Blondshanias First time mum diary

[blondshania]

feeling unconfident as a new mum..mornings are hard..feeling alone while hubs goes to work..i didnt anticipate these feelings hard to make it through one day does it get easier?

brastfeeding challenging feel guilty if i gave it up as there are so many supermums who breastfeed 5 kids! who am i? no longer working and no longer just a wife...

lots of changes really scared and alone at times

[jemma]

no how you feel hun ,im struggling my self at the min but will say i have had pni before and i did get better it took a while but i was happy again for a long while befor i had this blip im having now .

how old is baby ?
these supermums i no who you mean the ones that look so glam all the time and everything is a walking it the park to them like they live in a fairly land somewhere the houses will be spotless and home cooked meals everyday , well they are lucky very lucky not to have suffered this cruel illness , but it wont always be like this we will get better ,

are you on any meds ?

[wanagetoverthis]

Hey

Don't be fooled by supermums, most of us on here are probably looked at the same way by the outside world, pretending all is well ... while crying inside.

You have nothing to be ashamed of, becoming a new Mum is shocking!!! We expect so much and then when it's different we're not sure how to handle it.

All I'll say is help is out there and it will get better. If you haven't been to the docs yet then go and speak with them, they see this all the time and they'll get you the help you need, with me it was CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and things will start looking up.

You're a fantastic loving Mum and you know why?? ...Because you had the courage to say how you feel and you want to get help, that shows how you feel about your baby so hold on to that, ask for help and you'll get 'yourself' back.

If your little one is still really small then don't beat yourself up, I felt crap for about 4 months!! Didn't get dressed half the time and the mundane routine was exhausting!! But I think when it's your first time, it's horrendous for most people (I'm a first time mum too).

I hated breastfeeding, I managed 3 months and even though I hated it, it was still hard to give up as you feel soo guilty (damn hormones, and HV's saying breast is best blah blah blah) ...but it was making us both ill cause I was depressed everytime he latched on and so it affected my mood, in turn affecting his mood. In the end, I had to think what was best for us both, and the was stopping.

Whatever you decide with the feeding, don't feel bad, even a few days is better than nothing and once I put my boy on formula, he slept for sooo much longer which was ahhhh heaven for me!!

Keep talking to us, we're all here for you

N xxx

[monica]

Hello and welcome

I'm sorry things are so tough for you. I think motherhood is extremely difficult but is often portrayed as being so fulfilling and natural - if you dont' feel that way - and many women don't - you feel like a failure.

No matte rhow much you love your baby, try doing anything 24/7 day in day out let alone quite monotonous tasks and it's draining. Often it's hard to reconcile the loss of freedom especially if you've worked etc.

Have you spoken to anyone? With support you'll be able to recover mcuh quicker and as hard as that may be to imagine atm, you will.

The ladies on here are fab adn really understand. Looking forwardt o getting to know you

Monicax

[blondshania]

thanks so much for your words of support...made me tearful...i have an apptmt with the gp today but dont know what she will say or if i am officially 'depressed' or not...i seem to feel better around other people or when i am out and about...i found it hard this morning because i was ready to sleep when baby woke and i cant seem to put her down without her crying to be with me...i should be overjoyed that she wants to cuddle all the time...but i feel a bit worthless about not being able to go out and work, keep track of the housework...and just feel alone...have to really control snapping at hubby and dog...
had baby weighed yesterday...not sure if it was the best thingto do...the nurses said her weight gain was acceptable...does that mean borderlne low>? is what i was wondering..they didnt say it was great...so now i have a bit of a worrry about if she is gaining enough on the breast...

going to try a difft multivitamin and some fish oil on a friends recommendation...cant believe it has been over a month since i had baby...all the emotions have been so overwhelming...
worrried about relationship with hubs...hope we will be stronger through all this...i take all his comments so seriously as i am so sensitive at the moment...i just want him to cuddle me and say sorry if i hurt your feelings..didnt mean to....instead he says...he hasnt done anything wrong which makes me feel like i am hypersensitive....

[wanagetoverthis]

Oh hun

What you’re going through sounds so familiar.

I’m not qualified to say if you have PNI or not, but you may just be feeling what most of us do at first (which is utter desperation and shock and sleep deprivation) and not necessarily PNI. I think the fact you are asking for help now and going to your GP is great and you should definitely do that, but you may just need some extra support for a while and someone to talk to so try not to worry you have PNI just yet.

I’m sure that your beautiful little boy is getting enough on the breast, if he needs more you will sense it... plus they wouldn’t make a random ‘acceptable’ comment if they thought he wasn’t getting enough, they would tell you as they so (at times in a very condescending way) very often do!

And hey, if you find YOU feel he needs something a bit more, then don’t feel bad expressing some extra for a top up, or putting him on the odd formula bottle either as there is nothing wrong with that.
After 3 weeks of just breastfeeding my Son, I started expressing to give myself the odd break which was great... then I felt he wasn’t getting enough so at around 6 weeks I gave him a formula bottle. Then I would sometimes give him a formula bottle for his 10pm feed (when I was shattered) cause he’d then sleep through til 6am, yippee!
For me, just having the option if a) I couldn’t express any and b) he wouldn’t take any (easily) one day, to just give him a formula bottle made life a bit easier and less stressful.
After 3 months of breast/ bottle feeding I decided to give it up completely, as it made me very depressed whenever he latched on and I think he sensed it ...and I went through all the guilt feelings again trying to stop ...but alot of it is your hormones and honestly, once I stopped, so did those emotions.

