cazba
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by cazba on Mar 7, 2011 13:58:52 GMT
Hi My baby daughter is 8 months and 4 weeks after she was born I suffered with bad thoughts. I was put on medication and have seen a physciatrist (excuse spelling). Sometimes I question is this really me or is it an illness... I am starting CBT and week 3 next week. I am thinking of harming baby and have these constantly in my mind so its hard to practice my CBT. Can someone tell me will I get rid of these or is it all in my mind.. Thanks
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Post by wanagetoverthis on Mar 7, 2011 16:24:01 GMT
Hi cazba
The CBT will help but it's the kind if thing that has to make it worse before it gets better.
You have to face the thoughts, in order to re-train your brain, and that's really hard at first... But you will find with time that the thoughts will become less and less.
I had CBT for the thoughts and the tools really do work... Just be really honest and open, and do the techniques even though they are difficult at first... it will improve.
N xxx
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Post by monica on Mar 7, 2011 18:24:20 GMT
Hello and welcome
The thoughts you describe are a symptom and a common one with pni. They usually consist of harming your child but not out of anger but almost as if you overwhelming fear of harm coming to yoru child from yourself. Is this how it happens for you? Someone described this as the protective instinct going into overdrive.
I agree with Wgot above - cbt can be hard as it provides you with tools to combat these negative thoughts which take effort and practice but they are very successful. When I had pni I was shown a few techniques to combat my obsessiveness with illnesses and dying.
To answer your questions these thoughts are very much part and parcel of this illness and will go in time, so please try to stay positive.
Do come back and let us know how you getting onx
Monica
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Post by nicola1712 on Mar 7, 2011 18:48:05 GMT
Hi there
It is very common to have these feelings with this illness - I only have PNI mildly compared to some and yet I still had these thoughts. I didn't seek help for them, but did face them, stopped putting them to the back of my mind or they just kept coming back.
They do go away with time I promise - they either fade or disappear, the meds will help as will the CBT.
Keep talking on here too - we all know how you feel and can offer support.
xxx
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Post by juppster on Mar 7, 2011 19:43:31 GMT
HI Cazba I can't really add anything to what the girls have said previously but just wanted to welcome you here and let you know that things do get better. Keep talking here, we are here to listen and you are not alone xx
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Post by Weeble on Mar 7, 2011 21:29:56 GMT
Hi
These thoughts are so tormenting I know I have had them. They were described to me as punishment thoughts, my mind was thinking about the worse thing possible and making me think it.
You will overcome them, they are not you, they are a common symptom of pni. When you are feeling overwhelmed by them try the following things:
Tell yourself these are just thoughts and you will not do it ever. You have seen a psychiatrist if they had any doubt you would know.
Sit with you lovely child on your lap and look at what she is looking at, describe it to her, chat to her about the room you are in. You will notice the thoughts go as you come in to the moment, you will find both of you calm down.
Find something you love doing when you are well and do it with your daughter even if it is only for a few minutes, I read my boys books and have a bath with them.
Please know this is so common and is a sign that you are an amazingly loving mother, women who get pni are strong, capable and loving. Cbt will help you as will the drugs but time will heal and this will be a distant memory soon.
Keep talking the girls here are amazing and will listen
Kat
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Post by thoughts on Mar 8, 2011 11:44:58 GMT
Thank you all for the responses. At the start I was putting away sharp objects and dreaded going into the kitchen... but all that passed. Thank goodness.... Nowadays I am conscious of the thoughts all the time if that makes sense? I have this funny feeling in my tummy, Has anyone ever felt like this.... If I hadn't the thoughts I feel great and my relationship with my daughter is so much better.. Keep helping me and posting...... Thanks
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Post by monica on Mar 8, 2011 16:25:41 GMT
Some pni symptoms can be the last to go - perhaps the most painful ones to deal with? But they will in time. As I mentioned the dying/illnesses were my dreadful thoughts and it took some time and hard work to get rid of them but they did go. Practice batting them away - soem ladies have a elastic band around their wrist - when a thought pops into your head, flick the band - it's a good distraction technique. In time you will take them for what they are - just thoughts and it will be so much easier just to ignore themxx
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Post by Weeble on Mar 8, 2011 18:39:30 GMT
Hi thoughts
Lots of funny feelings like my stomach rising into my chest, I think its anxiety for me. As Monica says it takes time and persistence to battle these thoughts but they will go. It's great you can see such improvement and love your daughter. These times will fade and the good ones will be constant
Kat
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Post by thought on Mar 9, 2011 10:23:54 GMT
What kind of thoughts did ye have girls... In the morning I find myself only thinking of this thought and I think is this me, do I want to do this.. But deep I know I wouldn't hurt anyone... It's hard..Do you think I have made progress from the start?
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Post by Weeble on Mar 9, 2011 20:53:40 GMT
Hi thought
Wanting to kill myself, wanting to smash my baby to death, wanting to hurt my husband.
You have definitely made progress from the start, acknowledging the thoughts and talking about them is a big start. How are other things going at the moment. Where I live we have had some sunny days and they have been lovely.
Kat
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Post by wanagetoverthis on Mar 9, 2011 22:17:59 GMT
Yeh the sunny days are such a bonus to the mood I find.
My thoughts are in the sticky thoughts section (still uncomfortable saying it out loud sorry) but yes it isn't you, it is horrible PNI.
N xxx
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Post by juppster on Mar 10, 2011 10:13:26 GMT
Hey thoughts...how are you doing today? x
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cazba
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by cazba on Mar 10, 2011 14:10:24 GMT
Hi All Thank you all for the posts.. I am much the same, still have a bad uncomfortable feeling all day.... that doesn't go away...? I keep convincing myself this is me and that doesn't help.... Keep posting... Thanks C
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Post by monica on Mar 10, 2011 16:27:43 GMT
Hi
Soemthing for you to think over - if you were evil and really wanted to hurt your child you would not be worrying about doing so and spending a significant amount of time worrying about it over and over in your mind. These thoughts also probably arrived postnatally and you didn't have them before so that is another sign that the thoughts are linked to pni and not you as a person.
As I mentioend my thoughts revolved around dying and illness. I got to the point I had horrific anxiety and couldnt eat, sleep. I would have panic attacks and spend the whole day and night thinking adn stressing about my thoughts - they would spiral out of control. If my kids had a cold I would think it was something serious. My ability to rationalise went conpletely out the window. But it does go!
Hope the day has been good for you.
Monica
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