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Post by juppster on Aug 7, 2011 16:51:40 GMT
Hey Gail Great on the no dizziness today...this was one of my main physical symptoms too and its exhausting and terrifying at the same time. I think its maybe a good sign that you've offered to have your sisters children tomorrow for a while. 1 it will act as a distraction for you and 2 even the fact that you've thought about looking after them is a positive sign. Let us know how it goes xx
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Post by Weeble on Aug 7, 2011 17:24:10 GMT
Hi Gail
Great you felt a little better today. Good luck with all those little ones, make sure you have lots of things for them all to do. Don't blame you for being nervous.
How did the rest of today go?
Kat
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Post by xxellaxx on Aug 7, 2011 19:52:49 GMT
Thanks,
Well today was a good day, I still didn't feel 100% but I managed to get out with David and go to asda without having any panic attacks!
I've bought lots of bits to do the kids a carpet picnic tomorrow ;D
I've really enjoyed being with Ella today, I even told david to go out this afternoon, he visited his mum, then took the dog out for a few hours. It was good, I bathed Ella and spent time playing with her.
Ella made me laugh today, we were stood in the que in asda, she was in her pram smiling away then her face went bright red and she did the biggest poo ever, she absolutly stunk !! For a 12 week old she could of cleared the store ;D
I am dreading tomorrow, but I am trying to talk myself into 'I can do it'
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Post by juppster on Aug 8, 2011 7:34:26 GMT
ah, i'd forgotten how cute babies can be!!!!! Try and enjoy today mate and remember to praise yourself for even the smallest of achievements xxx Have fun xxx
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Post by monica on Aug 8, 2011 19:21:41 GMT
Bless the little treasure!
Glad u had good trip to asda . That is progress!
You will be fine tomorrow. Have you got any plans for tomorrow. Try break up your day into chunks and concentrate on the chunk you are at. You will get through it.
Monicax
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Post by xxellaxx on Aug 9, 2011 12:54:02 GMT
Well I survived yesterday with the kids ;D They were dying to watch a new film 'Gnomes and juliet' so I bought them that, the watched it twice!! I did them a carpet picnic, which they loved, I gave them a rug each, a pink and a blue one I had a few bouts of panic, where I started unconrollably (sp) shaking but I managed to get through it. Today is a good day, I woke up with the typical feeling of dread, but I did my best to ignore and it's now two a clock and I can't remember the last time I have got this far without feeling I can't cope .. I think this diary is really helping me, typing my feelings, I can read back and see where I am going wrong and what triggers me.. Ella has her first injections at 2.30 today, I am dreading it!! David was breaking off work t come with me, I've just phoned him to say I feel confident enough to do it on my own so there was no need to come back, he said he had rushed around that much that he has almost finished for the day anyway - typical ! My book by helen walsh has just arrived so I am going to get stuck into that tonight. My health care worker came yesterday and said I was looking so much better from the previous week, she has been in talks with my doctor and they want to up my meds, I was only put on a low dose as I had dropped alot of weight with the stress... I feel like the meds are starting to work now, the first few weeks on them I was walking around like a zombie, but now my body is used to them I feel much better, I still have that 'calm' sort of feeling, which is hard to explain, it's sort of like a dull numbness, which I can cope with - its far better than being on the floor crying
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Post by juppster on Aug 9, 2011 18:50:05 GMT
Great news Gail, a huge well done on coping with the kids yesterday. I think sometimes when you have things to focus on it helps to take your mind off of how you are feeling...this is what I find anyway! A dull numbness and calm sounds good to me. Onwards and upwards mate xx
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Post by xxellaxx on Aug 10, 2011 22:49:41 GMT
Today was my first day all on my own again, I really did cope well.. better than I expected I would anyway! What I did different was I woke up and kept Ella upstairs, switched on her mobile for the first time and let her watch it while I got a wash and got dressed... somedays I haven't even been bothering to wash. My day was long, I still watched the clock. But I felt proud that I got through it without breaking down and begging for help. I've had alot of pressure in my head tonight, it moves about and the more I concenrate on it the worse it gets, I keep seeing flashing lights that freak me out, my gp says its the deppression manifesting itself physically.. Tomorrow baby clinic is on between 12 and 3 , I really want to go and get Ella weighed. I haven't been out the house on my own for so long, even if it's hard and I feel shit I really want to do it, and hope to god I don't get a panic attack, I am scared of not being able to get Ella and her things together fast enough to get out of there. I was really confident with Ella today, I had no fear about picking her up, entertaining her, cuddling her, I enjoyed it. I made dinner twice this week now and have started cleaning the house again.
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Post by juppster on Aug 11, 2011 7:28:13 GMT
All sounds really positive mate. Something that i've learnt with the panic attacks and that works (most of the time!) for me is to think when you're out...."what is the very worst that can happen"? for me it was passing out and looking foolish in front of other people BUT....how significant is that really in your life? What does it really matter what they think of you? and there will ALWAYs be other people around to help you if you do panic..and physically the body can only withstand a panic attack for around 20 minutes and then it will pass and you will be absolutely fine again...i hope this helps a little if you manage to get to weigh in clinic...good luck xxx
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Post by xxellaxx on Aug 11, 2011 9:29:43 GMT
Well it's been a horrible start to the day, Davids mum died this morning. It's a shock as we only saw her last night and she was bright. I feel numb and I can't cry
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Post by juppster on Aug 11, 2011 19:41:41 GMT
Oh my lovely, I am so so sorry for your loss, this must be a huge shock for you all Take your time and if you need to come and write down how you're feeling on here, this is your space to let out all your feelings however you wish. Thinking of you all at this very difficult time xx
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Post by monica on Aug 12, 2011 21:31:07 GMT
How are you? I am so sorry about the death of your mil. It must be huge shock for you and oh especially as it sounds so unexpected. Do you know what happened? How are you coping?
Big hugs to you. Let us know if there is anything we can doxxx
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Post by Weeble on Aug 13, 2011 8:26:28 GMT
Hi Gail
How awful you must be shell shocked and your poor other half. I don't know what to say other than hugs and keep talking here. Sorry i have been a bit quiet, been having a little blip.
Kat
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Post by xxellaxx on Aug 13, 2011 19:13:09 GMT
Hi Thanks guys, It's been very strange the last few days. Yes, it was unexpcted, she was in good health,she had spent the night in hospital with a water infection (so we were told) they sent her home next day, the hospital rung us to say she was ok to go home and her bloods were sent back clear. That day she looked terrible, the care home were concerned. SHe died in the morning, we later found out they released her whilst she had a blood infection Funeral is weds. Me and David are really not getting along at the moment.
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Post by juppster on Aug 14, 2011 7:49:58 GMT
Ah hun, give yourselves time to grieve and try to accept things are going to be difficult at the moment. He has just lost his mum so unexpectedly that I should imagine his emotions are all over the place. You will be hurting too and dealing with your own emotions so its going to be a very difficult time for you guys for a while. We lost my FIL at Christmas quite quickly and you have to deal with so many things....the shock, the grief, the anger and questions of why. Try and keep communicating with eachother but also give yourselves time apart to deal with your own emotions. Sending you all biggest hugs and will be thinking of you on Wednesday xxx
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