Being asessed tomorrow and feeling frightened

[angeltears]

Hi
I have just rejoined this site after havign pni with my first son back in 2005/2006. I had amazing support here and it really helped.

I am back now after having my second child a month ago. She was 6 weeks early being delivered by emergency c-section and spending 2 weeks in neonatal. I have also had a lot of stredd from social services being involved from pregnancy partly due to my past mental health problems. I have been living with the fear that they will take her away. I feel so paranoid about it but then i hear from lots of families who have had there children taken away.

I finally admitted to my therapist today how strange i have been feeling. Sometimes i feel fine, even laughing and joking. Feeling perfectly fine and happy.... not sure if too happy then just like a lightbulb some strange thoughts come over me and they scare me. Sometimes i feel very irritable, angry and frustrated, i hallucinate strange creatures and shapes and it frightens me. I really thought that something was coming over the side of the bath to get me the other night . I sometimes see things in my babies eyes, like some kind of evil and i cannot cope at night time. I get so anxious and angry that now my hubby has taken over at night. I feel so guilty and confused. I feel ill and then well again.

I am being asessed tomorrow and i feel frightened of being put in MBU, i have had bad experiences in hospitals before when i was younger. I fear my own baby and i fear myself.

I want to be o.k so i try to tell myself that i am. I am confused..........

[juppster]

Hi angeltears and welcome here
Congratulations on the birth of your baby but I am sorry you are feeling so unwell at the moment. I think the good thing is you've had the courage to admit to how you're feeling, hopefully the assessment today will enable you to get the correct help and start to recover again like you did with your first child. Let us know how you get on today if you feel you want to...will be thinking of you and try to be as honest as possible, they are there to help you xxx

[monica]

Welcome back and congrats on birth of your baby!

Good luck with your assessment. As frightening as it may be do be honest about how u feeling then appropriate treatment can be given. Also SS involvement must be svary but they only take children away when they are at severe risk. Sounds to me as they are there just to keep an eye on you. Perhaps they can offer some sort of support as they have quite a few resources at their disposal.

How is your lo doing? Her early birth and hospitalization must have been very stressful and frightened. Hope she s doing well.

Again well done for admitting how you are feeling. It's hard to admit these things.

Will be looking out to see how today goes.

Monica
Did you have pp 1st time round? How did you recover?

[Bookwormprincess]

Angeltears,

So sorry to have missed this post. I can empathise with your fears as I had PP with my first child. With my second I took medication to keep me well but it couldn't take away the fear of psychosis coming back. My second was very ill at birth, had a life saving op and in NICU for a month so I know how stressful a time it has been for you. The added pain and worry of SS is just unfair. I think it's only because my mental health care coordinator had the sense to tell my midwife that SS weren't needed with my second pregnancy that they weren't involved, but my details still had to go down in some red flag book, which is ridiculous.

I really hope your assessment wasn't too difficult for you and that you now have help to get better. I do hope you don't have to go to hospital but an MBU will look after you and your baby well. I know what it's like to be in hospital and I wish instead I'd been in an MBU.

Well done for having the courage to speak up about your symptoms. It's awful that it's happened again, so unfair. You will recover, everything you have described is treatable and things that others with PP will relate to. The fear will go too as you get better.

Thinking of you.

[Bookwormprincess]

Hi Angeltears,

I know you've not logged on since that first post but wanted to ask how you are now.

I hope you've been given the help you need to get better.

X

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