All I’m trying to say is that whatever you choose to do, it will be the right thing for you both so try to fight those (hormonal) guilt feelings. Don’t feel so pressured that if you don’t give him loads of breast milk or he’ll not be happy. They take what they need and you have options if you feel he needs more. He IS happy because he’s got you for a Mum that loves him so so so so much and he will be just fine I promise 

Oh and for the record, I didn’t do ANYTHING for at least 6 weeks, my partner was used and abused like you wouldn’t believe the poor thing, but you know what, we went through sooo much to have our babies, we deserve a bl00dy break!!

You guys will get back on track, it’s a massive shock to the system and relationship having a baby. We went from being so helpful to one another for the first 2 weeks (cause he actually respected and appreciated me when he saw what I went through in labour!) ...then the sleep deprivation kicked in and the bitchy comments started. It’s normal for there to be a strain on you both for a while but just try to do the little things to show one another you appreciate each other and you’ll grow strong again, it does take time as you don’t have any alone time anymore... but try to get yourselves out away from baby too as it makes a big difference 

I promise you that as the baby gets older it does get easier. I remember people telling me that at the time and me thinking ‘surely it must get harder’ but it doesn’t as they don’t need that constant 24/7 mind attention i.e. they will happily crawl about playing with you monitoring them, rather than you sitting over them googoo gaaing all day like you do now.

Plus when they laugh more and more and give you more feedback it feels less stressful with the mundane day to day routine because you’re seeing the rewards a bit more.

Lotsalove
N xxx

[Weeble]

Hi blondshania

Like Nat so many of your feelings seem so familiar to me, about your partner, breastfeeding, yourself. How have you been doing today?

Kat

[zurafakiz]

Dec 17, 2010 11:43:53 GMT wanagetoverthis said:

Oh hun

What you’re going through sounds so familiar.

I’m not qualified to say if you have PNI or not, but you may just be feeling what most of us do at first (which is utter desperation and shock and sleep deprivation) and not necessarily PNI. I think the fact you are asking for help now and going to your GP is great and you should definitely do that, but you may just need some extra support for a while and someone to talk to so try not to worry you have PNI just yet.

I’m sure that your beautiful little boy is getting enough on the breast, if he needs more you will sense it... plus they wouldn’t make a random ‘acceptable’ comment if they thought he wasn’t getting enough, they would tell you as they so (at times in a very condescending way) very often do!

And hey, if you find YOU feel he needs something a bit more, then don’t feel bad expressing some extra for a top up, or putting him on the odd formula bottle either as there is nothing wrong with that.
After 3 weeks of just breastfeeding my Son, I started expressing to give myself the odd break which was great... then I felt he wasn’t getting enough so at around 6 weeks I gave him a formula bottle. Then I would sometimes give him a formula bottle for his 10pm feed (when I was shattered) cause he’d then sleep through til 6am, yippee!
For me, just having the option if a) I couldn’t express any and b) he wouldn’t take any (easily) one day, to just give him a formula bottle made life a bit easier and less stressful.
After 3 months of breast/ bottle feeding I decided to give it up completely, as it made me very depressed whenever he latched on and I think he sensed it ...and I went through all the guilt feelings again trying to stop ...but alot of it is your hormones and honestly, once I stopped, so did those emotions.

All I’m trying to say is that whatever you choose to do, it will be the right thing for you both so try to fight those (hormonal) guilt feelings. Don’t feel so pressured that if you don’t give him loads of breast milk or he’ll not be happy. They take what they need and you have options if you feel he needs more. He IS happy because he’s got you for a Mum that loves him so so so so much and he will be just fine I promise 

Oh and for the record, I didn’t do ANYTHING for at least 6 weeks, my partner was used and abused like you wouldn’t believe the poor thing, but you know what, we went through sooo much to have our babies, we deserve a bl00dy break!!

You guys will get back on track, it’s a massive shock to the system and relationship having a baby. We went from being so helpful to one another for the first 2 weeks (cause he actually respected and appreciated me when he saw what I went through in labour!) ...then the sleep deprivation kicked in and the bitchy comments started. It’s normal for there to be a strain on you both for a while but just try to do the little things to show one another you appreciate each other and you’ll grow strong again, it does take time as you don’t have any alone time anymore... but try to get yourselves out away from baby too as it makes a big difference 

I promise you that as the baby gets older it does get easier. I remember people telling me that at the time and me thinking ‘surely it must get harder’ but it doesn’t as they don’t need that constant 24/7 mind attention i.e. they will happily crawl about playing with you monitoring them, rather than you sitting over them googoo gaaing all day like you do now.

Plus when they laugh more and more and give you more feedback it feels less stressful with the mundane day to day routine because you’re seeing the rewards a bit more.

Lotsalove
N xxx