I was so pleased when the time came that I could see past 9pm at night and actually manage to watch a film or something! It will come hun xx
Look after yourself
WG xx
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Post by juppster on Oct 6, 2009 7:00:26 GMT
Hey lovely
Im constantly tired too!!! Very rarely do i make it past 9pm before im off to bed!! Its very frustrating i know but i guess its your bodies way of helping you heal and recover??
Im glad your little one had a great birthday at the weekend.. the 1st birthday is always a bit of a milestone and hope you enjoyed it just as much as she did!!
Speak soon xx
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Post by juppster on Oct 9, 2009 7:05:05 GMT
Hey sweetie...how are you doing? Haven't heard from you in a while and been thinking of you..hope you're ok xxx
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Post by stephmum on Oct 10, 2009 19:11:20 GMT
I'm a bit up and down to be honest but nothing unmangeable. I find the morings hard and I can't muster any enthusiasm about the day ahead. Just feels like a long list of things I have to get done each day. But I find that if I stop sitting about thinking about what I have to do and get up and do it I usually feel better - and I realise that I haven't an unmangeable amount of things to do. This morning I just wanted to crawl back into bed and cry and was so snappy with my partner. But then I got up and did the housework and had a lovely afternoon at the park with Sophie. Now I feel in pretty good form. Will have to tell myself in the morning that I will be able to enjoy tomorrow too.
I'm still tired all the time but it helps to know others have felt this tiredness too and it helps me to know you ladies understand as I think my mum and family just think I'm a bit lazy.
Off to bed to watch a dvd and chill out.....
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Post by winegirl on Oct 10, 2009 19:32:33 GMT
Yes the mornings were always my struggle too, and you are right, getting on and doing things does help! As long as you make time to chill too.
Hope you have a nice relaxed evening with your DVD hun, might follow suit!
Look after yourself
WG xx
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Post by juppster on Oct 11, 2009 7:35:58 GMT
Hey Steph
Great to hear from you!!
Mornings are always the worst for me but like you, once im up and occupied, things generally start to get better... i sometimes almost feel like i cant sit down and relax because that will make me start thinking and feel bad again!! Very tiring...no wonder we feel so tired all the time! I too get the impression that sometimes family think im just being lazy...but you and i know different and thats all that matters. Hope you're having a nice weekend, speak soon xx
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Post by stephmum on Oct 11, 2009 20:12:21 GMT
Thanks ladies
I have decided I definitely have a problem with catastrophising. I'm back to work tomorrow after 2 weeks off on leave. I have already decided that tomorrow evening I will be exhausted and that I will be snappy with my partner. I've also convinced that as Sophie has been attached to my leg this last fortnight that she will be very upset about me going to work tomorrow and will ignore me when I get home and only want daddy. I'm also certain that I will come to find the house a mess and will therefore be cross with my partner. In fact I'm almost cross wit him already just thinking about it. I'm also feeling tired and tearful imagining how my day is going to be tomorrow.
Of course tomorrow hasn't happened yet so I really shouldn't be so pessimistic but I just can't seem to help myself. I always expect the worst. I always think so negatively. Am thinking I may have to contact my CPN as I can feel my mood slipping a bit - but then maybe that is because I'm assuming going back to work this week will be awful. Who knows maybe I will enjoy work tomorrow, Sophie might be delighted to see me home and George may have the house tidy. Don't believe any of that though.....
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Post by winegirl on Oct 11, 2009 20:39:55 GMT
God i remember having been signed off work a couple of years ago while adjusting to the meds and being just like that on my return to work, and yes, the build up was much worse than the reality!
The best thing to do now is just get your head down for some decent sleep and get up in the morning and go. You never know what tomorrow is going to be like, and really have to take your mood day by day.
Wishing you the best of luck and will be thinking of you x
Take Care
WG xx
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tears
Full member
Posts: 129
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Post by tears on Oct 11, 2009 21:02:49 GMT
Hi Steph,
I hope tomorow surprises you and things turn out better than you think. Your quite right in that the thought of work may be causing you stress and pushing your mood down. However at the same time it may be that your mood has dipped slightly of its own accord and that will make it harder to cope with everyday life. What comes first....the chicken or the egg? Im crossing my fingers that tomorrow surprises you(in a positive way!)
Big Hugs
Tearss
x
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Post by juppster on Oct 12, 2009 7:22:17 GMT
Hey Steph
Im sure you will be absolutely fine today...i used to do (and sometimes do still) exactly the same...thinking things and imagining things were going to be so much worse than they actually were...very frustrating!! the good thing to come of that though is that they rarely were, and 9 times out of 10 things went much better and i felt much better than expected.
Good luck today hun, let us know how you go, will be thinking of you xx
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Post by winegirl on Oct 12, 2009 8:07:08 GMT
Best of luck for this morning Steph xxx
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Post by stephmum on Oct 12, 2009 20:25:01 GMT
Thanks everyone for the good wishes. They obviously worked!! Today has been a good day. Got up early and took Sophie swimming. George came too so I was also able to have a proper swim myself and really enjoyed it and felt invigorated after and NOT tired for once! And Sophie loves the swimmimg pool so much and it's so lovely to see her laughing and splashing about (if only she loved the getting dried and dressed bit as much lol)
Then went to work this afternoon feeling quite positive and it really wasn't too bad at all. Came home at 6.30pm to find Sophie smiling and happy to see me. And George had the house tidy and dinner ready.
So I'm feeling in pretty good form - except that part of me is wondering if tomorrow is the day everything is going to go wrong!
I think I really need the CBT to help me challenge all this negative thinking. I had to postpone the appointment thay sent me for this afternoon because of work. I phoned the secretary when I received the appointment to tell her I really could only domornings and she said she would make a note of it but because I'd cancelled the appointment I would have to go back to the bottom of the list. I got my CPN to query this with them but apparently its correct and they won't be moved. So don't know when my appointment will be now. Possibly the new year. If I'd known it wasn't as simple as just rearranging the appointment time I could have spoken to my supervisor who is very supportive and she would have worked something out for me.
But still am mainly in a good mood tonight and am going to go to bed with a hot chocolate and my book very shortly
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