Post by mich3325 on Oct 29, 2011 19:58:27 GMT
???HI back again thoughts started to get better for a few mths but in the last few weeks i have had these thoughts pop up again its horrible and I'm starting to get down about it,. I read somewhere on the forum how they are punishment thoughts which seem to be correct for me As t really hurts me when i do get a bad thought. My thoughts also seem to be name calling does anyone else get this?? My son is nearly six months now and i had this thought today that i hate him but i said to myself no i don't.
i don't know or understand this and i feel ashamed about myself for having this thought.
The thoughts are abusive like in my mind as i wouldn't ever voice them at the time i am having them.
I am finding it hard to cope with and today i shouted at him and told him to shut up and i was crying i also banged the wardrobe with my fist and he jumped which i feel terrible about now. I normally would ignore the thoughts but sometimes it is hard to just ignore. I wouldn't ever hurt him either but i am scared.
I did have a mental health worker but she doesn't see me now as i have not said to her about the thoughts coming back but i have decided i will tell someone on Monday so hopefully will get support again for this. There is one thing as to why i get the thoughts i was wondering whether its because i still find it hard adjusting to having my time i used to get, free to do as i wanted, now i cant even play music and relax without having to get up to tend to my son, seems a struggle for me to relax also like i used to, as i have to look after my son constantly. I don't think I'm resentful but sometimes i do feel if he wasn't here i wouldn't have to deal with it but i know i chose to have a baby so i have to accept it, this is my life now, i have to compromise my time i guess with looking after him. Its just i wish for once i could just sit down and be still but i feel i cant do that anymore
i am constantly thinking of mark or looking after mark. I know it sounds awful but i feel angry about it and was wondering whether the thoughts are a product of that i guess i will have to work that one out..
I dearly love my son and i am happy generally but i do have a slightly stressful at the moment as i am in a one bedroom flat and a single mum.. Has anyone else ever felt anything like this?? Is it post natal depression
Read more: veritee.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=7810#ixzz1cCcBBftA
i don't know or understand this and i feel ashamed about myself for having this thought.
The thoughts are abusive like in my mind as i wouldn't ever voice them at the time i am having them.
I am finding it hard to cope with and today i shouted at him and told him to shut up and i was crying i also banged the wardrobe with my fist and he jumped which i feel terrible about now. I normally would ignore the thoughts but sometimes it is hard to just ignore. I wouldn't ever hurt him either but i am scared.
I did have a mental health worker but she doesn't see me now as i have not said to her about the thoughts coming back but i have decided i will tell someone on Monday so hopefully will get support again for this. There is one thing as to why i get the thoughts i was wondering whether its because i still find it hard adjusting to having my time i used to get, free to do as i wanted, now i cant even play music and relax without having to get up to tend to my son, seems a struggle for me to relax also like i used to, as i have to look after my son constantly. I don't think I'm resentful but sometimes i do feel if he wasn't here i wouldn't have to deal with it but i know i chose to have a baby so i have to accept it, this is my life now, i have to compromise my time i guess with looking after him. Its just i wish for once i could just sit down and be still but i feel i cant do that anymore
i am constantly thinking of mark or looking after mark. I know it sounds awful but i feel angry about it and was wondering whether the thoughts are a product of that i guess i will have to work that one out..
I dearly love my son and i am happy generally but i do have a slightly stressful at the moment as i am in a one bedroom flat and a single mum.. Has anyone else ever felt anything like this?? Is it post natal depression
Read more: veritee.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=7810#ixzz1cCcBBftA