Jess's Journey

[jessibella]

Urgh this blip is awful..

Struggling again today. I seem ok at work though still not as good as I could be. At home it seems to hit me worst though. Finding myself questioning everything from my relationship to my parenting.

Not sure if this is still the PND and I don't know what to do for the best. Thinking of trying a light therapy box in case it's a seasonal slump or I could go back up a bit on the AD's though I don't want to feel I am going backwards.

Really need some advice guys. Starting to panic that it's all going downhill again xxx

[steph]

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time Jess. I had a bit of a blip over the holidays too. Hang on in there, remember blips are all part and parcel of recovery. You are most definitely not going backwards, you have come too far for that, try to focus on how well you've coped so far and how much you've overcome. I know too well that it can all get a bit overwhelming and seem like things will never get better but eventually they will and all this will be behind you

There's no shame in increasing your meds a little if you think it may ease things a little for you. You can always try and come back down again. A therapy box sounds interesting, what's that?

[juppster]

Hey sweetie
Try not to panic, it's a blip but you will recover again. They are horrendous and blur your view and thought patterns about every aspect of your life but they do pass. If you need to up your medication just to get you through this one don't be too hard on yourself...I've had to do it in the past and after a little while, I've been able to reduce again. Keep hanging on to the thought that it will pass xx

[jessibella]

Hi guys.

Thanks for the support. Unfortunately i'm really struggling again today. Just had an awful last hour where i've cried my eyes out. Feel so dreadful and scared about how I feel. I thought I was over these awful times but I am having a bad one! Trying to believe it will pass but will have to look at increasing meds if not.

The light therapy box is used for people who get down during the darker months. It uses a strong light that is comparable to sunlight and you sit in front of it for a set timne daily. Hoping it might help as wondering if it's the weather making me dip. X

[jessibella]

Well after a good cry and a nap i'm glad to say my evening got better and we went to or friends for dinner which was fun. Enjoyed my time with Mr and was glad we went x

[Weeble]

Well done you. Do remember that normal people

Sent from my GT-I9300 using proboards

[Weeble]

Ment to say non pni people cry too

Sent from my GT-I9300 using proboards

[monica]

Hi

Glad the day ended well. Try not to panic too much. It sounds as if you and your other half have everything going for you. Most couples go through blips when it the relationship is going to plan and you start to question everything. With pni this can of trigger can doubly shake your world and it's probably brought on a blip. But you are both talking and Im sure you'll get back on track.

Monica

[jessibella]

C22-23

Well it's been a rollercoaster weekend. Mood has been extremely up and down throughout. Pattern seems to be I feel worst first thing in the morning then around 16:00 another dip.

I'm taking time out now to relax and have a break which does seem to help.

Been a fairly busy weekend which has helped distract me. I have however felt noticeably lower than usual which is upsetting and interferes with my activities. Negative thoughts creeping in about being a bad mum and wife and not enjoying life as much as I have been.

So this is definitely the biggest blip i've had in a while. Just need to keep going, enjoying thgr good moments and managing the bad I until it passes. If it doesn 't seem to pass i will increase meds again and see if that helps.

[juppster]

Well done for getting through the weekend...it's a bloody roller coaster I know but it really will settle down in time x just try to take it day by day xx

[monica]

Blips suck! You will get through it and it sounds like you are doing all the right thingsx

[jessibella]

C24

Well I was dreading this morning (home alone with Poppy) but pleased to say it was actually pretty good. Odd moment of feeling off but I watched a Disney film with her, played, read and had some time on my phone and it was really OK.

She ius napping now and i'm aware of anxious feelings in my chest but that's OK, they will pass.

Seeing my friend this afternoon which will keep us busy xx

[jessibella]

C24 cont..

Well afternoon was a little bit wobbly but overall manageable and I also had some really lovely moments.

I came to a bit of a realisation which is I have been using something a bit negative to make me feel better. Unfortunately in the long run it makes me feel worse and so I need to let it go. I know that in the short term letting go of things can make you feel bad but I know it will be better for me in the long run.

Also had a good chat with my aunt this afternoon who told me about someone who lost a really good relationship as she was constantly seeking something better, more romantic etc.. She bitterly regrets it now and says she wishes she never let go of the good relationship. This has helped remind me that I could fall into the same trap. You see I think lately I have been looking to my husband to "make" me happier. However it's not reasonable to put that responsibility on someone. Yes it is both are jobs to be kind and care for one another and have a good relationship but personal happiness has to come from within. I'm wondering if I can do anything to improve my self esteem as I believe it has been low for a while. Hopefully building this will strengthen my ability to build my own happiness.

[Weeble]

Wow ! Sounds like you have been doing so deep thinking. I sometimes think pni stopped me being knowing how to be happy and enjoy myself.

Kat

[jessibella]

Haha I know I went a bit deep lol x